Entry XIV
I can no longer remember how long it's been.
Day by day, my body grows weaker.
Even holding a pen feels impossible now.
We haven't left this land for so long.
Even just going down the old well to glimpse the base—we have to support each other just to descend the stone steps.
Sometimes I wonder…
Have we simply been too close for too long?
It's sealed, yes.
We swore to keep it buried.
We only ever look at it from afar.
But even so,
its power creeps like vines from the depths of the earth,
coiling around us, dragging us slowly into the abyss.
We used to say we were just afraid of someone stealing it—
but now I know the truth.
We… can't bear to be away from it.
If we go a day without seeing it, we feel ill,
uneasy in our skin,
restless, aching.
Only when we're near it does the pain stop.
Only in its presence do we feel… calm.
It's terrifying.
We vowed never to let the Grail return to the world,
but somehow—
I began to dream of it.
In the dreams, the shattered Grail reassembles itself.
It glows faintly beneath the morning sky,
a beacon—
or a judgment.
I wake up drenched in sweat.
But still I go down again.
Still I look at that buried base.
And again, I feel…
it's waiting for me.
I thought I could resist.
But—
I've started unlocking the seals.
I don't even remember why.
By the time I realize it,
some obstacle in the path is already gone.
I panic.
I curse myself.
But the next day, I'm standing before the next mechanism,
trembling fingers reaching again.
I know—
it's not me.
It's it.
I want to resist.
But a part of me wants to let go.
What if…
what if it could fulfill the deepest wish in my heart?
Even just a small one?
Heal our bodies,
let us live long enough to watch Marcellus and Elias grow up,
long enough to see which one marries brilliant little Livia?
Only now do I truly understand how immense the Grail's temptation was to Edgar—
and how unimaginably strong Celesta was, to resist it.
We once thought we had sealed it away completely.
But then I suggested we draw a map—
a full record of the hidden passages, the traps, the routes to the base.
I told myself it was to "warn future generations."
But deep down,
I knew—
What I wanted…
was for someone to continue our unfinished story.
The map is done.
I haven't slept.
I just sit, staring at the paper.
What should we do?
I thought of burning it.
But when I raised my hand…
I couldn't bring it down.
So I told my wife—
let's tear it apart.
Hide each piece in a different place.
Maybe then, no one will ever be able to put it back together.
She nodded.
But when the paper tore,
she cried.
And so did I.
We once wanted to save this city.
Now,
we only hope not to destroy the world.
In the end, I hid this diary deep within the secret room.
I don't know if anyone will ever find it—
part of me hopes they will…
but perhaps it's better if they never do.
Yet I can't stop myself.
I'm preparing to give the real map—
yes, the unbroken one—
to my son.
I want him to find it.
No! I want him not to find the base!
Or maybe I want him to find it…
to reassemble the Grail…
to revive us.
No!
To destroy it.
Yes! Destroy it completely!
I've thought of a way to do it.
A way to annihilate the Grail forever.
But I won't write it.
I can't write it.
The Grail is so wonderful—why destroy it?
No.
It must be destroyed.
Everything began with it.
And everything…
must end with it.
That… may be the truest curse of all.