Not this fuckwad again.
"Hi, Mrs., is there a problem?" Ryder asked innocently.
Yes, there's a fucking problem, and it's with her. I am going to punch this racist bitch in the face.
She looked over at Ryder and then at me, and I put my hand on his lower back.
I didn't want him to hear all of the shit that she was saying.
"I am glad to see your son is doing better," she shrugged her shoulders. "Still not surprised your wife isn't here."
I sighed. "I recall telling you that he is my fiancé."
"Oh, did you? I don't remember that," she said, scrunching up her nose.
I watched Ryder turn his head and look at me. I shook my head and smiled at him. I looked back at her and sighed.
She was looking for something to say, looking for something rude and nasty to say, but nothing came out.
Good.
I watched as his hand grabbed my arm, and then he held my hand.
He leaned towards me, his smile big and his eyes soft. Oh god.
I felt my shoulders drop, and a smile grew on my face.
"Well, I hope you have a speedy recovery, and I hope it doesn't hurt your sugar daddy's pockets too much." My face dropped again as she tried to push past us.
"Oh, I will!" Ryder said loudly, making her turn back around, and he flipped her off with his ring finger. "I will make sure to invite you to the wedding!"
She turned back around and quickly started to walk off.
"Wedding?" I raised my eyebrow, looking at him.
He let go of my hand and shoved me with what little strength he had. "In your dreams, loser."
He continued his slow walk back to our room, and I followed behind him with a smile on my face.
Holy fuck.
I feel guilty for looking at him like this, for thinking like this.
He's recovering, he's insecure, and he's nervous about his journey and everything that is changing in his life, and here I am fucking ogling him.
I closed my eyes.
God, I can still see him.
I can't get his image out of my head.
I opened my eyes back up.
I have never felt this way about anyone.
I am so infatuated with his personality.
All of his interests.
Everything about it.
I even love his family.
Besides his dad, but my point still stands.
Everything that I love about him goes beyond the superficial.
But oh god, his body.
It's making me go crazy.
And I want to lie to him and be the perfect fake fiancé, tell him that he looks the same.
But he doesn't.
It's only been a week or two, but the medicine is taking a toll on his body.
And now his sexy fucking body. His legs and ass are all I can look at right now, and his shorts aren't making it any better.
They are vibrant and random, and they bring out his ass so well.
I gulped.
"Mijo!" A voice yelled, and my eyes shot up, quickly taking me out of my nasty thoughts.
His family was outside his room waiting for us to return from our walk around the hallway.
I watched as he quickly walked over to them and hugged all of them.
Wait, who is this fuck?
"I'm Bryan." Oh, I said that out loud.
"I play baseball with Brandon, and I am also." He looked over at Eliza. "Eliza's boyfriend."
Ryder's mouth dropped open, and he quickly turned around to hit me aggressively.
"Watch out for your arm, and why are you hitting me?" I asked, grabbing his arm to stop him from hitting me.
He turned back to his sister. "Why didn't you tell me you guys were dating?"
She shrugged. "It slipped my mind."
"Bull shit," Ryder said aggressively; he looked really happy.
"One second, he was this stupid boy at school, then the next he was the teenager-tanner version of my fiancé, and now you guys are dating!! Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, moving with excitement.
I let out a laugh.
He's so cute.
"The tanner version of me?" I looked at the kid. "I don't see it," I said.
"Neither do I. Bryan is way hotter," Eliza said.
"Yeah, right," Ryder said.
I smiled again.
"I think we look kind of similar," Bryan said. He sounded like a respectful kid.
"Exactly," Ryder said.
I put my hand on his waist, trying to make sure he doesn't fall backward.
I shrugged. "Whatever you say, mommy."
No one reacted except Bryan, who gave me a look of approval and then turned his attention back to Eliza.
Ryder continued to be loud and grilled them about not telling him. "Brandon, you knew?"
Brandon nodded.
"You fake fuck, all of you, I don't…"
"I can hear your voice from down the hall," a voice said, cutting Ryder off.
I watched as Ryder's smile dropped, and he started to bite his lips.
Bitch.
"Why don't we go inside and wait for the nurse?" I suggested, and his family and Bryan filled in one by one.
I quickly pulled Ryder as the door shut, so we were standing outside the hospital room. His back was against the wall, and he was looking at me.
I held his arms in my hands.
"Look at me," I mumbled.
We made eye contact.
"Say the fucking words, and I will punch your dad in the face."
"You can't."
"And why not?" I asked.
"Well," Ryder's voice died off. "He's my dad."
"I don't like the way he's fucking talking to you," I said.
He sighed and gave me this sad look.
"It's fine, Dominic; you don't have to do anything," Ryder said, talking to me in a small voice and trying to get my hands off his arms.
"Well, I do respect your choices and I always will; this is the one time I won't, baby. I don't like the way that he is talking to you. It's pissing me off. You… you are mine, and he has no right to talk to you like that."
"You don't own me."
"Neither does he," I said.
"Well, he's my dad, and you are." He looked at me and then looked back down. "You're just."
"I'm just what?"
Nothing.
I sighed and let him go.
"Fine, do whatever you want then," I said.
I stepped back and opened the door for him.
He didn't look at me and just walked in.
I followed after him and watched as he slowly walked towards the bed and sat down.
I stood by the door with my arms crossed.
His family continued to grill him with different questions about how he has been and how he has been recovering.
"You guys seem happy." I looked over at my doppelganger, who was also awkwardly sitting there.
"We try to be," I say.
"That's all you can really do," he said, and I nodded.
He looked over at me. "Eliza's like that, too."
"Like what?"
"I heard you guys outside. They were all too busy arguing to hear you guys, but she's like that, too. Of course, it's different because we are 15 and 16 and you guys are adults, but she's her dad's apologist too."
"I don't understand it. I mean, I kind of understand because my dad's like that, but I don't take shit from him. I don't understand why Ryder won't do the same."
"I guess all people are different. You can't force your experiences onto someone and expect them just to change. My parents are the nicest people ever, and I love them, so I know the difference between niceness and their dad's "niceness," so I guess it's their normal, but you can't just change someone overnight," Bryan said.
I nodded. "That is actually really deep."
"I know. We have been dating for about a week, and because I am friends with her brother, I have been with their family since Brandon, and I became friends. Their dad has always been like this. He's just an angry man. He likes to explode, and he can't take it out on his wife, so he takes it out on his kids. And Ryder is the oldest and has dealt with it the longest, so I guess it's so normalized for him, and Brandon won't take shit from him, so he targets Ryder and Eliza, and now that Ryder's gone, so is his scapegoat, so he's losing his mind," Bryan mumbled to me.
Scapegoat. That's older sibling syndrome.
Me too.
We have so much in common, my love.
So much.
More than I would ever know.
"I have been getting better, Dad," Ryder said. His voice was soft but loud enough to pull me away from my conversations with Bryan.
His dad was looking for stuff to yell about.
He raked his body looking for something, anything.
He got closer and grabbed Ryder's wrist.
"What's this?" I couldn't see what he was pointing at, but it was somewhere on Ryder.
"What's what?"
"This? Why do you have bruises right here in…" his dad started to rage, pointing at his inner elbow.
"Dad."
He was saying illegible things.
"Dad!"
He stopped looking down at Ryder and then turned his attention to me.
"He put his hands on you?" He asked Ryder, and now everyone's attention was on me.
"No, Dad, he didn't. We just…" Ryder stopped and tried to grab his dad, but it was no use; his dad started walking towards me.
"You put your hands on my son?"
"I." I felt a hard smack on my face.
Mother fucker.
"Dad!" Ryder yelled.
I turned my head slowly back to him as he started to point at me.
"You never put your hands on my son; do you hear me?"
"I."
Another smack.
I rubbed my face.
"Do you hear me?"
Ryder quickly stumbled to his feet and slowly walked towards me.
I blinked slowly.
No one was moving besides him; everyone looked afraid.
That hurts, hurts more than anything. More than any of this mafia shit. More than those slaps. Seeing the fear in his family's eyes.
My mouth now tastes like metal, and I feel my nose bleeding.
I didn't even know you could bleed from being smacked.
"Daddy, stop it," Ryder said, and he held onto my arm.
One last smack, and I watched as some of my blood went on the wall.
Fuck.
"Daddy!" Ryder yelled. "He didn't put his hands on me; it's from…it's from the shots they are giving me," Ryder said.
I sighed.
He was lying, lying to protect me.
I grabbed him too hard.
I wasn't paying attention and was trying to keep him safe, and in the process, I harmed him.
His dad rolled his eyes.
"Apologize," Ryder said.
"For what?"
"For smacking him for no reason."
His dad shook his head.
"It's fine," I said.
"It's not."
"It is," I said.
I deserved it.
Every single one.
I deserved it.
I watched as the nurse came in to de-escalate everything.
She was talking, but I couldn't listen because I was too busy looking at the bruises that I caused, which showed up immediately because I was pressing down too hard, because I was so mad.
Next thing I knew, his family was leaving, and so were we, or we are going to.
Ryder finally got the okay for us to go home, and I could never be happier.
I zoned out as they all left, leaving Ryder and me alone.
"I'm sorry… for uh holding you too hard," I said, continuing to look at the bruises my fingers had left on his precious skin.
"It's fine."
"It's not, and I am sorry," I said.
He pulled my arm gently and pushed me down so I sat in a chair.
"You're bleeding."
"I deserve it," I said, smiling at him.
He reached over and grabbed a few tissues and began to wipe my nose.
"Don't say that, emo," he said.
"I do, though. I should have never put my hands on you," I said, and I watched as he threw the tissues towards the trash can.
It didn't make it in.
I tried to stand up, but he pushed me back down and forced me to look at him.
Oh, look at that gorgeous face.
"Thank you for being worried about me, but I can handle it."
I shook my head slightly. "You can't, though. I'm worried for you and your family. I saw the way they were all looking at me, frozen in fear. I know that if he came onto you, hitting you like he did me, you couldn't handle it. And that makes me really fucking worried, baby."
He sighed and let go of my chin. Then he sat down on my lap, facing me.
"I know, but I also know he wouldn't do anything to my mom and Eliza. And Brandon can fight him off. It's just me," Ryder said, and I rubbed his back.
He kissed the side of my face, and I smiled.
"Thank you for being here," he mumbled.
"I'm sorry for putting my hands on you," I said, and he pecked my lips.
"No need to be sorry." And then I did the same.
"No need to thank me," I said.
He smiled, and we continued with little kisses.
"You have nice lips," I said.
"And your lips are dry."
"Is that why you are kissing them?"
"Yes, so I can put some vaseline on them," Ryder said, and he continued to kiss me.
I felt my hands slowly start to travel towards his ass, and I squeezed it as our pecks slowly turned into a make-out session.
Ryder pulled back. "The nurse is going to come back," he said, giving me a flushed look.
I started to kiss his neck. "Let her see."
"You are a freak," Ryder mumbled as he started to moan quietly in my ear.
I pulled back. "You are lucky you are so fucking sexy."
I continued to suck on his neck as he put his hands in my hair and started to pull.
"The nurse," he said, trying to push me off.
"It's okay," I mumbled into his neck, sliding my hands down his pants slowly.
I heard the door open and shut. "Is it okay?"
I reluctantly pulled my hands out of Ryder's pants and turned my attention to the nurse, who was now looking at us.
Ryder began to stammer aggressively, but no words came out.
"I didn't see anything."
Ryder's shoulders relaxed.
"I only saw somebody's hands where they shouldn't be," she said, and I smiled.
Ryder lightly smacked me and started to scold me. "I told you."
Then she started to do her normal routine. "I was just quickly checking in with the doctor, and he said yes for your departure, but there are some rules."
"Listen, baby," I said, turning him around so his back was facing me, but he was still on my lap.
"No, YOU listen," she said, and Ryder started to laugh. Oh!
"Starting with no sex until Ryder can walk on his own. For a good test, I guess I'll wait until Ryder can go up and down the stairs. Once he can do that, you guys are free to do… whatever you were doing. I really thought this wouldn't be a problem because of the fake fiancé thing and all that, but seeing what I just walked in, I see that I have to say that now."
"You told her?" I asked.
"She asked and thought you were trafficking me across the country."
"What?" I asked with my eyes wide open.
"Hey, I was just making sure! The situation was suspicious!" the nurse said, and she and Ryder started laughing.
I looked around frantically. What the hell?
"Okay, continuing with rules, medicine. I know it's taking a physical toll on your body, but trust me, it's making you better. And it seems like…somebody doesn't have a problem with it." Shots fired, apparently. "And I know Ryder change is hard, but it is a good change, and no matter what happens, as long as you are still you, that's all that matters."
That was actually very deep.
"Okay," he mumbled.
"Also, still do sponge baths until you can stand in the shower for long enough to take a shower. And of course, we will do some checkups. I don't know the frequency, but I will ask your doctor and send it out. As of right now, everything is good, and Dominic, I can take you to the front desk to pay the bill."
"Uh, can you stay here with Ryder, and then I just go?"
"Yeah, sure," she said, and I smiled.
I lifted him off me slowly and sat him nicely on the bed.
"I'll be back, honey," I said, lightly smacking his ass before he fully sat down.
"No smacking his ass either!" The nurse snapped.
I slowly made my way out of the door with my hands up as the two of them started laughing.
After the door shut, I started to walk down the hallway.
I can never be too sure. I just need to make sure that he is safe.
I watched as everyone I passed gave me weird looks.
Maybe it's because I am 6'5, but still, I was being very wary.
After a little bit of walking, I finally made my way to the front desk.
"Hello, uh, I am here to pay the bill for room 402, patient Ryder Callahan," I said, and the lady nodded.
She handed me the bill.
"Do you have insurance?" I nodded.
"Does the patient have insurance?"
"I don't know, but can I use mine? He is my fiancé," I said, and the lady looked at me and then back at the bill.
"She's judging you," a lady nummbled.
I turned and looked at her.
I recognize her; she was lingering around Ryder's room. Weird.
I turned back to the front desk lady.
I mean, I know I was in just a t-shirt and sweatpants, but I can pay for it, I swear.
"I am going to need the patient to be with you as well."
She took the bill back.
Bro, just let me pay for it.
"Okay, give me a second," I said and walked back to the room.
"The same thing happened with my partner and me when I tried to pay for them; they had me doing so much," the lady said as she followed me.
"Haha, that's nice," I mumbled, not giving her the time of day.
Who even was she?
I pushed open the door, and Ryder and the nurse were there.
"Mommy, they need you there; do you have any form of ID on you?"
"I have my passport card."
"Cool, let's go," I said, turning around, and the lady was gone.
Weird.
I turned back around and helped Ryder to his feet.
"I'll stay here and help clean up."
"Thank you," I said, and I picked up Ryder in a princess carry and made my way to the front desk.
"I know you need to practice walking, but I don't want to delay anything right now," I said, and he nodded.
After a couple of minutes of walking, we reached the front desk, and I put him down.
"Here is Ryder, my fiancé. Honey, give them your ID," I said, and he nodded, pulling it out of the back of his phone and handing it to the lady.
"Here are my driver's licenses and insurance cards," I said, and she nodded, checking them both.
"W1234567. Expires in 2028. Last name: Caurso. First name: Dominic. Where's your middle name?" Not only is she airing my private information, but she thinks my driver's license is wrong? The fucking nerve.
"I don't have one."
The lady raised her eyebrow. "Why are your addresses different?"
"Because we just moved in together," Ryder interjected, and I started to rub his back.
"Sex: male. Hair: black. Eyes: brown eyes. Height: 6'5". Weight: 265 pounds. Okay, and are your parents U.S citizens?"
I gave her a weird look. What kind of question is that?
"Is that relevant?"
She nodded. "Just trying to make sure everything is correct." It doesn't even say that anywhere.
"Both my parents are permanent residents, but my 4 siblings and I are citizens."
"Do you have dual citizenship?"
"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked.
"Answer the question."
"Yes. In both Italy and Korea," I said.
She nodded.
She flipped her attention to Ryder. "Are your parents citizens?"
"My dad is, my mom is a permanent resident, and no, I don't have dual citizenship," Ryder snapped, and I laughed.
"Do you guys have any kids?"
"My daughter. And then she is 12."
"You had her together?"
"No, we are both men," I said. That's what she gets for airing out our personal information.
"And last question, and then I will give you the bill. How long have you guys been engaged?"
Mother fucker.
"We have been together for 3 years and engaged for 1," Ryder lied, and I nodded.
"And you were 18 when you guys got together?" Awkward.
"You said that was your last question," Ryder said with a smile, and she rolled her eyes.
"Just answer it, kid; she's making sure you are safe." It was the lady from earlier who followed me to Ryder's room.
Man, shut up.
"He doesn't have to answer shit," I said with a smile. "Can we have the bill, please?" I asked.
And I watched her hand it to me reluctantly, and then she handed me our IDs and my insurance back.
"Holy fuck!" Ryder said, and I started to laugh.
"Without insurance, it is $200,000 for your visit. There's a breakdown on the paper."
ICU 6 days: 8,000 per day, so 48,000 for that.
Testing: 15k to 25k
Medications: 5k to 10k
Postcoma therapy: 5k to 10k, with a 2k monthly.
Medications after 1k to 1.5k
ER transport: 3k to 5k.
Additional procedures: 10k to 30k.
And some more additional shit that I am not going to read.
"With insurance, out-of-pocket is 30,000. Can you afford that?"
Ryder looked at the lady and then back at me.
"Can you afford that?" he asked me with these big eyes, and I watched as his hand started to travel down my torso.
"Yeah," I said.
I don't know what he is getting at right now, but he's making me feel all giddy.
I gave her my card.
"That's a lot of money," Ryder said as he continued to feel me up in the hospital waiting room.
"It's all worth it if it means you are safe," I said, and he rolled his eyes.
"Here's your card back," she said.
"Who just has $30k in their account?"
"Me," I said.
"Rich people shit?"
"Mega rich people shit," I said, and the two of us started laughing.
But I felt myself quickly stop laughing as he squeezed my clothed dick.
"What are you doing?" I mouthed, and he just smiled at me, then looked back at the front desk lady.
"Is there anything else, ma'am?" Ryder asked.
The lady at the front desk looked at the lady who was still standing there. "Nothing else; have a good day, sir," the lady said, and I nodded.
We started walking back.
"Put your hand on my ass," Ryder mummbled as he slowly walked.
"Why?" I asked. "I mean, I am not complaining, but why?"
"So that lady doesn't call someone on you," Ryder mumbled.
I laughed, and I rested my hand on his ass.
"Is that why you were feeling me up?"
He nodded. "Don't think you are getting lucky tonight."
"I didn't; I am hard now, though, and you are going to have to explain that to the nurse," I said, holding the door open for him.
"Horny ass," Ryder said.
"Always."
The room was perfectly clean, and everything was packed up.
I smiled at our nurse. "Thank you for everything," I said, and she smiled back at me.
"Just doing my job."
I pulled out my wallet. "I know you aren't allowed to accept tips, but please take this."
"Sir, it's fine."
"I genuinely insist, you have been so kind to us." I pulled all the cash out of my wallet. "I only have 500 with me, but I will have my men send you and the hospital staff some gifts."
I said, pushing the money toward her.
"You are too kind; thank you," she said, and I nodded.
After a little while, by a little while, I mean 3 hours, we were finally home.
Finally, it has been so long.
While I was checking everything, Ryder was in the kitchen grilling Leo about his cooking.
This feels like a really big step, going back into mafia life after being in the safety of the hospital for so long, with a target on my fucking back.
OH, and Matteo is in my home.
"Who let you in?" I mumbled, getting closer to him.
"Leo," he said, sitting up.
His nails were painted pink, and he had on a black wife-beater with some jeans.
"Isabella did them," Matteo said, showing me them.
"I had to make sure he wasn't going anywhere," Isabella said, and I hugged her.
"Hello, my sweet girl," I said, kissing her head, and just like that, she left to go harass Ryder. Wow, I see how it is.
"Victor attacked twice when you were gone, so I have just been here, and he's stopped," Matteo said.
"Thanks, I guess."
"And also, we had sex in your bed."
"YOU WHAT?"
I watched as everyone turned around to look at us.
"I am fucking joking, calm down; Leo won't even have sex with me."
"Yeah, I wouldn't either," I said. Yeah, no, this is weird as fuck.
"This is understandably weird because we have been enemies forever, and I kind of have no reason to be your enemy anymore." Took the words right out of my mouth.
"So you were doing this all for Leo?"
"Yep," Matteo said, shrugging simply.
"Really?" he nodded. "That's a sad ass way to go down as a villain. 'Oh, you have dedicated all this time to someone and have been their enemy for so long,' and now you freeload in their house because you want to fuck their best friend and finally "have" him. That's just sad," I said.
"I can kill you right now, if that's what you wanted," Matteo said, pulling out a gun and pointing it at me.
"I'd rather you not," I said.
"Matteo, gun," I heard Leo say, like it was almost normal.
He put it down. "Sorry, princess," he said, turning around and then looking back at me.
Weird as fuck.
"Where are you sleeping?" I asked him.
"On the couch."
"Like a guard dog."
"For my love, yes."
"Okay," I said, shaking my head, trying to make sense of this fucking shit.
And almost in the blink of an eye, we were now all sitting down at my dining table.
Like a big, happy family, a big, twisted, weird, mediocrely happy family.
Ryder was sitting next to me, Isabella was next to Leo, and then Matteo was somehow next to me and next to Leo.
Either way, I hated it.
"I am so happy you are home, Ryder; we have been dying with Leo's terrible cooking," Isabella said, and I watched as a small smile grew on his face.
"I am happy to be home as well, even though things are different," Ryder said, staring at Matteo.
He raised his hand. "Hey, consider me a guard dog!"
"Okay, dogs don't eat at the table," Ryder snapped at him, and I felt myself start to laugh.
I watched as Ryder's smile dropped, and I looked over at him.
He looked uncomfortable.
I patted his thighs and looked at him. "Everything okay, baby? I asked, and he nodded slightly.
"I just need to slow down; I was eating too fast."
I could tell that was a lie.
"Don't lie to me," I mumbled.
He looked at me through his glasses with an irritated look on his face.
"Don't look at me like that; I am just trying to help," I said in a softer tone of voice.
"Well, you aren't helping," he snapped.
I took my hand off his thigh and continued eating. "Fine, talk to me when you need to then."
And the rest of the night was pretty much like that. He kept snapping at me, and I decided it would be best if I just shut up and left him alone.
Then he suggested that Leo give him a sponge bath tonight, and here Matteo and I are, sitting together in the guest bed, waiting for them.
Was I tweaking, as the kids say? Very much so, but I respect Ryder's decisions, and I know Leo doesn't see him like that.
"Did you set this up to spite me?" Matteo asked, and I turned over to him.
"Why on earth would I do that? Especially with Ryder."
Matteo shrugged.
We sat in silence for longer.
"He's on a lot of medicine, so he's overwhelmed as fuck, so I am just going to step back because I think that's better than stressing him out even more," I said.
"That's actually really mature."
"Is it? Because it feels like I am running away from my problems," I said, letting out a small laugh.
"Running away from your problems is staging a whole enemy thing so that you could get glimpses of them because you were scared that they hated you."
Oh.
"I guess that's a dramatic case, but I think you are doing the right thing," Matteo said.
At least someone does.
After a while, Ryder came out in a towel, and I gave him a small smile.
He looked at me and then at Matteo. "I have clothes for you. You can either wear yours or mine, whatever you are feeling."
He nodded.
"Let's go, Matteo," Leo said, walking out without a shirt on, and Matteo got up and followed him like he was a dog.
Is this how I look with Ryder?
Ryder grabbed my shirt, and I watched him drop the towel.
He looks great, holy fuck.
He put my shirt on and then some boxers. And we decided that the stairs are a thing for another day, so we are sleeping in the guest bedroom.
I watched as he stumbled over to the bed and got under the covers.
"You going to bed already, baby boy?" Thank you, me, for the new nickname out of nowhere.
I started to rub his hair lightly as he gave me this weird look. "What are you doing?"
"I don't know; I like it when you do it to me, so I thought I would do it to you," I said, and he nodded, turning over so he was now cuddled into my side.
I rubbed him slowly.
"I like it when you call me baby boy."
"Okay, I will keep the nickname then," I mumbled.
"Good," he said sheepishly.
I continued to stroke his hair, waiting for him to tell me to go turn off the lights, but it never came, and we just continued to sit in silence.
"I'm sorry."
"For?" I asked him.
"Snapping at you."
"It's fine; you have every right to snap and be irritated; you are healing," I said.
He grumbled something, then started saying illegible words again, "I'm just…I'm just really overwhelmed right now, and I'm not really," he stopped, and I watched the tears start to fall down his cheeks.
"Hey, baby, it's okay to cry and be overwhelmed."
"I know. It's just…I am just physically and emotionally exhausted. I just feel really self-conscious and bloated, and I don't know, just in pain," he said in between tears.
It hurts to see him this way.
It hurts that there is nothing more that I can really do besides just be there for him.
"I feel stiff and sore, and I am dreading everything right now. Dreading eating, dreading physical therapy more and more."
"But it will help."
"I know, but it hurts a lot. And that's all I can think about, how much it is going to hurt. And…and I also don't feel safe." Now he was outright bawling. "I don't feel safe, and I feel scared. I am becoming unrecognizable to even myself. I am irritable but also really clingy, and I just want to be with you all the time, but I know I can't. I know your world doesn't revolve around me, but I am scared that if you are going to leave me, Matteo's men will come and get me."
He looked up at the ceiling. "That he is going to come and get me."
Oh, my baby.
"Victor?" I asked, and he nodded slowly.
"I can promise you that Matteo's men will not harm you anymore," I said. "And while I can't promise anything with Victor, I can promise you that he has to get through the top mafia boss in the country, and whatever Matteo is first, because I am not letting you out of my sight."
He smiled, and then it dropped.
"What's wrong?" I asked, and the tears continued again.
"Why am I having crazy mood swings? I don't know. I…" He started to break down again. "I feel like a burden, because I am losing my independence, and it is genuinely crushing me so fucking much right now. I don't know what to do," he said, and his breathing picked up as his chest heaved.
"I feel damaged. Like a worthless fucking slut," he said in between sniffs. "I just, I know you said it doesn't bother you, but I know it does. It has to; you have to notice it and just…"
"Shh, baby boy, it's okay; you are okay. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. I know no matter what I say, you will still have this image of yourself, but just listen to me. I don't care what happened in the past; it's over now, and you are mine, okay?" I whispered in his ear.
"Say okay."
"Okay," he mumbled.
"Good. I am here to support you every step of the way, and I am not going to force you to do stuff that you do not want to do. I just want you to heal as fast as possible, but if it is hurting, we can always do it another day; I just want what is best for you."
I kissed his head and started to rub his back.
"Do you want sweet Dom or real Dom?" I asked him.
"Real," he mumbled.
"You are gaining weight; who gives a shit? I told you this at first, and I will tell you again. I'm noticing it, and I am going to notice it. I saw it now, when you were naked—your stomach, your legs, your ass, everything. And you only care because I care. If you weren't with me 24/7, would you care?"
"I mean, yes."
"Tell me the truth, would you care if you gained a couple of pounds, maybe even 100? Would you care?"
He shook his head. "No."
"So you care because I care, right?"
"Yes."
"And I don't care. I don't care how much weight you gain as long as you are healthy; do you hear me?" I asked.
He stared at the door.
I grabbed his jaw lightly and forced him to look at me. "Do you hear me?" I asked again.
He nodded. "Yes, yes, I do."
"Good. And who gives a fuck if you had sex with other guys? I don't. All I know is that I want you. Real, fake, whatever, I want you. I want all of you. The knitter, the chain smoker, the snappy fuck, the nice one, the one who gets nervous when we have sex, the kind one, the selfless one, the everything, the every single thing. You and this body, this body that has me in a constant state of horniness. I want it all," I said, and I kissed his face and let go of his jaw.
He looked flushed and smiled at me.
"Even though I am always horny, I love you more than your body; I hope you know that," I said.
"I know."
"Good," I blinked slowly at him. "Now, if this were another circumstance, I would…" he cut me off with a kiss.
He smiled at me and kissed me again.
He pushed the cover off of us both, and he sat down on my lap.
"Baby," I said, and he kissed me.
"Yes?" he teased, and he kissed me again.
"I would fuck you if this were under any other circumstances, but the nurse said no," I explained, and he kissed me again.
I watched as he started to grind on me.
"But it will make me feel better," he whined.
Talk about mood swings, and I'm already hard.
I closed my eyes.
"Honey, please," I said, and I put my hands on his waist to stop him from grinding.
He took off his shirt, which I guess was technically mine.
"Don't you want me?" he mumbled.
"I do, honey, but I don't want to hurt you," I said, and he hugged my head and brought me closer to him.
He felt very warm and very nice and was luring me in right now.
I looked up at him, and he looked down at me.
"Suck," he said.
I started to kiss his chest as he ran his fingers through my hair.
"Baby."
He shushed me as he let out little moans in my ear.
Fuck.
Fuck.
I pushed him back and looked at him.
"You and your nipples are perfect, but the nurse said no," I said, and he gave me this sad look.
He's making things very hard right now.
I watched as he took the pillows from behind me, so I was sitting up without support now.
I watched as his eyes started to prick and the tears started to come down.
I sighed. "Honey."
"Are you saying that I'm ugly?" he mumbled.
I hugged him and kissed him. "You aren't." I watched as the tears disappeared and a big smile spread across his face.
Mother fucker. I felt him push me down, so I was fully on my back, and he got closer to my head, and he trapped my arms with his legs.
I started laughing.
"You bitch."
"Are you saying that I'm ugly?" He mocked me as he started to rub me out with one hand and put the other hand on my chest.
I just got played.
"Honey, I am going to ask you one more time; please listen to the nurse and get off," I said, and I felt his hand slip under my pants as his pace sped up.
He put his other hand towards his mouth and started to suck on his fingers.
"Don't you want a blowjob?" He asked with his fingers in his mouth.
Holy fuck, he is a dream.
I took a deep breath.
"Well, I do; I want you to feel better first. This is the last time I am going to say this, honey, please," I said.
Fine.
I grabbed him off of me, being mindful of his arm, and I slammed him down next to me.
Then I put the cover back on us and fixed my boxers, ignoring my hard-on.
"Now sleep," I said, pointing at him, and he pouted. "Fucking brat, holy shit," I said, looking up at the ceiling.
"You love it."
"I sadly do, and now I have to be in denial about my hard on until I go to sleep," I said, and he cuddled up to me.
"I can help you," he said in a singsong voice.
"No, you sleep, and it will too," I said and rubbed his back.
"Fine."
Holy fuck.
Talk about a person I don't recognize.
I felt myself panting slowly.
Holy fuck.
He is hot as fuck.