At Rei Ao's place…
A very tired Toyohama Nodoka pushed the door open.
"I'm back…"
She dragged her exhausted body over to the sofa, buried her face in a cushion, and let out a long sigh.
"Why're you home so late?"
A familiar voice came from the kitchen—her own voice, to be exact. Or more precisely, Mai Sakurajima, currently occupying Nodoka's original body.
Nodoka forced her head up to see "herself" walking over with a cup of warm milk in hand.
This bizarre situation had been going on for several days now, but she still hadn't gotten used to seeing her own face wearing that calm, mature expression.
Mai's sharp gaze fell on her. She was worried that Nodoka—who was using Mai's body—had come back so late. After all, it was technically Mai's body.
"Sorry…"
Nodoka rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment.
"I—I just went back to my place by habit, then hurried back here."
It was just a reflex; she hadn't yet adjusted to living in Mai's body. Seeing that Nodoka's flustered look wasn't feigned, Mai let it slide.
"It's really late. I guess you'll just have to have this."
Mai set the milk on the table and sat across from her.
"So, how was today?"
Nodoka didn't answer right away. She slowly sat up, picked up the warm milk, and took a small sip. The gentle warmth sliding down her throat eased some of the tension that had built up all day.
"Tiring…"
In the end, she could only muster that single word, heavy with exhaustion. Mai simply watched her quietly, not pressing for details. Her composed demeanor made Nodoka feel both envious and a little frustrated. How can this person remain so calm, no matter which body she's in?
"You know…"
Nodoka set her cup down, her voice low.
"Today at school, the teachers asked me for help again…and then some younger students were crowding around me, going, 'Mai-senpai this, Mai-senpai that…' bombarding me with questions."
"I had no idea how to answer, but I couldn't say no either."
Her fingertips tapped nervously against the cup, producing a soft tink-tink sound. "All I wanted was some time alone."
All of this was because of Mai's…fame.
Mai nodded gently. She was used to this, though she usually had ways to avoid being noticed when necessary.
"Weren't you always saying how you envied my fame and lifestyle?"
Her words hit Nodoka like a needle. Indeed, before swapping bodies, she had envied Mai's popularity countless times. She herself had barely any name recognition—practically no one knew Toyohama Nodoka. Even at school, she was just an ordinary student.
"That's…not the same!"
Nodoka suddenly raised her voice.
"I thought…it'd be amazing to be liked by everyone."
"But in reality…"
Her voice dropped again, subdued.
"They're all just looking at 'Mai Sakurajima.' Not me."
A moment of silence fell over the room. Nodoka slumped, hanging her head. She knew full well that this fame wasn't hers—it was Mai's. It left her constantly wanting to run away.
"Well then…"
Mai finally spoke, her voice almost unnaturally calm.
"Do you want to switch back now?"
"?"
Nodoka froze, her eyes wide. Switch back? Go back to being the old Toyohama Nodoka, living under her mom's strict demands, training every night, never feeling good enough? Her silence was practically an answer in itself.
Mai raised an eyebrow.
"So you'd rather keep living as the 'fake Mai Sakurajima'?"
"It's not like that!"
Nodoka denied it hastily.
"… …"
But she had no idea how to explain.
"I…"
She ruffled her hair in frustration—beautiful, chestnut-brown hair that belonged to Mai, now a tangled mess in her hands.
"It's just…my mom…"
But the words wouldn't come out. How was she supposed to tell anyone that her own mother's love came with so many conditions—that she only ever got a crumb of recognition if she performed perfectly, like the 'star' Toyohama Nodoka?
Seeing her expression, Mai's features softened.
"Nodoka, you know we'll have to switch back eventually, right?"
"I know!"
Nodoka nearly shouted, then deflated like a balloon, sinking back into the couch.
"I just…need some time."
Another silence. Nodoka stared at her cup of milk. Its warmth was gone by now, much like her cooling enthusiasm.
"Sis…"
She suddenly used a term she hadn't used in ages.
"How did you end up with Rei Ao?"
Mai clearly wasn't expecting the conversation to shift so abruptly. Her eyes went slightly wide—an expression that looked unusual on Nodoka's original face.
"Why're you asking?"
"Just curious," Nodoka replied with a shrug, trying to appear casual.
"You're so amazing, right? You probably had tons of guys after you. What made you pick him?"
…Though Rei Ao did seem quite special himself.
Mai pondered for a bit. Then a gentle smile curved her lips—one Nodoka had never seen on that face in the mirror.
"Because in Rei Ao-kun's eyes, I'm not a 'star'—I'm just Mai Sakurajima."
She spoke softly, her voice carrying a quiet certainty Nodoka had never felt before.
"When everyone else only saw 'Mai Sakurajima' the celebrity, he looked at me in a way that made me feel like…just me."
Those words were like a key, suddenly unlocking a door deep inside Nodoka's heart. A pang of emotion rose in her throat, and she felt her eyes grow hot.
"Just…yourself…"
She echoed the phrase in a near whisper.
At some point in the past, she too had yearned for a gaze like that—not seeing "the idol Toyohama Nodoka," not "Mai Sakurajima's cousin," but…her. Even her mother's eyes were filled with expectations and demands—let alone all the fans out there.
"Nodoka?"
Mai's worried voice pulled her back to the moment.
"I'm okay."
Nodoka quickly wiped at her eyes and forced a smile.
"Just…a bit tired. I'm gonna go take a bath."
She almost fled the living room, shutting herself in the bathroom. Hot water poured down from the showerhead, drenching her face so she couldn't tell water from tears anymore.
Why? Why did that single line affect me so much?
She'd always thought becoming a celebrity was her dream. But now, that goal felt…empty.
"'To him, I'm not a star. I'm just Mai Sakurajima.'"
The words echoed in her mind. She realized that all her efforts to become a star might've just been a way to earn her mother's approval, to be seen, to be valued. But Mai—she already had all that fame, yet she cherished someone who saw her as normal.
Turning off the water, Nodoka looked into the mirror at "Mai Sakurajima." That face was so beautiful, so poised—carrying countless people's expectations and fantasies. But right now, the confusion and vulnerability in those eyes were one hundred percent "Toyohama Nodoka."
Pressing her fingertips against the glass as if gently touching Mai's cheek, Nodoka whispered,
"Then…who am I, really?"
~~~
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