The first thing Kai registered upon waking was the sound of multiple heartbeats around him. His senses sharpened instantly as he shot up from the ground, clarity returning with alarming speed. His mind immediately clicked into alert mode.
'Where the fuck am I?'
Standing up fully, his eyes landed on the back of a hooded figure, seated and still. But the moment they heard him rise, the figure stirred. The hood was pulled back, the mask removed revealing none other than Margo herself.
"What the fuck? It's only been six minutes. You should be down for at least another half hour," she said, clearly annoyed but also amused.
Kai narrowed his eyes. "Margo, what the fuck is this? And why are you dressed like that?"
It took a few seconds, but then it hit him. He groaned internally.
'Ohhhhhhh right. Trials. Shit. I don't have time for this nonsense.'
Without saying another word, he followed her through the woods until they emerged into a clearing. A number of students were already standing in a loose circle. Hooded figures removed their masks one by one. Among them was Eliot, who immediately launched into a pompous explanation.
"It is up to the upper class," Eliot began dramatically, "to administer what is known… as The Trials."
Kai tuned him out immediately, eyes drifting across the group until he spotted Quentin, Alice, Kady, and Penny each looking irritated as hell. He sighed internally.
'Honestly, who wouldn't be? Roped into magical hazing nonsense before coffee? Delightful. But alas, I'm still a bloody student.'
Eliot was still talking as he walked between them all, monologuing about how "only the worthy would survive," and how failing meant flunking out. A test to "thin the herd."
When he reached Kai, he added with a smug twist of tone, "And I'm sure some of you will definitely survive."
Kai rolled his eyes. "Oh, nut up. This isn't Harvard. This requires actual effort." He turned to the others. "And don't even think about complaining to the faculty they're off on some luxurious retreat, supposedly watching from a distance."
'How convenient', Kai thought. 'But there's no way none of the supervisors are around. Not fully buying that.'
He tuned Eliot out again, his mind shifting gears.
'The sooner I get through this, the sooner I can have my army. Oh, what the hell let's do this, shall we?'
---
Moments later, Kai stood behind Alice as Margo lounged nearby, having way too much fun annoying her.
"I'm merely keeping a little eye on every single one of you," Margo said dramatically, then turned and locked eyes with Kai. "Ah! There you are."
Kai rolled his eyes as she handed him a placard.
"Report to your table. And good luck," she said, smirking. "Oh, and well well well did you like my little gift?"
Kai raised an eyebrow. "Is this how you treat all your guys?"
She smirked wider. "Well, hot steamy sex is involved once in a while."
Kai quipped back, "Would love to find out if that's true."
With a wink, she handed him the placard. "Rawr, tiger. Now get to your table."
'You demonic little minx,' Kai thought with a smirk and walked off.
---
He arrived at a table already occupied by Quentin, Penny, and another guy who clearly grated his nerves. The guy was in the middle of saying something ridiculous:
"It's a spine-covered goat-sucking primate indigenous to Mexico. I can already see we are immensely handicapped by your presence."
Kai sat down, smirking. "That's cute. Tell me, did you google 'how to sound like an insufferable tool' before coming here, or is that just natural talent?"
Penny burst into laughter. Quentin tried to stifle a snort.
The guy glared. "Fuck you, dude."
Kai leaned back casually. "It's funny how people like to run their mouths but can't take it when it's returned."
Eliot resumed his commentary, now going on about something obscure from the 18th century. Kai wasn't listening anymore.
His mind drifted.
'Julia should've gotten the boundary spell down by now. It's not perfect, but it's something. At least there's that layer of protection against Marina. I really need to deal with her soon…'
"FYI," Eliot declared suddenly, "this is practically impossible."
Kai's focus returned.
'That'd be true… if the person assigned this test wasn't expected to cheat.'
They were seated before a table covered in magical paperwork and an hourglass ticking ominously.
He sighed. Everyone around him was stressing out, trying to make sense of the multipoint abstract index magic test. Kai simply put his head down on the table.
Quentin looked over. "Uhhh, Kai? This is kinda an all-hands-on-deck situation."
Penny added, "Yeah. Hate to agree with the chupacabra, but he's right."
Kai murmured lazily, "Wake me up tomorrow once you've actually discovered a new branch of magic and solved it."
And with that, he fell asleep.
---
The next morning, Kai awoke slowly but didn't move, just listened.
The annoying guy said, "We're screwed."
Kai thought, 'Nope. You're screwed for not being part of the main cast.'
"How much time do we have left?" the guy asked.
Quentin replied, "Uhhh… I don't know how to read an hourglass. This is impossible."
He paused. "Even Eliot said it was impossible."
Then repeated, "Wait… it's impossible…"
Penny added, "Actually, he said practically impossible. But maybe some genius can do this."
Kai thought, 'Ah, there we go. Warmer…'
Quentin leaned back, eyes narrowing. "So… what geniuses can be magicians?"
Kai sat up suddenly. "Welcome to the Kobayashi Maru, folks."
The guy blinked. "What?"
Kai clarified dryly, "It's a no-win scenario. They want us to cheat."
Quentin nodded. "Kai's right. We've been Kobayashi Maru'd."
Penny grinned. "Whatever that means yes."
The other guy freaked. "No. No way!"
Kai rolled his eyes. "God, unintelligent people exhaust me."
Penny snapped, "You're an idiot. We're cheating."
"Why would they want us to cheat?" the guy asked.
Kai smirked. "Because we're magicians. We literally have the cheat code to reality itself. In short we're cheaters."
Quentin added diplomatically, "I wouldn't put it that way, but… he's not wrong."
He turned to Penny. "Supply closet. Five minutes. I have a plan."
For the first time, Penny looked mildly proud of Quentin.
Kai smiled. "Awwwn. He's growing up." Then turned to the other guy. "You, on the other hand…"
---
They executed the plan perfectly. Quentin distracted, Kai set the table, and Penny astral projected peeking at Alice's work and copying the answers. Kai laughed internally.
'God, this is fun.'
Moments later, Eliot appeared.
He looked at their work, analyzing everything.
Kai muttered, "No no, take your time. Take it *
all in, Professor Eliot."
Penny growled, "Just light the fucking thing."
Eliot eventually did. The bowl ignited.
"Well done. Too bad I know you cheated," he said, eyes lingering.
For a brief second, Kai raised an eyebrow, expecting fallout. Instead—
"Congratulations, you three. On to the next trial."
Penny frowned. "Wait. What about—?"
They turned to the last guy, only to find he had completely vanished.
Kai smirked. 'Guess the goat-sucking encyclopedia finally got sucked himself. One trial down. Let's see how long the rest last.'
Read an advance of 10+ chapters on my Patreon🌚🌚🌚🌚
Patreon.com/Fredozy