The afternoon sun illuminated Tokyo-3 melancholy, the buildings mirroring the orange sky as the clouds slowly crept in. I walked beside Rei, both of us silent. Since the last battle, the days had been filled with reports, Eva maintenance, and endless meetings at NERV. I'd barely had time to breathe, much less spend time with Ayanami.
Now that we finally had some time together, I felt a strange weight on my chest. I wanted to make up for all that time, but every time I looked at Rei, her calm, distant expression, I didn't know where to begin.
"…So," I ventured, scratching the back of my neck, my gaze averted to the ground. "Yeah… it's been a while, hasn't it? Since we had some time alone."
Rei turned her red eyes to me, her voice low and serene. "Yes. We haven't talked much since you arrived."
The silence returned, and I sighed... She was right. I wanted to say something meaningful, but the words tangled together.
"I… I kind of wanted to make up for it. You know, since I wasn't around much. But…" I shrugged, chuckling to myself. "I have no idea how."
Rei stopped walking for a moment, watching me. Her gaze wasn't one of judgment, but of calm curiosity, as if trying to understand what he was feeling. "You don't need to apologize."
"But I want to," I insisted, looking away. "You're always there, calm, helping everyone… and I'm always lost, getting in the way, or fighting with Asuka. I don't want you to think I forget about you."
Rei blinked slowly, absorbing my words. Then she resumed walking. "There's no need to make up. But…" his voice softened slightly, almost imperceptibly. "Just being here, walking with me, is enough."
I fell silent, surprised. I felt my face heat up, but I didn't know what to say. Deep down, that simple answer said more than I expected.
I scratched my head again, chuckling awkwardly. "…You really know how to leave a guy speechless, don't you?"
Rei kept her eyes on the horizon, but a faint, almost imperceptible blush crept across her cheeks.
The sky was darkening quickly, the heavy clouds gathering until they obscured the last trace of sunlight. A cold wind blew through the nearly deserted streets, making the traffic lights sway like a creak. I looked up, shoving my hands in my pockets, and then turned to Rei. "It's getting late… and the weather's weird. I'll walk you home."
Rei simply nodded, calm as ever, walking beside me without question. The silence between us was comfortable, though heavy with the city's strange atmosphere.
As they made their way through the narrow streets, I broke the silence with a more serious tone: "By the way… I know you're always calm, but… be careful, okay? I heard there's been a series of women disappearing around here."
Rei looked away from me, her red eyes reflecting the dim streetlights. "Disappearances?"
"Yeah," I confirmed with a frown. "People vanish out of nowhere, without a trace. Especially girls." I sighed, kicking a pebble in my path. "It's not like we don't have enough problems with Angels already, but… it seems like even the streets are dangerous."
Rei walked in silence for a few steps, absorbing my words. Her expression didn't change much, but there was a shadow in her gaze. "I see."
I turned to face her, trying to sound lighthearted. "So… just promise you'll be careful, okay? I don't want to see you become one of those statistics."
She stared at me for a moment, and then replied in her calm, almost emotionless, yet sincere tone: "I promise."
I felt my chest relax a little at her answer. Walking her to the door of her building, I stopped in front of the entrance and took a deep breath, looking at her one last time. "Okay… now come in. I'll only leave when I'm sure you're safe."
Rei nodded again, climbing the steps slowly, before stopping and looking at me over her shoulder. She didn't say anything, just stared at him for a few seconds in silence.
I stood on the sidewalk, with the strange feeling that something bigger than ordinary disappearances was unfolding in the shadows of that city.
I was just getting ready to turn around when I heard light footsteps echoing on the stairs just behind me. I turned, surprised, and saw Rei coming down again. The girl was descending calmly, unhurriedly, but there was something different about the way her eyes looked at him.
She stopped in front of me, so close I could feel the soft warmth of her breath on my face. My heart immediately raced, as if I'd been shocked.
"R-Rei?" I murmured in understanding.
Rei didn't answer. He just stood there for a few seconds in silence, her red eyes fixed on mine, piercing yet serene. I felt my throat dry, my mind spinning, unsure of what to say. The silence of the empty street seemed to heighten the tension between us.
Then, suddenly, Rei leaned forward. Gently yet firmly, she touched my lips.
The world seemed to stop. My eyes widened at first, unable to believe what was happening. The kiss was brief, soft, but intense enough to make my legs tremble.
When she pulled away, her face was still very close to mine, and I could see a faint blush on her cheeks, almost imperceptible, but there.
I was speechless, completely stunned, my heart hammering in my chest. "Y-you…"
Rei, serene as ever, simply turned her eyes to the entrance of the building and murmured softly, "Good afternoon, Subaru."
Before I could react, she turned and went back upstairs. The apartment door closed behind her, leaving me alone, motionless, trying to process what had just happened.
I brought my hand to my lips, still feeling the softness of the kiss. A nervous laugh escaped my mouth, unable to control it. "...What the hell was that?" I whispered to myself, my face redder than ever.
The cold wind blew through the street, but I barely noticed. For the first time in a long time, my heart felt light, filled with a strange happiness I couldn't explain.
As I walked home, still somewhat disoriented, I could only think of one thing: Rei Ayanami, with her unshakable calm, had managed to completely disarm him with a single gesture.
That's when the first drops began to fall. I looked up and saw the sky completely overcast, the heavy clouds pouring a fine drizzle that was rapidly intensifying.
"Damn... just now..." i muttered, pulling at the collar of my shirt to try to protect myself.
Without a second thought, I began to run through the damp streets, my sneakers splashing water on the sidewalk. The city lights reflected off the wet asphalt, and I headed toward Misato's building, the only place I could find shelter.
When I finally arrived, already a little soaked, I was breathing heavily. But when I looked up, I noticed two familiar figures in front of the building: Kensuke and Toji.
Kensuke had his inseparable camera hanging around his neck, even in the rain, as if he couldn't be separated from it for even a minute. He fidgeted with the buttons, nervously worrying that the rain might have damaged it, as if he were recording every detail of the rainy night. Beside him, Toji had his hands impatiently in his coat pockets.
"Subaru?" Toji was the first to notice, raising his eyebrows. "What's that look? He looks like he's been shocked."
Kensuke immediately pointed the camera at him, laughing. "Hey, hey, look! Our 'extra pilot' is all red."
I froze for a second, swallowing hard. The blush on my face only worsened. "I-it's nothing like that!" I replied, raising my hands nervously. "I just… I just got caught in the rain, that's all!"
Toji narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Stuck in the rain? Hm… whatever."
The rain was getting heavier and heavier, pouring down heavily on the three of them, but neither Toji nor Kensuke seemed to mind.
Toji scratched the back of his neck, trying to appear casual, but the water dripping down his coat betrayed his discomfort.
"Hey, Subaru… can we stay here until the rain lets up?" he asked, casting a sidelong glance at Kensuke, who was still holding the camera even in the storm. "I don't feel like getting soaked on the way back."
I took a deep breath, still a little flushed from what I'd heard a few minutes ago, but finally relented. "Okay, okay… you can come in. Just don't make a mess."
Kensuke raised his camera like a victory cup. "Heh, I knew you wouldn't let us down, Subaru!"
"Let's go!" Subaru replied, trying not to smile.
They went upstairs together, the sound of the rain becoming muffled as they walked down the hallway and into Misato's apartment. As soon as the door closed behind them, the familiar smell of fast food and beer filled the air. The place was lit by a warm yellow light, contrasting with the darkness of the street.
From the hallway, Shinji emerged, holding a few folded towels in his arms. He looked at the three of them, surprised to see them there, but didn't ask any questions. "You're soaked…" he said neutrally, handing each of them a towel.
"Thanks, Shinji." Toji took his and began drying his hair.
Kensuke, on the other hand, wrapped the towel around his neck and immediately pointed the camera at Shinji, as if he were a reporter. "And here we see the young pilot, the savior of humanity, also acting as host and butler."
Shinji sighed, but he didn't seem annoyed. He just shook his head. "Just don't let water drip all over the floor, Kensuke."
I accepted the towel and began drying my arms, trying to calm myself after the awkwardness of the entrance. Still, I noticed Toji giving him a sideways glance, a mischievous smile on his face, as if he were about to tease me again at any moment.
The atmosphere in the apartment lightened, with the distant sound of rain hitting the windows as the four of them settled in.
Misato walked slowly out of the room, still adjusting the collar of her blouse, her hair a little messy, and her eyes weary. There was something in her expression that betrayed concern, but upon seeing the boys in the living room, she quickly tried to hide it with a slight smile.
"You guys filled the house again, huh?" she commented, looking at Toji and Kensuke, who were drying clothes in the corner.
Toji opened his mouth to respond, but Misato didn't wait, walking to the kitchen. She grabbed a can of beer from the fridge, opened it with a snap, and took a quick sip. I watched her from afar, noticing the sudden change in her posture. Something was wrong, but I chose not to say anything, just clutching the towel in her hands and remaining silent.
Shinji, on the other hand, seemed oblivious, simply folding the wet towels.
Misato then tapped the can on the table lightly, getting the two pilots' attention: "Subaru, Shinji… tonight you have a harmonics test at NERV."
Shinji looked up, a little surprised. "Harmonics…? At this time?"
"That's right." Misato confirmed, more seriously. "It's important to assess your compatibility with the Evas after the last incident. We can't leave any room for error."
I frowned, muttering under my breath. "After everything we've been through, isn't it obvious we're working?"
"It's not that simple.l" Misato replied firmly, but without losing her calm tone. "Synchronization can vary, especially after stressful situations. We need these results."
Kensuke, who couldn't bear to remain silent, widened his eyes with a gleam. "Harmonics test? Wow, so that means you're going to be in direct contact with the Evas' souls, right? This is top-notch material, I need to take notes!"
Toji slapped his friend on the back of the head, muttering, "Shut up, nerd! This isn't a TV show."
Shinji sighed, putting away the now-dry towel. I stood up, crossed my arms, and looked at Misato with a certain heaviness in his voice: "Okay…"
Still sitting on the couch, I noticed something that would have gone unnoticed by anyone else: the insignia on Misato's civilian uniform was different. I blinked a few times, confirming it. It wasn't the same one she usually wore. The color and the detail in the markings betrayed one thing: a promotion.
I narrowed my eyes curiously. "…So that was it."
Misato finished her beer and stood up, stretching her arms as if to disguise the stiffness in her air. "Well, I'll have to go before you guys. I have some reports to sign at NERV before the test." She paused for a moment, glancing sideways at me. A tired smile appeared on her face. "Ah… thanks for noticing."
I arched my eyebrow. "Then I was right… you got promoted."
Shinji, who was folding a towel, looked up in confusion. "Promoted?"
Asuka, who had just left the room grumbling about the noise, also looked up blankly. "What are you guys talking about now?"
Before they could ask any more, Toji stepped forward: "Her badge changed, look at that."
Kensuke, his eyes shining, leaned forward. "Wow, I thought I was the only one who noticed. That's huge! Misato-san, congratulations!"
Misato laughed lightly, trying to lighten the moment. "Thanks, boys. But it's nothing major… just recognition for all our hard work."
I remained silent, but I kept my gaze fixed on her. I knew it was "no major thing." At NERV, nothing was just a formality. If she'd been promoted, it meant they were placing even more responsibility on her shoulders, and the situation was probably worsening behind the scenes.
She grabbed her keys, waved, and left. The door closed.
Shinji scratched his head, still confused. "I hadn't even noticed…"
"Of course you hadn't noticed, Baka-Shinji." Asuka crossed her arms. "As always, distracted."
Toji laughed, pointing at me. "I'm sure you hadn't noticed either, Asuka… but Subaru has a sharp eye, huh. He noticed right away."
I just sighed, looking away to the window where the rain was still beating down. "…or maybe I've just learned not to ignore the details."
By nightfall, the rain had let up, but the sky remained overcast, heavy, as if foreshadowing something. I walked side by side with Shinji and Asuka to the NERV entrance. The colossal building rose silently, lit only by scattered lights.
I didn't say anything as we walked. With each step, my heart seemed to race. I knew I'd see Rei later, at the harmonics test, and I still had no idea how to deal with what had happened between us. The kiss. The memory still throbbed in her mind like something almost unreal.
"How am I supposed to look her in the eye? Pretend nothing happened? Or... talk about it?" i thought, biting my lower lip lightly.
"Hey, Subaru, you look like you're going to a funeral." Asuka teased, glancing sideways with that characteristic mocking tone. "Relax, it's just a stupid synchronization test."
Shinji, unaware of his friend's tension, added, "Yeah, it shouldn't be anything complicated. Misato said it's just to see how we react together."
I just grumbled. "Uh-huh…"
We passed through the main gate, and the movement inside was already more intense than usual. Technicians scurried back and forth, computers were being adjusted, and in the control room, Misato stood, now with her new insignia visible, organizing everything in a firm voice.
"You guys took your time." she commented, crossing her arms. "Go get ready. Ritsuko is already waiting."
That's when I saw her. Rei Ayanami was a little further ahead, already in her pilot uniform, sitting silently next to the wall, as if she were part of it. Her red eyes rested on me for a moment. Her expression was unclear, but I felt a chill run down my spine.
Asuka walked right past, not paying much attention, but Shinji glanced at Rei and then at Subaru, noticing the tension in the air. "…Is everything okay?" she asked, but I just nodded slightly, trying to maintain my composure.
Misato interrupted: "Let's go, everyone to your cabin. I want you ready in ten minutes."
As I walked behind the others, I quickly looked away from Rei, but couldn't help but think,
"How am I going to handle this tonight…?"
When the tests were finished, the entry plugs were lifted back up, releasing each of the pilots. The sensation of being submerged in the LCL still lingered, as if my skin had absorbed that strange metallic smell. I took a deep breath as I left, straightening my uniform, and then my gaze was instinctively drawn to the corner of the room: Rei.
She calmly descended from the platform, her usual serenity unconcerned, her blue hair slightly stuck together by the humidity. I took two steps toward her, but something inside me… stopped. My legs simply stopped. My chest tightened, as if the air had become too heavy.
"I should talk to her… but… after that…" he thought, clenching his fists discreetly. The memory of the kiss burned in his mind, rendering him silent.
"Test results compiled." Ritsuko's voice echoed in the room, drawing everyone's attention. She adjusted her glasses as she glanced at the graphs on the monitor. "Pilot Ikari has had the greatest increase in synchronization rates. A remarkable improvement, actually."
Shinji blinked, somewhat in disbelief. "Really…?"
Misato smirked. "That's great, Shinji. Keep it up."
Ritsuko then changed her tone, more neutral: "Subaru... registered the lowest rate of all."
Asuka, who was drinking water, almost choked. "Ha! I'm not surprised."
Rei remained silent, just watching.
I, however, showed neither anger nor sadness. I simply crossed my arms and took a deep breath, as if I'd already expected it. "...I see."
Ritsuko stared for a moment, perhaps expecting some kind of explosive reaction. But I remained firm and calm. Misato, nearby, raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You don't seem... bothered."
I shrugged. "Getting angry won't change the outcome, will it?" I said in a simple, almost carefree tone.
Shinji looked at me, intrigued. Asuka laughed mockingly, also wondering how she could react so coldly.
Rei, however, quickly looked away. And I noticed. Even though he couldn't move toward her, he felt something in the air, a silence filled with meaning, as if only the two of them knew.
Misato approached me. "Subaru, come talk to me for a minute?"
....
The car engine purred softly, a deep sound that filled the spaces of silence between them as the city lights passed in orange streaks across the windows. Outside, Tokyo-3 looked like a blurred watercolor, streetlights, buildings, reflections, everything sliding slowly, as if time inside had decided to slow down.
Misato kept her hand steady on the steering wheel, but her gaze, every now and then, fell on the seat next to me: me leaning back, my eyes lost, my hands clasped in my lap. My jacket stuck a little to my back from the day's sweat; my expression, a mixture of nerves and a silly charm, she knew well—that kind of restlessness that can't be explained with words, only with small details on the face.
After a few minutes on the road, she calmly broke the silence, glancing at the rearview mirror as if gauging my reaction before speaking. "Are you down because of the synchronization rate, or…" she said, her tone a mix of professionalism and caution. "Or is it something else?"
I tilted my head, took a deep breath, and looked out the window as if searching for courage in the night sky. "It's not about that…" she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "It's… about Rei."
The name came out simple, yet loaded. Misato looked away, something like a restrained smile appearing for a second. She'd seen many difficult things in that chair; she knew how to read silences, small tensions, and the difference between professional frustration and heartbreak. "Ah..." she murmured. "Tell me."
I hesitated, the memory of the kiss still hot and incomplete in my throat. The words came in fragments, stumbling. I spoke of the moment in her apartment: how she'd come down, how she'd approached without announcing it; I spoke of the shock of receiving her so close; of the kiss, brief and unexpected; of how she'd gone upstairs and closed herself in the door as if nothing had happened. I spoke of everything without wanting to overanalyze, just pouring out the feeling like someone lifting a weight off their shoulders.
Misato listened without interrupting. Every now and then a nod, a deep breath, a glance in the rearview mirror that said "I understand." When I finished, she finally spoke, her voice softer than usual: "Rei isn't... ordinary. Not in her manner, not in what she carries. She has a way of showing things that doesn't follow normal social norms. That's why the kiss could have as much meaning as it could just be a gesture of hers conveying a message she herself couldn't explain."
I clasped my hands in my lap, my blush returning. "And me? I don't know what to do. Talking to her might be awkward, ignoring her might be worse... I'm afraid of ruining everything."
Misato turned her face to face him in the mirror, and the smile that came was maternal, almost complicit. "You don't have to understand everything at once. But there are two things no one teaches you in the NERV manual: the first is that people prefer clear honesty to dramatic interpretations; the second is that courage isn't the absence of fear; it's doing something despite it."
She lightly slammed on the brakes as she turned a brightly lit corner, the dashboard lights reflecting off her glasses. "Listen: no need for a cinematic gesture. No need for statements that come with fireworks. Go to her, say simply: 'Rei, what happened tonight? What did you mean?' If it's something confusing, ask again. If it's something sincere, answer from the heart. And if she doesn't know how to answer… there's time. It's okay to accept 'I don't know' as an answer for now."
I let out a nervous laugh, a mixture of relief and anxiety. "What if she sends me to that place and never looks me in the eye again?"
Misato gave a short, harsh laugh. "Then you'll have lost your chance to know, but I'm sure she won't react like that... Worse: she'll forever be wondering 'what if'. I always prefer my soldiers and my friends to be people who don't hide behind fear, Subaru."
She allowed herself a moment of personal, less official tone. "Look, I know you care about the team, about everything. But that doesn't make you any less worthy of trying. Rei can be… complicated. She has secrets we can't even touch. Even so, there are people who can connect with her, not because they understand everything, but because they accept what is. Maybe you should try to be that person."
My chest tightened at that. The words carried weight; they came with experience. The mention of Rei's "secrets" touched something he felt, something intimate and difficult. Still, a part of him warmed to the idea of direct action. "What if it's just an impulse on her part?" I asked, staring into the darkness outside. "What if it's just a momentary thing and I make up a story in my head?"
"Then you say that too," Misato replied firmly. "Rei, what if it was an impulse? I need to know." She looked at me and added, almost smiling, "Talk is cheap, hiding is expensive."
I bit my lip, feeling courage rise in small waves inside me. Misato looked away for a second to check the traffic, then returned her gaze to him with a more serious expression.
"There's something practical, too," she said. "Don't do this in front of others. Find a place where you can talk without pressure. Simple, direct, without an audience. If you want, I can drop you off near her building and hang out there for a while."
The offer surprised me, not because of the help itself, but because of the care with which she delivered it. Misato was someone who knew how to balance command and tact; she offered support without forcing it. I felt a strange warmth in my throat, gratitude, nervousness, and a twinge of embarrassment for needing help. "Thanks," I said with an embarrassed smile. "I... I think I'll do that."
The car turned onto a quiet residential street, the streetlights casting yellowish halos over the wet asphalt.
The car drove along the wet road, the windshield wipers streaking the glass in a slow rhythm. The silence was still heavy, but different from before, rather a thoughtful pause after everything that had been said.
Misato leaned her elbow on the door, her gaze fixed on the dark asphalt ahead. The cigarette between her fingers burned slowly, the smoke mingling with the damp smell wafting from outside.
"You know…" she murmured, almost to herself. "I didn't think Rei would… take the initiative like that. It's not her type."
I looked away, a little surprised. "So you were surprised too…"
Misato let out a short, humorless laugh. "Rei has always been quiet, controlled. Her manner is like a wall. It's hard to know what she's feeling. The fact that she… expressed herself like that…" she sighed, gripping the steering wheel. "It's rare."
I was silent for a few seconds, absorbing every word. Then she turned to her and gave a small smile. "Well, not changing the subject… congratulations again on the promotion," she said sincerely. "I noticed it before the others, but I don't think I said it right yet. You deserve it."
Misato kept her eyes on the road. The smile that appeared was brief, almost automatic. "Thank you, Subaru."
But there was something strange about it. It wasn't a "thank you" from someone who felt proud or accomplished. It sounded hollow.
"…You don't seem happy..." I commented bluntly.
She took another drag on her cigarette, exhaled slowly, and was silent for a few seconds before answering. "It's just… promotions at NERV aren't gifts," she said, her voice heavy. "They're responsibilities. The higher you climb, the heavier things fall on your shoulders. It's not like winning a medal, it's more like receiving a new chain."
I frowned. "So… you didn't want to?"
Misato shook her head. "It's not a matter of wanting to or not. I know someone has to do this job, and I do. But… sometimes I wonder if NERV isn't just tying us down more and more."
The silence returned, this time thicker, broken only by the roar of the engine and the distant sound of rain. I stared at the illuminated dashboard, digesting those words. He saw in Misato's expression not only the officer in charge, but the woman behind it: tired, overwhelmed, trying to hide her concern with jokes and beers.
"Even so…" I spoke softly but firmly. "I still think you deserve it. Because you carry all this and still care about us. Not everyone would do that."
Misato quickly looked at him, and for a moment her expression softened, as if those words had touched something she hadn't let anyone see. A real, discreet smile escaped her lips before she turned back onto the road. "…You know how to say things at the right time, Subaru."
The car drove on, ever deeper into the night, as the feeling that they both shared silent burdens became clearer.
Misato let out a light laugh, almost relaxed, yet still tinged with melancholy. She gently turned the steering wheel, pulling the car onto the shoulder of a high point in the road. From there, the lights of Tokyo-3 spread out on the horizon, reflecting in small sparkles on the puddles of the diminishing rain.
"You know, Subaru…" she said, leaning her arm on the window, staring intently at the horizon. "Talking to you gives me a strange feeling. It's like I'm talking to an adult."
I raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Adult? Me?"
Misato turned to me with narrowed eyes, as if analyzing every detail of my expression. "Yeah. Shinji, Asuka… even the others… they're all children trying to find themselves. But you…" she shook her head, smirking. "You sound like someone who's carried a lot on their shoulders."
I looked away, feeling a lump form in my throat. It wasn't something he could explain, not without revealing too much. He just stood there quietly, watching the city lights below.
Misato took another drag on her cigarette, but she seemed more relaxed than before. "Look at this city, Subaru." she said, pointing with her chin at the illuminated expanse. "So many people living, laughing, fighting, loving…"
I followed her gesture, staring fixedly at Tokyo-3. "That's why you keep going, right? Even with the weight of NERV."
She was silent for a few seconds, but deep down, she knew I'd hit the nail on the head. "Yeah…" she admitted, her voice lower, almost a whisper. "If anyone has to get screwed, let it be us. Better than them."
The cold wind blew in through the crack in the window, and I closed my eyes for a moment, letting the moment sink into her memory. Misato, with her relaxed yet vulnerable demeanor; the city that seemed alive; and that feeling that, even amidst so much chaos, there was still a human bond holding it all together.
Misato stubbed out her cigarette in the car's ashtray and rested her head against the headrest.
I looked at her. "Do you smoke?"
Misato stared at the cigarette butt lying in the ashtray. "Only when I'm really stressed... Funny... you remind me of someone," she commented, almost sleepily, as if it were just a thought escaping. "Someone who's no longer here."
She didn't say who, just let the sentence trail off.
I frowned, glancing sideways at Misato. "What did you mean by that, Misato?" he asked cautiously, curiously.
She let out a deep sigh, leaning her elbows on the steering wheel and clasping her hands over her mouth, as if she needed to summon the strength to speak. Her eyes, however, remained fixed on the illuminated Tokyo-3 landscape.
"I meant my father..." she replied in a lower, more serious, almost heavy voice. "I don't really like talking about him. In fact... I spent years of my life hating that man."
I remained silent, attentive. It was rare for Misato to open up like this, and he didn't want to interrupt.
"He was... distant. A coward. A man who seemed to care more about his work than anything else. I felt invisible." She paused, taking a deep drag on her cigarette and exhaling slowly. "I grew up thinking he didn't care about me and my mom. That I never meant anything."
Her hand trembled slightly as she removed the cigarette from her mouth. Subaru noticed, but said nothing.
"But then… Second Impact happened..." she continued, her voice heavy with painful memories. "The world was falling apart, and in the midst of that hell, he…" she bit her lip, anger and pain mingling. "He pushed me into the emergency pod. He stayed outside. He… saved me, even after a lifetime of being absent."
She closed her eyes, breathing deeply, as if it still hurt as much as it had the first day. "I survived because of him. And deep down… it kills me… Because I hated him. And even so… even so… he gave me his life."
I swallowed hard. "I-I didn't know…" Misato's pain was something I knew well, the weight of contradictory feelings, of resentment and gratitude mixed together. I wanted to say something, but the words just wouldn't come.
Misato laughed at herself, but it was a bitter laugh. "In the end… I guess that's why I stay in this madness at NERV. It's not exactly to honor his sacrifice, maybe it's just my way of escaping the fact that… I could never forgive him."
She finally turned her face, staring at me. Her eyes shone not just from the reflection of the city, but from something deeper, a weariness that came from the soul.
"And you, Subaru?" she asked suddenly, breaking the heavy silence. "Have you ever felt this? This kind of contradiction?" Hating someone… and at the same time owing your life to them?
I looked straight ahead, my hands clasped on my knees, as I considered Misato's question. "One of the people I owe my life to is Rei. She saved me when I arrived in this city, but…" My expression became serious, and for a few seconds it seemed like I was going to shut up. But then, I let out a soft sigh.
"My situation… is a little different from yours, Misato." I began, my voice calm, but with a hint of harshness. "I… always idolized my father. Ever since I was a child, I looked up to him as if he were the strongest person in the world. I wanted to be like him, you know? The way he spoke, the way he carried himself, even the way he faced difficulties… everything about him seemed unshakable."
Misato tilted her head slightly, watching me with interest. It wasn't common to see me talk so much about myself.
"But… there came a time…" I continued, clenching my fists slightly, "when people stopped seeing me as 'me.'" And they started comparing me to him. As if I were just his shadow, you know? No matter what I did… it was never enough. I was always 'Kenichi's son' or 'you look just like your father.'"
The memory seemed heavy, but there was also a hint of resignation.
Misato, who had only been listening until then, asked quietly, "And you… do you miss him?"
The silence that followed was thick. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment, and when I answered, my voice was softer, filled with raw honesty: "Deep down… I do. I miss him so much."
Misato stared at me for a few seconds, and for the first time that night, the hardness in her expression softened. It was as if they had found a reflection in each other, different stories, but pains that understood each other.
The car engine remained off, and only the distant sound of rain hitting the glass filled the space.
The next day...
The tension at NERV was palpable. Alarms echoed through the hallways, and red lights flashed incessantly. The warning was clear: an Angel had been detected, whose presence was rapidly approaching Earth.
In the locker room, I finished putting on my pilot's uniform. My movements were steady, but my mind wandered. As I adjusted my gloves, flashes of the previous night came flooding back: Misato's words, the weight of the Angel's absence. Father, and most of all, the memory of Rei. Her kiss still burned in my memory, and that seemed far more challenging to face than any Angel.
"I have to talk to her… I can't run from this forever," I thought, biting my lip lightly.
Asuka, beside him, straightened her uniform with a confident smile. "Today will be easy. Let's show you how it's done, Subaru!" she said, with that competitive air.
"Hmph… let's go!" I replied, which made Asuka raise an eyebrow.
Soon, Misato entered the room, already in her coat and clipboard in hand. Her expression was serious. "Pay attention. The Angel is unlike anything we've faced before. It will try to throw itself at Earth, and if it succeeds, it will be the end of Tokyo-3. You must work together to hold it back."
Shinji swallowed nervously. Asuka smiled arrogantly. Rei, however, simply nodded, her expression unchanged. I, however, stared at her for a few seconds longer. My heart raced. I felt the urge to say something right then and there, but the situation didn't allow it.
"After the battle… no matter what happens, I'll talk to you."
Misato finished explaining the plan, and everyone headed for the elevators leading to the Evas. The metallic sound echoed through the tunnel as they descended. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment, trying to concentrate.
The alert echoed through NERV: The Angel was in orbit, descending rapidly. Its colossal body, like an immense eye, glowed with orange and blue patterns. Each movement caused the tracking systems to beep louder.
In the hangars, the three Evas were launched to the surface.
"Eva-00, 01, and 02, ready!" the control panel announced.
At Eva-02's entry point, Asuka gripped the controls tightly. The heat of the LCL on her body only intensified the tension she felt.
"What a huge monster… I think it's the biggest one we've ever faced..." she murmured, her eyes fixed on the sky.
Asuka, at the main control panel, laughed. "Heh, doesn't matter how big it is. We'll take it down, won't we, Subaru?"
"Of course we will!"
The sky began to tremble. The Angel opened its energy layers, and a fragment broke free, falling like a living bomb.
"First fall detected!" Ritsuko reported over the radio.
Misato shouted over the comms: "Intercept before it hits the ground!"
Eva-01 rushed in first, Shinji holding the particle rifle and firing relentlessly. The blasts hit the falling mass, but only slowed it down.
"It won't be enough!" Shinji shouted.
I looked at Asuka. "If we don't do something, we'll end up here!"
Asuka gritted her teeth. "Hold on tight!"
Eva-02 jumped, using its auxiliary thrusters. Together, Asuka and I synchronized our movements and plunged the thermal lance into the fragment, twisting our bodies to redirect its fall. The impact threw us both to the ground, but the Angel fragment exploded in midair before it touched down.
Rei, in Eva-00, ran parallel, carrying a massive experimental shield. Her breathing was calm, but her gaze was fixed.
"Next fall detected!" Ritsuko announced.
This time, the fragment was even larger. Sahaquiel seemed to be testing it, releasing increasingly heavier fragments.
"He's calculating the ground's resistance…" I noticed a frown. "He'll release his entire body soon!"
Misato confirmed, her voice firm: "That's right. When he decides to fall for good, it will be the final impact. You have to stop him!"
The third fragment descended like a blazing meteor. Rei planted her feet on the ground and raised her shield. The impact was so strong that the unit was pushed back meters, cracking the ground.
"Ayanami!" I called into the radio, but she only replied, "I'm fine."
Then the main alarm sounded. "The central body is falling!" Maya's voice was almost choked over the communicator.
The Angel descended, a flaming orange colossus.
"This is the time, everyone together!" Misato shouted.
The three Evas raced across the devastated surface. Shinji led the way with Eva-01, Rei protecting the side with the shield, Asuka and I were accelerating along the flank.
"Get ready!" Asuka roared.
At the moment of imminent impact, Eva-01 dug its hands into the Angel's body, trying to stop its descent. The weight was colossal. The entire ground shook. Shinji screamed with effort.
Rei raised the shield, placing it as a barrier. The pressure made the metal creak.
I looked at Asuka. "If we don't help now, it's over!"
They both pulled the controls, and Eva-02 leaped alongside Eva-01, also holding the Angel by its extremities. The force pushed them downward, the Earth's crust cracking beneath their feet.
"GAAAH!" Asuka screamed.
"We won't… lose!" I tightened my entire body inside the plug.
The collective effort accomplished the impossible: the three Evas together managed to hold the Angel for a few seconds longer. Long enough for Misato to give the final order:
"Now! Full power to weapons!"
The field batteries fired direct blasts into the Angel's exposed core. The explosions consumed the celestial body, which twisted in light until it collapsed into fragments, burning in the sky over Tokyo-3.
The silence after the fall was deafening.
Asuka panted, her body sweating. "W-We did it…"
Shinji, almost speechless, murmured, "Everyone together…"
I closed my eyes, exhausted. But before the plug ejected, I thought: "Rei… I still need to talk to you. Before it's too late."
Night had already fallen over Tokyo-3, the city still undergoing repairs after the devastation caused by the near-catastrophic impact. At NERV, the pilots had already gone through the Evas' exit process and routine checkups. The atmosphere was heavy with fatigue, but also relieved by the victory.
However, I couldn't relax. My body still trembled slightly, not from the exertion of the battle, but from the anxiety that had been eating away at it since the day Rei had approached, leaving a soft kiss on my lips.
As Shinji and Asuka were pulled by Misato for a brief meeting, I gathered my courage. I glanced discreetly at Rei, who was walking silently down the corridor.
"Ayanami…" I called her, my voice low but firm.
She stopped and turned her serene gaze to him. "Yes?"
"Can… can you come with me for a bit? Just… just the two of us." I looked away, almost stumbling over my own words.
Rei showed no surprise. She simply nodded and followed me to an empty observation room, lit only by the dim light of the monitors on standby. The silence between us seemed to weigh more heavily than any battle.
I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts. But my throat felt tight, my heart racing like when facing an Angel. I opened my mouth several times, but no words came out.
Rei, calm, just watched me, as if waiting.
Finally, he clenched his fists and forced himself to speak: "I… I don't know how to say this properly. But… that day, when you… when you kissed me…"
My voice faltered. I turned my face away, my cheeks burning. "I was speechless. I didn't know what to do. But…" he swallowed, gathering his final courage, "I liked it."
The silence after the confession seemed to stretch for hours. The distant sound of machinery echoed, and I almost regretted saying it. But then, Rei slowly approached, standing just a few steps away from me.
"I see…" she murmured, her tone calm, but this time with something different in her eyes. "I also wanted to know how you would feel."
I froze, unsure if that was a gentle rejection or a sincere acceptance. But deep down, I felt like I had taken the first step and there was no turning back.
Rei stood in front of me, her red eyes glowing in the dim lighting of the room. Her voice was low but clear: "I don't like it when you call me by my last name."
I blinked a little in surprise. "Um… I'm sorry. It's just… I was so nervous I couldn't say your name without blushing. I didn't know…" I scratched the back of my neck, embarrassed, trying not to look even more flustered. "So… do you want me to call you Rei again?"
She nodded slightly. "Yes."
Silence fell again, until I took a deep breath, trying to resume the conversation. "But… I still don't understand. Why… that kiss?" My voice wavered, but curiosity overcame my embarrassment.
Rei looked away for a moment, as if searching for the right words. Then I looked back at him, serious, but with a rare softness in her face. "It was because of the books you recommended."
My eyes widened. "Books?"
"Yes." She continued calmly. "You said that sometimes stories teach us things we don't understand on our own. I read the ones you told me to read, the romance novels. In some of them… there were people who approached me that way, to show their feelings. I… wanted to understand what it was like."
My heart raced. I remembered all the times I'd talked to her about romances and dramas, laughing at how she seemed to absorb every word without emotion, but truly paying attention.
"So… that kiss was… a way of learning?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.
Rei tilted her head thoughtfully. "It was also a way of feeling." She paused briefly. "And I don't regret it."
I froze, staring at her as if the ground had dropped out from under her feet. I was speechless for a few moments, surprised by her honesty.
Then, I ventured a question that had been burning inside me: "And… what are we now?"
Rei took a few seconds before answering, choosing each word carefully. "We are… We're in an intimate relationship." Then, with an almost curious look, she added: "But I want to learn more. Intimate things. I want you to teach me. Is that okay?"
I swallowed hard, my heart racing. I knew the weight of those words, but I also knew I didn't want to refuse. She forced a shy smile and replied, "If that's what you want… then yes, it's fine."
Rei simply nodded, satisfied with the answer, and the comfortable silence that followed seemed to say more than any other words could at that moment.
At that moment, I started to think...
"I think I like you, Rei Ayanami..."
End of Chapter 18