"Well, here's to the New Year!" Jiraiya shouted boisterously, clinking his sake cup with Kakashi's. "Kanpai!"
"Kanpai…hic!" Kakashi hiccoughed, sounding rather inebriated. "So, hic! When can we expect the next volume of hic, Make-Out Paradise… hic?"
After finally reuniting with his beloved Sakura-chan (and his annoying red-haired distant relative), Naruto had taken them back to Ramen Ichiraku. As per her usual, Sakura had ordered the spiciest item on the menu, the Lava-Style Katsu Curry Ramen, while Karin had chosen a simple seafood ramen.
For some reason, the fishy odour reminded her of her mother… which might not necessarily have been a good thing, despite the Uzumaki clan originating from the Land of Whirlpools.
"Please don't bring out any more alcohol, Lord Jiraiya," said Teuchi, looking rather worried. "You'll get me in trouble, I don't have a liquor licence…"
"It's fine, it's fine," Jiraiya drunkenly waved away Teuchi's worries. "As long as you're with me, anything goes!"
Naruto was currently on his fifth bowl of ramen. Iruka-sensei had taken to pulling out his wallet every few seconds, nervously checking whether he had enough money to cover the rapidly mounting bill.
"Honestly, Naruto," Sakura chided, watching him raise his bowl over his head and gulp down the broth. "We're just a few minutes into the year, and I'm pretty sure you've already shot way past your yearly recommended dose of salt. At this rate, you'll have hypertension before you're twenty…"
"Ahh, that hits the spot!" Naruto sighed contentedly, patting his stomach and holding out his empty bowl. "Yo, pops! Gimme seconds!"
Iruka looked as though he might burst into tears.
"Coming right up!"
Naruto was in bliss.
His belly was full of yummy ramen, Sakura was out of jail and yammering away in his ear about his salt intake, acting as if she were his wife, and Iruka, Kakashi, and Pervy-Sage-sensei were spending the New Year with him. The only thing missing was Sasuke, the last member of his chosen family… Oh well, perhaps it was for the best that he wasn't here, or Sakura-chan would be fawning all over his annoyingly handsome face…
"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura squealed.
…and speak of the devil.
"Onee-sama…" Karin growled through gritted teeth. "Why do you only have eyes for that playboy… it's not… fair!"
All the while noisily slurping up a mouthful of noodles, Naruto shifted in his seat to face behind him, glaring resentfully over the rim of his bowl at his teammate striding towards him through the snow.
Sasuke was wearing a stylish black trench coat, half-buttoned despite the cold. Around his neck was an altogether hideous red-and-white scarf, clearly Sakura's clumsy handiwork, yet its unsightliness only served to contrast with his good looks, somehow making him appear even cooler.
"Stupid, sexy Sasuke," Naruto grumbled, all but inhaling his sixth bowl of ramen. "Why do you always have to show up and ruin everything?"
Kakashi had Teuchi pull up an extra stool, and much to Naruto's annoyance, Sasuke squeezed himself in between him and Sakura. "Miso seafood ramen," Sasuke told Teuchi coolly. "Extra tuna, if you please."
"That's my order!" Karin hissed. "Copycat!"
Naruto caught Karin's eye as she glared daggers at Sasuke, and they subtly nodded to each other in mutual understanding. Despite not getting along most of the time, they were more or less family, and in this situation, they had little choice but to band together to face the greatest threat to their love lives!
"Sorry I'm late," Sasuke said, snapping apart a set of disposable chopsticks. "I was busy with work."
"Well, as long as you're here," Kakashi said good-naturedly. "…hic!"
Naruto immediately began seething. Was that last bit supposed to be some sort of jab at him, suggesting he wasn't hardworking enough to work during the winter holidays? But this low blow existed only in his imagination; Sasuke didn't really care what Naruto did in his free time.
Suddenly, Naruto felt fingers hook behind his collar, and in the next instant, his head was forced down into a huddle with Sakura and Sasuke, his left cheek pressed hard against Sasuke's. A rancid, musty stench filled his nostrils; he almost gagged, yet before he could pull back, he found himself entranced by Sakura's pheromones, and wanting for more.
"Ne, ne," Sakura whispered conspiratorially. "Remember that time we tried to look under Kakashi-sensei's mask?"
"Sakura, you stink," Sasuke said bluntly. "When's the last time you had a bath?"
Sakura's face fell. So, she did reek!
"Wha— Sasuke, you bastard!" Naruto blurted out. "Even I know that's not how you talk to girls! Sakura-chan smells as nice as a rose! See?"
"Please stop sniffing me, Naruto," Sakura said dully.
This throwback to the good old days of Team 7 wasn't going the way she'd planned. She'd only wanted to defuse the tension between Naruto and Sasuke, not commit social suicide!
"Yeah, I remember," Sasuke said, taking a sip from the cup in front of him. "No matter what we tried, we couldn't get Kakashi to take off his mask—" Sasuke suddenly made a choking sort of noise and spat out a fine spray of liquid, "—khh, what is this stuff!?"
"Whoops, sorry about that," Kakashi said dizzily. "I poured you the wrong kind of tea…"
Distracted by Sakura's close proximity, Sasuke had emptied his cup before realising that it wasn't tea at all, but rather the same kind of special elixir that could turn Rock Lee into a master of the Drunken Fist.
"Hee, hee!" Sakura giggled, prodding Sasuke's nose with her finger. "Look at his nose! It's turning red!"
Naruto roared with laughter. "His cheeks too!"
"Let go!" Sasuke groaned, wrenching free of Sakura's grip and shoving Naruto's head away. "It's red because it's cold out! And for your information, your faces are red too, you idiots!"
Naruto and Sakura looked down at their cups, then up at Kakashi to their right, who was slumped over the counter, snoring loudly… one arm draped fondly around nothing, where a bottle of rice wine ought to have been. They turned their heads to the left instead, to find Karin grinning widely at them, the missing bottle clasped triumphantly in her hands.
Sakura hiccoughed.
"Karin, you traitor!" Naruto groaned, his face flushing with alcohol-induced heat. "How could you do this to me… ugh…"
At the far end of the table, Jiraiya seemed to be holding his drink far better than Kakashi, steadily downing cup after cup as his voice grew louder and louder, much to the discomfort of poor Iruka sensei beside him, who was forced to endure the older man's war stories.
"Alcohol ish water sholuble," Sakura said, slurring her words as she vomited out a word salad of medical knowledge Tsunade had impressed her with. "That'sh why boysh like ush me-meta… mebotalishe it much eashier than womenses… more water, lessh jiggly fat content… oh, wait, shilly me… hahaha!"
Without quite realising it, Sakura had taken hold of Sasuke's hand and pressed it to her chest, absentmindedly rubbing it up and down the length of her cleavage. As for Naruto, though he appeared to be a lightweight as well, he seemed to be the type to turn sentimental when drunk; he was reminiscing rather loudly in Sasuke's ear about some shared kiss, and how it had made him feel deep inside.
"Bunch of sentimental idiots, the lot of you," Sasuke muttered, a faint smile tugging at his lips as Teuchi placed a steaming bowl of ramen before him. "…but I don't hate that sort of thing."
Sasuke reached over Naruto, pulled down the unconscious Kakashi's mask, drew a fake moustache on his sensei's lip with permanent marker, and then restored the mask to its proper position.
Chuckling to himself, Sasuke dug into his ramen with relish, knowing that Naruto and Sakura would never realise that he alone had seen what they had always wanted to see… and that Naruto would probably be the one to get blamed for this prank.