Kikimora smiled as she posed the puppets. "Civilians here, traders here, night market here …" So many things to do to impress her little one. Yes, the Collector may have focused on a strange morality … but it was one that clearly appreciated her efforts, no matter how small. For as all powerful as he was, he was nonetheless a child…or at least had the mentality of one.
They were both omniscient and moldable. All powerful, yet vulnerable.This wasn't a job one could power through by making themselves an abusive parent that punished their children whenever they did something wrong.
Children would rebel regardless of anything a parent would tell them, so the best course of action was to let the child get all their rebellious ideas out, let them ride out the destructive phase until they got it through their system. Then and only then would they be receptive to any form of response or instruction. Such an example would be using Terra as a punching bag. "Gaaah, you're so boring!" The kid complained. "You don't act like Eda at all! You just talk about her basic stuff! She's super sassy and fun!"
Yes, Snapdragon was an amazing help in pointing his destructive tendencies at something else. King was the one person the Collector would never attack, and the puppets weren't a perfect outlet, as they were more or less extensions of the Collector's will. "The-oOOOFFF-" Snappdraon said as he was getting pelted with boxing gloves by the mad child. "-only thing-ooof-I'm missing-Ooof- is being-oof-drunk off my as-"
"Language!" Kikimora threw a dinner plate at the old woman's head. Best part about the job aside from being complimented was getting revenge on everyone that ever dismissed her. "Being a companion of the Collector doesn't excuse you to say whatever you wish. There are children around."
"...Being drunk-ooff-off Appleblood twenty four-Ooof-seven." Terra finished as she growled at Kiki.
"Hm, I don't know. King, would her constantly drinking adult drinks make her more like Eda?" The collector asked.
"Depends, how many cups does it take for her to start compulsive gambling?" The titan in question asked.
"... Three?"
"Wrong, she gambles from two to thirty seven." … Thirty se-did it even DO anything for the Clawthorne at that point!?
"So I should just pump her full of the stuff just to be on the safe side, got it." The cosmic child snapped his fingers, and attached a tube to her arm that led to a fifty foot barrel filled with said alcoholic drink. "You have twelve hours to get the drunken rants just right. You guys can't get poisoned from adult drinks, right?"
"... Eda and Lucci can't, so I don't see the problem." Kikimora couldn't tell how much of this was vindication and how much of this was just focusing more on his loved ones instead of Snapdragon.
"Oh you little BA-"
"LANGUAGE!" Kikimora threw a chair at the woman this time, knocking her unconscious. "Honestly, it's like no one has any decency around here."
"I guess she can't compare to how awesome you are Kikimama." Her heart soars once more. "But … this is getting a bit repetitive." Hmm? "Play hero, Terra does something stupid, we knock her out. In and out, it's the same thing over and over …" The boy turned to King. "You guys had more variety than this, right? I mean, you guys were more than just heroes. You were criminals, outlaws, you did whatever you wanted on a whim! That sounds a lot more exciting than just playing the hero every time."
"True …" The little child nodded, looking away. If there was one thing the two of them could agree on, it was stopping the Collector from simply blowing up the planet … for differing reasons, but it was still there. "But that was a battle against Belos … and you … kinda killed him?" King tried.
"So what you're saying is that the game needs a bigger threat than just the Owl Beast going on a rampage." Kikimora could see it in the boy's eyes. The collector saw every opportunity as a chance to let off more of his power. The tiny titan's plan to control him was going to fall apart at this rate.
"I … mean … yes." King nodded. "Someone not powerful … but cunning, smart … a brilliant tactician … like someone you can't beat in a board game."
The Collector hummed in thought, before turning to her. "Kikimama, who's the smartest puppet we have?"
"Lets see….either Osran or Vitimir can fill that role, one's more of a know at all who acts like he's better than you, the other's more like a mad scientist, always concocting some kind of scheme to tear their victims apart in some underhanded way."
"Ooooh, we can totally have fun with Vitimir!" They smiled innocently. "I'd love to see some creativity, let's take him out and watch him rampage with crazy inventions and stuff! Let him make a giant baking soda volcano, but instead of baking soda, it'll be full of potions that'll transform everyone into crazy monsters! Sets up both a high action fight and a time limit!"
"An excellent idea, Collector." She smiled, bowing down. "I must inform you that he views King as a valuable subject, so keep a close eye with them on the run, alright?"
"Of course, I won't let anything happen to my best friend. If he even touches him…." The room turned into an empty voice as stars and entire galaxies collapsed before them. "I'll send them into a black hole and chew it up like a gumball, and spit it into the hottest sun I can find!"
"As long as your observation skills are tamed, all is fine." Kikimora patted the boy's head. Such a wonderful life she had.
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Bria looked down at the Saint Epiderm teacher under her boot. "... You know, when your school is priding itself on kissing up to the Emperor, you should realize that without him around there's nothing to defend yourself with." Such terrible ethics. The weak staying on top, it was ridiculous. "I mean seriously, sure, you elitists have money, but in a world where that is essentially extra toilet paper, what good are you to anyone now?"
"We didn't think … our security … would run out of … power." They gargled under her heel.
"In most situations, it would last you a few more months." She nodded. "... If it wasn't for my new friends wearing down your things." Bria grinned, looking up at the army.
Spectrons. Essentially abomatrons, but made from oracle magic instead of Abomination. It was really weird seeing a ghost made from cogs and gears, but somehow it worked. Guess the woman wasn't just good with words. She was a bit annoying with all her whining; so first chance she was proven useless, they'd cut her head off.
"So before I cave your throat in, mind if I ask you a couple of questions?" Bria asked, pressing down a bit harder. "I swear it won't take long, death is a hop, skip; and a jump away for you."
"Gaaaak..."
"Good. So first off, I'm trying to establish a whole empire from the ground up here; and I'm not sure if I completely pull off the whole evil tyrant look. What do you think? Am I terrifying enough?"
"Uuugggg..…."
"You're right, I could stand to lighten up on the black." There was killing, and then there was overkilling. "Next up, what supplies do you have that may elevate you from food into emergency food?"
"Golden statues…..silver rails….Crystal chandeliers.."
"Hm, guess Odalia could use the extra metal for spectrons, but I'm not really feeling the extra edge." She nodded; wondering whether to put pepper or garlic on this guy. Maybe Hanibal was onto something about eating other witches. "Oh, and more of a side note, but have you seen a three eyed bitch named Boscha?"
"She … doesn't go … to our … school."
"I know that, just double checking. Haven't seen the bitch anywhere, and with the group she hangs out with, I half expected her to be in the middle of all the action." She smirked. "You see, she's currently dating my future husband, and he's the only guy on the isles that could make my rule over it permanent, so killing her and getting him is kind of my top priority."
"Ah … he's gone …" The man groaned out.
"The fuck are you talking about?" She pressed down harder
"The Collector … our scouts say … he fled … from … the Isles."
"….Snorseshit." She kicked the man across the head. "Lucci's the loyal sort. He's fully dedicated to his small list of passions, that includes his beloved home." She smiled. "Guess I better get on that Hexide takeover plan to draw him back out." He'd totally defend his own school, right? "Oh, and thanks for the heads up on that tip."
Stomp
She crushed his head … ah, irony. "Feels so good to not have to hold back anymore. Anyone below me just dies whenever I say they need to die. Finally, life works how it's supposed to be." The strong dominating the weak. "Hamlet, how are we doing on their numbers?"
"Flawless victory." The talking corpse spoke. "The spectrons respond to mental commands on the fly; and most attacks just go through them. The school has no defense for them."
"Ate ten children…their happiness is so sweet to devour, tears of despair give it a nice saltiness." Hannibal grinned, munching on a dismembered arm.
"And that puts us in the lead." She smirked. "Hexide, focusing on defense and community … that will be their greatest mistake." It's always the offense that won in the end. "Gather whatever scrap metal you can and topple the school to the ground. Hexide is next, and we're coming at it with full force." Time for a full on riot!
=======================================================================
Alador liked to think it was a Tuesday. Although it was hard to tell, after the ship crashed … last month? Yeah, last month, he never exactly treated his concussion. He couldn't even remember if he even slept this whole time. Day and night were practically non-existent now with the Boiling Isles looking like a child's coloring book.
All he knew for sure was that he spent his time punching cannibals and avoiding stars with eyeballs … So yeah, very bad hallucinations for a wound he wasn't treating. The only thing that was keeping Alador alive was the likely fact his children were in danger.
All this time, all the years he wasted dedicating those tireless hours for that vile woman, he let it take over his life and lose any semblance of connection he had with his children. What he wouldn't do to take it all back, to tell that woman to piss off and take his kids someplace where she couldn't reach them.
How much of his life did he let her run? How much did he just stand there and direct him like he was some kind of puppet? How long did those children suffer because he was busy trying to stop her from doing even worse things to them? How long would this have continued if it wasn't for the Emperor deciding that all witches needed to die?
What was the point of anything of all his hard work meant everyone suffered. This wasn't the dream he had with Darius as kids…if he didn't listen to Odalia back then maybe some of this hardship would have lessened.
He just had to keep going. Alador wasn't going to die until he apologized to his kids, and at least made an attempt to be a decent influence on their lives. He had to make sure they were safe … dang it, please don't tell him that was his blood on the ground. That would mean he's been walking in a massive circle. Which one was left again?
"Arf! Arf! Arf!" Oh no, timberwolves were getting close, likely smelling the blood dripping off. He'd probably need to sacrifice an arm to get them off his trail. Now where did he put that knife?
"Come on, I can't be that absent minded …" It had to be somewhere. Maybe his pocket … no, not there … "Did I eat it by mistake?" Wouldn't be the first time.
"Hey, get over here, Barcus found something!" Oh no, it wasn't just timberwolves, it was more cannibals. They would be too smart to just follow a dismembered arm. Looks like he'd need to fight it. Aim for their necks and use the corpses to make new abomination limbs.
"Mr. Blight!?" A vaguely familiar voice called out to him as he weakly turned to who could very well be his murderers or victims."
"Yes … and if you know my name, you know the food isn't worth the effort." He told the shadowy blobs in front of him.
"Mr. Blight, it's me, Skara. You and your wife forced Amity to be friends with me and Boscha for about ten years until Luz came in and changed everyone's life."
"Skara …" He blinked at that. "Oh right. I could have sworn you went through puberty though. You still sound like you did when you were five." How strange.
"When I was … Mr Blight, how many fingers am I holding up?" They asked.
"Sneventy Twelve."
"I think he has a concussion…and blood loss….and possibly hallucinating from lack of food." Another voice of what he could only assume to be a leprechaun sloth spoke up.
"Arf Arf!" The timberwolf shouted.
"He's right. The twins have been looking for you everywhere." Skara spoke.
"Right … it's finally over." He smiled. "After a month of searching." For some reason, the girl with a child's voice and the sloth froze. "What?"
"... More like … months." The little girl clarified. "The day of unity was four months ago. You've been wandering in a circle for four months straight."
He froze at that. No, her math must be off. His children couldn't have been running around in a post apocalyptic world for four months without help. That's crazy, crazy crazy crazycrazycrazycrazycrazycrazycrazy.
"Skara, he's foaming at the mouth. I think he also has rabies."
"I got that Jerbo." Skara picked Alador up. "Come on, I can get you to Emira back at the Hexide base. She's the best healer we have on staff."
He needed them, family … he needed them more than anything.
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Belfana looked down at the Collector, who focused on a man he recently unfroze … thus, distracted. "So, here's the deal." The child deity smiled. "I let you out, you cause some wacky schemes now and then, we do our best to stop said schemes." They explained to the Coven Head. "They can be as out of control as you want, just don't break the others too badly, or I break you, kapeesh?"
Vitimir stood in silence, simply staring at the god without a hint of fear. "So I can expand my knowledge without limits?"
"Yeah sure, whatever floats your boat." He said before looking at the little horned furry child. "Although I heard that you tried to rip King open once before, and I'm not one to hold a grudge….but even think about coming up to him with something sharper than a spoon...and I rip out your heart and fling your useless body through the abyss of the fifth dimension."
"... Very well." The man nodded, causing the aura to drop as the boy smiled … vulnerably. "I will do as I please and sew chaos for-"
She jumped down, freezing the Collector from every cell, internal and external, using the momentum to drive a spear into his head. She panted for a moment, as nothing but silence filled the room. Before there was a scream. "COLLECTOR!" Some tiny woman screamed.
"Holy shit!" The tiny horned child exclaimed.
"That was….disappointingly easy." She was supposed to be the weak one this time, it was her time to be the crafty one, the underdog that made it out on top in spite of the odds. Without the human around, this was the only possible person on the isles that gave her any intrigue.
"You … killed him …" The tiny woman spoke softly, her eyes wide and full of sadness, before they moved to her, becoming consumed with rage , and she began forming a circle. "You …"
"You're surprising." She instantly shot herself away from what should be a corpse. "Really caught me off guard there." The corpse lifted their arm, removing the spear of ice from its head, as its body began to thaw.
"So you can survive impalement and having your organs frozen …" That severely limited her options … yet excited Belfana like nothing else.
"Yeah, weird, you actually made me feel a little chilly for a second. Usually I have to force myself to feel cold." The all powerful child laughed as they spun their own head like a ball on their finger. "Please, don't wait for me to recover, show me something else surprising."
She didn't intend on it. She created multiple icicles within the small vapor within their body, causing internal damage as she flipped through a hall. If Belfana was going to win, she needed to make sure she wasn't in his line of sight when things went wrong. Now how to actually put him down …
"Heh, tingly." The boy piped up from behind her, making her lightly yelp. "My insides feel super funny with all that cold air filling it. How about I give you some laughing gas as thanks." He blew into her face a large puff of pink gas that sent her into a nearby wall.
Belfana felt herself laugh, and only half of it was forced. This was starting to get exciting. She tried to freeze over his arms, limiting the normal options for a split second before skating forward and delivering a sliced kick to the Collector's shoulder blades, hoping to remove those limbs.
"Oooh; ice skates made from ice; why didn't I think of that!? All I have are these rollerblades made from Stardust." The Collector moved in a blink of an eye, his entire body becoming a dazzling blur. "Tag, you're it!" She felt him tap her shoulder, and by tap, she meant a force so strong it sent her five feet into the ground.
She used snow as a way to cushion the fall, before sending out a small storm, hoping to obscure their vision as she sent multiple icicles at their head. A battle of stamina wouldn't be in her favor, she needed a weakness, a vulnerability.
"You know, you're pretty fun, but maybe you should do something other than ice. Like snow monsters." A giant snowy fist punched her through a wall. "Or water dragons, or hydras made out of snow cones!" The last of that list pelted her into the ground as the sticky syrup trapped her on the ground. "Are you having fun?"
"I'm….exhilarated." She spoke honestly, laughing in joy as she froze, focusing everything on the Collector, more and more, freezing them more and more. This was a blast, a joyous fun moment without restraint … so give it all!
"Good thing I always pack my snowblock." The Collector rubbed some kind of cream on his skin and walked up to her, completely unaffected. "Always wanted to try this….unfreeze!" The all powerful child clapped his hands.
Poof
And like that…all of her ice, all of her snow, all of her hard work to get even this far….vanished without even a trace that it existed. "Your fun! Like, really fun!" The collector stuck out his hand. "Do you want to be friends and have more fun?"
Despite everything … Belfana smiled. "I'm sorry … My school has long since taught me … to never be someone's equal … so I'll politely refuse." Such a shame too.
"Boo. That sucks." She suddenly found herself wrapped around puppet strings. "It would've been more fun to have you as a friend than a toy."
"A toy-" And that was the last thought Belfana had.
=======================================================================
Eda groaned as Lilth combed through her hair. It had been getting rather full lately, and for once she was starting to run out of space. "How many crystal devils can one planet contain?" Lily muttered as she took out another one. "You'd think Lucifer would realize that there's no way we could contain all of them. We're limited in space as it is."
"I think he just refuses to care about what's going on his side of the universe." She responded. He's probably dealing with enough crap as it is. "Not to mention he probably thinks these are good distractions for the collector … not realizing these wouldn't give the crazy god a pause."
"At most he'd probably treat them like dogs." King walked into the cage, sighing. "For a second I thought the Collector bit the bullet with that Glandus ice girl….only to remember that this is the same kid that can move the moon with a finger. Physical force of any kind is a no go."
"Maybe not entirely." Lilith spoke up. "I've spent some time theorizing, and if I recall correctly, the collector said it was your father that sealed him away?"
"Yeah. And it was me that unsealed him." King rubbed his arm guiltily.
"Precisely, so what it there's a reason for that?" Lilith continued. "If it takes a titan to seal and release him….then I believe it's your power that's capable of hurting him."
They both blinked at that. "You know … besides floating around and gaining clothes … he hasn't really used his powers on me." King noted. "I even moved when he froze time." Of course, he could do that, because why not.
Eda realized something, before frowning. "Yeah … and it killed the last one, who was an adult the size of an island, when the Collector was probably not expecting it." If she was going to risk it all on a plan, it was going to be HER life that was the agreed upon sacrifice, not her kids. "Let's actually think it through before we try and kill a god."
"I'm going to sound like a Luz here, but I don't think killing him is the answer anyways." Eda stared at King, before pointing to her puppet Rainstorm, set to guard and keep her from leaving without a single inch of their soul left. "I know, I know, but he acts no differently than Lucci on a sugar high. The only difference is that he has cosmic power to back up the imagination instead of crystal devil power."
"So what, you tell him making people puppets is bad?" Lily asked. "How well did it work out for me?"
"I got you out … after a month of convincing him that it would be … interesting." King sighed. "Just give me a little time. I just have to keep being his friend and hopefully he'll listen to me about going overboard and be a normal hyperactive child."
"His definition of 'normal' is treating planets like tennis balls." Eda reminded him. "I don't think-"
"Oh, another letter from Lucci." Lily interrupted, pulling out a bubble.
"Let me see it." She grabbed the paper. They were her one source of hope about the whole situation…the hope that her baby would stay alive."'Dear Mom. It's been crazy how much has happened since the last time I wrote to you, so I'm going to skip to my favorite bits. First off, Hell is a real place and it is amazing. We accidentally made a portal to it when I was trying to kill that Pearl bitch I told you about. I landed right in the middle of pentagram city and met an amazing arsonist explosion expert named Cherri Bomb. Turns out that you get to do whatever you want, and there are no police! The explosions ruled and there's a hotel for redemption, and assassins for topside murder. It was beautiful, and I can't wait to meet you there when we both bite it."
"... Well, that's a relief." She chuckled. Glad to see she wasn't being punished when all was said and done.
"….Only you and your children could be excited by the prospect of going to hell." Lily glared.
"Don't point that finger at me, I'm scared shitless by that." King shivered.
"Language mister." She pointed at him. Why did he have to pick up cursing? "Then we came back after dealing with some jerks, realized Belos took over my sperm donor, tried to kill us all, so we did some music and got another glyph after I talked with my … I wanna say bio aunt? Nice lady, a lot easier to talk to than Lily, even if she's a terrifying space lady who could crush planets."
".,..I don't know if that's a compliment or an insult." Lilith muttered.
"After that, we set up a trap with a rock concert. My therapist is an extremely talented guitar player. I'm half considering starting a trans-dimensional commune so we can start a band." Nice to see he was able to have fun in a world he hated.
"Anyways, We beat him up, bubbled Belos (doubt that'll stick), we were about to kill Sperm Donor, until Ms Noceda began to have the baby. I found out that earth babies don't come from trees, that they're grown in their stomach. I honestly don't believe them no matter how many times they tell me, but Luz's mom does seem smaller now." She would tell him that was just vomiting on trees. "Couldn't confirm it for myself though, spent the entire night fighting gem mutants, basically gem versions of zombies, which are what's in the bubbles I sent. Do not open them. You will be scarred for life."
"... I'm just gonna …" Lily began gently placing the bubbles far, FAR away from them. "And hope nobody touches them …" For the best.
"I have a new baby sister now….her name is Dana Edalyn Noceda. She's adorable and I just want to make sure she's given all the happiness in the world. Staring into her adorable eyes makes me hate being human just a little less." Good for him. "And as soon as she's old enough, I'm taking her on a heist."
"As soon as she's old enough?" King asked. "Didn't you take me and Lucci on heists before we could talk?"
"Yeah, because the only babysitter we had was Hooty." Eda countered. The fact Lucci considered hooty sane would forever be a blight on her otherwise spotless track record as a mom.
"So now with most of the crappier aspects of staying on earth done away with for now, we're finally getting ready to rebuild that portal door. My womb donor left a list; and we're all about to head out on a cross country trip to get all the stuff we need. Hopefully see you soon, love Lucci."
"Gah!" She screamed. "So wish we could tell him not to come back here."
"It's not like he wasn't ever going to try to get back home," King said. "He loves the Boiling isles too much to try and stay away."
"That's what I'm afraid of." He was too stubborn….just like his mama. "Oh wait, there's more." Eda realized, looking at the bottom of the paper. "PS. If you somehow contact King, tell him he is SO getting punched for shoving me into that portal. The trauma from dealing with my sperm donor alone deserves fifty knuckle sandwiches."
"... You're gonna protect me right?" King asked with desperate hope.
"I'll let him get one punch in before pulling him back."
"Dang it."