My heart skips a beat. Time stands still.
I look her in the eyes. She doesn't understand the panic in my eyes, the signal I am sending.
Turn your back! Turn your back! Turn your back!
I run toward her.
No, no, no.
He is too close.
She starts to turn back, but the zombie's teeth lodge into her left shoulder.
Blood spurts from the wound.
"AHHH!"
After what feels like an eternity, I finally reach her and plunge my knife into this bastard's head through its right eye.
I open its mouth to detach it from her shoulder and, with my hand on its head, I crush it against the ground.
CRACK
CRACK
CRACK
I get my hands out, blood that's lost its fierce colour sticking to my hand, flowing between my fingers. Its left eye exploded.
It has no lower jaw anymore, and the upper part is hanging by threads of nerves, flesh, and vessels.
GROAN
A sound wakes me up.
Lana!
I turn back to look at her, collapsed on the ground.
She is in pain.
We don't talk, but I can see it in her eyes. She knows, I know.
She is dead already.
I open the trunk slowly, trembling. I fetch some bandages. I don't even know why—it won't save her—but nevertheless, I stubbornly bandage her shoulder.
After staying at her side for some time,
I stand abruptly and take my knife.
-"Stay here."
I look in the garden—nothing. I kick the door open, angry.
Tears forming at the corners of my eyes.
I check every nook and cranny of the house, but there is nothing to take out my anger on.
I let go of my knife and punch the wall.
I cry more than I'd want to admit.
---
-"It's clean. You can come in."
We sit on the sofa before the fireplace, side by side.
I look towards her and we lock eyes.
She is smiling at me, worried, almost pitying me.
She turns back and looks at the fire.
"Ahh, that's too bad."
-"What do you mean?"
"Well, there are still many things I didn't have the chance to do."
-"I'm sorry."
My throat tightens. I want to say something, to ease her pain.
I lower my head in shame, biting my lips.
"Hey, it's not your fault."
-"But I couldn't..."
"You saved me already—twice would be asking for too much."
-"I…"
"You took me out of the apartment and you changed me. I would have died alone if it weren't for you.
I am grateful."
I tear up a little and, overwhelmed by emotion, I just hug her.
Each of us hiding our tears behind the other's back.
SNIFF
"I feel dizzy."
-"Sit down, I'll get you some water."
I try to leave, but she tightly grabs my wrist.
"No!
Don't leave me alone...
Please.
Water can't save me.
…
Just stay with me. I don't want to die alone."
I hesitate. But I know she can't be saved.
"Please."
-"...Ok, come here. I'll put you on the bed, you need to rest."
I sit next to her, holding her hand.
I look at her. She is sweating, her forehead burning hot.
"Alex?"
-"Yes?"
"Can you bind me to the bed? I don't want to hurt you."
-"?!
Are you sure?"
I get out and find some rope in the garden.
I hesitantly bind her hands to the bed frame.
-"Does it hurt? Is it uncomfortable?"
She smiles at me.
"No, it's alright."
We talk and laugh for ten long minutes.
She is in pain. She tries to hide it, but I can still see it.
UHH
I don't bother to ask if she is alright.
"Alex... don't stay alone."
-"What?"
"When I die, don't stay cooped up here. Get out and find other people. You'll most likely survive alone, but please don't. Don't close yourself off because of me."
-"..."
"Answer me. Promise me."
GROAN
-"I... I promise you."
She smiles and closes her eyes.
I look at her.
-"Lana? Lana?"
She stops moving, and answering, for five minutes.
Her eyes reopen and I bite my lips.
-"You shouldn't have bothered waking back up."
Her smile now gone, she doesn't talk anymore. Instead, she bites at the air, trying to reach out for me.
It's just a husk.
I cry my heart out. Screaming until my voice breaks.
-"Why? Dying to a single one of them like this, after getting through all we went through? To a safe place, with fences, and even a garden? You should have turned. You should have checked. You shouldn't have let down your guard.
I shouldn't have let my guard down.
I... I am sorry.
I should have been in the car.
I would have died in your place."
When my tears dry, I get up from my chair and take out my knife.
I position it just above her head. She looks human, unlike the others. She just transformed, still fresh. She doesn't look like a rotting monster.
-"Lana..."
Looking at it struggling, looking like her—it's torture.
I, looking at the ceiling, slowly put my knife through her temple and she finally stops moving.
10:00
--------
I stayed next to her bed, thinking about her.
I painfully stand up.
-"Thank you, for everything."
I take her gun and crowbar she put on the couch.
I'll need it. Probably.
I can't stay here, where she died. I need to leave right now.
I can barely breathe.
I check the gate. There are still too many zombies to get through.
I reach out for my backpack, but I stop.
-"You are stupid. You can't just go over the fence and run. It's dangerous and all the supplies are in the car."
I stop for a moment and bite my lips in frustration.
I laugh at myself for being so stupid.
-"I can't even think straight."
I get back inside. I walk slowly in the hallway, not wanting to reach my destination.
But at some point, I am here yet again before the bed.
I untie her.
Carry her out into the backyard.
I find a rusty shovel in the shed among other things.
I start to dig.
It's more exhausting than I thought. I can feel the crunchy feeling, the texture of the dirt mixed with stones in my arms, going up like a wave through the shovel.
I am full of sweat. Before long, my shirt is wet and sticky. Yet I don't stop.
I can't.
??:??
--------
I lost track of time. My back hurts. I want to lie down. My arms tremble. My hands burn, full of blisters.
I finally look up.
-"I dug too much."
I throw the shovel out and get back to the ground.
I struggle to put her delicately in her resting place.
---
I bury her in the soil until the sun changes to a purple hue and makes me look up at the sky.
-"..."
I stay silent, breathing the fresh air and bathing in the sun for its remaining time.
20:00
--------
Throwing a match into the fireplace.
I start cooking. Well, I call it cooking—but it's just can heating.
I sit on the sofa and only then do I realize that I prepared two of them.
-"Ha ha ha!"
I eat both. And quickly go to sleep, feeling the heat of the fire gently caressing my skin.
Day 30
6:00
--------
I started my morning meditating outside, longer than usual. The air, the wind—it's so refreshing.
The zombies left during the night.
It's like a corner of paradise here.
9:00
--------
I see smoke rising in the distance, inside the village.
-"Either someone is alive, or a building is burning. Either way, I should take a look."
I open the gate and get out with the car.
I drive for quite some time, seeing only some wanderers on the sidewalk.
I am getting closer to the smoke.
---
I take a turn toward the smoke, now not even a hundred meters away.
It's a school!
The playground is crammed with all sorts of cars and camping cars.