Since Hoshi lives in a skyscraper in the city, unlike me who lives in the suburbs, there's a big city park near his apartment.
We pass a few tall, modern buildings, people who haven't gone home yet, and maybe even a restaurant and some shops, until an entrance to a large park emerges.
"When it's warm, I often go here for a run," Hoshi says, as we begin to walk through the park. The snow is smoothly trampled under us, the orange light lamps once again shining at us, yet still keeping the surroundings very dark. people silently walking home, there is nobody.
If Hoshi wasn't Hoshi, I would be scared to be here. This scene is ideal for a murder, or raping or something, but I trust him. And if I am scared, he'd be the one I'd cling to at this moment. Yet I still can't believe I'm out that late, on a walk in a dark, empty park with a person I know for just a few months. Subconsciously I may feel a little strained, although I don't want to admit it. Suddenly a branch makes a cracking noise and I almost jump. It was just a bird…
"Nikko, everything alright?" Hoshi asks cautiously, sensing the now clear tense I feel. I don't want him to feel like I'm scared of him. I'm not, it's just… that I maybe don't know him that well yet.
"N-no- I mean, yes! I'm alright…" I blurt, completely uncovering the nervousness I feel.
"We don't have to be here. I understand that you feel uncomfortable" He says with an empathic, calm tone, providing me a space safe to confess.
"I'm alright, I'm just a little thrown away. I need to calm down" I look at him with a small smile.
"Really?"
"Yeah"
After saying it out loud, I somehow feel more easy. As if I just had to be sure that he doesn't want to make me feel scared. I think I'm a little paranoid from all that crime I watch.
Another branch cracks, and I petrifiedly grip Hoshi's arm. Maybe I'm not scared of him after all… maybe it's just the park. He seems to realise it too, as he giggles and looks at me.
"It's okay, this park has always been safe" He smiles.
"You only live here for a year…" I doubt his answer.
"... buuut I am strong and I would guard you?" He tries to enrich his answer, knowing I have a point.
I punch him into his arm and we both laugh. From this moment on, my tense fell. When you look closely, night isn't actually that scary when you're with a person you trust.
And so suddenly, my face is again all warm, my blush disguised by the darkness. I keep close to him as we walk, Hoshi again leading me somewhere.
"Trust me, it's a very beautiful part of the park. Not by its looks, but by the people that visit it."
For a while I still hesitate if he doesn't want to drag me somewhere and kill me, but then in the light darkness, I can see a swing. It's a lonely, wooden board, hanging on ropes. This place is surrounded by naked trees around, not being hidden at all, nor if the trees were blown. The snow here is untouched, no shoe prints to be seen on the fresh layer of snow.
"I really like it here," he says and with a bare hand sweeps away the snow on the wooden board. What is he doing? He'll be cold.
"It must be magical, to watch people just peacefully swinging here." I note.
"Would you want to be one of them?"
I shyly smile at his question that I understand as a sign to sit on the swing.
"I would love to." I say as I sit on the swing, holding the ropes in my hands, each in one.
"Then let me swing you"
Hoshi slowly starts pushing me forward, letting me swing back. Then he finely pushes me again, and repeats a few times. He's letting me swing slowly, calmly. Yet my heart is not calm at all. I feel like all the snow is going to taw around me in a minute, because I'm burning with love.
Hoshi patiently lets me stop and I just tilt my head back with a wide smile. I am feeling better than ever, or at least better than ever in winter. I'm not even cold because of the constant blushing, and Hoshi's warm heart. But the moment he gently touches my hand from behind, probably accidentally, I can feel his ice cold palms.
"You're so cold…"
"Yeah, my hands are actually freezing!" He laughs.
I stand up from the swing and go closer to him. He has already buried his hands into the pockets of his coat, but I ask to see them. I hold them in mine, and observe their soft skin. I think I just created some sort of a pleasant tense in the air. I speak up, trying not to show how flustered I am.
"You should've brought gloves!"
"It's not that bad."
Hoshi's hands wander on my cheeks, gently caressing them.
"Your cheeks are burning…" he smiles.
"R-really?" I try to sound surprised, but obviously I realise it. "But you're colder than the snow that…" that again beautifully stays in your dark hair, as it slowly keeps falling "is around us. Don't try to act all cool that you don't wear gloves anymore" I say in a mocking tone and giggle, as he keeps his hand on my face.
"Hey, I'm not doing that. Besides, where are your gloves, huh?" He laughs.
I immediately bury my hands into my pockets, literally hiding my hypocrisy. "... At least I have warm pockets!"
Although Hoshi keeps telling me how he's okay, his occasional shivering is unmissable. When we already start walking away, I lurk from behind and slip my warm hands into his pockets, embracing him and sharing my warmth.
I myself am a little surprised by this move of mine and so it takes me a while until I actually, properly touch his hands. I hold them, my thumbs tenderly caressing his smooth palms. I gently lean my head on his back, and we stand there silently, no words needed. I can only hear a little happy gasp from Hoshi, whose fingers are nonviolently trying to intertwine with mine. He fights with me like this for a while, until I give in and let our fingers rest together. I would never let go of him if I could. Touching his cold hands isn't cosy at all, but being close to him somehow makes it one of the most comfortable feelings.
I leave his pockets, but take one of his hands into mine instead. He dedicates me a silent look, probably blushing under the disguise of night. Should I tell him now? No…
"You can keep at least one of your hands warm as we walk… If you want to…"
"I'd love to," Hoshi shyly grins.
We soon head out to the car, yapping, still holding each others' hand. Hoshi occasionally decides to move his hand a little, or gently stroke my hand. The every slightest move he does always makes me feel a pang of warmth spread inside of me.
He delicately squeezes my hand before letting go and opening his car. Unfortunately, our night is coming to an end.
I take a seat in his cozy car, once again buckling myself up.
"So the way is…?" Hoshi asks.
"My apartment" I smile with a fallen grin, literally saying that I would rather stay with him, but I really have to go. Hoshi just nods with a kind smile on his face.
A quick drive through the night city makes us both hushed, silently wondering on our own. It's already past my usual bedtime, so I am leaning against the cold window, trying not to doze off. I think we both are a little tired already, but it's the good type of tiredness, when after the whole day you lay down with a smile.
I almost want to give in to my need for sleep, but finally a familiar street appears, indicating we are close to my apartment.
A while later a neat "We're here" sounds from the seat next to me. While I was almost sleeping, the snow got heavier.
I heavily get up from the seat and we give each other one last, cosy hug, large snowflakes decorating our heads.
"Bye Hoshi, I'm gonna miss you when I'm not here" I smile, but I can feel my eyes saying something else. All the emotions are suddenly mixing up in me, each of them being intense. My nemophila eyes start watering up from sadness and happiness at the same time, because he made me feel the safest tonight. The safest I ever felt. And it makes me think about the day we met.
Since the awkward first day of school, there wasn't a day I wouldn't think of him and his messy hair. I remember when we accidentally met in the cafe and he just nonchalantly came up to me as if it was nothing. I remember the first moment my hands touched his ice cold ones, when after I thought he was avoiding me he was giving me his number. When I first hugged him on the balcony, when he felt low or when we sunbathed in his apartment, laying down on the floor like two children.
In his presence I want to love and feel loved. He's got the Best of me, and I wish he never leaves me. But now it's me who's leaving. It is only gonna be a few days, yet I feel like I will never be able to confess to him after that.
Something in me is holding me back from saying it now though. Just three words. I love you
I love you, and it's done. I will know the answer.
"I will miss you too, bye." Hoshi says, and returns me a sad smile.
As soon as I turn around and start walking towards my flat a hopeless tear runs down my cheek, followed by other ones that I couldn't hold back. My cheeks are not burning anymore, they're cold, and heavy snowing isn't stopping, making this whole thing even more dramatic.
His car doors make a noise and right after that I can hear the engine starting. It's officially over now. I have missed my last chance and it's only my fault. Right?
Suddenly the engine turns off. I hear the doors quickly open and as I turn around, Hoshi screams my name. "Nikko!"
I stopped, right under a tall street lamp, on the uncleared snow. "Wait!..." He rushes to me, under the cold toned lamp, making fresh shoe prints behind mines.
I quickly wipe down my tears, my eyes still watery. Hoshi stops a few centimetres before me, heavily breathing from the running. I don't even realise it, but right under the lamp where we stand there is grass that we stand on, instead of being on a shoved, cement path.
He shortly looks at me, until he abruptly grabs my freezing cheeks and kisses me. And suddenly I'm burning again. My heart starts pounding, and I can't feel anything. My mind is silent, focused on the feeling of his soft lips that I wanted to kiss for so long. Damn, they feel just as I imagined.
Hoshi pulls back and closely waits for my reaction.
He just stole my first kiss. He stole my first kiss under the tender light of a cold street lamp, while the heavy snow quietly blesses us, the snowflakes once again contrasting with his dark hair.
I quickly press my lips on his again, tightly hugging him, as his hands embrace me back. The blush on his face now makes more sense than it ever did.
"You just stole my first kiss, you know?" I warmly smile at him. "And it was the best first kiss I could ask for."
Hoshi returns me a calm smile, tightening his hands around me.
My honest smile, that is more of a shy grin, appears on my face. Great, now I'll miss him even more.
We fell in love in autumn - The end of the 1st book