'Will everything be okay?'
I looked at Connie with such questions in my mind.
She seemed really relaxed while pushing my wheelchair, even a little livelier than usual.
Why was she acting this way?
When she asked me to explain why I apologized for being adopted to Doug, I had a panic attack. After all, how could I explain that things would be better if I hadn't been adopted by Priyanka without being misunderstood?
It only made sense if you knew the original plot. Without that piece of information, everything I said was nonsense.
And I wasn't clueless enough to fall for such bait, so I just apologized without saying anything more.
After that, she stared at my face expressionless for a long time before finally smiling in a strange way.
She said I didn't need to worry, that she would respect my decision, and even defended Doug in the process.
I was truly surprised by her reaction. It seemed so mature and realistic. That's how a normal reaction should be.
People usually don't completely misunderstand what others say. Connie showed a bit of a sad face when she heard it, but nothing more than that.
I believe she misunderstood me as a child with low self-esteem, but nothing more drastic than that.
Looking at Connie, who still seemed to be the same, I felt my heart lighten a little.
'Maybe I was thinking too much.'
In the original work, Connie was the character who usually used logical arguments. When Lapis Lazuli, a hostile gem, became part of the Crystal Gems, she clearly told her how she had almost killed her when they tried to stop her.
When the gems realized how much trouble they had put Steven through at a young age, she was the one who firmly admitted they had really made a mistake.
Maybe the only bad side she had was when she first met Steven, but before that, she seemed like a completely reasonable person.
'I was looking at her with prejudice.'
I felt a bit ashamed of my previous thoughts. I had even called her a delinquent before.
But now, even though I depended on her for most things in my daily life, she still helped me so proactively. If it were me, I would probably get tired of it, but she always showed an energetic state whenever I needed her help.
The only times Connie wasn't by my side were when I went to the bathroom, walked in the morning with Priyanka, or took a bath. Thanks to Priyanka's sharp eye, I needed to simulate a human behavior, so I purposely went to the bathroom from time to time to prevent suspicion.
I was so ashamed initially, but humans were beings of adaptation. Priyanka had already taken care of me in even more embarrassing ways back in the hospital.
And probably, I would depend even more on Connie in the future if I wanted to be less dependent on Priyanka.
'I really need to accelerate my rehabilitation.'
I looked at the book in my hands. I had already scanned a few pages and looked at the images inside. Connie had marked the specific relevant content, so I didn't dig further into other topics.
But even at a superficial glance, I felt a bit of regret.
This book wasn't enough.
The knowledge was more like what you'd expect someone to learn in middle school. What I wanted was something specific about sound waves, not just superficial concepts.
But if I studied it well, I could still learn a thing or two. I thought in a slightly depressed state.
At some point, we reached the blue-haired librarian who still wore her headphones.
She was completely immersed in the music and seemed to be analyzing some musical notes on her cell phone with an irritated face.
To anyone nearby, it was obvious it wasn't a good idea to approach her in that state.
Even Connie, who had been excited before, now showed a bit of shyness and reluctance.
Seeing her like that, I decided to take the initiative. After all, the book was mine, and Connie had already done more than enough.
I approached the counter, oblivious to Connie's shocked expression, and knocked a few times. But when I looked at the woman, she still seemed immersed in her music. Seeing it wasn't working, I knocked harder. The woman seemed to mumble something, but the movements of her tongue were too chaotic for me to understand.
Thinking she probably just hadn't noticed us yet, I hit the counter even harder. I couldn't hear the sound, but with the force applied, it must have been enough.
And as expected, the librarian finally reacted.
"Are you deaf or what? Can't you see I'm busy?!"
Furious eyes met my expressionless ones, and with those words, the entire bookstore fell silent.
I saw in real time the woman looking at me, then at the wheelchair I was in, and finally at Connie behind me, who, for the first time, looked disgusted.
Her angry face gradually changed to shock, but honestly, I didn't care much. I approached the counter and wrote down what I wanted.
[I want to buy a book.]
I was a person of priorities.
Instead of getting into unnecessary arguments, it was best to end the conversation, buy the book, and go home as quickly as possible.
Going home wouldn't help much since Doug would be there too, but at least I'd feel far more comfortable there than here.
I picked up the book and placed it in front of the librarian. Honestly, even buying this book felt like a bit of a waste. If I wanted, I could just memorize all the pages and analyze them individually at home.
However, given my history of screwing myself over, I preferred to simply buy the book and read it like a normal person would, one page at a time. So I just waited for the woman to hurry up and scan the barcode.
"..."
But only silence came; she seemed completely frozen, as if someone had paused time.
Looking at her standing there like a statue, my patience was wearing thin. There was only so much negligence I could tolerate. I was a customer too, and I expected at least the bare minimum of service. Besides, I just wanted to get out of here quickly.
I tapped the book lightly to wake her from her thoughts. Hearing the same noise as before, the librarian's face reddened, contrasting with her blue hair and eyes.
"Oh... Uhm... Sorry about that."
The woman apologized for her behavior. It was a surprisingly soft side compared to her earlier erratic one.
I didn't care much about this situation, let alone feel hurt, perhaps because I hadn't been born with these conditions but had acquired them only recently.
It felt like an eternity had passed, but in truth, I'd only experienced the hardships of a disabled person for a little over three months.
Still, someone in my condition would probably feel hurt.
Understanding the situation I found myself in, I sighed internally. The woman seemed so panicked that she couldn't even perform basic tasks.
Getting into arguments was even more pointless, so I decided to feign ignorance and move on, an old habit from my past life dealing with annoying customers during part-time jobs.
[Did you say something before?]
It was a simple question, but it carried weight. As long as the woman accepted my ignorance, we could move on and finish this exchange so I could buy the book right away.
But instead of reading the mood and moving on, the woman froze again.
Seeing that this was going nowhere, I decided to explain further.
[You're tall.]
[I can't read your lips.]
Even now, as I tried to reach the counter, I had to stretch my hands out wide. And the woman was indeed quite tall; she was probably around 175 centimeters (5.74 feet), which was almost as tall as I had been in my past life.
Of course, height was irrelevant to me, since I couldn't see through the eyes. But to others, it would be perceived differently, so it was probably convincing enough.
As long as the woman played along, we could easily get through this without any discomfort.
But contrary to my expectations, her expression only grew worse and worse, as if guilt were etched across her face. She didn't seem like she was going to follow the script.
The librarian looked at the words on the paper and then tightened her fists with a guilty expression.
"Sorry... I said something really bad about you."
She apologized honestly for her words. I looked at her, a little shocked, because she had done exactly what she wasn't supposed to do.
In my previous life, people would simply follow the flow or remain silent, but she was a truly strange woman who bluntly apologized for her mistake. Was it really that shocking for her to show such an expression, or were the people of this world naturally kind?
I quickly denied that thought after considering it for a moment. Steven Universe was filled with suspicious characters. The Diamonds were twisted and had strange values, and Steven's mom had made plenty of mistakes. Even the gems weren't clean if you stopped to think about it.
Every gem on this planet had participated, directly or indirectly, in a war. No one had clean hands.
So the most reasonable conclusion was that this woman was simply strange. She looked stiff on the outside but had a surprisingly soft side.
That wasn't a bad personality, but it wasn't good news for me. If she truly felt guilty about her actions, she would become troublesome to deal with, and honestly, I didn't think she had done anything excessive anyway.
[I don't care.]
So I expressed my feelings honestly and pointed at the book again.
I just wanted to go home as quickly as possible.
But every time I tapped the book, her expression worsened, and words she didn't need to say kept spilling out of her mouth.
"I'm a really bad person, I'm sorry."
[It's fine.]
"I didn't want to yell at you; that was an accident."
[The book...]
"Sorry for calling you deaf without knowing your circumstances; that was so impolite of me."
[...]
Seriously, how long would this woman keep talking? Were young people these days really this empathetic toward the disabled? This was turning into an excessive apology, and she didn't seem to have any intention of selling me the book.
"I'm sorry..."
My patience had already reached its limit waiting for her to recompose herself. Left alone, she would just keep apologizing.
So, in an uncharacteristic act of mine, I took the initiative in this conversation, completely forgetting my silent concept.
[You said nothing wrong.]
[I'm indeed deaf.]
First, I laid out the facts very clearly for her to see, because in any other way, the people of this world didn't seem able to understand.
[I just want to buy a book.]
[Please, sell me the book.]
[That's your job.]
If I could show expression, mine probably wouldn't have looked very pleasant right now. I hated small talk, and watching someone apologize for something so trivial as if it were the end of the world was irritating.
[I want to go home.]
I really just wanted to go home once and for all. These words came straight from my soul, with no room for misunderstanding.
But the librarian's eyes began to well up as she read my last words.
"I'm so sorry..."
Seeing this once mature-looking woman on the verge of tears, I felt as if an invisible vein had popped on the top of my head.
I tugged at the hem of her clothes, motioning for her to bend down a little.
The woman seemed a little confused by my gesture, but decided to bend down, even with tears still in her eyes.
When her face was level with my hands, I covered her mouth.
The strange scene of a little girl forcibly silencing a woman who seemed much more mature than her unfolded in the library.
I was already fed up with this woman. All I wanted was for her to shut up and take my money so I could get out of here.
But what I didn't know was that no matter how threatening I tried to be, my expressionless gesture left a lot of room for interpretation.
I moved my lips in a way she could understand, looking directly at her face.
[Enough]
It was a simple, even rude, warning on my part, but I couldn't bear this woman's onslaught of excuses. But with that gesture, another piece of information spread among the onlookers.
Besides being unable to walk and hear, the girl was potentially mute as well.
A deaf and mute little girl in a wheelchair who had just been yelled at in public suddenly silenced her perpetrator, who begged for forgiveness, treating it as if it were nothing more than a trivial matter.
Her gesture was admirable and remarkably mature for her age, and that final silent request for silence was so unique that, to the onlookers, it felt as though a scene from a movie had just unfolded before their eyes.
Far from appearing threatening, each of her gestures conveyed a kindness and consideration that was difficult to accept, twisting the audience's heart, especially given her circumstances and the fact that she was the one most affected by the situation.
The librarian swallowed the tears that threatened to fall. Forcing her face into something resembling seriousness, she looked at me and finally said something useful.
"I will make it up to you. Is there anything I can do for you?"
I felt like a bolt of lightning ran through my body when I heard she was finally willing to do her job.
I handed her the book. She accepted it calmly and opened it to where the bookmark rested.
"I see. So you're looking for information about sound waves."
I didn't know why she had opened the book instead of simply selling it, but I just nodded, holding back my urge to throw the money on the counter and grab the book.
At least things finally seemed to be moving forward.
The woman flipped to the last page and pulled out a card. It had some names and dates written on it.
"This book isn't part of the sales section, but you can rent it. Unfortunately, there's already an appointment for the day after tomorrow, so if you rent it today, you'll have to return it tomorrow."
Her words were like a bucket of cold water. I looked at Connie, who had given me the book earlier, and she immediately apologized.
"I guess I forgot to check that. Sorry..."
She seemed genuinely regretful, but I had no reason to judge her. She had searched through so many books that missing such a detail was almost inevitable.
"B-But there are other similar books, though not as complete as this one," Connie added hurriedly, trying to make up for her mistake.
I heard her words and looked at the book with empty eyes. This meant I would still have to stay in this bookstore, searching again, and risk crossing paths with Doug.
Not good news.
"There's no need for that."
Before I could fall into panic, the tearful librarian said something bold.
Connie and I watched as she pulled something from under the counter.
In her hands was a peculiar book with an intriguing title.
[The Principle of Sound Waves – Complete Guide]
It was exactly what I had been searching for. Not just a chapter from a physics textbook, but an entire study devoted to sound waves.
I stared entranced at the book in her hands.
"I was studying this because I needed to compose some songs for my band. You won't find anything more in-depth than this here."
She said as she handed me the large book. I quickly flipped through it and examined its contents.
Inside were notes she had made about sound waves, on tonality, pleasantness to the ear, and monotony. There were also sticky notes summarizing chapters.
It was clearly a deeply personal book, though the last few pages remained nearly untouched, with only a handful of markings.
She likely hadn't finished it, yet she was still offering it to me.
If I accepted this book, I was certain I could further improve my hearing, but guilt gnawed at me for taking something that wasn't mine.
On the last page, there were no appointment notes. This was a book she had bought with her own money.
She then pulled out an MP3 player, removing the headphones she wore.
"I recorded all the sounds from the book here. You can also find them online; the link is on the last page."
I grabbed the MP3 player and headphones almost unconsciously, like a traveler discovering water in the desert.
I looked at her again. Tears still clung to her eyes, and sweat beaded her forehead.
"I'm sorry about before. It's not much, but I hope you'll accept it. I know it's a lot to ask, but if you come back, tell me which book you want and I'll get it for you."
If she had seemed irritating before, now she seemed angelic. Any book, she'd say? Would she also go find books that this library didn't have and buy them for me?
If that were the case, I wouldn't bother Priyanka or even Connie. I could simply rely on her.
But before I let my mind wander too far, I stopped myself.
She didn't need to go to such lengths for me. We were strangers, and I didn't care much for her behavior.
Still, if I rejected her gesture, I would have to hunt through more generic books here, which would be a waste of time.
The rational choice was to accept, even if it felt morally questionable.
With trembling hands, I wrote two words.
[Thank you]
Between risking another encounter with Doug or accepting this stranger's help, I chose the lesser evil.
I didn't intend to exploit her kindness. She truly seemed like a good person. But between bothering her or Priyanka, the choice was obvious.
When she saw that I had accepted, her face softened into a small smile. Relief washed over her.
She extended her hand to me, introducing herself for the first time. When we first arrived, she hadn't even looked at me.
"My name is Amrin. You can count on me anytime."
I looked at her outstretched hand, then slowly placed mine in hers.
She looked at me with such relief that I felt guilty for some reason.
After all, this woman had just gone from a crying librarian to a walking library in my eyes.
At least now I wouldn't have to worry about books for a while. That wasn't so bad.
While I was caught up in the moment with the librarian, I had forgotten about the crowd that had watched everything unfold, including Connie, who still stood there, oddly quiet.
Only much later would I realize that a video of a deaf girl and a skeptical librarian had gone viral.
But at that moment, I let myself believe I had found a reliable lackey.
*
Author's note
We've finally reached the end of the library arc. The next chapter will be the intermission. What did you think of this arc? I put a lot of effort into it. UwU. I hope you enjoyed it. <3
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