Clearly, Rachel McAdams had no idea about Marcia's judgment. She didn't have the time or experience to observe the expressions of the casting director—her experience was still lacking.
After diving headfirst from London, Ontario, into the glamorous world of Los Angeles, she was still disoriented, seemingly unable to find her footing. A year had passed in the blink of an eye, and she still had no real grasp of this city or the entertainment industry.
In fact, she had just come from her shift at a coffee shop and hadn't even had time to change out of her white uniform shirt. But there was no time to worry about that now, especially since the production hadn't specified any wardrobe requirements for the audition.
Some might find it hard to believe that an actor who has appeared in a TV series and a movie still needs to work at a coffee shop, but in reality, such situations are all too common. Even more seasoned actors often need other jobs to make ends meet. Being able to survive solely on acting work is a rare achievement in Hollywood.
The acting profession is far from as glamorous as it appears.
The public only sees those actors who have made it into the spotlight, standing at the pinnacle of fame. But the world outside that spotlight is where the vast majority of Hollywood's reality lies.
At this moment, Rachel's only thought was to stay focused and stick to the plan she had prepared. That was all she could do.
Taking a deep breath, then slowly exhaling, Rachel mentally prepared herself and then took out her phone, placing it to her ear.
"...Ha, haha."
Laughter spilled out softly.
Rachel knew her weapon was her smile—sweet and bright. She liked to smile, so in this free-form audition piece, she started with her secret weapon.
"She completely lost her mind, got so drunk she had no idea what she was doing. Ha, that was... that was just insane. I'm not... I'm not sure she even..."
"Anyway, you'd wish you were there, believe me."
As she spoke, her smile paused, and although it remained on her lips, her eyes revealed a hint of frustration and sadness.
Rachel was trying, trying to keep her smile, but her eyes inevitably dimmed.
"Oh, Linus is fine, Linus is fine. I just, uh, I..."
"Are you planning to tell her in Seattle or..."
She hesitated, her eyes showing a mix of shyness and nervousness. Rachel tried to smile again, but the next moment, it froze.
"What?"
Rachel stood there, dumbfounded, her pretty eyes gradually clouding over as if you could see her heart slowly, steadily dropping, like a freefall, pulling her down quickly. She forgot to struggle.
"Oh."
She said.
Then she smiled again, but as the smile spread, tears broke free from her lashes and fell.
She hurriedly raised her hand to wipe away the tears, but she couldn't manage it. Her hand awkwardly wiped at her cheek, trying her best to cover the panic in her voice with laughter.
"Oh, that's great, really great, I'm happy for you."
From joy to panic to sorrow.
From happiness to unease to despair.
Though she kept smiling, bitterness crept onto her tongue.
Rachel took a deep breath, trying to regain her balance.
"No, I'm really happy. I just... I'm happy for you. I just wanted to..."
Marcia had to admit, she was a little surprised.
Acting is subjective. Some might think a performance is outstanding, while others might feel nothing. Truly excellent acting should make the audience feel the emotion and power, drawing them in.
This sweet girl had done just that.
Marcia couldn't help but be a little curious. Who was she talking to on the phone, and what had happened between them?
However, Rachel seemed... a bit too sweet for the role of Keller. Also, her performance was slightly exaggerated.
As Marcia was envisioning Keller's character in her mind, she became a bit lost in thought, then noticed someone waving at the door.
Without thinking, Marcia gestured, "One moment."
Rachel: ...
Rachel's emotions were building up, her eyes moist, ready for the final push, but she was suddenly interrupted, yanked out of the character and the story, left standing there, completely bewildered, looking at Marcia.
What now?
Marcia paid no attention to Rachel and let the person outside come in.
"Sorry, but for lunch, would you prefer pizza, sandwiches, or burgers? We have to order now."
Rachel: ???
Marcia turned to Nicholas. "We had subs yesterday. How about burgers today?"
Nicholas shook his head. "Pizza. I've had burgers three days in a row. I was thinking about Chinese food, but is it too late to order that?"
Marcia thought for a moment. "Let's do Chinese food. I'm craving it too. I definitely want some stir-fried noodles; you guys can order the rest."
The staff member confirmed the order with Nicholas before leaving.
Even though the person tried to be as unobtrusive as possible, giving the impression they didn't want to interrupt the audition, Rachel wasn't sure how to react.
Should she continue? Pause and wait? What was happening? Chinese food? Why were they discussing Chinese food in the middle of a sad scene?
Who was she, where was she, and what was she doing?
Rachel was still too young and inexperienced. After just one scene, she was already mixing up the lines between performance and reality, starting to doubt herself.
She was frustrated.
She tried to refocus and continue acting, but it was hard to stay in that sad, broken emotional state—
It was like crying your heart out, only to be interrupted, and then finding it impossible to return to that sad place, no matter how hard you tried.
Now, that's exactly how Rachel felt.
She was getting anxious.
But the staff member still hadn't left, and Rachel couldn't find her way back into the scene.
Rachel felt a deep sense of failure.
Finally, Marcia spoke, "Sorry, you can continue."
Rachel: ...
She couldn't smile, but the real problem was she couldn't cry either.
Now, Rachel's mind was filled with absurdity, unsure of how to respond. Continue? Where had she left off?
"I, uh, I don't know..."
"I just wanted to, we... I..."
The emotion was gone, and she couldn't continue. Her lines were now like pulling teeth, and worse yet, the lines she had memorized so well started slipping from her mind, scattering everywhere.
Rachel was stuck, left hanging, unable to go up or down. The feeling was terrible. She even began to hate herself. Why couldn't she continue? Why couldn't she handle this situation? Why did this moment make her feel so worthless?
That sense of failure and shame wasn't sadness—it was frustration.
If she asked to start over, would they agree? Or would they just kick her out?
For a moment, Rachel was frozen, standing there like a fool.
But before Rachel could figure out what to do, there was a knock at the door behind her, and the door opened again—
Another interruption?
When would this end?