"Your aunt… is one giant asshole."
That was the first thing Ray Warner told me after he finally managed to catch his breath.
I agreed somewhat. She could be an asshole. Just… selectively. To anyone outside her immediate family.
"Man, I love you!"
That was the second thing he said, once he'd recovered completely.
Before I could even process that statement, he launched himself at me, arms wrapping around my shoulders in an overly enthusiastic bear hug.
I staggered back half a step, instinctively trying to pry him off.
"Get off!" I grunted. "You're heavy."
"I almost died," Ray declared dramatically, tightening his grip. "Actually— no! I did die. Or ascended. Or got spiritually violated. I don't know. But I'm so in love with you right now!"
I was rapidly losing oxygen. "Let go!"
When he didn't, I looked to the others for help…
Only to find them staring back at me with faces ranging from open amusement to quiet fondness.
No one moved.
Traitors. Every single one of them.
