Summary:
How do kids like infinity? Not at all.
BONG
One moment Hunter was trying to stop Pearl, the next he's back … watching the Collector wreak havoc. Did something happen? Did time really reverse?
"Quick, through the portal!" He saw Gus pointing to the portal door, as everyone began moving … with no Boscha or Clawthorne in sight. Oh titan, she really did change it up!
He'd worry about that later. He knew how this ended last time, and as much as he didn't want to leave the boiling isles again, he didn't like his chances against an all powerful god child, especially if Clawthorne wasn't around to distract him.
Hunter made his way through the muck, straight to the portal … with nothing but green behind it. "It's broken!" Hunter shouted. They were doomed, the Collector would kill them all and-
"Cut!" In a single shout, everything stopped, as bells sounded … what? "Who broke the greenscreen!? Was it you Frank!?"
"Oh come on, just because I'm unlucky around walls doesn't mean I'm responsible for every single one breaking down!" Another voice shouted as lights flashed all around them…showing off something truly bizarre. The part of the skull they were on…it was fake. Like some sort of prop from Adrian Gray's plays. And there were several camera being pointed at them, as if they were filming their every move.
"Gus, Captain, what's going on?" He turned to his friends…who were in the middle of removing their ears…showing off round ones like they were human.
"Wow Zeno. Surprised you're trying to stay in character for once." 'Gus' laughed as a bunch of people began putting makeup on his face. "Usually you're the first person to break it."
"He's trying to take his roles more seriously, Issac. He was almost fired for how much he fooled around on the my hero academia set." 'Willow' snickered.
"That's nothing, you guys should have seen his young justice role with Cyborg." 'Amity' snickered as she took off her hair, revealing a brown and bundled up clump. "'If I have to play one more angsty teenager, I'm going to lose it'."
"Hey, you play your role well. You have no one to blame but yourself." Someone who he would assume was not Luz laughed. "Kind of wish Dana didn't make us repeat the kissing scene twenty times though."
"If Disney is going to cancel us for not fitting their brand, then I'm going as off-brand as humanly possible!" Some lady from a chair cackled like a mad woman.
"Yes, but I'd like to think that if I'm kissing a girl, I'm doing it once." The girl made a 'blech' noise.
"Are you saying my lips really tasted that bad?" Not Amity smirked. "Most people would be jealous to be in your position."
"I'm not arguing that, just saying I don't share my character's sexuality, and I have a boyfriend." They rolled their eyes. "Come on Zeno, you're a Steven fan, back me up."
"Steven…?" He asked tentatively, not sure what to even say here.
"You know, Zach's character, Steven Universe, your favorite show?" … So Pearl apparently BROKE EVERYTHING! None of his friends were real and his life was a lie. If he didn't have Flapjack, everything was doomed.
"Please tell me you're real." He whispered to the staff in his hand.
"Guys, I think Zeno got too lost in his method acting." Not Gus whispered loudly. "Who drugged his coffee this time?"
"Eden, do not make me bring out the crop again!" Not Willow shouted. "I told you not to mess with other people's drinks!"
"Come on, after he dyed my hair green, he was asking for it!" A girl that looked like Boscha shouted, except she didn't have pink skin or a third eye. "Not my fault he drinks ten cups a day!"
Flapjack didn't respond … Hunter was alone … he needed to leave -He ran to a bathroom, shutting it behind him and locking the door, falling to the floor as he took deep and heavy breaths. He was alone, nobody he knew was here, he had no magic …
"Whoa…the drugs are really taking effect now." Hunter looked up…and saw himself! "Yo.."
"YOU'RE NOT ME!" Without thinking, he tackled the copy to the ground
"... Okay … who am I then?" The copy asked, complete confusion on their face.
"Stop looking like me, stop looking like me!" He began wailing on the copy. His life couldn't be a lie, it couldn't be a lie! He just needed to get rid of this imposter and everything would be better, that had to work…that had to work!
"Ow! Okay, that's it!" His copy punched him back in the face. "I don't care if you're a hallucination, nobody punches me without good reason!" They shouted, before trying to flip Hunter over.
"I have a good reason, getting rid of you!" He had to keep him down, just keep him down, keep him down and life will be better again….right!?
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BONG
Willow blinked, suddenly finding herself in the middle of an open field. One moment she was stopping Pearl from dooming them all, and now … she was on a picnic matt? "What the?" She looked over the selection. It seemed to be mainly consisting of salad and fruit, her preferred lunch for the most part, so whoever this was for had good taste, but what was she doing here?
"I swear, Mrs Kovaski is just the most brutal, you know?" She turned to see Lucci, sitting there … with round ears, a white sweater, messy and wild gray hair in the shape of a star, and a strange, sparkly pair of diamond eyed pupils. "You're late for class one time and she suddenly thinks you're ditching." He sighed.
"Ahhhhhh….." She paused, not sure how to respond to this. Unless Lucci was suddenly playing the weirdest most ill timed elaborate prank on her, then none of this made any sense. "I guess …"
"Yeah … thanks for making an excuse Willow." They smiled at her with a level of innocence that Lucci never had, even back when they were kids. "It's hard finding time these days to just … be free."
"I..I get how that is. It feels like…the world's gripping you…tying you down to all life's problems." She answered as honestly as she could.
"Yeah. One day you're running away from your foster home, the next you find yourself in charge of saving the world." ..Huh? "I'll never understand how you do it Willow. How you can stay so calm even when reality tries to crush you."
"Practice I guess." Lucci's smile was making her feel weird…weird in a way she never wanted to feel about Lucci before
"I'm just glad we can spend this time together." He reached around and gave her a hug, resting on her shoulder. "It's times like this I remember not every human is … well, terrible." Sorry, HUMAN!?
"Lucci, what are you talking about?" She asked right out the gate.
"Lucci?" They blinked in confusion. "... Are we moving onto pet names like Amity and Luz are?"
"Pet names…like.." Like Amity and Luz…but that meant… "Are…Are WE DATING!?"
"….You asked me out at Funland, remember?" He said, looking concerned. "Willow, are you okay? Do I need to take you to a doctor?"
"No, no, just…just give me a second to think!" She scooted away. Okay, so if her last memory before this nightmare was right, then Pearl BROKE EVERYTHING! She needed to find the hourglass and fix this. "Hey … do you mind if we … head over to the gems?"
"... You mean the ladies that want me dead because they think I'm my mom?" He asked with disbelief.
"Huh? But don't they love Rose Quartz?" She asked.
"Rose…Willow…Rose isn't my mom. She's the one that wants to kill me the most." Lucci shook his hair, and showed of….something that looked like a unicorn horn. "They hate me because they think I'm White Diamond."
"You're what!?"
Boom
There was an explosion, people screaming as some loud roaring was heard. "We can talk about this later." He said, starting to glow. "Call Luz, I'm going to need some witch magic on standby just in case." WHAT?!
Nothing about this was making any freaking sense, the world was warped and she was somehow dating Lucciof all people…admittedly the gray hair was cu-nope! She was not going to finish that thought.
She rubbed her head … and round ears- WHAT THE FUCK!?
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BONG
One moment, Boscha was about to punch Pearl in the face for daring to take away her Crystal. Now she was being punched in the face. "Ow, what the fuck!?l" Right in the fucking eye!
"Serves you right. Bout time I put you third eye freak in your place." She looked up..seeing fucking Willowof all people looming down on her.
"What the hell's gotten into you, Half a witch!? We're supposed to be on the same side!"
The girl froze. "The fuck did you just call me, Triclops?" They asked with a growl.
"Oh, is that what we're doing?" Forget Pearl, Half a witch needed to be taught a lesson. She shot a fireball point blank, setting their face on fire. Half a witch responded by stomping the ground….and making a stone wall appear. "The hell!? Since when can your useless ass do construction magic!?"
"Oh, did you hear that? Apparently I gave the bitch memory loss!" They slammed the wall into her head. "Let's see if I can wipe off her preschool days!"
"Oh by titan you are so asking for it!" She jumped over the next slab and delivered a roundhouse kick to the bitch's head. "I don't care if your Lucci's friend, todays the day I kill you!"
"Who the fuck is Lucci!?" Willow shouted Boscha as she covered her hand in thorny spikes, uppercutting her across the chin.
Wait … what? "How do you not know-"
"Boscha!" She turned and saw Luz run at them … with pointy ears? "I've got your back!" She pulled a blue scythe from thin air, cutting the vines. "You're not getting your way again, Willow."
"Luz … what the fuck is going on?" Boscha asked, confused beyond all belief.
"Wow, Willow really did a number on your head this time. You forgot my name." The girl chuckled. "Just sit back. Your best friend Vishnu has everything under control!" … WHAT?!
"Oh can it!" Willow shot forth more vines, which were cut up as Luz ran forward and cut at her.
Okay … so if Boscha wasn't hallucinating from being hit in the head … Pearl BROKE EVERYTHING! And now it was up to her to fix it, since clearly she was the only sane one left.
She just needed to get everything in order, find out where she was and figure out how to get that hourglass. Now where on earth was she where she could find….red…grass….
Boscha did a double take; looming around. Red grass, griffons in the air….and right behind her…Hexide stood. Boscha was in the Boiling Isles. Away from Earth, with no way to fix anything … "No …" It was hopeless … it was hopeless … "NOOOO!!!!"
"Boscha, Boscha, calm down, it's okay!" The Luz that was not Luz exclaimed.
"Ha, serves the bitch right." Half a witch scoffed. "Like the gutter trash she is-"
"SHUT UP!" She shot fire forward. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" She burned up everything that was in the way. Plant, construction magic, ice; all of it was ash in her wake. If her Crystal was out of her reach…then she would burn this whole world down piece by piece. There was nothing worth keeping alive on this miserable rock without her Crystal-
She felt herself getting hugged…by Skara..the only true friend she had here. "It's going to be okay Boscha!"
"No … no it's not …" Boscha began to cry. "It's never going to be …it's all gone…my crystal's gone….everything that matters to me is gone."
"Let's get you out of here. Me and Steven can cook you up some lunch."
"Steven …" He was here … please let him remember … please. "That … sounds good." Please remember.
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BONG
One moment Amity was sending out her abominations to strangle Pearl's hold on the hourglass, the next she was seeing red…a lot of red…and she was feeling…funny. Not a haha funny…but something more… lustful . The kind of feeling she had whenever she saw Luz in her underwear…but times by ten.
She didn't know why it felt so strong right now, most of it was just thoughts of Luz cuddling and kissing her, but this … was so much more intense. Amity tried to blink the red away, figure out what had happened to her. She had to walk this off, figure out what Pearl did and how she would go about shattering that bitch-"Whoa, watch where you're going, Amity!"
She heard Lucci cry out to her as she looked down, seeing a sea of Lava below her. "Aaaahhhh!" She screamed as she was pulled back. "Oh my titan I almost …" She paused. "Almost …" Why did she feel fine?
"You almost ruined your dress." Lucci said, looking down. "You spent a whole half an hour asking what you looked best in, and I am not repeating that."
"Huh? That doesn't sound right." She looked back, and noticed something completely off. Lucci had horns…not his usual manticore ones, much smaller and shaper looming. His eyes were slanted, and he had wings.
"Exactly. You shouldn't care too much about how you look. I'm going to find you cute no matter what." He rolled his eyes.
"I … what?" Something was s eriously off. Suddenly, she remembered what got them into this mess. "Lucci … do you remember Pearl?"
"... Is Lucci some sort of pet name?" He asked. "And why are you asking about my maid all of a sudden?"
… Alright, so the pale bitch clearly BROKE EVERYTHING! "Let's just say I am going to have a very intimate chat with her."
"Amity, I get that you have the need to flirt with everyone, but I draw the line at my maid."
"I … what?" She asked.
"I mean, you already cross the line with Gus, and Boscha when they're not obsessing over Luz. Please do not add anyone who lives in the same house as me to your 'collection'."
"Cross the line…you mean.." She blushed. "But I would never-"
"Amity, it's okay, I've come to accept that about you. Just keep the romance between us and I won't be mad." Lucci turned around. "Come on, we don't want to keep Boscha and Luz waiting."
"..." Only half of her body was devoted to murdering Pearl. The other half wanted to vomit violently. Partially over the idea of her dating who she considered her little brother, partially over the idea of sleeping around her closest friends , and partially over the idea of Boschagetting her grubby sweaty hands all over her Luz! "What… are we… doing with them,…today?"
"Double date … are you okay Amity?" He asked. "Do I need to get you a seat?"
"It's fine...I just need to get a glass of water." She sighed.
"…Water? You've lived in hell all your life, how did you forget that there's no water here?"
"... Hell …" Amity … was in … hell … that at least explained how the Lava was a minor concern compared to everything else. "Excuse me … I need to scream." And cry.
"Really? But you're not kissing anybody."
"… Trust me, you don't want to see it." This was definitely hell.
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BONG
Gus wasn't a fighter, he would have gotten in the way of the free for all of stopping Pearl. But the moment they all moved forward … he was in a cage.
Gus looked around, seeing what looked like gladiators all sitting around, staring at him blankly. "Fresh meat." One man spoke.
"Pretty skinny, barely an appetizer." Another spoke, staring at him. "I call first dibs!" Oh come on, couldn't he catch a break just this on-
SNAP
The men were all caught and wrapped up in vines. "Gus…?" Turning around, he saw Willow…bruised, battered, and a lot more buff, but otherwise it was her.
"Willow!" He shouted, running to her. "Are you okay, what happened?"
"What happened? Gus, you DIED! How in the name of the titan are you even here!?"
He blinked. "… Pearl killed me!?" He didn't realize how serious the situation was. "Wait, where is 'here' even? Why are we in a cage?"
"Gus, what are you on about!?" She shouted. "Who the heck is Pearl?" Different appearances, different locations, lack of shared knowledge once known….he's read enough Cosmic frontier to know that he was either dealing with a parallel universe, or given that Pearl messed with the hourglass, an altered timeline.
"Willow … answer me this." He asked slowly. "Have you heard of Lucifer Clawthorne?"
"You mean Eda or Lilith Clawthorne?" She asked. "They're the resistance leaders, but I don't know of anyone named Lucifer."
"Against Belos?" Wow, impressive.
"No, against the moon girl Luz and lighting boy Steven."... Gus processed that for a moment … it seemed like Pearl BROKE EVERYTHING!
"HOW!?" He shouted. "How did time mess up THAT badly?!"
"I dunno, I find it fascinating myself." … Gus, Willow, and all the prisoners, slowly turned to see Luz … in the same clothing as the collector . "A kid not from our time … you might actually make a fun playmate other than Steven."
"Luz, what's gotten into you?! Why…why do you look like the Collector!?" He exclaimed.
She simply smiled. "Cause I am the Collector." She blipped out of existence, and zapped right in front of him. "Old me wanted wanted a change, mix things up, so they let themselves not exist for a bit before they re-existed as me!"
Confetti popped into the air. "… Okay …" Now he was terrified beyond all belief. "And the other me …"
"Oh, when Steven warped in you got in the way and … pop." She made a balloon, and popped it. "No big loss though. He was pretty boring. He couldn't do anything but make illusions."
"… Okay …" Correction, now he was terrified beyond all belief. "So … can I go home now?"
"Why would I get rid of a new toy I haven't even started to play with yet? You so silly, Gussy." Collector Luz snickered, blinking him and herself out of existence, only to reappear ontop of the titan's skull. "Now come on, let's have some real fun!"
… It was a nice life. At least he saw the human world.
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BONG
Lucci fell onto the floor of an empty room. "She … she's gone …" She made a STUPID wish while holding a STUPID thing! "Luz …" He wasn't fast enough, he wasn't paying attention to her enough, he wasn't listening to her when she didn't want to be alone! "I'm sorry …" Why, why couldn't he help her…why…..? She was the whole freaking reason why he had such a great life to begin with, why couldn't he help her!? "I'm sorry…."
"Sorry for what?" Immediately forcing himself to his feet, he turned to the familiar voice…and saw Luz. She had longer hair and was in a dress…but it was her…..she was alive….she was alive!
"You're alright!" He shouted, running forward and hugging her tightly. "You're alright …" It must have not worked, everything was fine. She was HERE!
"Of course I am silly." She chuckled, hugging him back. "I'm not stupid enough to get hurt before our big day."
"Our big day?" He asked. "You got something special planned?"
"Oh come on Steven, don't tell me you're so excited for the bachelor party that you forgot your own wedding." Luz giggled.
He paused at that… and immediately got a sinking feeling in his gut. "My… wedding?" Lucci slowly looked at his hand … with a ring on it.
"Come on, you alright?" She asked, pulling back … as Lucci's thieving eyes caught sight of her ownring.
"… Yep." He lied. "Just need some fresh air, I'm way into my own head right now, you know?" Lucci chuckled.
"You tried making your own cookie cats again, didn't you?" She shook her head with a snort. "I told you, you can't just crumble other cookies and mashed them together and call it batter."
"What can I say, I'm not one to take advice on sweets."
"Flatterer." Luz kissed him on the cheek as she walked away.
He walked out the door … and immediately kicked off the ground, blasting himself into the clouds, pulling out a shield and using it as a flat surface. Thank Titan for floating powers. "Okay … time is broken …"
Luz undid her birth, which undid the meaning, which undid them causing the crash, which undid Lucci going back in time and Pearl needing to, which negated Luz going back to undo her own-"My brain smells like copper." He groaned. "This is why Luz tried to warn me about paradoxes."
There was only one thing to figure out here…..Pearl FUCKING BROKE EVERYTHING! "What to do, what to do now?" He couldn't just live his life. He'd be called Steven … and worse, get married to Luz. You don't marry siblings!
He could fix this with the hourglass, but who knows where that was … maybe if he went to the Boiling isles he could form a plan using a time pool. Wait, would there even be a portal door? Wasn't the point of time travel that everything never changed? And wouldn't there be some kind of confusion with him using another form of time travel to undo another form of time travel-
"Steven, I could smell smoke from on the beach." He turned his head, and saw Lapis flying up next to him. "Something bugging you?"
"Something like that." He waved. "You wouldn't happen to have a time travel method on hand, would you?"
"Why, feeling nostalgic since the big day's tomorrow?" She asked, with a smirk.
"...Something like that." He cringed, not wanting to think about essentially kissing his sister. He wasn't Edric and Emira.
"Look, I get it, you're feeling jittery because you're afraid of losing the only one that gets on the human level, and you think 'If I take this big step now, I'm only going to mess it up even worse'." The watery gem gestured to him. "That's why as your Best man, I'm going to spend the whole day slapping sense into you until you get over yourself. Sound good?"
"… Thanks Lapis." She really was a good gem, even if that wasn't what he needed right now. "Can I just…sit here and think for a minute before you do that?"
"Sure. But I'm serious about the slapping." She flew down. "You can't run from this! You have to face her eventually!" …That's what he was afraid of.
Just some way … any way … some way to fix all of this. A way to get back home and save his real family … Come on brain, think of something!
BONG
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BONG
Luz blinked, colling into the ground. She was back…she was in the underground water temple, and she…she …"I'M BACK!" She got on top of the dogpile that was made up of her best friends in the entire multiverse! "I'm back! I'm back, and I missed you guys! I missed you guys so much!"
"Wait … what?" Vee asked, looking at everyone in confusion. "Did something just …"
"I think they time traveled …" Garnet spoke. "Luz, what-"
"Oh thank the titan I'm back!" Lucci gasped. "I was almost about to see my own wedding…to Luz." Huh?
"And I was dating you." Amity and Willow gagged at the same time. How the heck…?
"I saw you two dating each other and Skara dating Lucci….I was so alone….nobody understood me at all." Boscha hugged herself. What the-
"This is real right?" Hunter asked. "This isn't a film set to show us that we're all fakes, right?" …Going to ignore that one.
"And Luz was secretly the Collector all along!" Gus screamed. Wait, she was what?
"Seriously dudes, what just happened?" Amethyst asked.
"Long story short, I made a stupid wish and met god." She answered.
"Oh right …" Lucci got up and began strangling her. "WHY! WOULD! YOU! SAY! SOMETHING! LIKE! THAT!?"
"I'm….glad….you….care…"
"OF COURSE I FUCKING CARE! WE ALL DO! THERE IS NO REALITY WHERE WE WOULDN'T WANT YOU IN OUR LIVES!"
"Beg to differ." Boscha came up, grabbing Lucci. "I just existed in a place where Luz was my 'best friend' with gem powers."
"The…multiverse…is so….weird…." She gasped for air as Lucci let go.
"Multi what now?" Hunter asked, taking calming breaths.
"Multiverse, it's quite a fun concept." … Everyone turned to the Axolotl on her shoulder. "Your reactions were pretty funny too. Hah."
"...Demon butterfly?" Amity asked.
"Actually, deity above the Collector." Luz answered.
"...So they're generally unhelpful?" Lucci spoke.
"I stop space time from eating your friend, and this is the thanks I get?" They rolled their eyes. "I mean, I understand if you said that to the Koala, but me? I'm the fun one."
"… So many questions." Lapis muttered.
" I'll make it simple for you. I advocate change. Luz here made a big change that captured my interest, so I gave her a do over."
"And the places we all saw?" Willow asked.
"Shits and giggles." They shrugged remorselessly.
"You sent me to LITERAL hell!" Amity screamed.
"I died in the universe I was sent to!" Gus shouted.
"I can't even tell if my life is real anymore…and that was already a huge problem for me before this!" Hunter growled.
"I thought for a second Lucci looked cute with gray hair!" Lucci turned to Willow…and promptly stepped away from her.
"I know, isn't infinity fun?" Axolotl asked honestly. "Dimension hopping is one thing, but experiencing parallel timelines, that's a rarity so few are able to experience. So you're welcome."
"… I want to strangle you, so violently." Boscha growled.
"Anyway, I'll be taking this." They held the Hourglass. "Mortals have rarely been able to do time travel properly. Heck, I'm still cleaning up the mess from an alternative version of Steven. How he became a god secretary I legitimately can't understand."
"... Weren't you omniscient?" Luz asked.
"I am, that's why I find it so amusing." They began floating away. "See you all in five thousand or so big bangs!"
"Wait, if you're a god, then can't you take us home!?" Gus exclaimed.
"Haven't you ever heard the expression 'it's the journey, not the destination'?"
"...OUR FAMILIES COULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW!" Willow shouted.
"Or they could be pudding, or craving death, or erased from existence, or perfectly fine. Lots of possibilities." They snickered. "Although I guess I could throw you a bone. Watch out for the Cluster."
"The what now?" Luz asked.
"The Rubies will know!" With that shout … it vanished …
"SERIOUSLY!" Vee screamed. "WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?"
"Horrible things Vee….very…horrible things." Lucci explained, slumping to the floor. "Luz…you're carrying me home. I'll decide what your punishment is later." That was fair.