Naruto buried his bare hands in his pockets as he stepped out of his apartment. Left to his own devices, he'd have spent the rest of the holiday season holed up indoors, subsisting on nothing but stale cup ramen, and swinging between staring blankly at the ceiling and throwing himself into frantic sets of press-ups and sit-ups, but tonight, he was going out.
"Brr…"
The lonely boy tucked his nose deep into the ugly, misshapen scarf Sakura had knitted him for his birthday. There was a nip in the air, tonight. If Sakura hadn't been carted off to Hozuki Castle, then tonight would have been extra nipply— er, nippy, that is.
"Sigh…"
After a short walk, the familiar banner of Ichiraku Ramen came into view, and beneath it, Naruto spotted three even more familiar backsides, dimly lit by the glow spilling from inside the shop. He ducked under the banner and took one of the empty seats, his mood already lifting as the earthy, savoury fragrance rising from the bubbling broth behind the counter reached his nose.
"Good, you're finally here," said Kakashi-sensei, glancing at him. "I'm starving, and Iruka wouldn't let us order anything other than gyoza."
"None for me, thank you very much," said Pervy Sage. "The ladies don't like it when my breath reeks of garlic."
"You can make the rules when you're the one treating everyone, Kakashi," said Iruka-sensei, glowering at him. "If I say we're waiting for Naruto to eat, then we wait."
Teuchi quickly took their orders and turned around, busying himself at the stove.
Naruto looked left and right. "Sasuke's not here, huh," he said listlessly. "But it's New Year's Eve…"
Ever since they'd gone their separate ways two years before, Naruto had begun to feel that the old Team 7, his first family, was drifting further and further apart. That uneasy feeling had deepened when he had returned to find Sakura and Sasuke both promoted to fully fledged Jōnin. It was as though he were running as fast as his legs would carry him, and he still couldn't even catch up to their shadows…
"Nope," Kakashi replied shortly. "I invited him, but he said he had better things to do, so it's just us tonight."
And now, Sakura was gone, and Sasuke was off somewhere. Naruto knew Sasuke was only trying to rescue Sakura in his own way, but he didn't like seeing his best friend tangled up with shady company… especially the kind that had tried to kidnap Sakura before.
"Oh, come on, cheer up, Naruto!" Iruka-sensei said encouragingly, clapping him on the back. "Sakura's always been a bright girl, I'm sure she'll be back from her secret assignment from the Hokage sooner or later!"
But Iruka's kind words only made Naruto feel worse.
Apart from the Gokage, the Hidden Leaf's higher-ups, Kakashi-sensei, Pervy Sage, and himself, no one knew Sakura was facing life imprisonment; it would be embarrassing for the village if word got out that the Hokage's direct disciple had landed herself in jail.
"Actually, a little bird told me Sakura-chan's coming home soon," said Pervy Sage with a broad grin. "Apparently, she's completed her mission rather successfully."
Naruto stood up sharply and leaned forward to speak to Jiraiya, who sat on Kakashi's right, but before he could get a word out, Teuchi swept four steaming bowls of ramen onto the counter in one smooth motion. "Enjoy!" he said, folding his arms in satisfaction. "Eat up quick, or the noodles'll go soggy!"
"Is that true, Pervy Sage!?" Naruto asked excitedly. "Sakura's really coming back!?"
Jiraiya nodded smugly.
"It was all a trick," he said, lying as easily as he breathed. "Tsunade and I obtained reliable intelligence that there was an ancient super‑weapon buried somewhere in Kusagakure, and that Kumogakure was trying to nick it from them before they could wake it up! But we knew Hōzuki Castle was crawling with spies, so we kept the whole story from Sakura until the enemy's suspicion had died down— she's not exactly the best actress, see?"
"Oh, so that's how it is!"
Sakura's unjust imprisonment had left his star pupil more than a little disillusioned with the village, so Jiraiya had decided it would be a kindness to spin him a harmless little white lie— which Naruto swallowed, hook, line and sinker!
"That's exactly right, Naruto~ she should be meeting with Tsunade, right about now…"
…
Meanwhile, Sakura was in the Hokage's office, busy writing her report and detailing the relative success of her mission to Tsunade. After running all day, covering the distance from Takigakure to Konohagakure in the heart of the Land of Fire, she had finally made it back to the village— just in time for the New Year's Eve celebrations.
"…and that's why I'm calling this mission accomplished," Sakura concluded. "Kusagakure never got to activate the Box of Paradise, and Kumogakure didn't get their hands on it, either!"
Tsunade steepled her fingers, elbows on her desk squishing her breasts together, and glared at Sakura over her clasped hands.
"I wouldn't be too quick to call this one a victory, Sakura," she said. "Iwagakure having the super‑weapon isn't much better than Kumogakure copping hold of it."
"But it is better," Sakura insisted, before adding after a moment's thought, "I think...?"
…
Iwagakure was led by the Third Tsuchikage, Ōnoki the Fence‑Sitter, who hated all the other Great Villages with a passion (because, apart from dying, despising foreigners for no reason was what old people did best). He was a man who'd spent his entire life with his arse planted on a fence— making him the antithesis of the Fourth Raikage, a man of action and of many blitzkriegs.
As Tsuchikage, Ōnoki never mobilised Iwa's forces unless he had no other choice or was absolutely certain of victory, which meant he often resorted to tactics that could, if one were inclined to be charitable, best be described as underhanded.
When Kumogakure went to war (which was often, as its successive Raikage were quick to chase swift and easy gains, seizing any excuse— no matter how shameless— to start a conflict), the Tsuchikage would often send his shinobi to join the fray in response, ignoring peace treaties like they were mere suggestions.
If the tides of war turned against Kumo, Iwa would strike their rear lines to plunder supplies and worsen the war situation; if Kumo attacked weaker prey, Iwa would join in to force them to share the spoils of battle (and raid their supply lines too, while they were at it); and worst of all, if victory was within Kumo's grasp, Iwa would wait until the final moment to swoop in and claim the lot of the benefits for themselves!
Generations of Raikage would call Ōnoki a shameless coward, and Ōnoki would fire right back, calling them shameless hypocrites in return… and, to be fair, each side was equally right about the other. Still, no one could deny the effectiveness of the Tsuchikage's tactics— he hadn't lived to the ripe old age of seventy‑nine for nothing.
…
"If the Cloud is the second strongest village after the Leaf, then the Stone is the second most populous," Tsunade said gravely. "Ōnoki rarely makes reckless moves; he's got more than enough men to defend his territory, but the quality of his forces is too mediocre to guarantee a swift resolution to any war beyond the Land of Earth's borders. That's why, historically, they're the ones who've always relied most heavily on the Akatsuki to fight their battles, according to my intel…"
"But if Iwagakure ever works out how to use the Box of Paradise, having no elites won't be a problem for them any longer," Sakura concluded quietly. "And with such a weapon in his hands, there's no telling what a man like Ōnoki might do…"
Basically, Iwagakure had the lock, while Kumogakure held its key.
In theory, as long as the Box of Paradise and Mui the Gatekeeper remained apart, the superweapon Satori would never activate, because only Mui knew the incantations and the seals to open up the Box. So, everything was fine, right? It's not as if the other Great Villages had ever ganged up on the Hidden Leaf, right?
Noooo, that would neeeeever happen, not even in a million yeeeeears!