What I would give to get back in bed with Ryder right now.
This work trip is running me into the ground, I can't lie. But once I'm done planning it, everything will be fine, and I can get back in bed with him and not have to worry.
"So why not just shoot her dead right here?"
"Probably the dumbest thing to come out of your mind to date," I mumbled at Matteo's comment.
"Hey, don't talk to him like that."
My fingers hovered above my keyboard.
Don't talk like that to…who?
"I am just saying, it is a good point, but also, this place is swarming with powerful mafia bosses, and we would end up being killed if we did that," Leo said, defending this man.
HE HAD YOU TIED UP, WHY ARE WE DEFENDING HIM?
Oh my god.
I mean, he is into that, so.
"So, it's like in 6 days, I think, or a week, I'm not sure. Either way, each day we need to get new information that will get us closer and closer to figuring out what Elena's next moves are and what ours will be."
"So what if she doesn't come to this dupe ass anime convention?"
"She will, it would be dumb if she didn't. Especially because she is new in the mafia boss world, she doesn't have enough good rep built up."
"Ah, okay."
"One thing I know she will do, though, is try to attack us in some way or the home."
"I would rather us than the home," I said, responding to Leo.
"Okay."
"We can have a few bodyguards keep watch, but not make it suspicious because I don't want to worry Ryder or mess up Isabella's routine."
"Okay," Leo said again, this time he started typing.
I slumped back, fuck, I am so tired.
"You got any other enemies that Elena could team up with?" Matteo asked, looking over at me.
"Uh, you," I said, looking at him, and he rolled his eyes.
"I won't betray you."
"I don't know that," I said.
"Leo would never let me hit it ever again if I betrayed you, and I value that more than anything."
"That's really sad, and really gross, but thanks."
Yeah, I don't know if I will ever get used to him being here.
"I won't ever let you hit it, I hope you know," leo said, rolling his eyes.
"Shit, I guess I have to betray you guys now," matteo said, laughing, and leo gave him a side eye. "Nah, I'm playing, I will play the long game."
"That's called being creepy," Leo said.
"It worked the first time." Right.
"Won't work again," leo said, and I knew that was a lie.
Matteo turned his attention to me, "What were you all fighting about yesterday?"
Holy 180.
"Ryder and I?" I asked, and Matteo nodded. "None of your fucking business."
"Now, I'm interested, just tell me," Matteo said with a half smile.
"My wound of my ex-wife that I have shoved very far down and come to terms with, is still very open and yeah, that's about the gist of it."
"You still love her?"
"No, I don't."
"Then why is it still an open wound?" Matteo asked.
"You ever get married?"
Matteo shook his head.
"I didn't think so. I guess, I was in love with her at one point, and part of me has always wanted her to come back, but now that I have Ryder, I don't wanna say he fills that void, but he fills everything, do you understand that?"
Matteo looked at Leo, who was still typing. "I do actually."
"Gross. But yeah, I keep trying to push her down, but that just makes the thought of her more vulnerable, and I just took those emotions out on Ryder yesterday, and I really didn't mean to, but it's just all happened so poorly," I said.
"So what would you do if…"
"Lova."
"The girl from college?"
"Yep."
"Did she even like you?" Matteo asked.
"Apparently not," I said, laughing, and then Matteo joined in.
"Well, what would you do if Lova walked through the front door right now?"
"Right now?"
"Right now," matteo said.
"Probably shoot her dead," I said.
"You wouldn't want to get closure?"
"Fuck, now you are making me think. God, I don't know. I think she's already dead, I really do, but I guess I want closure, but at the same time I don't know."
"If she's dead, you won't ever get closure, and the wound will be open forever."
"Don't say that."
"It's true, I know you have 'moved on,' but that's something hard to get over."
"Don't put 'moved on' in air quotes. I have moved on."
"Right, but you are still thinking about her and talking about her, so I don't think you have."
"I can't even remember what she sounds like, what she smells like, I can't remember our wedding night, I can't remember anything about her besides her stupid fucking face, and every time I think about it, I get mad," I said, getting bad right now.
"I can't remember the happy, nothing, only the bad fucking memories of a woman who walked out on me and left me with a kid," I continued.
Matteo nodded. "When you look at Ryder, what do you see?"
"Am I in therapy? What the hell? Love. And he's cute. But, I feel like a wretched old man when I think about him too much," I said.
"I don't know what that means."
"I feel like a pervert because the more I think about him, the more…"
"I GOT IT, I got it," Matteo said, and I started laughing.
"I am not even into guys for crying out loud, never have been. If I were Leo and I would have been married by now."
"We what?" leo said, looking up.
"Nothing, I'm joking. Ryder's different."
"That's what you said about Lova, too, though, right?"
"You wanna get shot?"
"I am just asking," matteo said.
"You know the answer to that, so don't ask."
"So what makes ryder different?"
"I guess he likes me back, and I feel myself committing to him 100 percent, I mean, I'm trying to forget my ex-wife for him, burying everything with her because I want the best for him."
"And it's not just an obligation thing?"
"I mean, it was at first, and then we had sex, and it was no longer an obligation thing."
"So you only see him for his body?"
"No, oh my god, I hate talking to you. It's a plus, I ain't even gay, but you'd be stupid not to do a double take on him on the street."
"Yeah."
"And he's caring, he's selfless, he's nice, it's hard not to love him, he lights up the room wherever he goes, and brings me so much joy. And he's beyond sexy in bed, only plus sides to him, I fear."
"I know what you are going to say next and don't say it," I added.
"Okay," matteo said, laughing.
After we were done with therapy and finalizing most of our details for this trip, I felt myself standing up.
"Gonna go check on ryder."
"Why? He's a grown ass man."
"Because I want to see him, that's why, you bitch," I said with a smile and walked out of my office.
"I am not singing for you, I can't sing," I heard ryder laughing as Can't Help Falling in Love blasted on the speaker that I didn't know was even in my house.
"Weren't you in theater? I know you can sing," I said, bursting in, and ryder turned around and smiled.
He walked over to me and hugged me. "Are you done for the day?"
I nodded. "Yes, I am. Just trying to make sure you guys are safe when we are gone."
"We will be," ryder said with a smile, and I smiled back at him.
A smile that lights up the room.
"Stop looking at me like that," ryder said, shoving off of me and walking back over to Isabella.
"Do not steal ryder from me," Isabella said. "We are baking."
"I won't, honey, I won't," I said, smiling. I wish I could, though, because he's making me all excited in more places than one.
"What are you guys making?"
"Blueberry muffins," ryder said as he started to eat the batter.
"You are making them, or are you eating the batter?" I said, getting closer to him with a smile.
Ryder whipped around and gave me a side eye.
Those sexy eyes.
"You won't get any then."
"No, I want some," I said.
"Then stop hating on the bakers hard at work," Isabella said, and I smiled, backing away with my hands up.
"Okay, okay, I will let you two be," I said, coming back and quickly kissing Ryder's cheek and smacking his ass.
"Dominic, go," he said, laughing.
"I'm leaving now, I swear," I said.
They are so cute, god I am so happy.
I smiled, walking back to my office.
I hope this lasts forever.
I really hope it does.