I spent the whole night, like I didn't sleep at all. I mean, how could I sleep? I've waited for so long for that moment to happen, and, you know, last night Anna kissed me. Well, I kissed her first, but she took the first step. And well, it's too confusing because she just hurried home, saying that her mom, she needed to be with her mom, something like that, that her sister wasn't going to come home. But still I know she enjoyed the kiss as much as I did. And I just, I can't wait to talk to her. I mean, I'm not sure if I will bring that up, but it was something. I mean, it was really something, and I can't deny it, because I really wanted to. It was like she was reading my mind. And when I got home last night, Grandma was asleep. Thank God. She should have asked me where I was and everything, which I couldn't even be able to lie about, so thank God. I was still recalling what happened last night, and then I remembered the part when I was telling her about my childhood life, and that's when the mood started shifting. I started thinking about my family. They didn't even know where I lived by now, and I didn't even know where they lived either. The last time I checked, they were living in Italy, but I didn't even know if they were still together, because Dad wanted a divorce. I didn't want to know any further about that, so I was just living with Grandma, and none of them knew that I was living in this drama with her. It was so funny and pathetic, but, well, it wasn't new for me, so it was up to them. As if they knew I was thinking about them, Dad just called me. It's been, like, five years since I talked to my dad, and now he decides just to call me. "Hello," I replied, and he said, "Hola, hola, hola, mon fils." I just rolled my eyes, only if he could see how I was looking at him right now. "What do you want, Dad?" I said immediately. And he said, "Not even a hello? Not even how are you doing? You just ask me that after all this time?" And I said, "Yeah, after all this time, you just have to decide to call me after all these years?" And he said, "Look, I'm sorry, but I just want you to come and live with me. Your mom and I got divorced three years ago, and now I'm going to the States, and I want you to come with me." "To what?" I said. "To the States." "Well, suit yourself, but I'm not coming with you, and I'm not going to be with any of you. Neither Mom nor you." And he said, "What happened, son? Why are you being like this?" "No, like you. Why are you being like this? It's been five years. None of you know where I live. None of you want to know how I'm doing, and just out of nowhere, you want me to come with you to the USA, and you expect me to accept that? Are you even a human being? You just think that everyone is always in your agenda, and you just do things your way. You don't even care about what someone thinks or cares. That's why you and Mom just can't even work out, because you both are monsters." I hung up immediately. I never imagined him having the nerve to call me, telling me to go and live with him. He knows that I hate him, and... God. Grandma does not need to know all this. She has had a lot of stress already. I don't need—there's no need to add more for her.
I just went to the gym. I spent there, like, the whole day, and my phone was turned off. After having a hot shower, I turned on my phone and found that a lot of people had called me, and I didn't know how to feel about it. I didn't pick up because my phone had been off, and I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. Anna had also called me twice, and I thought it might be urgent because, if she called once, it could be anything, but if she called twice, it usually meant something was wrong. So I just sat there, staring at my phone, wondering what I was going to do. While I was still thinking about it, my phone rang again, and I thought it was Anna. No, no, no. It was Leah. "Yola?" she said. "Yeah, well..." "Oh, so you picked up?" "Yeah, of course. We're talking," I said. "Well, someone else has been calling you and you haven't picked up, so I was trying to know if everything is okay. And now you picked up, so I think it's good, right?" "Well, yeah. I was about to call her. I just came from the gym, so yeah." "Okay, cool, then talk to her," she said. "Was she mad?" I asked her. "No, no, she's not mad. She's just worried about you," she replied. "Okay, cool. Thanks. Bye," I said. She said bye too and hung up. I called Anna immediately. "Hello?" she said. "Hello?" "Are you okay?" she continued. "Yeah, I'm good. Just a bit tired from the gym." She paused. "Yeah. Well, you haven't been picking up my calls." "Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I was... I spent the whole day cleaning up and everything, and then I went to the gym, yeah. Now, I mean, now I'm free," I said. "Okay, cool. Well, um, you sound somehow not good. Did something happen today? Is Grandma okay?" she asked. "Yeah, yeah, everything is good. Great, yeah. It's okay. Yeah, we're good." We talked for like thirty minutes. I was clearly not in the mood, and I knew she could feel it, but she was calming in a way. So we should have just said goodnight and hung up, but I knew it hurt her when I hid things from her. So clearly, I had to find a way to make her understand.
After the call ended, I stared at my phone for a few seconds before dropping it onto the bed. Something about that conversation felt so reassuring. I could hear it in her voice. She was so calm it almost made me feel calm too. She kept saying everything was fine, and somehow, it felt fine in the moment, but the worst part was that I didn't know if it had anything to do with me. Maybe it did. Maybe it didn't. But then again, how could I ignore what happened last night? She kissed me. She actually kissed me. And before I could even understand what was happening, she panicked and left. She didn't explain anything. She just went home. And now she sounded completely at ease. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. I didn't know what I was supposed to think anymore. I had just ended things with Mary, and that alone was enough to make everything complicated. Mary was Anna's friend. Anna was my best friend. And somehow, somewhere between all of that, my feelings for Anna had become something I couldn't keep pretending didn't exist. But what was I supposed to do with those feelings now? I couldn't just walk up to her and ask what that kiss meant when I didn't even know what it meant to me. I knew I wanted her. That much was becoming impossible to deny. But wanting her didn't mean I had the right to act on it. Especially when she was confusing me. I picked up my phone again and stared at Elliot's name. He was probably the only person I could talk to about this without feeling like I was completely losing my mind. I hesitated for a moment before calling him. He picked up after a few rings. "What's up?" he asked. "I need to talk to you." "That sounds serious." "It is." He went quiet, waiting. I leaned back against the headboard and let out a breath. "It's Anna." There was a short silence. "What happened?" I told him everything. I told him about the kiss, about how she had panicked afterward, how she left, and how she had sounded so calm when she called. I didn't leave anything out. When I finished, Elliot was quiet for a few seconds. "So what are you going to do?" he finally asked. I laughed under my breath. "That's exactly why I'm calling you. I don't know." "Then what do you want to do?" I frowned. "I don't know." "Rafael." His voice became more serious. "You do know. You're just scared of saying it out loud." I didn't answer. Because maybe he was right. "Look," he continued, "I can't tell you what to do. And honestly, I don't think anyone can. You know Anna. You know what happened. You know how you feel. Just follow your instinct. Do whatever feels right to you, but make sure it's something you won't regret later." I stared at the ceiling, letting his words sink in. "What if I make everything worse?" I asked quietly. "Then at least you'll know you tried to do something instead of sitting there wondering what could have happened." I closed my eyes for a moment. He was right, and somehow that made everything even harder. "Thanks," I finally said. "Anytime." We stayed quiet for another moment before ending the call. I placed my phone beside me and stared ahead, thinking about everything he had just said. Follow my instinct. Do what feels right. It sounded simple when Elliot said it. But nothing about this was simple. I knew what I felt. I knew what I wanted. The only thing I didn't know was what I was willing to risk for it. And after everything that had just happened, I knew I couldn't keep standing still forever. Sooner or later, this had to end.