"So yer a dwarf now?" Lys tried again, and I had to smile a bit at her persistence. "A real dwarf."
I held up my hand, palm down, and wiggled it back and forth a bit. "Eh, that would depend on how you define real." I hedged.
Lys just looked exasperatedly at me. I decided to relent and give it to her straight. "I think it might be a bit half and half. I don't have the Ember or anything like that. I did that little meditative exercise that High King Ghost dwarf taught you but didn't feel anything out of the ordinary. I am a bit stronger, however." I told her and flexed one arm. "The transfiguration doesn't seem to manifest any inherent magical traits, nor remove them since I can still use magic. I haven't really explored what would happen if I tried to turn into something else, like a merman or a centaur."
"Hum." Lys hummed and rubbed at her chin thoughtfully. "How did yeh figure this out anyhow?"
"It wasn't all that much to figure out," I told her earnestly. "It was more like adjusting how you look at it."
"How ya mean?" Lys wondered.
I scratched at my big nose as I ordered my thoughts a bit so I could explain it concisely. "Well, to start from the beginning. I've been thinking about why you can't use transfiguration to transform yourself and others into someone else using it. On a purely technical plane, it should be possible. I mean if they can permanently change the shape of your teeth then why not the rest?"
"Alright..?"
"But it demonstrated doesn't work. Your appearance does change but the result is always seemingly random, and sometimes doesn't work at all. The smaller the change the less likely it will actually do something, unless it does, and it works. It's very confusing according to scholars. It's why potions are the main go-to for those sorts of things." I told her while playing absently too bright candle flame.
"Okay."
"So, I thought, you can change your teeth, but not the shape of your nose. Why is that? The first clue was the teeth of course. They are solid, hard. Once they are out they don't change. Flesh though, I thought, the flesh is soft and tends to change depending on various circumstances. The thing is, your appearance, while seemingly rather straightforward is actually very complex. The way your look is determined by a whole slew of factors such a the shape of your skull, the shape and size of the muscles in your face, how those muscles are attached to your skull, and the elasticity of your skin." I explained shortly while smushing my face around.
"It's all connected, and all kinda soft and squishy. Now magic is awesome and can fill in all sorts of gaps no one even knows are there. I mean, you can turn someone into a pig without knowing how its skull looks, or the size of its arsehole. Magic fills that in. But that's big stuff, it seems a bit less able to deal with the little stuff. I have no idea why. I suspect that if you knew exactly why a person looks like they do you would be able to do something, probably. But since that's impossible without skinning and butchering the person, that's not going to happen." I said as a let a too wide a grin stretch my lips.
"So I thought, If small doesn't work, why don't I try something big. Instead of "person", I try "species" instead. Things make more sense then, it fits into the whole human to the animal box then. Because that's what we are in the end, animals. Apes more specifically. Well, humans are, I don't know if dwarves come from apes... you are hairy enough so I suppose it's possible. Anyway, it worked... obviously." I said with a little chuckle. "Ironic isn't it? All that was needed was a shift in perspective. To let go of a bit of pride."
"Well, it's good yeh know yer a monkey, saves me the time." Lys snarked lightly.
"What to know something funny?" I asked with a smirk.
Lys looked at me suspiciously, "Yer sense of what is funny leaves something to be desired."
"My middle name starts with a P." I told her, ignoring her sass. "Which means my initials spell out A.P.A. which in Swedish means ape. My name, Andreas is is from the greek, and means male, and my last name, Ahlgren, refers to the Elm tree, particularly its branch." I told her. "So I'm an ape-man in an elm tree."
Lys looked at me oddly for a moment before she smiled faintly and chuckled. "Yeh are an odd one, Drew."
"I like being odd. All the most interesting people I have met are odd. Odd makes life worth living." I told her earnestly. "Odd is fun."
"Yeh would think that." Lys sighed.
"You know, I have to wonder how much else wizards and witches have gotten wrong due to arrogance and pride. How much damage has their ignorance done to magic?" I wondered out loud.
Lys snorted and kicked at some imaginary dust on the floor as if Paddy would ever let it get dirty in here. "I reckon quite a lot seeing as the lot of em are giant pillocks."
I smirked and looked over at her, "I notice that you didn't include me in that assessment."
"Yer an arse, Drew." She snapped immediately.
"Ah, the other end, gotcha," I said with a grave nod.
Lys rolled her eyes, "I'd be surprised but I know yeh."
"That you do, that you do indeed." I agreed and then let the room fall into silence for a few moments as I considered what to say next. "Tell me, Lys, do you like puzzles?"
"What are yeh on about now?" She asked suspiciously.
"I'm rather disappointed with the dungeon in this castle," I told her with a smirk. "Not enough... adventure, down there."
---
The dungeons of Hogwarts run deep, created as they were at a time when it was good policy to store vast quantities of food and other things, and wizards being wizards, they had to be better than the muggles. So the dungeons ran deep, into the very bedrock the castle rested on. These days no one ventured down there, preferring to stay on the two levels where the Slytherin common room and various classrooms, and storage rooms were located.
That's why few knew that there were actually natural caves beneath the castle. Ron and Harry discovered that when they went down to the Chamber of Secrets to rescue Ginny from the shade of Piddle. Not that they made any real note of it or anything, the incurious little knobs. I suppose I can't blame them, they had other things on their minds, and the caves weren't all that interesting, or very expansive. If you didn't happen to be a wizard that is.
Then it had... potential.
I was standing at the end of one of three small caves with my hand up against the stone. There was a crack in it. Not big, about half a centimeter or so if I had to guess. Not too interesting on the face of it, that is if there wasn't a draft coming from it. That meant that there was a space behind it, and it also meant that there was a way out that likely didn't lead into the castle... probably. I concentrated for a moment, magic flowed and the crack ballooned into a narrow corridor just large enough to allow me to pass in comfort. I smiled in satisfaction.
"I fucking love magic."
I passed through the dark tunnel until I came into another cave. With a gesture, little motes of light filled the air around me with a stark bluish light illuminating this new cave. It was larger than the one before and was slanting downwards, I could see a drop up ahead. And if I wasn't mistaken, I could hear the trickle of running water. Excellent, that might mean I could make use of some of the cave flora and fauna I'd picked up during my little jaunt of America. That should have a nice impact. I could set up the glowworms in one, maybe find some way to incorporate them in some sort of challenge or a puzzle, I could do the same with the luminescent flowers.
Maybe a mirror puzzle, one of those where you had to focus lights in patterns and into specific spots. It would be a good challenge, to begin with. Whet their appetite so to say.
I inspected the drop for a moment before sending more motes down into it. It turned out to be fairly deep, a ten-meter drop, give or take a meter. Would I need to put in some sort of elevator? Should I lock it under another puzzle or would that be too much? I dropped down the shaft, spreading illuminating motes as I went. As I hit the bottom I noticed the cave was slanting upwards for about three meters before terminating in a small hole about the size of a baseball. There were signs of water having flowed through the space I was standing in and after a look around I found a small crack in the floor that would have led the water away. So I had two ways I could go, either through the hole or through the crack.
Decisions, decisions.
In the end, he decided on the hole, that's where the sound of water came from and I had some ideas on challenges involving water. I wanted to build a water temple! Like something right out of Zelda! I'd hold the lethal traps of course, didn't want to kill the little tykes. You can't learn if you're dead! I smiled to myself as I expanded the hole. Water unexpectantly gushed forth, soaking my feet and causing me to curse as I quickly jumped to the side the avoid the sudden deluge of water. The damn stream must have been just up against the hole.
I grumbled to myself as I spelled my shoes and feet dry again before I slowly made my way through the new opening, making sure not to get my feet wet again. I sent more motes into the chamber beyond, or the corridor beyond as it turned out. It ran perpendicular to the last one, and as I already discovered the floor was covered by a fairly large stream. But that was not all that I discovered, and this one was far less appealing.
It was a snakeskin.
A very, very large, snakeskin.
It felt like someone had just filled my spine with ice water, that icy dread crawling up your back.
The basilisk.
I quickly backed out, retreating from whence I had come and then I shrank the hole back down again, and then, just to be sure I sealed it off completely. I stood there and just stared at the now solid wall for a solid minute before I moved back down the tunnel and then sat down on a large rock and just let my face drop into my hands.
The Basilisk.
The fucking basilisk.
I'd put the damn monster of Slytherin out of my mind all these years, to the point that I'd actually forgotten about it being down here. I'd forgotten a snake the size of a dragon, that could kill by looking at you. It'd even been easy. It was trapped down here where it couldn't hurt anyone, and more importantly, where it couldn't hurt me! I had no reason to go down here and kill it besides bragging rights. Risking death to be able to flex at people never appealed to me so I'd left it alone. No reason for me to do anything.
Until now that is.
I groaned out loud and scrubbed my face with my hands roughly. it was in the way; I couldn't have kids running around down here with it on the loose. Now I had to take care of it if I wanted to go ahead with the plan.
Troublesome.
"Paddy!" I called.
I heard a soft puff of displaced air to my right and looked over, finding my trusty buttler standing on a small rock outcropping just above eye-level if I were to stand up straight. He looked down at me with his studied indifferent yet attentive expression, that I'd helped him perfect in his early days. Did I mention that I was proud of my little guy? Because I am!
"You called, sir." He drolled.
"Pop over to Torby and have him gather up... fifty roosters for me. Aggressive ones, preferably." I ordered shortly. "Take whatever money you need to pay him from my discretionary funds."
"Roosters, sir?" Paddy asked in momentary bewilderment before I saw him catch on. "You aim to deal with the basilisk then?"
I looked at him in surprise, "You know about that?"
"Of course, all Hogwarts elves know," Paddy stated as if it was common knowledge.
I frowned, trying to wrap my head around this new piece of information, "But then... why hasn't anyone said anything?"
"Because none has cared enough to ask," Paddy stated succinctly. "Just as no one has thought to ask about the Room of Requirement or any other room..." He said, trailing off meaningfully.
Including me, was left unsaid, but I heard it loud and clear, along with the other message. I thought about it for a moment before I snorted. Amusement welled up inside me like a geyser and I burst out in a glorious bellylaugh.
Wasn't life just grand?