As if immersed in her own happiness, Connie approached me and showed me the book she was holding in both hands.
"This library doesn't have many specific physics-related books, so it was quite difficult to find," she said, opening the book in front of me and pointing to the pages that appeared.
"This book is the only one with 3D model illustrations and an entire section dedicated to waves, though it's presented in a very basic, introductory way."
The book Connie was showing wasn't actually dedicated to waves; on the contrary, it was a general physics book. However, because it was quite large, it seemed to cover various aspects of physics in minimal depth.
This wasn't exactly what I wanted, as in the process, I would have gotten distracted by looking at other aspects of physics that weren't currently interesting to me.
But seeing Connie's happy expression, I could immediately understand that she had probably put a lot of effort into finding this book.
She had even opened them and compared the wave-related contents, showing how sincere she had been in her research.
I shouldn't be ungrateful.
[Thank you.]
I thanked her, even with the complex feelings I felt inside.
Not only because the book differed from what I'd liked, but also because of Doug's penetrating gaze.
At this point, I no longer had the energy to interact extensively with him.
I just wanted to go home, bury myself in books, and forget about today's events.
This escapism wouldn't change anything, but at least it would lighten my heart.
"Sorry, I couldn't find anything directly related to waves..."
But Connie seemed to see my exhausted state as dissatisfaction with her results.
[That's fine.]
I wouldn't spit in the face of someone who had taken the time to do me a favor for free.
I reached into my purse and pulled out a small amount of cash. Priyanka had truly been excessive in her generosity.
I took what I considered an appropriate amount and gave it to Connie.
[Buy a book too.]
Priyanka had said Connie could buy any book she wanted, but if I remembered correctly, Connie hadn't received extra money beyond her usual allowance.
She was probably using her allowance to buy the book, and since it was a hardcover, as she said, it would cost more than a regular one.
In that case, it felt right to share this with her.
I extended my hand toward her, giving her the money.
Connie looked at my hand with misty eyes and then quickly moved her arms back and forth.
"You don't have to pay me for this! This is the money Mom gave you."
I tried to offer it again, but Connie firmly refused.
I looked at Connie in dissatisfaction. I never wanted that much money to begin with, and I was forced to accept it. So why did I have to listen to what she had to say?
Just like Priyanka had done with me, I adamantly "offered" the money to Connie.
[Take it.]
"As I said, you don't have to give me money."
[Take it.]
"No, why would I do that..."
[Take it.]
"I really don't need it..."
[Take it.]
A series of meaningless exchanges ensued; I was about to throw the money in Connie's face if she refused again.
But fortunately, Connie was the type to accept under pressure. After a few more rounds of my inflexible approach, Connie reached her trembling hands toward the money in my hand.
"In that case, just a little..."
Her expression was like that of a sinner being led to slaughter, but in the end, she accepted, just as I had predicted.
I sighed inwardly in relief, seeing the exorbitant amount finally shrink a bit.
I didn't feel bad giving this money to Connie, who was just a child with few hobbies. I hoped she would put it to good use.
"Then I'll go buy my book. I'll be right back—"
Before Connie could leave, I instinctively grabbed her tightly with both arms.
There was no way I was letting her slip away after what had just happened.
Yet there was one issue I had failed to take into account. My own body.
My arms weren't long enough to stop Connie from leaving while I stayed seated in the same position. So, the moment Connie tried to leave and my arms wrapped around her waist, I naturally couldn't keep myself in the wheelchair.
I saw myself falling to the ground, all the strength in my body concentrated in my arms. I could already picture the shameful sight of me crashing down and hitting my face.
But even so, I chose to act this way. If Connie left, I couldn't ask her to come back. At first, I thought Doug was the best option, but that clearly wasn't the case.
In that moment, Connie was the most reliable person I could count on. I would keep her here at all costs.
But naturally, I still fell to the ground no matter what I thought. My body was so light that with Connie's first step, I was carried along. My knees scraped against the floor, and my head was about to meet the same fate in a painfully awkward position.
Normally, my body would be resilient enough to endure even major impacts, but perhaps due to the extreme energy dilution, even my knees rubbing against the rough stone floor was enough to cause minor injuries.
Connie, who noticed my touch, quickly moved her arms to lift me before the worst could happen. It was absurd how easily she lifted someone of similar height, as if I weighed nothing. But that was only possible because my body weighed far less than an average human's.
"Are you okay?!"
Her panicked eyes locked on me, and I felt like a wild, mischievous cat being scooped up by its owner.
I was deeply ashamed of this ridiculous scene, but my actions didn't stop there. And the reason was simple, Connie wasn't the only one who reacted. Doug also extended his hand toward me, as if he wanted to take me from Connie's arms.
My mind froze as those hands came closer and closer. I no longer had the energy to endure another touch. If he touched me now, I wouldn't even be able to maintain my disguise.
In a fit of desperation, I acted. My free arms wrapped tightly around Connie's neck, and even my untrained legs worked to lock her in a surprised koala hug.
Even if Connie hadn't been holding me, I was already glued to her. This shameful posture made it painfully clear that I wouldn't let her go, not even at the cost of my dignity. If I had to survive, I could cling to this child younger than me without hesitation.
We had already slept in the same bed, so why should I be embarrassed by this kind of contact? I rationalized my actions to soothe my emotions.
Fortunately, this decision was extremely effective. Doug stopped his hands in midair before doing anything.
A peculiar silence filled the air as an adult stood nearby and two children clung to each other in awkward intimacy, right in the middle of a public space.
"..."
"..."
Connie's face gradually reddened, whether from the hug or the many eyes of students and casual bookstore visitors watching from a distance. Still, she wrapped her arms around my waist and bottom, sparing me the effort of balancing my legs and arms at once.
Thanks to that, I could finally surrender to her embrace and let my energy sink to a minimum.
In that posture, where our faces didn't meet, Connie gave up trying to talk to me. Red-faced and flustered, she turned instead to her father with questioning eyes.
"Dad, what did you do?"
Like Doug, Connie was also blunt with her words. She tightened her arms around me as her expression naturally steadied.
"Why is Asha so scared?"
And like a mother bird, a series of delicate, unfiltered questions poured out. Now it wasn't Connie's face that burned red, but mine, which could hardly stand to witness the scene without wanting to crawl into a well.
But what was surprising was that Doug's expression remained serious, oblivious to the world around him, before finally shifting into the same peaceful smile as before.
The change was so abrupt that no one could have been convinced by it. Even I, expressionless as I am, could have done a better job.
Yet it was with that same face that he tried to pacify Connie.
"Sorry, she was so cute that I ended up petting her head. I didn't think she'd react so strongly."
How could he say that with his fists clenched as if he were about to hit someone? He was clearly not in the right frame of mind.
What stupid misunderstanding had he concocted to hold such a grudge? And where was all this anger directed? It didn't seem aimed at me personally, since his touch, unpleasant as it was, carried no malice.
I could only pity the nameless person who would unjustly suffer because of this.
"Dad, you knew Asha didn't like being touched. You made her uncomfortable!"
Connie spoke sharply, but ironically, she said this while holding me in her arms, which made her words even less believable.
But how long were they going to keep talking in the middle of the bookstore? There were so many eyes on us... I struggled internally.
"Sorry, I won't do that again," he said with a small laugh, touching his cheek, though his eyes were still fixed on me. "Is she really that bad at receiving touch from strangers?"
Connie looked at her father with a tired expression, but after a small sigh, she kindly explained.
"Asha didn't even touch me at first. She would avoid me every time. Only recently did she start to touch me on her own. Mom is the only person she has touched before."
"How did she react when a stranger touched her? The same way as now?"
"No, this is the first time. Once, an old couple approached, but she accepted their touch after a little hesitation while walking with Mom."
"A couple? So there was a man there, right?" Doug asked, surprised.
"Yes...? There was an old man. Why are you asking that?"
Even I was confused by Doug's question. Did he think I had something like androphobia? I'm totally normal.
When Priyanka took me for walks, people would constantly approach despite her intimidating face. I would simply accept their sudden affection and move on.
Our house was far from the city, and the place was full of elderly people. I seemed to remind them of their distant grandchildren or children.
Even now, some familiar elders would wave to Priyanka and me whenever they saw us.
"No, nothing... I must be overthinking."
He said this with a blank expression, wearing a mask that clearly didn't suit him. Doug was probably terrible at lying.
That meant he didn't actually believe he was overthinking but was instead convincing himself of his own truth. And I knew all too well how badly things could turn once someone chose fantasy over reality.
But as if to make matters even worse, Connie added something completely unnecessary.
"To tell the truth, I've never seen Asha this uncomfortable being touched. She's clearly scared. Normally, she only shows slight discomfort. But with you, Dad, it seems worse than with me or other strangers. You didn't play some weird joke on her, did you?"
She asked with suspicion, and Doug's face grew even more blank.
Her intentions weren't bad, but seeing her throw fuel on the fire when he was already in such a fragile state made me just want to shut her mouth.
"No, I don't remember doing anything wrong... How strange. How about you go get your book first while I try to make it up to her?"
I couldn't hear his tone exactly, but I could imagine how flat it must have sounded.
His intentions couldn't have been clearer. He wanted to be alone with me and question me. That was something I absolutely couldn't allow, because it would only create more misunderstandings, and worse, risk revealing my disguise.
"Well, I..." Connie hesitated, glancing at her father.
She was just a child, and his words carried weight. If I let this continue, Doug would try to convince her one way or another.
Before Doug could even open his mouth again, I took action.
I hugged Connie tighter, as if telling her with my whole body not to accept this unreasonable request.
Her breathing hitched slightly, and her heartbeat quickened. She seemed confused and even a little excited, maybe because we were arguing in public.
But the hug seemed effective enough, since her next words were exactly what I wanted to hear.
"I don't think Asha wants to be alone with Dad right now..."
Her words echoed my own thoughts, though Doug still looked reluctant to accept them.
"I know it might be uncomfortable, but I'd really like to apologize properly."
'Damn, he's so persistent.'
Connie looked torn. She didn't dislike the idea of people making peace; who would?
Her embrace loosened slightly, as if her resolve was slipping away.
A simple hug wasn't convincing enough, and Doug seemed to be winning the argument.
I needed another strategy, anything that would keep me away from Doug for the rest of this trip.
I racked my brain, but no good idea came to mind right away.
Seeing Connie falter as she looked at her father's serious expression, I made a decision.
I tightened my arms around her neck and feigned tears, deliberately quickening my breathing.
It was a trick I'd perfected on Priyanka when I wanted something. She had built some immunity, but Connie was still an easy target.
"Sniff—"
The sound of a child crying faintly escaped Connie's arms. Because it was so soft, it seemed even louder in the middle of their tense discussion.
The moment small tears dampened Connie's white T-shirt under her overalls, silence fell over them.
Dozens of eyes turned toward Doug, and people whispered around us.
How many were looking at me at that moment? I didn't want to know.
But one thing was certain.
I had just died socially.
Up until today, I had endured every sort of humiliation.
I was essentially castrated by becoming a genderless alien, and when I came to the human society, I lived as a girl.
My room was so pink it hurt my blind eyes, and I was treated like a child by everyone around me, even with the mind of an adult.
In just the last month, I had shed more tears, sometimes even on purpose, than I had throughout my entire previous life.
At least until then, all these humiliations were behind closed doors. In a way, only the Maheswarans were present.
But now I was crying in public while clinging to a child much younger than me.
A Gem's brain was good enough to make me remember even the smallest details. This meant that this moment would be etched in my memory in high resolution for thousands of years.
This fact made me genuinely want to cry. I didn't believe in something as unscientific as God, but at that moment, I was hoping for a miracle to happen that would quickly get me out of this place.
I clung to Connie as I limited the scope of my Appraisal to just Doug and her.
Doug's expression was clearly worried and reluctant, showing that my action was quite effective.
Connie, on the other hand, was practically freaking out in real time as she patted my back.
After who knows how long in this strange atmosphere, Connie finally broke the silence.
"Um... Dad, I think Asha should stay with me for a while. How about you go buy that book about lions you mentioned earlier?"
She pointed to a distant bookshelf. Doug tried to reach out his hand, but seeing me with Connie, he quickly retracted it and, like a stray dog, walked over to where Connie had pointed.
'Ugh... I feel like trash.'
I didn't know how the people around me were reacting, but from Connie's trembling look at Doug, I knew some piercing eyes were watching him.
I had indeed won the war, but the side effects of this victory were a self-destructive blow that ended the social lives of both the caster and the target.
Was death a wiser option? I contemplated such questions.
Connie sighed as she watched Doug leave, and without needing to keep up my act, my tears stopped.
She slowly approached the wheelchair and gently placed me in it.
My wet eyes were clearly visible in front of her, but she simply took her handkerchief from her purse and wiped away my tears.
Her movements were natural and careful. Could it be because her mother was a doctor? She seemed very good at caring for others.
Connie picked up my notebook, which had fallen to the floor amidst the chaos. Unfortunately, some of the pages had become crumpled in the process.
She unfolded the pages and collected the ones that had been accidentally torn from the floor.
I just stayed still and let her finish, since picking things up from the floor was hardly a simple task for someone in a wheelchair.
Maybe because I was so used to leaning on Connie, I missed an important detail. When she picked up my notebook, something caught her eye.
Lying in plain sight before her was the full record of everything I had discussed with Doug.
Connie's calm expression gradually became strange, and this small detail didn't escape my notice either.
I quickly used my Appraisal to see what Connie was reading, and there were the familiar magic words.
[Sorry for being adopted.]
I felt all the energy drain from my expression for the second time today.
I think the hole had gotten a little deeper.
*
Author's note
Asha can be proud of the holes she digs herself into; they are so complex and deep that I can't stop admiring them.
Help with your stones <3.
Also, comment or review. Cookie for ya 🍪
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