Amethyst began packing the food bag, just in case it was needed. "So we're going to a place of raw magic so crazy it'll fry our brains?" She asked.
"And Rose will be there!" Pearl shouted happily, already packing faster than the eye could see.
"Okay, I thought you'd gotten over the obsession." Star raised an eyebrow. "Plus, that was when everything was dead, I'm pretty sure that was a one time thing."
"I may not be obsessed, but I still miss her …" Pearl defended as she started packing slower. "If anything, I just want to tell her personally that I've managed to be happy."
"This isn't going to be a social visit, this is about getting Tom back home and figuring out why we're locked out of Mewni." Steven reminded everyone. "Also gem powers don't help. It messed up our brain last time as Starry quartz and we shapeshifted to kids."
"Which is why we have our bodies tied with ropes that KO is ready to yank at a moment's notice." Garnet gestured to the boy.
"Just shout 'OK KO', into the phone, and I'll have you out of there like a fish on a hook!" It was like looking at a Ruby that held Steven's optimism on the inside.
"Once we're inside, we should be able to get in contact with our unicorn daughter…"
"The same one that kicked you out of the realm in the first place?" Marco asked.
"Exactly. She'll probably want to kick us out of the realm again, which is why we're going to barge inside and demand she lead us to the wall that leads to the magic sanctuary." Star continued. "From there, we find our parents, find Heckapoo, and demand to know what the heck is going on with the portals."
"Blackmailing our own child …" Steven looked at his hands. "It's gone full cycle …"
"Eh, every parent does that eventually. It's how they trick little kids into behaving and curfews." Luz said off to the side, drawing more of those magic paper things. "Anyways, I'll get the other's to be ready. If this is another fight on our hands, best to have all hands on deck as soon as possible."
"Fair point." Steven nodded. "Alright, we got food, weapons, and Glyphs, we should be good to go for any event." He turned to the group. "Everyone ready?"
"You betcha!" Jana shouted, tapping some glyphs to a baseball bat. "Before anyone says anything, I'm coming no matter what. My discovery, my boyfriend, my friends, therefore, my problem."
"Sure, that's fair." Kelly shrugged. "But on the off chance we lose you to long term memory loss and an attraction to Greg Universe, you can't blame us."
"I should have never told you about the zoo." Steven grumbled. "But yeah, things are gonna get weird and intense fast … on the plus side, Star might get her magic back."
"Eh…I mean….I guess that might be a good thing…but I don't know." Star looked off to the side. "I don't really need it outside of fighting nowadays, and with the Homeworld threat done with…magic just feels a bit…overrated." Everyone instantly paused, turning to her with wide and surprised eyes. "What?"
"This coming from the girl who was convinced Magic was the answer to all her solutions?" Marco asked.
"Yeah."
"Coming from the same girl who never opened her closet without using magic?" Kelly raised an eyebrow.
"I got rid of my secret closet once we moved here."
"The same girl who begged for the magic wand when she was twelve years old for a test drive?" Steven questioned. "Who took the wand when she was six so she could plan my fifth birthday?"
"Look, I've grown up, okay!" Star blurted out. "I don't need magic to kick butt, and everytime I use it, it somehow bites me in the butt. It's complicated my whole family tree and…and I just think life would be better if I don't get it back."
"Everything has gotten so weird." Tom muttered. "Like, beyond the normal weird and wild stuff."
"How is it that planning a double wedding seems like the least stressful thing we have to look forward to?" Luz muttered off to the side.
"Half because we've already planned ahead for it, and half because it's meant to celebrate the good times in spite of the terrible stuff." Steven summarized. "Let's talk about this later, we need to head out now."
"Lets go on then." Amethyst grinned. "To the realm of magic!"
========================================================================
Marco took a breath as he arrived, gazing at the golden infinite glazes as the crystals of wisdom melded into clumps. "Intense … starting to see why sanity is in high demand here." His mind hurt just to think about this place.
"So much fog…My mind is practically a storm right now." Garnet lamented as she wiped the goo off her shades.
"Ugg, again, on my tongue." Star spat out some gunk as she glanced around. "Oh come on, how did it only get in MY mouth!?"
"That's why I made sure to have a spoonful of pudding before we came down." Steven said as he helped Kelly up. "Helps me tolerate the bitter aftertaste."
"I thought that was because Glossaryck got you addicted to pudding since the fusion spell." Kelly snorted.
"And here I was trying to limit my sweets." The boy grumbled. "So where is …."
"Father….. Mother ." They turned to a unicorn with glowing eyes, gazing at them, mostly Star, with absolute disapproval and speaking with a tone mostly made for acquaintances. "If you wanted to come, you shouldn't have left the first time I've offered residency. The balance of magic has been completely thrown off with your constant back and forth entrances."
"You can't still be mad at that." The girl rolled her eyes.
"Well there was the time you brought an outsider and created the unicorn of the apocalypse … not to mention you severed your ties and rights to this realm a few days ago." They looked at Star's arms, which began leaking a bit of blackness. "And now you've contaminated yourself and thus this realm further … wonderful."
"Look, miss…unicorn?" Marco tried to ask.
"Firstborn … Father and Mother never thought to name me, so it's what I've stuck with." They responded.
"I just got confirmation that I am not my mom, I need to break this cycle before it gets worse." Steven said to himself worriedly.
"Yes, Miss Firstborn, we're sorry for all the trouble we've caused you, and we wouldn't have come here if we didn't have another choice." Marco kept going. "But if you can take us to Mewni, we can get out of your hair quickly."
"Mewni …" They muttered. "That realm is under quarantine, locked away to preserve the safety of other dimensions."
"What for? Zombie outbreak?" Jana said with a light laugh.
"I haven't checked … I've been preoccupied with cleaning up messes others have made." They answered. "I'll take you there, but I am not responsible if you go wandering off on your own."
"Pfft, loosen your horn a little, we're not going to go crazy when there's something this important on the line." Kelly said confidently.
"The purple one jumped off the cliff about a minute ago." They gestured to Amethyst, who had broken off their rope and was already a mile away.
"Amethyst! Get back here!" Pearl began to run after her.
"Oh, is there a shiny rock somewhere, tall lady!?"
"Get serious for once in your life you…you..you…" Pearl slowed down as a sparkly look overcame her. "What was your name again?"
"Pfft, its…its…" Ame… the purple girl … looked confused. "Huh…I don't know if I have one."
"Oh, I can help with names." The girl with horns laughed. "I'm a very creative person!"
"What, wait, no Star, stay focused!" Chubby curly haired boy called out before shaking him. "Marco, go after Star and keep her sane long enough to get out of here."
"Got it." He nodded. "... What does sane mean, random stranger?"
"Crap, crap, crap, crap, everyone's brains starting to turn all mushy!" The short kid panicked before the walking tree hugged him from the back. "Kelly, we talked about being too affectionate in public."
"Hehe, fluffy warm pillow makes funny words when I squeeze it."
"So am I still taking you because …" The giant thing looked at some purple gunk that moved in the ground. "... I need to do something else first, just gather everyone." It said before going off super fast.
"No, wait, don't go any-and she's gone. Great." The talking pink pillow groaned as they turned to the freaky three eyed guy and green cap wearing girl, messing around with the yellow water. "Guys, don't put the magic in your mouths, you don't know where it's been!"
"But we're hungry." The pretty horned girl groaned. "Oh, I'm gonna go eat that rock candy!"
"Star, no, you're going to crack another-"
Creak
"-tooth." The pillow sighed as a red person and blue person sat off to the side cuddling with one another. "..That's honestly no different than how things usually are, so at least Garent's not an issue."
He … whoever he was, looked down at what he was holding, eating it. "Mmm … tastes tough."
"Marco, stop eating the bag!" The pillow shouted, yanking stuff out. It showed off a small cup and tore off the top. "Here, have this."
"Ohhh, yummy food." He took a bite out of the thing-Marco blinked. "Why am I eating pudding?" He looked up. "Steven, what happened to everyone!?"
"Everyone's going crazy with magic madness and-wait, how are you so sane right now?" Steven looked him over. "Wait, how am i still sane, it hasn't affected me this entire time.
"I dunno, I went crazy too." Marco shrugged. "One moment we're getting scolded by your … child." He didn't know what gender they went by. "The next i'm eating … Glossaryck's favorite food …"
"The pudding, of course! That's why he's always eating it!" Steven pounded his fist. "...Damn it, Glossaryck's advice actually helped me…I'm never going to live that down."
"Neither is Star." He pointed up to the top of a crystal mountain.
"I'm gonna cannonball!"
"No, don't do that!" The two of them shouted.
"Do a flip!" Amethyst called out.
"Hey, look, this guy's on fire!" Jana pointed to Tom. "Looks so pretty…I wanna touch it!"
"Ah, somebody put me out, I'm gonna die!" It was sad that he couldn't find the humor in that situation anymore.
"This is getting too out of control." Steven looked to the cup of pudding in his hands. "And we only have like three spoonfuls left. Okay, you round up Star, Jana, and Tom, while I get the rest."
"On it." Marco nodded. "Hey, fire guy, come over here, I have some candy if you let me tie you up!"
========================================================================
Steven was once more, the only sane man among a group of immortal children. "But the pink stuff is so fluffy and cute." Pearl complained as he dragged her along. "It makes me feel so light and warm on the inside whenever I look at it."
"We can look at it later, right now we need to get the group back together." Preferably with chains. "Amethyst, stop running!"
"You can't control me, chubby pillow!" Amethyst was running on all fours and splashing everywhere. "Control is an illusion and obedience is a lie!"
He rolled his eyes as he turned to the defused Garnet. "Sapphire, stop freezing the baby unicorns! Ruby, stop shooting your gauntlets at them!"
"Aww, but they're so pretty, I wanna keep them with me forever." The blue gem complained.
"And I wanna hurt anything that hurts you." Even under messed up mental magic, they couldn't keep the PDA under PG-13.
"Fluffy pillow shouldn't get so mad, fluffy pillow should be happy to be fluffy pillow." Kelly luckily didn't run off, but she also never let go of him since they got here, giving him flashbacks to how affectionate they were to each other back when they first dated. "Fluffy pillow is just so soft and comforting, and makes me feel so safe and secure."
"You do too, Kelly, but we really need to keep a pin in it for now." He loved the attention, but the problems with consent under the duress was making him feel guilty. "Marco, how are we doing on your end!" He shouted.
"Jana and Tom were easy, but Star won't sit still for a second. She's somehow still lucid enough to see through my tricks!" Marco shouted back. "I'll give you a pony ride if you sit still for five seconds!"
"Not if I steal a pony on my own!" Star dove into the water and grabbed onto one of the dozens of baby unicorns surrounding the area. "Aw, you're so sweet and precious. I wanna make you my baby." She turned back to Marco. "Hey, cute hoodie guy, be my baby's daddy!"
"Not when your mind is like this!" Glad someone else could see the problem. "Steven, where's Firstborn?"
"She ran off when that purple sludge started showing up." He pointed to it, and something was peculiar. It wasn't shiny and sparkly like the normal magic liquid. It seemed thicker, darker, almost blood like. "Best to stay away from it for now."
"Right, avoid the purple … stuff …" Marco trailed off. "Steven, we have a new problem."
"What, the fact we can only make two or three people sane until my daughter comes back?"
"No, no, it's just … the magic you're standing on?" Confused, Steven looked down … to see a slowly expanding pool of pink liquid extend from his legs.
"Oooh boy, forgot about that." Steven took a step backwards as the pink section he was standing in bubbled, almost like it was exploding.
"Steven, you're a magic booster." Marco reminded him. "And right now you're boosting magic in a universe MADE of the stuff in its purest form."
"Crap, crap, crap, this was a terrible idea." Steven slightly panicked as the unicorns around him began drinking the pink tinted magic. "No, no, don't drink that, you don't know what'll happen!"
"Tastes just like pink lemonade!" The baby unicorn shouted happily before their eyes glowed white. "So amazing and surgery, it makes ME FEEL POWERFUL!" It glowed into a white light that began crashing through the crystal structures that surrounded them.
"Ohh, can I play with them?" Amethyst asked.
"NO! Right now, we're playing the stay very still game!" Steven announced. "First one to move loses."
"Ohh, I can win that no problem." Pearl smiled … as a bruised and battered Firstborn popped out of the purple liquid and crashed right next to them. "See, I'm already in the lead."
"Firstbo…oh wow, I really should've given you a name!" Steven ran to his unicorn daughter. "What happened!?"
"The last time mother came here, she was with another…dark magic tainted her soul, so she sought to cleanse it." His daughter coughed. "When she did, the remnants stayed in my realm, slowly corrupting my home into two halves, one of pure magic, the other of pure dark magic."
"I guess that explains why Star goes Darkstar." He noted before noticing a bubbling in the purple sludge. "What's.."
" GET DOWN!" The firstborn grabbed him by the teeth and leapt out of the side of what came after them. A dark purple, big and bulky raging unicorn with fangs, looking absolutely bloodthirsty and savage.
"What the heck is that!?" Steven couldn't help but cry out.
"This, father, is the end result of what happened last time mother came here." The firstborn rolled her eyes as she pushed him out of the way of the charging beast. "A manifestation of dark magic that seeks out to fulfill the negative emotions of its creator … in this case, the destruction of all enemies, now combined with whatever mother brought with her. I've had to fight it ever since then."
"… As someone who's had to deal with a lot of family problems … I'm genuinely sorry we put you through this." He responded honestly, forming his shield. "I'll do what I can to help."
"What you can do is leave before you somehow make the situation worse." They complained, charging up energy in their horn. "The longer foreign elements remain here, the bigger the damage will be!"
"But you can't fight him alone!" Steven tried to defend.
"You're already leaving behind a trail of pink magic, that'll help me significantly." Firstborn pointed out as she drank some of it, a light shade of pink light glowing around her. "Looks like I have at least one Parent making my life just a little less difficult."
"But-But…"
"No buts, I'm sending everyone off now!" She pointed her horn at Marco.
"Hold off, I thought we were..!" He didn't get to finish before Marco was blasted away.
"Oooh, pretty lights, do me next!" Amethyst called out, as the Firstborn did so.
"Wait, last time you did this, you sent Star to the castle and Mom to a space zoo." Steven remembered. "Are you sending us to the same place?"
"I can only send you all to where you need to be." His daughter said solemnly as she blasted Kelly and Star next. "I can't control where you all land…it's my job to keep everything balanced."
"Okay." He only hoped that this meant they all end up on Mewni at least. "I'm sorry we made your job hard on you, no child should have to deal with their parent's mess!" He apologized as he hugged the girl's neck.
"...Thank you, father." She said sadly as he was hit with the magic, the white light overtaking him.
========================================================================
Kelly groaned as she woke up. "What happened … and why do I taste pudding?"
"I've been shoving it in since I woke up." Marco answered, apparently next to her. "Apparently, it's the cure to magic overload … Glossaryck is gonna hold this on us for ages."
"Great, just what Steven needed right now." She rolled her eyes. "So, did we make it to Mewni?" She looked around, the walls were filled with giant pink fluff and dust.
"I'm guessing so … but it's not the sanctuary." Marco said. "I've been here before." He felt the walls, giving it a good sniff. "We're in the lint catcher of the old Butterfly castle."
"What?" She looked around, using her sword to cut away all the dust in the way. "Why would magic take us to an abandoned washing machine?"
"My guess is that it was lucky enough to send us to Mewni at all, and mainly just blasted people to familiar locations." Marco responded. "And you tagged along with my blast … so now we're here." He slowly opened a hatch, looking outside. "Coast seems clear."
"Well duh, abandoned castle." Kelly jumped out. "Wow, last time I was here was when we were training for Meteroa's arrival. To think this castle was our hang out spot for a good while."
"First it was my house, then this castle, now it's the temple …" Marco said aloud. "I'm half afraid to get my own house out of the fear it's gonna get blown up."
"Of course it's going to blow up, Star's your girlfriend, that's just inevitable." Kelly reminded him. "Just get a lot of insurance….or ask Phineas and Ferb to rebuild it, they'll get it down in less than an hour..
"Insurance in Beach Creek was bankrupt after six months of Star being … Well, Star." He explained. "Nana is trying to work on the finance problem now …" He paused. "Wait, I hear something."
"Destroyed or not, it's still a castle, still probably some nice looking rooms for a few hobos to live in." Kelly held her sword out just in case. "Man, Bismuth can really make a blade. This one's much more balanced than the last one." Hopefully this one could avoid the same fate as its big sister.
"This way." Marco began putting on his gloves, letting them spark as they slowly went down the halls. After a bit she started to hear something to … a constant thudding sound.
"Okay, earthquakes are common here, right?" Kelly nervously asked as she prepared for the worst. "Crazy magic world, crazy weather, that goes hand in hand, right?"
"Nah … this isn't even a normal magic shaking." Marco thought, stroking his chin before wincing at the spark. "It's too consistent … it's almost like someone's-"
Thud …. Thud… THUD
"They're coming." Marco pulled up his gauntlets. "You got those glyphs ready?"
"A whole stack of them right in my hair." Kelly nodded. "What's it gonna be? Mewman? Monster? With everything becoming peaceful, I'm not quite sure what to expect."
"Don't worry, we just need to strategize and stand guard." Marco said with a stern glare. "Nothing can get past the two best hand to hand fighters Mewni has ever seen."
BOOM
The wall collapsed, revealing … JASPER! !? She stood there, body covered with orange and a few gray spots, a single horn poking on her head, a visible face full of rage. "Humans … companions of … ROOOSEE!!"
"I was wrong, I was so wrong!" Marco shouted. "Run for your life!" They did so as the wall collapsed, Jasper suddenly getting about five feet taller and bulkier with white raging crazy eyes glowing off of her face. "What the hell happened to you!?"
"Mind….Mess….cold….Mina….warmth…made….STRONGER!" Jasper rolled into that giant spin dash, only now it was covered in FREAKING FIRE as they leapt to another wall in order to avoid becoming mulch.
"Great, Mina got her hands on magic." Kelly said sarcastically. "What next, she gets an army to slowly take over Mewni?"
"Enemy…knows….plan…enemy…knows too much!" Jasper called out as she pounded on the ground, making the brick paved pavement ripple like water and launching in the air.
"Oh come on, I was joking!"
"With our luck, jokes are just reality!" Marco began pulling back his punch, using fire and the grappling line to launch a hole into the ceiling, grabbing her as they zipped up. "We need to leave, we can't fight her head on and-"
"GET BACK HERE!" Jasper began punching the walls below them, the ground slowly collapsing.
"Not how I want to break the new sword in…but beggars can't be choosers I guess!" Kelly screamed as they fell to the depths below. "Although I will beg to live past the next five minutes!"
========================================================================
Star groaned as she blinked into consciousness. "Where am I …" She looked around. There was Jana, a bucket, and- "Doop-doop?" Haven't seen him in a while.
"Star, it's great to see you again!" The talking broomstick aughed. "I thought I'd never see the light of day and would be forgotten over ten years ago, but you remembered!"
"Yeah, I totally remembered and didn't forget at all." That was the truth, she purposely left him in the shed because of how annoying his voice was.
"Good thing too, so know I can spend the next two weeks telling you about all the amazing adventures I had just laying on the floor!" Luckily, Doop-Doop wasn't the smartest broom in the closet. "Oh, first I'll tell you about all the dust mites that I befriended. There's Kyle, Lenny…"
"What hit me …" Jana groaned, thankfully shutting up the broom. "Hey Star … where's everyone else?"
"Don't know, I woke up with you just as confused." Star rubbed her head. "My unicorn daughter did this when I went to grab my mom from the realm. Since Doop-Doop is here, that means we're on Mewni, which hopefully means everyone else made it too." She stood up. "Okay, no time to waste, let's head out."
"Oh, the door's been locked for the last ten years, there's no way out." Doop-doop laughed creepily. "So we can hang out forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and …"
"Yeah, allow me." Janna grabbed the baseball bat covered in glyphs she brought along and banged it against the door, setting it aflame in seconds.
"Oh sweet fresh air, how I've missed you." Star kissed the sky.
"Yes, freedom!" Doop-Doop shouted. "Now I get to be your friend again and hang out with you on epic adventures, and never be left alone in the darkness with nothing but my own insanity as company!"
"Yes, yes you can!" Star forced herself to smile. "In fact, why don't we start off with a game of hide and seek! I'll hide while you count to a million."
"Oh boy, oh geez, oh wee oh wow! First day of freedom and I get to play a brand new game!" Doop-Doop bought her lie as Star shoved Jana out of the room. "Okay, one, two, three, four…"
"Not that I don't agree, but that was next level cruelty." Jana laughed.
"Hey, at least he can leave now, we'll just have to fix Mewni before he counts to a million." She defended herself. "Now, she said Mewni was quarantined, what would that entail?"
"You think Eclipsa made a bad spell?" Jana suggested. "Maybe messed something up with the regrowth magic and caused a zombie apocalypse of all the fallen Mewmans and Monsters lost in the war?"
"Why is Zombies your default? They're not even that hard to take down." Star asked. "It's actually a lot lower on the multiversal threat scale than you'd expect."
"Blame pop culture oversaturation. I want to see a horror movie where I can be afraid of Zombies again." Jana shrugged.
"Horror movie …" Star muttered. "Maybe we're dealing with fiction coming to life, which is infecting all the books."
"Ooh, maybe they've brought to life the original brother's grimm fairy tales, the ones with the sad and depressing endings.." Jana's eyes lit up.
"Well, that seems like a plus." Star smiled as they walked outside. "Now, what can you see?"
"Some trees, some clouds, a monster hiding behind a wall, the sun." Jana listed off. "You know, the usual stuff you see on a normal Mewman day."
"That is true." Star nodded as she looked to the hiding Monster in question. "Hey, big guy, you've noticed anything strange or dangerous going around here.
"They're coming …" The child muttered. "They're coming …"
"Who's they?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.
"The knights … they came and started attacking us …" He said quietly. The ground started to shake. "They're here …" His eyes widened wish absolute terror.
"Knights…like Mewmans knight?" Please don't let this be some kind of backtrack.
"No…much…much worse….the horrors of monster legend…." The monster looked up at the shadow that was looming above them. "RUN! All is lost! The end times have come!"
Star glanced up … at the giant army. In both size and in numbers, they reached and enveloped the horizon like the rising sun. "FOR SOLARIA!" One of them shouted. "FOR THE DEATH OF ALL MONSTERS!" No…no….for the love of Corn, anything but that…anything but HER!
"FOR SOLARIA! FOR THE DEATH OF ALL MONSTERS!"
"Solaria? Isn't that Eclipsa's mom?" Jana nudged at her shoulders, but Star was stuck with one train of thought in her mind.
"So…so….Solarian Warriors…..Solarian Warriors.." The strongest and most insane knights in Mewman history, the one's that helped Queen Solaria bathe all of Mewni in a river of Monster blood. "Mina…" She was the only one left, it was the only explanation. "Somehow…Mina's brought back her army."
"So is this a run or fight? situation" Jana asked, hints of fear in her eyes. "I'm good with either, but…"
Star looked back at the monster running in fear as one of the Solarians spotted him. To think so long ago, she wanted to be just like these cruel bastards. "We stay… and we fight." Star didn't know how it was possible, nor did she care. She spent all this time trying to save Mewni from itself, she wasn't about to let her old home wreck it all to pieces.