Even though his body trembled, even though fear gnawed at him, even though a voice in his heart kept screaming at him to stop, Killua still went down. He stood in front of Gon without moving his feet.
The Chimera Ant froze when it saw Killua. Instinctively, it glanced upward at Ron, who did not move. The Ant's face darkened as it turned back to Killua.
"Child, since you're seeking death with your friend, then let me grant that wish."
The Ant did not rush Killua directly. It understood that Killua's speed was great, so it lunged at Gon instead. If Killua wanted to protect Gon, he would not be able to evade. Otherwise, Gon would be the one to die. Killua had no choice but to face the Chimera Ant head-on.
Ron watched calmly from above, though a Zodiac Card had already appeared in his hand. If Killua failed to break through, Ron would not allow him to be killed—he would intervene. But it would leave him far more disappointed in Killua.
The Chimera Ant reached Killua, both hands clawing forward.
"I'll tear you into two pieces!"
Suddenly, red blood sprayed through the air. Killua's figure vanished in an instant and reappeared behind the Ant. The Ant looked stunned and turned its head. Killua glanced coldly at it, lightning flashing faintly across his body, and in the next moment he was at the Ant's side.
Puchi!
His strike pierced the Ant's neck. A chunk of flesh tore away, leaving a gaping wound. The Chimera Ant clutched at its throat desperately, but it was no use. Blue-violet blood poured out.
Bang!
The Ant collapsed onto the ground.
Killua did not spare it another look. Instead, he raised his eyes to Ron above.
"Ron-nii, is this what you meant?"
Ron gave a slight nod. "Barely taking shape—but still not enough. Bring Gon up first."
Killua hoisted Gon onto his back and leapt out of the pit. Gon sat beside Ron, who flipped his wrist and produced some medicine, handing it over.
"Gon, apply it yourself."
"Okay. Thank you."
Ron turned his gaze back to Killua. "Killua, how do you feel right now?"
Killua's face lit up with relief. "Relaxed. More relaxed than ever. It feels like a heavy stone that had been crushing me has finally been lifted. Before, I couldn't use my true strength. Now I finally can. I feel like I'm much stronger than before."
Ron shook his head. "In truth, Killua, you haven't become stronger than before."
Killua froze. "Not stronger? How is that possible? Before, I couldn't defeat that Chimera Ant, and now I killed it easily. Doesn't that prove I've changed?"
"None of your abilities have changed," Ron replied. "You just removed something from your head, didn't you?"
"Yes. A Nen needle." Killua's expression darkened. "That must have been Illumi who put it in me.
Damn it!!"
"I don't know," Ron said, shaking his head. "But Killua, do you really think your problem was only the needle?"
"Do I have other problems?"
"The needle was only a small part. The real issue lies within your heart. Nen is a profession that is profoundly shaped by the mind. Strictly speaking, it is mental energy, but more simply, you can call it idealistic.
The stronger the heart, the stronger the Nen.
"Killua, your power was, in my view, at the same level as that Chimera Ant's. You had a slight edge, but not by much. Why was it that before, the Ant could completely overwhelm you, yet now you can kill it easily? Because before, you were hesitant, afraid, your hands and feet bound. But once the needle was removed, your confidence surged, your spirit erupted, and at that moment your aura responded. At the same time, the Ant faltered. The clash of these two shifts created that result.
"That was not a true measure of strength. Before, you weren't that weak. And now, you're not that strong."
Ron's eyes narrowed. "So, Killua, I will arrange another battle for you."
As he spoke, he pulled another Chimera Ant from Sumas's space—a squad captain with strong serpent features, its aura even stronger than the last.
The snake Ant looked at Ron, eyes flashing with fear.
"Go down. Fight. Win or lose, I'll let you go. But if you hold back, I will kill you myself."
"Yes."
The snake Ant dropped into the pit, its pupils shrinking as it spotted the corpse of the Ant that Killua had just slain.
"Before the fight begins," Ron said, turning to Killua, "I want you to understand something. Do not hate or reject any part of yourself, because everything about you belongs to you. Only when you accept all of yourself can you become truly strong.
"After the Hunter Exam, you've already forgotten too much of the training you received in the Zoldyck family. Even if you choose not to walk the path of an assassin, you cannot cut away the past. An incomplete self will never become truly strong."
Killua paused, stunned.
"Go," Ron said, giving him a light push.
Killua dropped into the pit. The snake Ant fixed its gaze on him but did not attack immediately.
"Ron-nii.…" Killua looked up, as if to ask something more.
"Begin!" Ron's voice cut him off.
The snake Ant launched itself forward without hesitation, fast and silent. Its upper body resembled a human, while its lower body slithered like a serpent. It moved with no sound and could suddenly change direction midway.
In truth, this Ant, like Killua, was highly adept at assassination.
But at that moment, Killua was still mulling over Ron's words.
"Accept all of myself? Even the parts I dislike? Only then can I be whole? Only then can I be strong?
But… I'm tired of the assassin's life. How am I supposed to accept it?"