Gathering My Gems
Wednesday, 22nd November 2023
"Aur kya?... Pucho, kab puchoge? We'll have to do the arrangements as well, right?" Maa nudged.
"Theek hai, chalo... I'll start asking," I replied.
With just a week left until my eighteenth birthday, I held onto the belief that growing up didn't mean letting go of birthday excitement.
I was genuinely thrilled for this one. I'd already told Maa and Papa that I wanted to spend the day with my friends—hoping, this time, that everyone I was counting on would actually show up.
Mentally ticking off names on my fingers, I went over my guest list: Vansh, Sushant, Ramesh, Kavya, Arjun... and of course, Sanjana J and Naira—two people I'd grown close to recently. And then Lizz, a nice friend I'd made in no time at all. I genuinely wanted each one of them there.
Trying to keep my excitement low-key, I decided to text just a few of them—Kayz, Vansh, Sushant, and Ramesh.
But the replies came in fast—and hit hard.
Vansh said he had to attend his sister's engagement on the same day. Kavya explained her hand was swollen and she was undergoing therapy; she'd confirm later.
Sushant said yes, but warned me not to expect too much.
And Ramesh's reply? A blunt, "Depends."
I stared at my phone.
"I guess asking four people in one day was too much," my sixth sense mocked me.
* * * * * * * *
The next day, Ramesh became the first one to say yes, and it deeply relieved me since his presence was important to me on my birthday.
I remained patient for the entire day and didn't ask anyone of the remaining, which could have gone throughout the next day as well had I not asked Lizz that night.
She had been drained completely by rewriting the entire physics and chemistry journals. She bought a new math journal. I was waiting for our college practical discussion to end, and when it did, I quickly asked her.
[11/24/2023, 22:10]
Me: Btw...wed ko free hai?..
Lizz: Kyu kya hua
"It's my birthday," I told her, "and tu aa rahi hai — baat khatam."
She just sent an "oh yaa" before asking, "Kidhar?"
I told her the place wasn't fixed yet, but both she and Sushant had to be there.
She said she'd see, explaining that her mom had been isolating her a little lately, and that Sushant probably wouldn't be allowed to go out either.
By then, I had already taken Sushant's vague response as a no.
Lizz then texted again after a pause, saying she'd barely been stepping out these days — exams were close, and her mom didn't want her distracted. Still, she said she'd at least try asking for permission.
"The least I can do," she wrote in the end, "is ask — rest depends on them."
I stared at the screen for a moment before sending my last message — "Mere birthday pe kabhi koi free nahi raha hai."
It was the truth — one I had grown used to repeating quietly, year after year.
"Nobody has time for anyone. People are always busy with their own stuff," I muttered under my breath — a line I had told myself far too many times. Maa had said something similar last year, too, when plans didn't work out. She had seen the way I had tried to hide my disappointment. But mothers always know.
********
Saturday, 25th November, 2023
Sanjana J, you made my day.
I'd reminded Sanjana about the college journal submission deadline, which was the next day.
Her reply came while I was asleep.
[11/24, 23:18]
Sanjana 3: bhai mera kal tak nahi hoga shayad
maut aa rahi hai.
college ka kuch aur toh
ghar pe kuch aur hi chal raha hai.
I was surprised to see she still hadn't finished.
"So, something happened to her again?" my sixth sense commented dryly.
I wrote a lengthy text, not even thinking before sending it, and I mentioned her statements in bold. I then tapped the send button.
[11/25, 05:02]
Me: No offence but nothing new here
When I told u to do Shashank sir hw
*Mai hw karne hi bethi thi and then something
happened and my night was terrible
due to personal reasons toh mai so gayi*
When I told u to do college work during vacations
*i was supposed to but unfortunately beech mai
kuch ho gaya*
And now when i told u to get things done quickly
toh
*college ka kuch aur toh ghar pe kuch aur hi chalra
hai.'
Wait… did I say too much? Oh God, why do I always do this — taunt people without even realising it?
What if she feels bad? What if my message actually hurt her? She's already drowning in endless practicals, tutorials, projects… clearly something's going on at home too. And here I am—judging her right in the middle of it all.
Should I apologize?
Should I delete the message?
Maybe I should edit it and send something softer… something less blunt.
Every time she'd tried to share something personal, I'd brushed it off with a dismissive, "That's none of my business."
Looking back, that was a terrible way to respond.
Maybe I should ask her what's going on. Maybe I should try to be more human. But then again… who am I to ask? She's not even close to me. We've only ever spoken about college stuff—homework, submissions, reminders. That's it. She has her own circle, her own people—people who know her better, who can actually be there for her. I'm just… someone who reminds her about due dates.
My overthinking mind had already run a mile ahead.
After about seven minutes of spiralling thoughts, I finally typed out a carefully worded follow-up message. I read it over—again and again—making sure not a single word could come across as rude or insensitive. When I was finally satisfied, I hit "send."
It was 5:10 a.m.
Me: I mean, I'm no one to comment on on your
problems…
(Mai toh tujhe theek se jaanta bhi nahi hu)
But aren't they becoming a bit much for you?
Itne din se ghar pe kalam ghise ja rahi ho.
Even after proofreading the message four or five times before sending it, I still didn't notice I'd typed the word "on" twice.
Ironically, I only caught the mistake now, while writing this very page.
"You can wait now. She's not gonna text before afternoon," my sixth sense muttered with a shrug.
Meanwhile, Ramesh had his EVS project left to finish. So far, he was the only one who'd confirmed for my birthday party.
He seemed a little surprised when I told him neither Rohan nor Paresh would be coming this time.
Rohan had his pre-boards, and Paresh—whom I'd invited last year when we were still close—wasn't on the list anymore.
"Tu bata de confirm karke. Hai ya nahi?" he asked me that same morning.
"I still have Sanjana J and Naira left to ask," I was typing back when a thought suddenly hit me.
Sanjana J had mentioned something going on at home… which probably means she's feeling disturbed, frustrated, or just overwhelmed. So, does that mean she won't be able to attend the party? Is there even a point in asking her?
People always have their own problems and responsibilities to manage, my sixth sense chimed in. They only make time for things that genuinely matter to them. If Sanjana isn't feeling okay, she'll prioritize herself.
No Sanjana J means… no Naira.
Exactly. Naira would be the only girl left with Ramesh there—which might just be enough of a reason for her to back out too.
Deciding not to dwell on it any further, I got up from my study table and got ready to head to college. I was running a little late, so Papa dropped me off at Kharghar station.
Just as I was standing at the ticket counter, my phone rang — it was Lizz.
She asked when the next bus would reach Shilp Chowk, which caught me off guard. She had told me she would be coming with Sushma in a cab, so this sudden interest in bus timings felt unusual.
I rushed into the physics lab of the college and took my tutorial book from the bundle, going through all the pages, checking if something was incomplete.
Almost all of us had tried to trick the college by skipping a few questions or writing half-complete answers in their tutorial books.
But seeing the message from the college a day after the submissions, asking us to come back and complete everything, had scared us for each other.
A second call from Lizz came, asking me where I was.
Entering the class, she came and stood beside my table.
Taking a breath, she narrated how Sushma had overslept, and then how she'd ended up at the wrong stop, and how Lizz, frustrated, had to wake her mom for a ride. Amid the chaos, something clicked: we both seemed to value discipline, maybe more than most.
Before we could talk further, our chemistry teacher caught us chatting and scolded us. I shut my notebook, and we left the lab together.
As we headed downstairs, Lizz asked me to join her and her mother. I politely declined, mentioning that I'd be stopping by Kharghar station for a quick snack before heading back to the academy.
As we reached the ground floor, we found Ramesh and Neil. They had come along with Ramesh's father. Both of them shook hands with us warmly, and we exchanged greetings, asking how each other had been.
It was when I realized Lizz's mother was already waiting nearby.
As we approached, she stood up.
"Namaste," I greeted her politely.
While walking toward the auto stand, she asked,
"Beta, is your submission done?"
"Yes, aunty ji. All done," I replied, trying to sound as composed and respectful as possible.
On the way, we talked about various things. Lizz told her mom that I'd be eating something at Kharghar station, so it might take me a while. Her mom insisted she should eat something too since she hadn't had anything since morning.
As we reached Nerul station, I instinctively pulled out my wallet to pay, but her mom immediately stopped me. I tried insisting, but she wouldn't have it.
None of us got a ticket for ourselves as we reached the platform, where my only hope was that the train wouldn't be too crowded. Otherwise, being packed into those suffocating coaches with them would get awkward.
While we stood on the platform, Lizz suggested creating a WhatsApp group for everyone who'd be travelling together for the board practical exams scheduled in February.
"You, me, Ramesh, Neil…" she began listing names.
But the moment she said the last one, I hesitated.
I didn't like Neil.
And honestly, if others were travelling with Lizz, I'd rather not go with her at all. I'd prefer to travel alone.
And, of course, the train was crowded.
We skipped the coach in front of us and quickly rushed to the one on the side. Lizz and I somehow managed to find space to stand, but aunty ji got caught up somewhere behind in the crowd.
At Kharghar station, we barely squeezed out of the compartment. The next thing on my mind was food, but I knew getting a frankie or manchurian that early (8:45 AM) was next to impossible.
So, I had no choice but to go with the station samosa, which I was never fond of.
Even there, aunty ji didn't let me pay despite my repeated requests.
Lizz had once told me, "My mom can turn into Hitler in a second."
I could now see what she meant — strong-willed, assertive, maybe even stubborn — but with a kind heart behind it.
She didn't like it when kids paid for themselves. And somehow, that small gesture stuck with me.
We got down at Shilp Chowk, where her mom took her scooter home, and the two of us headed to the academy.
There were barely five or six people there at the time. We entered the classroom, got seated, and began scrolling on our phones.
When I came back after refilling my bottle and sat back down, I happened to catch a glimpse of her screen — an Instagram chat with someone. I immediately apologized.
"I didn't mean to see anything."
"No, no, it's fine. I was just telling Sushant about the Sushma incident," she said, as I noticed a series of long texts on her screen.
I shifted my seat.
She noticed that and smiled.
"It's nothing like that… We don't sexchat during the day," she said, not sure how serious.
"That's for the night."
I nodded, unsure what to say.
Then she looked up from her phone and asked with a devilish grin,
"You do know what sexting means, right?"
Was she referring to actual sexting? Or just some random flirty talks?
I said I knew, and thankfully, she didn't probe further. She went back to her phone.
The lecture was still almost an hour away, and I was still hungry.
Obviously, one samosa wasn't enough to fill me up.
I stepped out for a quick walk, then came back and asked Lizz,
"Will you eat something too?"
"Bhai, we just ate," she said.
And this was exactly what I was afraid of — someone judging me for eating again.
But then she stood up and added,
"If you're getting something, I'll eat too."
And smiled.
"Man, just now…" I thought.
Sushant and Lizz seemed to be poles apart at that point. Soham, no matter how much you ask, won't eat anything — not with his money, not with yours. But Lizz — if you offer, she won't say no."
We walked till Neelkanth, chatting along the way — how she wasn't exactly a foodie… or maybe she was. We weren't the type to spend much on food.
She even mentioned how Karan and Piyush used to trick Sushant into paying for their food all the time, for which she had even scolded Sushant once.
"So? What will you have?" I asked, as we climbed the stairs at Neelkanth.
She thought for a moment, then said sandwich — but it wasn't available.
So she ended up just buying one of those flavoured milk coffee bottles, if I remember right.
I stood there wondering what to eat, then decided to get another samosa from the shop opposite to Neelkanth. Lizz found that the samosa was way better than the one we munched at the station.
I don't remember how our conversation drifted to Arjun. One moment we were casually talking, and the next, she suddenly said,
"I swear, I'd melt if I saw Arjun."
That's when I showed her a picture of my old 9th–10th grade crush — and to my surprise, she actually found her pretty. The samosa was genuinely delicious. When Lizz came back after washing her hands, she smiled and said,
"Next treat, meri taraf se."
While walking back, she stopped me for a second and took a snap.
I hadn't used Snapchat in forever — ever since I lost my longest streaks, I had uninstalled it.
She told me she used it only for the filters.
At Shilp Chowk, while crossing the road, we began talking about skin tones — how people like Arjun, Rushika, Naira, and Sanjana J would turn red in the heat… while others like me, Lizz, or Ramesh stayed brown.
As we climbed the stairs back toward the academy, the conversation drifted again — and suddenly she told me how both Arjun and Ramesh had had a thing for her in the beginning.
"But Ramesh was kind of naïve, so Arjun manipulated him into getting info about me.", she briefed as I listened carefully.
Eventually, Ramesh moved on from his crush on Sanjana J and confessed his feelings to Lizz — but she politely turned him down.
And after quite some time, she and Arjun got into a relationship.
"You can say Ramesh got friend-zoned," she laughed as we reached the academy.
The computer science lecture was painfully boring. The teacher was making us copy codes directly from the previous year's book — an absolute nightmare for me.
I would just stare at the board and barely manage to write #include
Not just that — I even dozed off for a bit in that lecture.
The 4 AM wake-up was clearly catching up with me.
When it finally ended, I stepped outside and saw that a lot more students had arrived. Sushant was among them, with whom I chatted for a bit. The next lecture was chemistry, and Lizz wasn't planning to attend.
Moments later, I saw her walking away with Sushant.
I figured they were heading to their usual spot, where they would sit and talk. One of them even asked me to join, and I walked a few steps with them. But then Sushant told me not to tag along — so I decided to give them their space and quietly turned back to the academy.
Meanwhile, back in class, Naira, Shaurya, and several others had already arrived for the lecture. Ramesh, however, was nowhere to be seen. He had gotten stuck at BS College for some reason, and it didn't look like he'd make it in time.
On the other hand, Sanjana J had finally seen my message — at around ten in the morning, nearly five hours after I'd sent it. I found myself staring at our chat, waiting for a response, but it quickly became obvious that none was coming. She'd left me on read.
Disappointing, though not entirely surprising. I couldn't help but wonder what she must've thought after reading my overly detailed — and perhaps a little judgmental — texts.
Did they upset her?
Was she angry?
At 10:04 AM, I sent a follow-up message:
Me:College gayi?
The physical chemistry lecture with Suman ma'am began. I was seated on the second bench next to Kavya. Naira sat right behind us, who was still uncertain about whether Sanjana J would show up.
"She's not done with her college stuff yet," I explained, guessing that Sanjana J might still be dealing with her submission work.
"There are two reasons she might not be here today," Naira replied cryptically. "One is the college work she's stuck with, and the other... I can't tell you."
Her expression shifted slightly — a quiet seriousness in her tone. It was clear that Sanjana J had people in her life who understood her better, who could sense things without her having to say them out loud. I, on the other hand, was left guessing.
Exactly at 12:32 PM, Sanjana J finally got a reply.
Sanjana J:nahi
Me:Oh..
It was clear she'd chosen to ignore the part of my message where I'd subtly judged her — which, honestly, was a relief. She was still caught up in her endless loop of college work: practicals, tutorials, submissions.
Lizz, Ramesh, and I had already submitted most of our assignments, yet the official deadline kept shifting—extending by a day or two each time.
As of then, the next submission date was Wednesday, November 29. Piyush and Karan were planning to submit that day, and I thought of informing Sanjana J as well, so she could plan accordingly.
I opened the chat window and began typing.
But right when I typed "November 29," I hesitated.
"Dude, 29th is the final date," my inner voice reminded me.
"Oh no…" I muttered.
"And you're not even sure if you'll invite her to the party, given how things are going."
"But what if she does agree to come, and then has to miss it because of college?"
"Exactly. Submission is on the 29th. If she finishes before that, she's free."
"Then... just tell her the deadline is 28th."
"And start another fight?"
"No, no. I'll say it subtly. Just mention that Piyush said he's going on the 28th."
Five minutes later, I sent the message.
"By the way, Piyush had spoken to ma'am—he said he'd probably be going to college on the 28th. So maybe you can ask ma'am too, if she allows."
"ruchi ma'am?", she asked instantly.
Me:Ye nahi pata yaar, dekh le ek baar
Sanjana J:okay. she's the head na,
she sends all the messages in the group.
Me:Haan, you can
Sanjana J:bheja message
Me:Let's see.
"Tanish… ma'am can clearly see your phone," Naira warned from behind me. She may have even realized I was texting her best friend.
It wasn't easy typing with just one thumb during a lecture — and I was dangerously close to being caught. But I couldn't resist. I unlocked my phone again to check her reply.
Sanjana J:Tuesday ko bulaya hai.
Me:As I said, 28th.
"Wait… what? The 28th is the actual date?" I whispered to myself in surprise.
It turned out my little white lie was, unintentionally, the truth.
"Mobile bag mein rakho beta... bag mein rakho mobile," Suman ma'am finally said, her tone stern yet controlled.
I sighed and quietly slipped it into my bag.
We got a break at a quarter to two, and only then could I check my phone. Sanjana J's last message was a simple "Thank you."
I replied with my usual line whenever someone thanked me,"Enjoy karo, mate. Aur practicals, everything, complete kar lo."
As I headed toward Neelkanth for another quick bite, I was still thinking of phrasing an apology message for whatever I had said to Sanjana that morning.
"Make it sincere, but keep it light," I reminded myself over and over. At the staircase, I tagged the morning's message and added my apology just before buying a vada pav since I wasn't all that hungry.
Me:(tagging my previous message)And I'm really sorry if
this offended you in any way… as I said, I don't even
know you.
While heading back to the academy, I re-read my message, realizing that the last line felt unnecessary. I could almost hear myself saying, "It's better without it."
I edited it once more, keeping it simpler.
13:57
Me:(tagging the morning's message)And I'm really sorry if this offended you in any way…
Back home, I eventually dozed off, only to wake up two hours later, just as Mom shouted, "Do ghante so liye, aur kitna soyoge?!"
The first thing I did upon waking was grab my phone, connect it to Wi-Fi, and stare at the WhatsApp logo, waiting for the notification badge to appear. When the count showed four new messages, I quickly opened it, and at the top of the list was Sanjana J's contact. Ignoring all the other chats, I tapped her name.
[17:20]
Sanjana 3: you've helped me a lot tanish and im really
grateful honestly, you have a right to judge me if i
haven't done something you've helped me so
much for so a little judgement from you won't
hurt me its okay
...
"I see someone can't stop smiling,"
My sixth sense teased.
Obviously, it felt amazing.
For the first time since I started helping people, someone had genuinely appreciated it. Sanjana had that rare gift of kindness—something I hadn't seen in people for a long time.
Back in school, people would often take advantage of me—asking for help, expecting me to do their work, rarely offering even a simple 'thank you.' But Sanjana's words settled something inside me—quieting the doubt that had been eating at me all day.
"Sanjana J,
You seriously made my day."
I was still smiling as I began typing my reply. For the first time that day, I didn't have to think twice—I could just be myself.
The entire day, I kept reflecting on how much worse it could have been if my judgmental texts had affected her mood in any way. Every time she confided in me about something that had happened, I carelessly responded that it was none of my business. In a way, I felt a twisted pride in that—after all, I had never been one to meddle in others' lives; I always minded my own business.
Perhaps that was because I wasn't emotionally attached to anyone back then.
"People seek for comfort Tanish, rather than saying that's none of my business, even though 'The Sanjana J' is your nothing or you don't know her, that doesn't matter at that point of time. But as a person you should comfort her with soft spoken words saying it's gonna be fine, that's what people seek…emotional support is a thing every human is desperate for and trust me no matter in how worse situation the person is, they do feel a bit better."
- Lizz's thoughtful perspective on the moment
_________________________________________________
Sunday, 26th November 2023
Another Day, Made by 'The Sanjana J'
"I'll ask a few more people and let you know by tomorrow morning," I told Maa, finally deciding on the names—Sanjana, Naira, Arjun, and Shaurya.
"Think about it… Four people in one day? Again?"
My inner voice didn't hold back.
Shaurya was the first person I approached that day.
I asked if he had any plans for Wednesday. I told him it was my birthday and invited him, saying it would really mean a lot if he came. He said he'd check with his parents and let me know. I requested that he try to confirm by the evening, and wrapped things up by telling him I'd finalize the location soon.
And then Arjun made my afternoon.
I greeted him with, "Chote mamu," and popped the same question.
He replied he didn't have any plans either, so I let him know the same thing. He responded with excitement and asked about the venue. I said it would be in Kharghar only and asked if he was in.
He said he just needed five minutes to check with someone.
"Take your time, just confirm once you're sure," I told him.
When he reassured me, I asked again if I could count on him.
"Yes," he smiled.
"And thank you for inviting me."
I felt genuinely happy to have him on board.
So, that made it two confirmed, one pending, and two more left to ask.
* * * * * * * *
Around five in the evening, after giving the weekly JEE test, I stepped out of the classroom and sank into the sofa near the reception. The hum of faint chatter and the soft whir of the ceiling fan filled the air.
Kavya spotted me and came over, curiosity in her eyes.
"How was the test?" she asked.
I exhaled slowly. "Yaar, no one's coming for my birthday."
Kavya had always been my go-to person for sharing anything, but even her chances of joining had faded long ago.
"Did you ask Naira?" she prodded.
"Not yet… Only Sanjana and Naira are left," I admitted, my voice carrying a hesitation I couldn't hide. I wasn't even sure if Sanjana J would be able to make it, or if her situation might keep her away.
And that's when my first assumption took shape.
If Shaurya agreed to come, Sanjana J and Naira would likely follow. They were close friends, and they rarely missed a chance to tease one another. If she were in, nothing could probably stop Naira.
Kavya excused herself for a moment, and just then, Shaurya and Arjun walked into the academy. They had already submitted their test before me. Shaurya brushed past without acknowledging me, but I called Arjun over.
"Ask him to come here," I told Arjun, and soon Shaurya was standing in front of me.
"Bro, did you ask?".
He gave me a faint, almost apologetic smile.
"Bad news. I have to attend a wedding. I don't want to go with my parents, but they're making me. There's nothing I can do.", he explained.
Another one was gone. My stomach sank. Arjun, who had confirmed it that afternoon, asked who else was coming, and I couldn't even give him a proper count — only Ramesh had confirmed so far.
As they both stepped outside, I followed, my foot instinctively kicking the wall in frustration.
"Looks like you're down to two people this year as well," my inner voice mocked.
"Naira and Sanjana J are still options," I muttered back defensively.
"But you're hesitant to ask either of them, right?"
Arjun shifted his bag to one shoulder and turned to me. I told him I'd inform him once everything was finalized. He nodded and walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts — and a birthday plan that was crumbling faster than I had imagined.
"I genuinely want both of them there… but I don't know if Sanjana J will come. I have no idea how serious her situation is," I admitted, uncertain.
"And if she doesn't, Naira won't either, right?"
"Exactly."
My phone buzzed twice — a reel from Lizz.
"Bhai, no one is coming for the birthday. Shaurya said no as well," I told her the same thing.
"Then have fun with the boys," she replied.
But I didn't want "some boys." I didn't want a crowd of filler. I wanted my people — my friends. And, most of all, I wanted my crush, Naira, to be there.
Three boys had already said no. Only two girls were left to ask. And deep down, I knew: if one declined, the other likely would too.
Lizz tried to reassure me by sending regular voice messages,
Even if Naira and Sanjana come, that makes four — two boys and two girls. "Isn't that perfect?" I thought to myself.
It felt like the ideal ratio to me, but Lizz thought otherwise. "It'll get awkward for the girls," she added in a voice message.
She elaborated on how, in such birthday gatherings, girls often got sidelined. "Trust me, Naira doesn't like Ramesh, and he doesn't like her either.", I heard her messages very carefully. According to her, a boys-only plan would make things simpler and more fun.
I had already tried every boy on my list. Only Sai was left.
I called him. No response.
Then I remembered — shit. He was out of town for a wedding and wasn't returning until the 30th. No chance he'd make it.
My strength crumbled.
Standing outside the academy gate, I could feel tears swell in my eyes. Why does this always happen on my birthday? It was heartbreak in its rawest form.
With trembling hands, I sent the same message to both Sanjana J and Naira:
"Are you free on Wednesday?"
Walking around the academy, I continued to overthink, and then for no reason, I opened WhatsApp and deleted the messages sent to both Sanjana J and Naira for everyone.
A notification popped up.
"Kya hua??"
It was Naira.
Panic gripped me.
"Yaar… uska message aagaya. Bhai, ab toh bol, kya bolu main???" My mind was blank. My sixth sense — usually loud in moments like these — stayed silent.
"Sorry, I was supposed to send it to someone else," I replied.
Blunt.
Stupid.
I regretted it the moment I hit send.
"Okay," she replied.
I rubbed my face with both hands, tears brimming again. "Phir se… it happened again…" I kept whispering to myself, feeling the weight of another birthday slowly crumbling.
"Bhaiii… tell me, should I ask her? What if she says no? Five people have already…"
And then a voice cut through the noise.
"It's not about Sanjana. It's about you."
"It wasn't external. It was me.
Her problem is just an excuse.
You're scared to ask because you're not sure if she even sees you as a real friend.
You think she might feel awkward and wonder — 'Why is Tanish inviting me on his birthday?', especially when she didn't even ask you in hers.
You consider her a friend. But does she?
You always overthink."
And it seemed to be true.
As I walked down the staircase and reached the bus stop, I reopened Sanjana J's chat. The deleted message still lingered.
My thumbs trembled as I hit send, finally gathering the courage.
[18:26]
"Are you free on Wednesday?"
I found a seat and opened Instagram to check Lizz's messages. She still hadn't confirmed if she could come, but sounded quite sure that neither Sanjana nor Naira would feel awkward around the two boys—after all, Arjun was close to both of them.
[18:27]
Sanjana 3: depends
kya hau?"
She had mistyped "hua" as "hau." The quick reply surprised me—getting a message from her within a minute was rare.
Adding to it, the "Depends" made me wonder: was she thinking I was asking her out somewhere?
Me:Mere bday hai.
Can you and Naira come?
In my nervousness, I too typed "mere" instead of "mera". My heart pounded. I switched back to Lizz's chat, waiting.
And then —buzz.
A notification popped up.
Sanjana 3: "haa ofcourse"
Wait… what?! Was it really that easy?
She's coming???
Ecstatic, I texted Lizz to say everything was sorted. If Sanjana were in, Naira surely wouldn't say no. Two girls and two boys. Perfect.
"I have texted Naira as well. You saw the text first.", I informed Sanjana.
"accha okay
mai permission leke confirm batati hu.", came her reply.
Getting off the bus while reading that gave me a small wave of doubt. Her "haa of course" suddenly felt less certain—what if her parents said no?
After all, I was an overthinker.
Sanjana J,
You made my day,
Now twice in two days.
I told her that Ramesh and Arjun would be the other guests, and asked if she was okay with that. I also mentioned that I had already asked a lot of people, but most of them had declined.
"Fine by me," she replied, then added that I could ask Shaurya since he was usually free. A few seconds later, another message popped up: "If you want." After all, he was a good friend of hers, but not that close with me.
I replied using speech-to-text as I crossed the highway on my way home, "Poochha tha yaar, but usko bhi shaadi mein jaana hai. He doesn't want to, but he has to."
Sanjana 3: koi baat nahi mere birthday pe bhi yahi hua tha
Aaahaa!
Sanjana's birthday was on the first of September, when she had arrived in a striking black outfit. I could still recall how, just days before her birthday, she had asked Naira, resting her head on the table. Even without turning around completely, I had sensed the pain in her voice—low and dizzy—as she asked if she should invite Anika, adding that she had never really spoken to her.
And then, days later, on Rakshabandhan, I saw Arjun calling Sai from behind me, asking him something related to Sanjana. Sai looked visibly surprised and responded hesitantly, saying that he hardly knew Sanjana.
Hearing that, Arjun had tried to assure him, saying, "Are, it's nothing like that. Sanjana considers you as her friend."
And then there was Sammy—the next one to whom Arjun lip-synced Sanjana's name.
Sitting on the third bench of Classroom No. 10, I had witnessed a lot—so much gossip, subtle actions, and whispers. But at the end of the day, it had never really been any of my business.
"Hamko kya? It's her day; she'll celebrate it the way she wants. But I'll definitely call her on my birthday—both her and Naira have to be there," I'd told myself back then.
Sanjana 3: doesn't matter agle saal college mai kafi better
log honge
Me: Hahaha… Let's just make this year count. It'll mean
a lot if you both can come.
Please try.
Sanjana 3: yess i will
I'd always been like this—emotional, dramatic, and always finding something to worry about. That evening, the walk home from the RAF camp seemed longer than the usual ten minutes. As I crossed the railway tracks, another thought hit me.
I asked Sanjana what would happen if Naira couldn't make it for some reason. She had said the same thing again—about needing to take permission.
And in that moment, my sixth sense quietly murmured, "Tum kabhi khush rehna nahi seekh paoge."
Then came another curveball.
Sanjana 3:meri mom aise ladko ke saath toh nahi jaane degi
mujhe. agar voh nahi aa saki toh mai bhi nahi aa
paungi.
I'm really sorry.
For a second, I just stared at her message.
"If she can't, I'll ask Lizz to come. She had said her chances were low, that's why I hadn't included her yet.", I told her.
"okay," she typed back.
Still unsure, I asked, "Will you come if Lizz does?"
I wasn't certain how things stood between them—if they were on good terms or not.
"ha, bas ladki honi chahiye aur zinda honi chahiye," she replied.
The last part made me pause. I didn't think too much about it back then. I was just… relieved. Everything finally felt like it was coming together.
We chatted a little more as I continued walking. She kept telling me not to worry… that things would fall into place. And then, just as I stepped out of the lift and turned toward my house, my phone buzzed.
It was Lizz.
Her mom had allowed her to join my birthday party.
I stopped for a second, read it again. A smile quietly made its way to my face.
Just some time ago, it had felt like no one would show up…
Like I'd end up spending my birthday alone.
And now—
There was light again, like someone had quietly turned up the brightness.
I immediately told Sanjana and asked her to confirm once more.
Coincidentally, Lizz had already been to the same restaurant we were planning to go to. She even sent me the buffet menu. It felt reassuring—knowing she had a good experience there.
Everything was falling into place. Slowly, but surely
[11/26, 21:57]
Sanjana 3: Kya tu mujhe place and time bata sakta hai please?
"The place is Bombay Diner. AOS se it's just a 10 min walk.", I wrote.
Since our class was from 4:30 to six in the evening on the same day, I debated lunch vs. dinner. Mom suggested lunch—it wouldn't be too late, and everyone could attend class afterward. but Lizz suggested dinner, saying that we would attend the class change in the washroom and then go to the venue. I asked Sanjana what she preferred, considering she lived farther away.
Sanjana 3: I think lunch is better too
Does this mean she's in? She started typing again... and then stopped.
"Hua type karke?", I asked her.
One of her signature habits—typing for a minute only to send a single-line reply.
Sanjana 3:ha
Me: Toh should I consider you 100% in?
"yes"
"Thank you very much", I sent.
Sanjana 3:bas you're not supposed to say thank you
it's your birthday bhai
She had her own way of talking.
Everyone who spoke to me eventually got tired of my endless "thank yous" and "sorrys." Only Naira was left now. I texted Sanjana quickly, hoping she hadn't gone offline.
"Koi nahi,
puchke batadegi", she texted back.
"I hope she confirms it by morning."
"umhmm"
That "umhm" made me feel like she could sense just how eager I was.
Hesitantly, I asked Sanjana if she could ask Naira once, assuming she might see her text quicker than mine.
Sanjana 3: goes without saying.
i've already dropped her a message
"Thank you very much", I sent.
Sanjana 3: always
"I cannot wait for Wednesday. So so excited," for the final time that day, I switched to Instagram and texted Lizz.
"Haha. It'll be a nice one.", she replied.
After all, Lizz had been there through it all—watching the plan grow from just two people to almost five. She had seen each twist and offered her quiet opinions and small suggestions that somehow made everything feel a little more possible.
Later that night, Naira finally replied.
Naira: "I am coming."
Me: "You are welcome."
"Now it'll really be fun on Wednesday.", I thought to myself.
********
Monday, 27th November 2023
Lizz… I Am Gonna Kill You!!!
That morning, I sat with Magnetic Effects of Current notes open in front of me. I would read a paragraph, try to commit it to memory… and then, inevitably, my mind would drift away to the upcoming Wednesday.
The thought of celebrating my birthday with each of my friends being there excited me. I pictured their faces, our laughter, the photos we'd take—and I couldn't help but smile.
That morning, I casually shared the plan with Maa and Papa.
In the English class, we found ourselves sitting on the floor of the corridor. None of us had completed the film review assigned last time, except me. Mine was on M.S. Dhoni: The Untold Story, and it turned out to be my ticket back inside the classroom.
On my way out later, I spotted Naira on the sofa. She rose to her feet, slinging her bag over one shoulder, her loose hair spilling effortlessly around her face. Her eyes met mine for a fleeting moment, and she offered a quick, almost shy smile before walking toward the classroom I'd just exited.
I headed to Bombay Diners to reserve a table for six—it felt like taking one more step toward the day I had been replaying in my head all week. After making the booking, I tried calling Lizz to let her know, but surprisingly, she didn't pick up. That hardly ever happened with her. I messaged both Sanjana and Lizz, informing them about the reservation.
Back home, I shared the plan with everyone in our group. Hours passed. Lizz's name finally popped up in my "seen" list almost ten hours later—no reply, just silence.
A small unease began to creep in.
By night, Arjun messaged me personally: Lizz wouldn't be able to come because of some problem she was facing.
I was shocked. How could she back out now? She herself had told me she'd got permission—so what was stopping her?
Arjun didn't say much, just asked me to keep it between us. But by then, I had already told Sanjana that Lizz wouldn't be there.
Now it was back to two boys and two girls. Sanjana seemed fine with it. When I sent her another thank you, she started typing… and then nothing.
No message came through.
I stared at my phone for a long while. The excitement I'd been carrying since morning had dulled. Lizz wasn't just not coming—she wasn't even replying to me on Instagram. The thought of her being upset with me about anything didn't even cross my mind, though I was an overthinker, since I was confident that I hadn't done anything.
********
Tuesday, 28th November 2023
Lizz, I'm Gonna Kill You Twice
"Not everyone's parents allow them to go to parties," Maa said when I told her Lizz wouldn't be coming. It felt like her way of reminding me to be grateful—my parents never denied me anything.
After breakfast, I was at my laptop when Lizz finally messaged me on WhatsApp. She apologized, saying there'd been an emergency, instantly catching my attention.
"Is it a medical emergency? Did something happen to Aunty Ji?" I asked.
She replied that everything was fine, adding a smiling emoji. But something felt off. Moments later, she messaged me on Instagram too, explaining she couldn't make it for my birthday and asking me to contact her there—her mom was using her WhatsApp.
So, I'd guessed right. She wouldn't share the details, but asked me to check on her through WhatsApp and even ask her to call me if anything happened.
It seemed she wanted her mom to know she had people who cared. As suspicious as it all felt, she promised to explain in person.
"Lizz, I'm going to kill you," I teased her the whole day.
Meanwhile, I reached out to Kavya one last time. She'd declined earlier because of a doctor's appointment, but now that Lizz's spot was open, I tried again. This time, luck was on my side—she agreed to come after her appointment with the doctor.
With everyone confirmed, I told Maa that all six seats were set. In the afternoon, I went with Maa to get a shirt for me. We looked at a lot of options, but I couldn't find one for myself, which again set panic in me. I would now have to get a shirt for myself first before going to the party. Adding to that, I couldn't even get a haircut since it was a Tuesday—so that, too, went straight onto my to-do list for the next day.
On the other hand, Sanjana had finally completed all her submissions and even collected her ID card from the BS college. I, too, had planned to visit the BS college that day, expecting I would run into my ex. But with no lectures at the academy, I had no real excuse to step out of my home.
Lizz's WhatsApp seemed as if a ghost had taken over it. The reply to my consoling messages was a simple 'Thanks' with a smiling emoji, which honestly sent chills down my spine.
In the evening, I sent the time and venue to everyone, barely able to contain my excitement for the next day.
Around half-past ten, when my parents and even Vihaan were asleep, my phone rang. It was Lizz.
"Tanish, can you please book a seat for one more person?" she asked.
"Oh, Lizzzzz, I'm going to kill you—twice now," I muttered under my breath.
Apparently, her dad had persuaded her to see if I could add another seat. I told her I'd check in the morning.
She sounded unconvinced I would manage it, so she offered to pay for the seat herself and come along.
"I don't care about anyone else," she said on the call, "mujhe sirf khaane se matlab hai."
I didn't even get the time to react on what she said one after the other; telling her father in between that Tanish won't be able to arrange for another seat.
I, completely unsure if it was possible, promised I'd try and hung up, more amused than annoyed.
_________________________________________________