Chapter 129:
– Haru –
I had to grab the back of Kunou's new red cape before she could zip off toward the massive metal giant that had just fallen from the sky. Her boots skidded against the asphalt, leaving tiny sparks in their wake as she strained against my grip, practically vibrating with excitement.
"Whoa, easy there, sparky," I said, hauling her back a step.
"But Onii-chan!" Kunou whined, pointing a finger at the monolithic machine. Her golden eyes were wide, filled with the kind of awe usually reserved for fireworks displays or unlimited candy buffets. "Look at it! It's a giant robot! It's so shiny! Can I keep it? Please? It matches my hammer!"
I sighed. You can't put a cool-looking robot in front of a Japanese-raised child and not expect them to freak out. It was practically encoded in the culture. Hell, even Tanya-chan, who usually looked at the world with the cynical exhaustion of a forty-year-old war veteran trapped in a child's body, was staring at the thing with genuine interest. She stood near Myrcella and Mavis, her rifle lowered slightly, and I could have sworn there were actual stars in her eyes.
"It is... aesthetically pleasing," Tanya murmured, adjusting her grip on her weapon. "Though the tactical application of a bipedal construct of that size in such a small town is questionable. Still... cool."
"Yeah, robots are cool," I agreed, tightening my hold on Kunou's cape as she tried to squirm free again. "Too bad I'm pretty sure this one was sent to kill people here."
As I held Kunou back, I watched the secret agent—Coulson—walk up to the robot. He moved with a practiced, deliberate calm, adjusting his suit jacket as if he were approaching a disgruntled employee rather than a twenty-foot-tall engine of destruction. He stopped a safe distance away, raising his hands in a universal gesture of peace.
"Unidentified entity," Coulson called out, his voice steady despite the absurdity of the situation. "Please identify yourself and state your intentions. We don't want any trouble here. We come in peace. Please vacate this small town and go back where you came from."
The robot didn't answer. It didn't have a mouth to speak with, or even a face in the traditional sense. Instead, the heavy, metallic plates covering its 'face' began to slide open with a grinding, mechanical shriek.
Inside the helm, a deep, fiery orange glow began to build. It pulsed with a menacing heat, the air around it shimmering as the temperature spiked instantly.
My instincts screamed. That wasn't a greeting. That was a charging weapon.
"This is not going to be good," I muttered.
A beam of concentrated energy blasted out from the robot's face—a lance of pure, destructive heat aimed directly at the small, fragile human in the suit. There was no way a human would be able to dodge or survive a hit of that kind of power. He would be vaporized before he even felt the heat.
One of my ten golden tails lashed out, lengthening and expanding in a blur of motion. It shot past Kunou, past Thor, past the terrified onlookers, intercepting the beam just inches from Coulson's face. Deflecting it in another direction.
WHOOMph.
The beam slammed into the thick fur of my tail, the energy diverting and scattering harmlessly into the sky. It carved a trench of superheated air through the clouds above, shimmering like a heat mirage.
Coulson fell onto his ass, scrambling backward in the dirt, his composure finally shattering. He stared up at my tail, then at the smoking trail in the sky, his face pale. "Fuck this day!" he muttered, his voice cracking. "Seriously, fuck it!"
Behind me, Sif and the Warriors Three, or whatever they called themselves—let out a collective roar. They drew their weapons—except for the hairy guy who was in a loincloth and barehanded now.
"The Destroyer has gone rogue!" Sif shouted, her double-bladed staff spinning in her hands. "For Asgard! Attack!"
"For the All-Father!" the others echoed, rushing headlong toward the metal giant. And then we all watched them immediately get slapped into the ground one by one and knocked unconscious.
Wasn't Sif supposed to be a goddess of war!? What the fuck kind of pathetic display was that!?
I was pulled out of my thoughts and glanced down. Kunou tugged on my hand again. "Onii-chan! Can I fight it now? Please? It shot at the nice agent man!"
I looked down at her eager face. "Go nuts, kid," I said, releasing my grip on her cape.
"YIPPEE!"
The sound wasn't a battle cry. It was a squeal of pure, unadulterated delight that pierced through the dry desert air, sharper than the crack of thunder that accompanied it.
I watched, a mixture of pride and mild concern settling in my chest, as Kunou launched herself forward. The gray metal hammer—Sparking Lightning-Chan, as she had so insistently named it—was gripped tightly in her small hand, sparking violently as if it were responding to her sheer enthusiasm.
"Get him, Sparky!" she shouted, leaping high into the air. She brought the hammer down with a force that defied physics, slamming it squarely into the metallic knee of the towering Destroyer. The impact sounded like a bell tolling loudly through the small town. The giant automaton buckled, its metal shrieking in protest as arcs of lightning danced wildly across its chassis, scorching the dark alloy.
"Good form," I muttered to myself, crossing my arms over my chest. "A little reckless on the follow-through, but she's got the spirit."
Satisfied that my little sister wasn't in immediate danger and was having fun, I turned my attention to the rest of my "family"—and Mavis too I guess.
Tanya was standing a few feet away, her blue eyes tracking the battle, always making sure Kunou was safe.
I stepped closer to her. "You did good, Tanya," I said. She stiffened slightly as I reached out, my hand landing gently atop her blonde hair. I ruffled it affectionately, letting my fingers linger for a moment. "Thanks for being such an awesome little sister," I told her, putting genuine gratitude into the words. "You kept everyone safe until I got here. I know dealing with Kunou isn't exactly easy sometimes, especially when she goes off on random adventures."
"It... it was merely a tactical necessity," she muttered though she leaned ever so slightly into my touch. "Kunou is important afterall and I am her guard. I was just doing my job, Haru-niisan. Do not read into it."
I chuckled and gave her head one last pat before pulling back. "Right. Just the job. You're a professional through and through."
She huffed but the tips of her ears remained a tell-tale crimson.
I turned my gaze to the other two girls huddled near the entrance of the shattered diner. Myrcella Baratheon and Mavis Vermillion stood amidst the broken glass and debris, looking like a pair of misplaced dolls in a war zone.
Myrcella looked up as I approached, her large eyes wide and shimmering with a mixture of fear and absolute adoration. She smoothed the front of her intricate dress with trembling hands, her posture straightening instinctively as if she were at court rather than a dusty parking lot.
"You two holding up okay?" I asked, flashing them a gentle smile.
Myrcella opened her mouth to speak, but for a moment, no sound came out. Her face flushed a deep, rosy red, and she dropped her gaze to my chest, then quickly back up to my eyes, looking utterly flustered. "I—we... yes," she stammered, her voice breathless. She tucked a strand of golden hair behind her ear, her fingers shaking slightly. "We are... unharmed, Lord Haru. Thank you. You... you were magnificent when you arrived and stopped all the fighting…"
The crush she had on me was so obvious it was almost painful, but it was also endearing. She was a sweet girl.
"I'm glad," I said softly.
I looked at Mavis. The First Master of Fairy Tail looked more resigned about everything. She held a coffee mug with both hands, taking a long, contemplative sip as a massive explosion rocked the street behind us, sending a tremor through the ground. "How about you, Mavis?"
Mavis lowered her mug, her green eyes weary but amused. She gestured vaguely with the cup toward the carnage unfolding in the street, where Kunou was currently using the Destroyer's head as a springboard. "Honestly?" Mavis sighed, her voice raspy. "I didn't expect other worlds to be quite this... chaotic. But then again, after living in Fiore for so long, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised" She took another sip. "At least the coffee is still served hot in this world as well."
"Small mercies then," I agreed with a grin.
"THOR! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"
The shout cut through the ambient noise of combat.
I turned slowly, my tails swishing lazily behind me, and looked toward the source of the commotion.
A few yards away, near the overturned remains of a pickup truck, a woman was screaming at the large blonde man who had tried to intimidate me earlier. She was beautiful, in a frazzled, intellectual sort of way. Her brunette hair was a mess, falling in chaotic waves around a face that was flushed with adrenaline and confusion. She wore a flannel shirt over a t-shirt, and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. She was grabbing the front of Thor's shirt, shaking him as if trying to wake him up from a dream. She was gesturing wildly at the giant metal robot that was currently shooting beams of fire from its face.
Thor looked down at her, his expression a mix of guilt and helpless confusion. He reached out, his massive hands hovering over her shoulders, unsure if he was allowed to touch her. "Jane, please," Thor rumbled, his voice thick with emotion. "I told you I was the God of Thunder. I told you of Asgard. That metal beast... that is the Destroyer."
I began to walk toward them.
Boom!
Behind me, another explosion roared as Kunou slammed the hammer into the Destroyer's midsection, sending the automaton skidding backward into a building. The bricks exploded and half the storefront collapsed in a pile of rubble.
Oooof, that was going to be an expensive fix…
"YIP-YIP! Take that, you big tin can!" Kunou's voice echoed, high and triumphant.
"The DESTROYER?" Jane Foster repeated. "What does it do!?"
"It destroys!" Thor said—not helpfully. "It is Asgard's strongest weapon! A guardian of the King's vault!" He looked at the machine, his brow furrowed in genuine perplexity. "I do not know why it is here. It obeys only the King! It should never have been sent to Midguard." he then started muttering to himself. "...Maybe those damn Frost Giants hijacked it," Thor whispered but my ears could hear him of course. "Perhaps when they snuck into the vaults earlier... But no. My brother Loki is King now. Father has fallen into the Odinsleep. Loki holds the throne." He puffed out his chest slightly, a flicker of pride warring with his worry. "I am sure he is doing his best to regain control of the construct. He is a master of magic, after all."
Loki?
Wasn't Loki supposed to be Thor's uncle in the old myths? I guessed mythology was a lot different in this world. I dismissed the theological debate and focused on the more immediate interest—the brunette who was scowling at Thor.
I stepped into their personal space, letting my presence wash over them. Thor sensed it immediately. He spun toward me, placing himself instinctively between the woman and me, his posture defensive.
I ignored him entirely. My golden eyes locked onto the woman. "Hello," I said, my voice smooth, dropping into a lower register that vibrated with a hint of my power.
She froze, looking past Thor's shoulder at me. Her eyes widened, taking in the ears, the suit, the ten golden tails fanning out behind me.
"I'm Haru," I introduced myself, offering a small, charming smile. "And I have to ask... what brings a lovely woman like you to a small town like this in the middle of nowhere?"
Her mouth opened, then closed. A sudden, vivid flush crept up her neck and stained her cheeks a deep, attractive pink. She blinked rapidly, her scientific mind clearly struggling to categorize me. "I... uh..." She stammered, smoothing her hair back nervously. "I'm... I'm a scientist. An astrophysicist."
Thor let out a low growl, his hands balling into fists at his sides. He glared at me, his blue eyes flashing with jealousy as he saw the way Jane was looking at me. "Back away, demon," Thor warned me.
I didn't even look at him. I kept my gaze fixed on Jane. "An astrophysicist? Smart and beautiful. That's a dangerous combination."
Jane's blush deepened. She stepped around Thor, drawn by curiosity or perhaps just my charm. "I'm Doctor Jane Foster," she said, her voice gaining a little strength. "I came here to investigate an atmospheric anomaly. I've been studying Einstein-Rosen bridges and wormhole theory." She gestured vaguely at the chaos around us, her hand trembling slightly. "But then... everything went crazy. We found him—" she pointed at Thor "—and then the government took my research, and now... gods are real? And there's a little fox girl wearing Norse armor beating up a giant robot from The Day the Earth Stood Still?" She let out a breathless, slightly hysterical laugh, running a hand over her face. "I think I might be having a nervous breakdown."
I laughed, a rich, warm sound. "Hah. Don't you hate when that happens? You go looking for wormholes and you find gods and monsters instead." I took a step closer to her, invading her personal space just enough to make her heart rate spike. I could hear it beating faster, could smell the sudden spike in pheromones. "It's a lot to take in," I agreed softly. "But you seem to be handling it better than most. Most people would be running for the hills right now."
"I... I want to understand it all, everything that is out there," Jane admitted, looking up at me. Her eyes were searching mine, fascinated by the vertical slits of my pupils. "What are you?"
"I'm a Demon Lord," I said casually. "And a chef. Though I suppose right now, I'm mostly just a big brother making sure his sister doesn't level the state."
"A chef?" Jane repeated, giving me a look as if she couldn't believe something so absurd. "That's like… a normaljob… I was expecting something way weirder…"
"Do not be tricked by his handsome face and false smile, Lady Jane!" Thor stepped between us again, his massive chest puffed out like a rooster trying to defend its coop. He glared at me, one hand extended as if to physically block Jane's view of me. "This creature proclaimed itself a Demon Lord!" Thor spat my title, his voice vibrating with disdain. "Demons are a scourge on the universe! Creatures of darkness and deceit! He seeks only to enthrall you with his wicked charms!"
I raised an eyebrow, not even bothering to defend myself. I just let my tails sway lazily behind me, to show how little his blustering affected me.
Jane, however, wasn't having it. She stepped out from behind Thor's bulk, her expression sharpening. She looked at him, then at me, then back at the Asgardian prince. Her lips pursed, and she crossed her arms over her smaller but no less perky chest.
"Thor," she said, cutting through his theatrics. "Considering he stopped the fighting—fighting that your friends started, by the way—and just came to rescue his little sister from a group of grown warriors attacking children... I don't know what to believe." She turned her gaze back to me, her eyes softening, curiosity warring with caution. "But right now, the 'demon' seems like the reasonable one."
Thor looked like he'd been slapped with a wet fish. He sputtered, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to formulate a retort. "But... Lady Jane! Those girls are terrors! Look at them! The Destroyer is losing!"
He pointed a shaking finger toward the battle. And he wasn't wrong. The Destroyer was definitely losing. Kunou was a blur of gold and lightning, zipping around the lumbering automaton like a hyperactive hornet.
With a gleeful shout, she swung Mjolnir—sorry, Sparking Lightning-Chan—in an upward arc, connecting solidly with the Destroyer's metallic chin. The robot's head snapped back, sparks flying from its neck joint as it staggered backward, crashing through the remains of a traffic light.
"Take that!" Kunou shouted, hovering in the air amidst a corona of static electricity. "And that! Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!" She followed up with a rapid-fire series of blows, smashing the hammer into the Destroyer's faceplate over and over again, driving it deeper into the asphalt with each strike.
The robot flailed, its movements jerky and sluggish, unable to track the small, agile target.
"See?" Thor whined, sounding more like a petulant child than a god. "She is mocking the might of Asgard's greatest weapon!"
"Well," I said casually, turning my attention back to Jane. "I just got here, so I'm not really sure what's going on either. Other than the fact that gods were trying to rob and hurt my little sister."
I let my gaze drift back to Thor. My smile didn't fade, but the warmth drained out of it instantly, replaced by something colder, sharper. I focused my aura, narrowing it into a precise, suffocating beam directed solely at him.
I didn't let Jane feel even a whisper of it, keeping the pressure contained.
"And like with Apollo," I murmured, my voice dropping to a low, dangerous register that only Thor seemed to truly hear, "that won't turn out well for anyone who wants to hurt her."
Thor went rigid. His eyes widened, the color draining from his face as the weight of my presence hit him. He shivered violently, goosebumps erupting across his arms as if the desert heat had instantly turned to ice. He took a staggering step back, his breath hitching in his throat, realizing for the first time just what kind of entity he was standing next to.
"What... what are you?" Thor whispered, his voice trembling.
I ignored him, turning my smile back to Jane. The pressure vanished instantly, leaving Thor gasping for air like a fish out of water.
"So," I said brightly, "what's going to happen now?"
Jane blinked, looking between the shivering Thor and me, clearly sensing something had just happened but unable to pinpoint what. She shook her head, focusing on the question. "I... I don't know," she admitted, wringing her hands nervously.
"I guess we'll find out pretty soon," I said, nodding toward the street.
We watched as Kunou delivered the final blow.
The Destroyer was on its knees, smoke pouring from its joints, its internal fires flickering weakly. Kunou hovered above it, raising the hammer high over her head. The sky darkened for a split second, clouds swirling directly above her, before a massive bolt of lightning slammed down into the weapon, charging it with blinding white energy.
"SUPER... SPARKING... SMASH!" Kunou yelled at the top of her lungs.
She drove the hammer down.
It hit the Destroyer square in the chest.
BOOOM!
The impact didn't just break the robot, it shattered the ground beneath it. A shockwave rippled out, cracking the road for fifty feet in every direction, blowing out the remaining windows of the storefronts. The Destroyer crumpled, its metal body folding in on itself like a crushed soda can. The orange glow in its faceplate flickered once, twice, and then died completely.
Silence fell over the town.
Kunou landed softly on the edge of the crater she had created, spinning the hammer on its strap before holstering it on her hip. She dusted off her hands, looking down at the twisted heap of scrap metal with a satisfied nod. "That's what you get for being mean!" she declared.
"Incredible," Jane breathed, staring at the destruction. "Just... incredible."
Thor slumped against the hood of the overturned truck, looking defeated. "My father's prized guardian... reduced to scrap by a child..."
The dust from the shattered Destroyer hadn't even begun to settle before a golden missile came rocketing toward me.
"ONII-CHAN! DID YOU SEE? DID YOU SEE?!"
Kunou didn't so much run as she did blurred across the broken asphalt, she launched herself at me. I caught her easily, absorbing the momentum as she wrapped her small arms around my waist, burying her face into my stomach.
"I saw, kiddo," I laughed, hugging her back tight. "You kicked some serious ass out there."
She nuzzled her cheek against my chest, her golden ears twitching wildly. She was a force of nature capable of leveling city blocks, but right now, she was just my little sister looking for head pats.
While I was having a tender family moment amidst the wreckage, Phil Coulson was having a bureaucratic crisis.
The S.H.I.E.L.D. agent wandered back toward us, stepping gingerly over a piece of twisted Asgardian metal that used to be a leg. He stopped next to me, took off his sunglasses, and rubbed the bridge of his nose with a weary sigh that seemed to carry the weight of the entire federal budget.
"The main street is gone," Coulson muttered, staring blankly at the craters, the smashed storefronts, and the overturned cars. "The 7-Eleven is a pile of bricks. The gas station is... well, it's not a station anymore." He looked at me, his eyes dead. "Do you have any idea how much paperwork this is? The taxpayers are going to crucify us. How do I even classify this on the expense report? 'Act of God'?"
"Technically, 'Act of Automaton sent by a god'," I corrected helpfully. "Make sure to emphasize the small 'g.' Very small…" I said with a smirk adn glanced at Thor who didn't get my joke sadly. I shifted Kunou onto my hip—she was still clinging to Mjolnir like a teddy bear—and jerked my chin toward the group of groaning warriors pulling themselves out of the rubble a few yards away. Sif and the Warriors Three were regaining consciousness. "Look at it this way, Agent Coulson," I said, a mischievous grin spreading across my face. "You didn't break it. They did."
I pointed a finger squarely at the Asgardians.
"What do you mean," he asked.
"They came down here, started a brawl in a civilian population center, and brought a giant laser-robot with them," I reasoned. "If anyone is paying for the reconstruction of this lovely little dustbowl, it should be the guys who live in a golden city in the sky. I bet they have deep pockets…."
Thor stiffened. He looked at the destruction, then at the terrified locals peeking out from behind cover, and finally at Coulson's flat, expectant stare. The color drained from the Thunder God's face as the reality of all the damage they caused probably came to his mind.
He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Asgard... Asgard will honor its debts," Thor announced, though his voice lacked its usual booming confidence. He stepped forward, puffing out his chest in an attempt to regain some dignity. "My father's kingdom is vast. We shall make restitution for... all of this. You have my word, Son of Coul."
Coulson didn't look impressed. "I prefer a wire transfer to an oath, Mr. Odinson."
Thor winced. He shifted his weight, turning his desperate eyes toward me. Or rather, toward the hammer in Kunou's hand. The desperation on his face shifted from financial anxiety to existential pleading.
"Noble demon," Thor began, clasping his large hands together. His tone was wheedling, a far cry from the arrogance he'd shown me five minutes ago. "Please... I implore you. Consider the situation. If your sister were to return Mjolnir to me... if I were to regain my powers... it would be far easier for me to travel home and secure the funds to repay Lady Jane's people."
I scoffed loud enough to make him flinch, rolling my eyes toward the heavens. "Oh, so now I'm the 'Noble Demon'?" I asked dryly, raising an eyebrow at him. "Five minutes ago I was a 'scourge on the universe' and a 'creature of darkness.' You flip-flop fast when your wallet is empty, Goldilocks."
Thor opened his mouth to argue, realized he had absolutely no leverage, and wisely shut it again.
I turned my back on him, dismissing the god for the moment. I looked over at the group of girls—Tanya, who was reloading her magazine just in case. Mavis, who now looked like she really had to pee after all all the coffee she'd gulped down. And Myrcella, who was still trying to maintain princess-level poise in a war zone.
"Alright, ladies," I called out. I looked at Tanya. "Tanya-chan, do me a favor. Take the girls back to the Fox Hole." My gaze shifted to Jane Foster, who was still staring at the wreckage of the Destroyer, frantically scribbling notes in a small pad she'd pulled from her pocket. "Why don't you take Lady Jane with you?" I suggested, flashing her a playful wink. "She looks like she could use a drink. And maybe a quiet place to process the fact that aliens exist and they use swords and hammers."
"It's Doctor Jane," she corrected playfully, pushing a strand of messy hair out of her eyes as she looked up. Perhaps her mind was simply overwhelmed, because she shrugged and started walking toward the wooden door that had just appeared, showing no hesitation. "And... yeah. A drink sounds good. Does your restaurant serve tequila?"
"We serve everything," I promised.
"Wait! Hold on! I want to go to the magic restaurant too!" From behind the mangled remains of the pet shop across the street, a new figure appeared. It was a girl in a knit cap and glasses who stumbled, breathless and panicked, over a chunk of masonry. Adjusting her spectacles, she fixed her wide, eager gaze on the floating door and me.
I blinked at her. "Who are you?"
"I'm Darcy!" she wheezed, pointing a thumb at herself. "Jane's assistant, intern, and general emotional support BFF. I've been hiding in the pet shop with the puppies this entire time, waiting for the explosions to stop." She glanced at the door, then at Kunou's tails. "Is that floating door real, or did I get hit in the head? Can I go with Jane? I'd really like a drink, too."
I shrugged. "Sure. The more the merrier." I nodded to Tanya. "Take care of them. I'll catch up in a bit."
Tanya snapped a crisp salute. "Understood, Haru-niisan. Move out," she ordered the group.
Mavis didn't need to be told twice. She practically sprinted for the door, dragging Myrcella, Jane, and the new girl, Darcy, with her. "Cmon! I really have to pee!"
Once the door clicked shut behind them, vanishing into thin air, the street felt suddenly emptier.
"What are you planning on doing, Mr. Haru?" Coulson asked.
I looked down at Kunou, who was looking up at me with expectant eyes. Then I looked at Thor, who was still staring mournfully at the spot where the door had vanished. I placed a hand on Kunou's shoulder and gestured to the sky.
"I'm taking Kunou and Thor back to Asgard," I announced casually. "We're going to go have a little chat with whoever sent the robot to kill us." I turned my golden gaze to the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. "Wanna come along, Coulson?" I offered. "You can bring your invoices. I figure you'd love the chance to bitch at an alien monarchy about zoning violations and property damage in person."
Thor's head snapped up, his blue eyes lighting up with sudden, blinding hope. "You... You will take me back to Asgard?"
Coulson, on the other hand, sputtered. "Excuse me?" Coulson coughed. "You want to go to another planet!? Right now?"
"Yeah, are you coming or not?" I told Coulson.
Kunou jumped up and down, excited and saying she wanted to go, and wondered if Asgard had more robots she could beat up!?
The Warriors Three and Lady Sif exchanged desperate glances, hobbling forward from the wreckage of the 7-Eleven. They looked like they'd gone ten rounds with a blender and lost.
"Wait!" Volstagg bellowed, stumbling over a pile of bricks. "We wish to accompany you! We must return to Asgard to defend the throne! Our honor demands it!" As the massive, red-bearded warrior lumbered closer, the sunlight caught entirely too much pale, hairy flesh. In his earlier, ill-advised attempt to grapple the Destroyer with his bare hands, his loincloth had apparently been incinerated or torn away. He was now wearing nothing but a hubcap he'd frantically snatched up to cover his vitals, and even that was doing a poor job of hiding his shame.
"Oh, hell no," I muttered. My hands moved faster than a striking cobra. I clamped my palms firmly over Kunou's eyes, shielding her innocent gaze from the traumatic sight of a naked, hairy Norseman jiggling in the desert heat. "Don't look, Kunou," I ordered strictly. "You're too young to see that much... disappointment."
"Hey! I can't see!" Kunou complained, pawing at my hands. "Is there another monster? Can I hit it?"
"No monster," I assured her, glaring at Volstagg. "Just a future member on the national sex offender registry…" I turned my golden gaze to the group. Sif looked battered but dignified, leaning on her double bladed sword. The other three men, however... They looked like trouble I didn't want to babysit. "Sif can come," I decided, my voice brooking no argument. I pointed a finger at the three men—Fandral, Hogun, and the very naked Volstagg. "You three, however? You're staying right here. In fact, you belong in a cell."
"A cell?!" Fandral gasped, clutching his chest as if I'd stabbed him. "For what crime? We fought bravely!"
"You started a brawl in a civilian population center," I listed off, ticking my fingers. "You endangered children. You destroyed private property. And worst of all, you annoyed me." I looked over at the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent standing by the wreckage of his car. "Coulson?"
Phil Coulson's face split into a wide, vindictive grin that didn't quite reach his eyes but certainly showed his satisfaction. He adjusted his tie, looking immensely pleased. "You heard the Fox Man," Coulson announced, his voice crisp and authoritative. He gestured to the squad of agents who were cautiously emerging from their cover. "Agents! Arrest those men. I want them in cuffs and in the back of the transport vans. Charge them with... everything. Public indecency, destruction of federal property, vigilantism, and whatever else you can think of."
"What?! This is an outrage!" Volstagg roared, but his protest was cut short as two agents tackled him, wrestling his arms behind his back—which unfortunately caused the hubcap to clatter to the ground.
"MY EYES!" an agent screamed.
"Just bag 'em and tag 'em!" Coulson shouted over the chaos.
I ignored the sounds of the Warriors Three being mirandized and turned my attention back to Sif. The warrior woman sheathed her sword and walked slowly toward Kunou. She looked down at my little sister, her expression a complicated mix of shame and respect. "Little fox warrior," Sif said softly. She dropped to one knee, bringing herself to eye level with Kunou—though I kept a hand ready just in case. "I... I owe you an apology. I never intended to raise my blade against a child. This is not the first time I've been caught up, following my foolish friends into a battle I didn't agree with, and I should have stopped them instead of joining in."
Kunou puffed out her cheeks, crossing her arms over her chest plate. She turned her head away with a dramatic huff, her nose in the air. "Hmph!" Kunou scoffed, her tails swishing dismissively. "It doesn't matter! I didn't even feel any of your attacks. You were way too weak to hurt me anyway! And that big metal robot was super weak, too. I barely even tried!"
Sif's face fell. The words clearly stung. She looked at the crater where the Destroyer had been pulverized—a feat she and the finest warriors of Asgard had failed to accomplish—and then back at the small girl who had done it single-handedly. "I see," Sif murmured, humbling herself. "You are... truly formidable. Asgard would sing songs of your strength."
"How are we getting to Asgard?" Coulson asked, stepping up beside us as the van doors slammed shut on the screaming Asgardians. He dusted off his suit jacket. "Thor said the gatekeeper isn't answering."
Thor nodded grimly, looking at the sky. "Heimdall does not respond to my calls. Without the Bifrost, we are stranded."
"Not necessarily," I said. I tilted my head back, looking up into the endless blue of the New Mexico sky. I knew she was watching. She was always watching. I cleared my throat and pitched my voice to carry, layering it with as much dramatic, syrupy sweetness as I could muster. "Oh, my beautiful, sexy, and amazing Goddess of the Moon!" I shouted toward the heavens, spreading my arms wide. "Ranni! My beloved! A woman so enchanting that wars have been fought just for the privilege of sniffing a lock of your vibrant blue hair! A goddess whose beauty shames the stars themselves!"
Coulson stared at me. Thor looked confused.
"Could you pretty please," I continued, batting my eyelashes at the empty air, "open a portal to Asgard for us? For your devoted, handsome consort?"
Beside me, Kunou took a slow, deliberate step away from me. Her golden eyes were wide with second-hand embarrassment and genuine fear. "Wow, Niichan..." she whispered, clutching Mjolnir to her chest. "Just... wow. You really want to get smited, don't you?"
For a second, nothing happened. The wind blew. A tumbleweed rolled by.
Then, a voice echoed directly into my mind—cool, melodious, and dripping with flustered irritation.
'Hmph! Thou art incorrigible, Haru. To speak such embarrassing drivel in front of strangers... Thy tongue is too loose by half. I shall have words with thee later regarding thy public displays.'
I grinned. I knew she loved it…
The air in front of us began to warp. A chill wind swept through the hot desert. Space twisted, tearing open to reveal a swirling vortex of deep, cosmic blue. It was a wormhole of pure lunar magic, stabilizing into a gateway.
Thor stared at it, his jaw unhinged. "By Odin's beard... what manner of sorcery is this?"
"The best kind," I replied. "The kind that comes with a very cute, very tsundere Goddess attached. Notice how this time I used the big 'G'," I added, but once again my comment went over Thor's head…
We all went through the portal Ranni made for us.
"...Hey, Niichan, why is that guy frozen like a popsicle?" Kunou asked me as we arrived on Asgard.
A tall man, encased in golden armor, was indeed frozen solid nearby. I just shrugged at my imouto. I didn't have an answer for everything.
"Heimdall!" The blonde not-god scrambled forward, his heavy boots skidding against the polished gold floor as he dropped to his knees before the frozen figure. "This is Heimdall... he is the gatekeeper. He is supposed to be the eyes and ears of the realm," Thor stammered, his large hands hovering uselessly over the block of translucent, jagged ice that encased the tall, dark-skinned warrior. He looked up, his blue eyes wide with panic as he scanned the horizon. "This ice magic... it carries the stench of Jotunheim. The Frost Giants! Have they breached our defenses? Are they assaulting the Golden City even now?"
I ignored his panic for a moment, stepping past him to look out through the massive arched opening of the observatory.
I had to admit, I was impressed.
Stretching out before us was a sight that defied physics and logic in the most beautiful way possible. In the distance, rising from the water like a monument to excess and power, was the city of Asgard. It was a sprawling metropolis of towering golden spires, floating structures, and architecture that looked like it had been grown from solid light rather than built with stone.
It was breathtaking.
"Not bad," I murmured, my golden eyes tracing the skyline. "Actually, it's beautiful. Way cleaner than the Asgard back home."
They must have different Odins, I figured. I thought of the Odin from my world—the perverted geezer who spent more time motorboating strippers with Azazel than ruling a kingdom—and shook my head.
"Should we... unfreeze him?" Coulson asked, stepping cautiously toward the ice block. He reached out a finger, hesitant to touch the magical frost. "He looks like he might still be alive in there."
"No! We must hurry!" Thor bellowed, pushing himself up from the floor. He didn't even spare a second glance for his frozen friend. His eyes were fixed on the distant palace with a manic intensity. "I have no time to waste on magic I do not understand! I must stop the frost giants! I must go to the vault! I must secure the funds to repay Lady Jane's people so that I might win her heart and restore my honor!"
With that, the God of Thunder took off. He didn't fly—he didn't have his hammer, after all—so he just started sprinting. A massive, flannel-clad man thundering down the multi-kilometer-long bridge, legs pumping like pistons as he ran toward the city.
I wondered how far he'd get before he tires out? I watched him go, feeling a profound sense of second-hand embarrassment.
Beside me, Lady Sif let out a sharp, frustrated huff of air through her nose. Her shoulders slumped, the metal of her pauldrons clinking softly as her posture lost its warrior's edge. I turned my gaze to her. She was a striking woman, I'd give her that. Her raven hair cascaded down her back in silky waves, contrasting sharply against her pale skin and the gleaming silver of her armor. The metal plates hugged her figure tightly, accentuating a strong, athletic build—wide hips, a narrow waist, and a chest that strained against the breastplate.
But right now, she didn't look like a warrior goddess. She looked like a girl who had just watched her crush run off to buy flowers for someone else.
"That guy?" I asked dryly, hooking a thumb in the direction of the retreating Thor. "Really? You're pining over him?"
Sif flinched, her dark eyes snapping to mine. "I... I do not know what you mean."
"Please," I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest. My tails swayed lazily behind me, brushing against the golden floor. "I can smell the jealousy on you. It's bitter. Look, lady, I don't know how things work on this planet, but back home? There are plenty of fish in the sea. There must not be many proper men on Asgard if you're jealous of a guy like that…"
Sif looked down at her boots, her expression crumbling.
"And frankly," I continued, "I doubt Doctor Jane will be into him anyway after what she saw today. She's smart. And she didn't seem too happy about the way you and your friends attacked my little sister. That tends to be a big red flag."
Sif winced. She looked out at the city, her expression melancholic. "Perhaps... perhaps you are right," she whispered, her voice losing its steel. "I have spent centuries standing by his side, fighting his battles, cleaning up his messes. And for what? To be ignored?" She took a deep breath, her chest plate rising and falling heavily. She turned back to me, and I saw a shift in her eyes. The sadness was pushed back, replaced by a sudden, appraising gleam. She looked me up and down, her gaze lingering on my face, then tracking down my body, taking in the cut of my suit and the way I carried myself. Her cheeks flushed a faint, attractive pink. "You possess great power, Lord Haru," Sif said softly, stepping closer. She reached up, tucking a strand of black hair behind her ear—a gesture that was undeniably feminine. "Perhaps... this is my wake-up call. Perhaps I should look elsewhere for a companion." She tilted her head, her lips parting slightly. "Tell me... are you single?"
Before I could even open my mouth to answer, a small, armored blur stepped between us.
"Hmph!" Kunou planted her feet firmly on the ground, puffing out her chest plate. She glared up at the Asgardian warrior, her golden fox ears flattened against her skull in a display of territorial aggression. "Back off, old lady!" Kunou shouted, pointing Mjolnir directly at Sif's shins. "My Onii-chan already has a harem! And his women are way more awesome, way prettier, and way nicer than you!" She stuck her tongue out, blowing a raspberry.
From the side, I heard a wet choking sound.
"H-Harem?" Coulson sputtered. He looked at me with wide eyes.
Three of my thick, fluffy golden tails uncoiled from behind me, expanding in size until they were large enough to serve as makeshift safety belts. I didn't bother asking for permission.
One wrapped securely around Phil Coulson's waist, another snagged Kunou—who giggled and snuggled into the fur—and the third coiled firmly around Lady Sif.
As the dense fur tightened around the Asgardian warrior, I couldn't help but pause for a fraction of a second. The woman was wearing plate armor, sure, but my sensory abilities were sharp enough to feel exactly what lay beneath the cold metal. Sif was solid muscle, toned and athletic, with a firmness that spoke of centuries of exercise. She had a tight, powerful body, the kind that could probably crack a walnut between her thighs.
But honestly? She wasn't really my type. She was too rigid, too hung up on honor and unrequited pining for a guy who wore flannel in the desert. And regarding Doctor Jane Foster? I'd mostly just flirted with her back in Puente Antiguo to watch the vein in Thor's forehead throb.
"Wait, what are you—" Coulson started to ask, gripping his suit lapels.
"Hold your breath," I advised. I didn't take a step so much as I simply decided to be somewhere else. I channeled a surge of magicules into my legs, bending space and physics to my will. The world around us didn't just blur, it elongated into streaks of impossible color—gold, azure, and white.
We crossed the Rainbow Bridge—the Bifrost, whatever they called it—in a single heartbeat. Kilometers of alien ocean and golden architecture vanished beneath my boots in an instant.
I slammed to a halt in the courtyard of the Royal Palace. The sudden stop kicked up a shockwave of displacement air that rattled the heavy golden doors in front of us.
"Whoa..." Coulson gasped, stumbling as my tail released him. He grabbed his knees, looking a little green as he stared up at the impossible spires looming over us. "Okay. That was fast. Faster than a highspeed Quinjet. Faster than anything…"
Sif blinked rapidly, her hand going to her forehead as she tried to reorient her equilibrium. She looked at the palace, then at the bridge stretching out miles behind us, and finally, she turned her wide, dark eyes toward me. Her cheeks flushed a deep, dusky pink, and her breath hitched audibly. "Such speed..." she whispered, her gaze tracking over my shoulders and tails with a look that was becoming uncomfortably familiar. "Such raw, unbridled power..."
Great. Just what I needed. I had a sinking feeling this woman was the clingy type—the kind who mistook a display of dominance for a marriage proposal. I made a mental note to keep Irene away from her...
I strode forward. Two golden-armored guards lay sprawled near the entrance. They weren't dead, but they weren't having a good day, either. Large, jagged spears of translucent ice protruded from their stomachs, pinning them to the ground. They were unconscious, their breathing shallow and ragged, frost spreading across their golden armor.
"Ice," I muttered, kneeling to inspect the wounds. "So the frost giants really are attacking."
I frowned. Honestly, with my knowledge of different worlds—especially the DxD universe—I had just assumed Loki was the mastermind behind everything. The God of Mischief was usually the bad guy in every story he appeared in. But this looked like a genuine invasion. Was I wrong?
"We need to move," I said, standing up. "Kunou, stay close."
"Aye aye, Captain Onii-chan!" she chirped, hefting Mjolnir onto her shoulder like it was a baseball bat.
We pushed deeper into the palace. The architecture was stunning, high vaulted ceilings, pillars of gold and marble, but the scenery was marred by the signs of battle. We passed more bodies. Asgardian guards lay broken against the walls, while the corpses of massive, blue-skinned giants littered the floor, their bodies dissolving into puddles of slush and water.
I expanded my senses, sending a wave of magicules sweeping through the massive structure. I picked up the noise of fighting ahead, the clash of metal on ice, the roar of monstrous voices.
But more importantly, I sensed two distinct divine presences located in a chamber just down the main hall. One of the presences felt almost dormant. The other felt sharp, alert, and fiercely protective.
We rounded a corner and entered a massive antechamber. At the far end, a group of three Frost Giants, towering behemoths with skin like frozen sapphire and eyes that glowed crimson, were pounding on a set of ornate double doors. They were conjuring massive spikes of ice, trying to batter their way through the magical wards protecting the room.
Sif gasped, her face twisting in horror. "That is the King's personal chamber! They are trying to attack him while he is in the Odinsleep!" Sif let out a warrior's cry that echoed off the vaulted ceiling. "FOR ASGARD!" She drew her double-bladed staff and rushed forward.
I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.
The Frost Giant in the center—the largest of the group—didn't even look concerned. "Oh, it's this bitch again..." He stopped pounding on the door and spun around slowly. He watched Sif charge, his red eyes narrowing with disdain.
As she lunged, aiming a thrust at his heart, the giant simply grunted. He didn't use magic. He didn't use a weapon. He just swung his massive arm in a lazy backhand.
CRACK.
His fist connected with Sif's armor with the sound of a car hitting a wall. Sif was lifted off her feet and launched airborne. She flew across the room, spinning wildly, before slamming face-first into a golden pillar. She slid down to the floor and didn't move.
Knocked out. Again.
"Wow," I muttered, wincing in sympathy. "I think I just heard feminists across the multiverse crying out in despair…."
Beside me, Coulson's hand twitched toward his holstered sidearm. He drew it halfway, looked at the twelve-foot-tall ice monsters, then looked again at his standard-issue pistol, and slowly slid the gun back into the holster. "I feel kind of out of my depth right now…" he grumbled.
Kunou stepped forward, her little face set in a scowl. She raised Mjolnir, sparks of lightning beginning to crackle around her armor. "Hey! You big bullies! You can't just hit people like that!" She looked ready to launch into a dramatic speech about justice and heroism, but I reached out and placed a hand on top of her head.
"Hold on, Kunou," I said gently. "Let big brother handle this." I stepped past her, walking casually toward the three giants. My hands were in my pockets, my posture relaxed.
The Frost Giants turned their attention to me. Unlike Thor and his friends, who had looked at me with confusion, these monsters seemed to possess a primal survival instinct. They stiffened. The leader took a half-step back, his red eyes widening as he looked at me.
They sensed it. They could feel the difference between us all.
"Go home," I said. My voice wasn't loud, but it carried a weight that made them tremble. Behind me, ten golden tails unfurled. I let a fraction—just a tiny, microscopic sliver—of my Demon Lord aura seep out. The entire palace shook. The golden pillars groaned, cracking under the sheer density of my magicules.
The Frost Giants didn't attack. The leader, the one who had swatted Sif like a fly, lowered his ice-spear. He looked at me, then at the door behind him, then back at me. He was smart. He realized that whatever was behind that door wasn't worth dying for right now. "My name is Laufey," the giant rumbled, his voice sounding like grinding glaciers. He bowed his head slightly—a gesture of submission to a superior apex predator. "If you are sparing us, foreign demon... then we shall leave. Odin may live another day." He shrugged his massive shoulders, a look of pure pragmatism on his face. "Unless you are planning on killing him yourself. In which case... be my guest."
"I don't know—maybe?" Is he a dick in this universe?
With that, Laufey turned and signaled his men. They broke into a run, sprinting past us and toward the balcony exit with a speed that was impressive for creatures of their size. They didn't look back.
I watched them go, retracting my aura before I accidentally collapsed the roof.
A moment later, the heavy latch on the ornate doors clicked. Slowly, hesitantly, the double doors swung inward. A woman peeked her head out.
She was regal, dressed in flowing robes of gold and cream that draped elegantly over a figure that was undeniably womanly. She had long, wavy hair and eyes that held the wisdom of ages, but it was her presence that struck me first.
She was... well, she was stunning. Mature. Elegant. And incredibly well-endowed. Busty MILF were the only words my brain could supply.
Damn. No wonder the Odin back in my world—the perverted old geezer who spent all his time at strip clubs with Azazel—was so depressed about his version of Frigga dying. If she looked anything like this woman, losing her would be a tragedy of cosmic proportions.
She stared at me, then down at Kunou in her mini-Thor cosplay, and finally at Coulson in his suit.
"You..." she began, her voice smooth and cultured, though laced with confusion. "You are not Frost Giants…?"
A few seconds later, we heard the thud of heavy boots running up behind us. I spun my head around to see a guy charging toward us, wearing some kind of absurd reindeer helmet and clutching a golden spear that reminded me of Kunou's new toy.
"Mother! I have come to save... you," he declared, skidding to a halt as he noticed the frost giants were no longer there…
XXX