Nobody argues. Nobody asks about what I just did, or how. And nobody...discusses what we're all thinking about the boy's situation. We all just do our jobs. Xian tending to that kid, Teyla making arrangements for more refugees, and me...contemplating the four of the thirty-five remaining fox-kin I'm supposed to save.
To me, that's the same as condemning thirty-one fox-kin to at least another week of slavery. And that gives me a lot to think about...a lot to reconsider, as I stare at the slightly bloodied spot on the floor in front of me where the fox-kin boy used to lay.
I rescued the boy almost whimsically, to send a message to Teyla while putting a down payment on her deal with Zara, but I wasn't prepared for the dark reminder of the slave industry that I've been treating like a casual item on my to-do list. Yet, now that it's been thrown into my perception so clearly, so viscerally disgusting, I'm having trouble not doubting myself...not feeling contempt for my recent decisions.
What are the chances that boy is the only one suffering, or even the worst off? I know the answer.
What if hypothetically I found out right now that, if I didn't send that boy back to that room and leave him to another week of his fate, it'd incite the Empire's wrath? Would I condemn him to it? Because those thirty-one I've decided to leave behind to avoid Empire scrutiny represent a functionally equivalent decision that isn't hypothetical.
I was so quick to casually accept leaving those people in their situations. I figured it's only a week of a lifetime, but that's easy to say when I'm not the one living that week, when I don't even have to see what I'm leaving them to. I thought to myself consolingly that the fox-kin slaves were considered rare, as if that 'value' offered them some kind of protection. As if someone wealthy and influential enough to buy them would care about damaging a 'thing' they could just replace.
And I decided leaving them there was for the greater good for, what? For the sake of 'diplomacy'? A negotiation that may not accomplish anything? Honestly, right now, it's hard to remember the reasons I considered this negotiation with the Empire necessary in the first place.
Can't I just free them, end slavery by force, and punish anyone who tries to retaliate? I mean, even if I have to exterminate half their country...are their lives worth more than the demi-humans'? If the Empire people I kill deserve it, does it even matter how many more of them die?
Of course, I could save all thirty-six or so fox-kin today, and there might not even be meaningful consequences. What are the chances that's really going to cause a war with the Empire, or completely shatter my negotiations, right? But...what about the other enslaved non-human races I've been taking my time freeing? Shouldn't these same concerns apply to them? I could free them all with little more than a thought, but I'm waiting around out of consideration for the people enslaving them.
And just like that, I've arrived back at the fundamental problem I have in this world. The same problem I confessed to Nina last night, that makes me so godsdamn overprotective of the people I care about.
With near infinite power, where action and inaction both just seem like decisions, I feel like I'm doomed to either be an unfathomable dictator, or a willing permitter of evils. Two options I loathe immensely. How could power not corrupt someone when faced with that decision? Honestly, it reminds me of that common theistic paradox back on Earth – if God is all-powerful, and all good, why does evil exist?
Is this why gods seem so cold and detached from mortal suffering? Is using the moral standards of the weak my problem here? To me, not giving a spare antidote to a man who's been poisoned has always seemed like murder. But to a god, maybe it's just...respecting free will, natural order. After all, if you only allow the decisions that you agree with to be made, even if people aren't aware of your silent hand looming over them, can you really call that a world with free will?
Is that really the choice I find myself having here? I can allow evil and therefore be evil, or I can erase the free will I don't like, no matter how subtly, and be a different kind of evil by every moral standard I've subscribed to until now. That seemingly inescapable fact – I can only be evil – keeps pounding in my head, my anxiety rising by the second, combining with my guilt about what I've been effectively condemning all these slaves to. Those thoughts, those concerns, they begin pressing on me like a physical weight, threatening to suffocate me.
Until they just...aren't.
Before I know it, a kind of whataboutism slowly settles into my bones. All my time here, I've been wary of using my power wantonly, trying to respect people's autonomy and not fall into the habits of a dictator. But with today's reminder about the consequences of my inactions, I'm seeing the error of my thinking. If common morality dictates that I'm evil no matter what, whether I act or don't act, then I might as well be the flavor of evil that I can live with. The kind that makes me happy – supports the people and things I like, and gets rid of what disgusts me.
I take a deep breath, realizing I feel better than I have in a while. Realizing that ideology...sits just fine with me. No, that it suits me. That I'm better this way. The people I care for can keep their free will, and everyone else can play by my rules. I briefly wonder, almost out of instinct, what that makes me. Then, I realize it feels like a curiosity now...a thought exercise.
Not something I actually care about the answer to.
¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬
Teyla walks through the halls. Quickly, silently, trying to keep the trembling in her hands under control, so she doesn't drop the blankets she's carrying. Without warning, the mental image of the young boy forces its way into her mind again. The sobs of pain and despair, the signs of years of tortured restraint on his body, the...blood. She can barely bring herself to think about the clearly recent trauma that caused it.
'Young...he was so young. How long...has he...'
Her jaw clenches, waves of disgust, guilt, anger, and more all washing over her.
'I didn't know...the vileness. My entire life, protected, isolated. Sleeping peacefully, enjoying my life here, aware but never knowing.'
But that's how coming to know something can work. A visceral truth you never expected, a revelation you can't forget. One second, living in ignorant bliss, and the next...it appears in front of you, clear as day, as if plucked from a nightmare.
Because that's exactly what happened...what she just watched Mizuki do. Close his eyes in silence for a little bit, then pluck a random boy from his own personal hell across the world. If she wasn't already trembling from seeing the boy, that would be enough on its own to make her body forfeit its control.
She's already put together a few things from his little display, and the events leading up to it. Things that send a cold shiver down her spine.
Does he think that the Empire won't try to capture or kill him when he arrives for these negotiations? She asked him that, and this little demonstration was clearly his answer. It doesn't matter what the Empire's intentions are towards him...he finds the idea of them trying to hurt him laughable.
Why did he ask to hold her hand earlier? Because somehow, as terrifying as it is to accept, doing so allowed him to track fox-kin across the world and instantly move them to him.
Unfathomable, miraculous, sinister, unnatural...god-like. What he did, what he can clearly do – it's all of that.
Thinking so, she can't help but be reminded of the rumors she heard about Zara from her intelligence network. One in particular, that the wolf-kin whispered amongst themselves like religious zealots. A rumor she was quick to dismiss before.
A god of death has taken her as his protégée.
She doesn't have any doubts left about who the god of death in question is, nor the fact that he is very, frighteningly real.
What of the other rumors? Slaying a demon general – she already believed that.
Befriend an Elder Dragon? Now she understands...the powerful 'friend' of Zara's, who is also Mizuki's wife, must be an Elder Dragon. It makes the most sense, in this reality of hers that makes no sense at all anymore.
But...despite feeling like she's losing hold on the world around her, she ironically feels much firmer in her convictions. Seeing that boy earlier...seeing what Mizuki did...her path forward has never been clearer.
Several minutes later, she arrives back in the training room, where she left Mizuki and Zara. Seeing her, Mizuki glances up with a curious expression. He speaks, his voice dead calm, his eyes filled with an unnerving stillness.
"Are you ready? I suspect the horrors aren't done, so if you're not up for it, you can swap out with Xian, or arrange for some additional caretakers. Just keep them in the dark about my abilities." (Mizuki)
She knows she may very well need to take him up on the offer later, but for now, she needs to be here. She shakes her head, walking towards him as confidently as she can manage after learning the truth of what he is.
"No, I can continue when you're ready. But first, I want you to know that I'd like to renegotiate the terms of the deal with Zara you mentioned before this." (Teyla)
Mizuki's eyes narrow at her. Not angry, not yet, just...evaluating, expectant. His voice is measured, challenging.
"Renegotiate how?" (Mizuki)
She swallows nervously, but she steps closer to him anyway, keeping her outward expression composed. She stops just in front of him, so that she has to tilt her head back slightly to meet his gaze.
"There's no need for half measures. We'll teach the wolf-kin what we know, share our resources, our food, even let them apply for and obtain citizenship. We'll help them defend our collective lands, and come to their aid when called. The fox-kin will agree to a full alliance with the wolf-kin, and the rabbit-kin, too, if that's what's wanted of us. If both Xian and I insist on this, the rest of the Council will accept it." (Teyla)
He blinks, clearly stunned for a moment. Then, his lips twist into a small, knowing smile.
"Sounds great. But in return you'd like...what? Something, I assume, or else this wouldn't qualify as a renegotiation." (Mizuki)
She nods, doing her best to look resolved. To hold his gaze. To keep her voice steady.
"Everything that you originally promised. But also, take me with you...to the cat-kin, and to your negotiations with the Empire." (Teyla)
It's something she's decided recently...to be more involved in the world outside fox-kin territory. To be more actively involved in her world's and people's fate, instead of just watching and reacting.
Mizuki's eyes widen in surprise, his lips parting slightly. At the sight, she feels a petty rush of satisfaction, and her anxiety around him wanes.
'God of death or not, that's never getting old...causing that dumbstruck look on his infuriating face.'
His voice turns mildly incredulous.
"Zara told you about our plans to visit the cat-kin?" (Mizuki)
She smirks, her satisfaction rising. Zara told her no such thing, it's just all too easy to deduce after everything she's learned about his actions in the past day.
"No, I'm just not an idiot. Your travel history – first the wolf-kin, then the rabbit-kin, now us. Plus, all that talk about uniting the demi-humans into a superpower, and the border wall you mentioned didn't exclude the cat-kin territory's eastern border. What did you expect me to think?" (Teyla)
He blinks, then, she swears she sees a bit of color in his cheeks. He scratches the back of his head, his voice sheepish.
"Yeahhh...I guess I see your point. Well, that's all fine with me, I guess. As long as you behave at the Empire negotiations and follow my lead. But as for the rest...what do you think, Zara?" (Mizuki)
Mizuki glances at Zara, and Teyla's expression turns surprised. She looks towards Zara as well, and the young wolf-kin meets her gaze calmly. Then, Zara smirks faintly, a kind of amused resignation in her eyes.
"I look forward to working with you, Teyla." (Zara)
Mizuki smiles, his voice approving.
"Good. Then I personally consider your alliance official now, and I'll behave accordingly. You guys can do all your boring leader paperwork and announcements later. For now..." (Mizuki)
The levity disappears from his face, replaced with something more somber. His gaze turns to Teyla, eyes darkening with something...heavy. His voice lowers, serious.
"Let's get to saving the rest of your people, Teyla. All of them." (Mizuki)