Fun fact: Initially, in the first drafts for this story, James was named Aiden and I was gonna spec him into a full speed build with his first two powers being projection sorcery from JJK and Okarun's turbo granny powers.
(Moxxie POV)
"Moxxie, get your ass to table 4!"
"Like hell I will!"
When Moxxie woke up this morning, satisfied from thoroughly pleasing his wife with his expert tongue skills, only having to kick Blitzo out once, making an amazing bowl of hell-flakes and going out to clock into his second job at his local diner, he expected a generally good day.
… That was until the PRINCESS OF HELL and a NOTORIOUS FUCKING CRIMINAL walked in the building.
Moxie had little to no experience with the upper echelons of hell, but remembering his shit-bag of a mafia dad in the Greed ring, he expected all of the royals demanded respect and adoration and would kill you if you stopped showing it to them for one second.
Another thing he had picked up in Greed was that there was no rhyme of reason for why criminals do criminal shit, they just do it. Case in point, when he had watched the news last night with Millie, he saw that apparently this "James" character just went and assaulted an overlord AND a Goetia.
For the average imp like himself, he would be long dead before he even had sights on a overlord, let alone a fucking Goetia (unless he was an annoying stalker with a named that rhymed with Shitzo) so seeing someone that killed both in his resturant was baffling to him.
Now taking into account just how insane these hell criminals were, the fact that one was sitting right in front of him along with someone of royal descent that if she wanted to, could sentence him and Millie's entire livelihood to death was a flick of the wrist, what do you think his current plan of action was?
Respectfully serve them and most likely be killed because nobody that wasn't an imp wanted an imp touching their platesAggressively try and get it out of the way and be most likely killedAsk another one of his coworkers to serve the table instead, dooming them instead of him to certain death.
Well it was actually option D.
Talk to his boss in the back and quit on the spot while trying to walk out without disrespecting them somehow.
Which is why he is in this situation in the first place.
"I don't care, I'm not going back out there." I whisper-yelled to my boss.
"Moxxie, I pay you good money to work here and I'm not gonna have a little bitch of an imp try and cheat me out of his work obligations." My boss, another imp who was barely taller than me with an ugly mug, a five o'clock shadow that he had gotten from a hair transplant, and a name I had purposefully forgotten, also whisper-yelled at me.
"Boss, you pay me jack shit! I get 3 souls a day working here, a literal fifth of what I get from my other job!" My voice got a bit higher before I breathed a little and calmed down. "The only reason why I'm working here is for financial security and having enough money to retire peacefully while I'm still able to."
"Well-" My boss couldn't finish his sentence before another voice rang out, one that almost made me piss my pants in an instant.
"Yo, where the hell are the waiters at?"
I slowly turned my head back, hoping it wasn't a certain table before snapping my head back and closing my eyes.
Yeah, it was table 4.
"Hey you, can you please take our orders?"
He was pointing, wasn't he?
I look over to my younger coworker.
"He's pointing at me isn't he–"
"Yeah, bro he's pointing to you."
… Oh crumbs.
As I walked forward to their table, I contemplated my life and the decisions I made. My meeting with Millie was probably the happiest moment of my life. I swear I love that woman even more than life itself… Fitting that I would die for her.
"James, you can't just snap and point at someone and tell them to come to your table."
Despite my feelings about Blitzo, I wouldn't say he's the worst person ever, in-fact, he's a pretty swell guy when he's not taking the piss out of you for any reason. I don't know all of his past, but he seemed pretty messed up and maybe that's why he was so obsessed with me and Millie. Still kind of a jerk though.
"Charlie, we've been sitting here for like 20 minutes, I'm gonna get my food one way or another and I don't care how rude I am."
Loona… Fuck Loona.
I soon got to the table, cracking open my eyes and prepared to face my death with a smile. "Sorry for the hold-up, may I get you started on some drinks?" Well, hopefully they won't kill Millie if I'm respectful enough.
"Uh, yeah, can I get a large vanilla milkshake? What do you guys want?" The only man at the table, James I'm assuming, asked the rest of his group who all unceremoniously said:
"Coffee."
I simply nodded and started to walk back, the same small smile still painted on my face before I finally realized something.
'Holy shit, I'm not dead!'
(Third person POV)
(5 minutes later)
"H-h-here's your coffee g-g-guys. Sorry for the inconvenience, but our ice-cream machine is currently having… some troubles. B-but don't worry, I'll get your shake as soon as possible. " Moxxie stuttered out, shakily putting down the cups of coffee in front of everyone except for James before speed-walking away.
'Huh, nice service, I'll definitely leave a tip.' James thought as he looked around the table.
Amery simply picked up and sipped on her black coffee while Vaggie added only a single sugar packet to hers, Angel Dust added so much creamer you would think he's just drinking a cup of questionable male fluids and Charlie took a single sip and spat it out on James who was sitting next to her and immediately added 12 sugar packets.
"...Was that really necessary?" James asked, sitting in his coffee soaked clothes while Angel and Vaggie tried not to laugh. "What's wrong? Does the wittle hewo of hell not like coffee on him?" Vaggie mocked, smirking while drinking her cup.
"Speaking of coffee Darkside, why didn't you get any?" James shook his head almost instantly. "Nononono, trust me, bad idea. When I get caffeine in my system I act like a damn idiot."
"What's changed?" Vaggie snarked.
"Ignoring she-who-has-thy-stick-up-thou-ass, I basically get really stupid when I take even one sip of the thing, I start talking and rambling about anything while just doing stuff."
Vaggie and Angel looked at each other and simply nodded while Vaggie held her cup out to James. "Now this I gotta see." "C'mon, James, surely you can't be that bad off caffeine." Charlie said, backing up Vaggie. "NO, and that answer is final!" James said, lightly pushing the cup away. "Drink, drink, drink-" Angel started to chant, slowly at first but then Vaggie joined in, followed by Charlie who had an innocent smile on her face. "Drink it!" Nifty yelled.
'I feel extremely betrayed right now.'
"....Drink..."
"YOU TOO, AMERY?!"
"I'm surrounded by snakes!" James yelled before snatching the cup out of Vaggie's hands and quickly chugging down the whole thing, slamming it back down on the table and visibly shaking.
"Ummm, guys... Maybe we should've listened to him." Vaggie says looking nervous now that James had shown signs of not being okay. "Nah, it'll be fine, trust me." Angel replied. James shaking got more intense as his pupils dilated and zoomed around the room like a hawk.
"UghItoldyouguystonotgivemeanycaffinebuthereweareIguessImeanit'slikeyoudon'tevenlistentomewhenItalkeventhoughI'veknownyouguysforlike4weeksnow." James spoke as fast as a certain blue hedgehog, moving his arms around erratically as he spoke.
"Speakingof4doyouguysknowthatthefantasticfourfrommarvelcomicswasactuallycalledmarvel'sfirstfamilymypersonalfavoriteisBenGrimm-"
In the middle of his rapid speech he suddenly turned into his heian form, gaining an extra 3 feet, a new set of arms and a mouth which he quickly closes as he plops Nifty on his lap, his bottom arms hugging her while his top arm continues making wild gestures. He also started to tap his finger on the desk, unleashing very weak dismantles on the table.
"He'sdefinitelymyfavoritecharacterbecauseofhowhedealswithsuicideandhisfeelingsbeingarockthingallofthetimebutmysecondfavoriteisReedabunchofpeoplegetReed'scharacterwrongandassumehe'ssomekindofevilscientistbutIthinkhismaincharactertraitishowhe'scapableofbadthingsbuthadthefourtogroundhim."
While James was talking his hands started to wander, slowly inching under Nifty's shirt and under her top, groping her large breasts. Although everyone could see that Nifty was blushing, she made no move to stop it, on the contrary, she seemed to lean more into James. "Ummm James, you're kinda getting handsy with Nifty." Charlie pointed out with a blush on her face seeing Nifty's lewd expression.
"SpeakingofmarvelIhonestlythinkDChasabetteroveralltrackrecordforherosandvillainsbutmarveldefintelyhashigherhighswhilehavingmuchlowerlowsforexamplethatgreenlanternmoviesuckedballsbutthatwasn'tnearlyasbadassomeofthenewmarvelmovieswellexceptforKraventhehunter,he'shonestlymyfavoritevillaininSpider-man'srouge'sgallery."
James didn't listen to Charlie, more focused on his rant as his finger tapped faster on the table, the dismantles looking like an identifiable shape at this point. Meanwhile his hands on Nifty's breasts started to gently play with her nipples, slightly pinching them as they trailed down further to her waist.
"James!" Vaggie yelled, trying to hide the golden blush on her face as she saw Nifty's face of undeniable pleasure. "Hey, I'm watching this." Angel Dust said in retaliation, looking at James' hands roaming on Nifty's body while biting bottom lip. "Look, just because you want to fuck him, doesn't mean I want to see him fuck Nifty in a restaurant." Vaggie angrily said.
She proceeds to snap her fingers in front of James before grabbing Angel's coffee "Hey!" and throwing the liquid on James. This got James to stop talking, blinking for a moment to take in his surroundings and looking down to see his girlfriend panting in his lap with his bottom set of hands fondling her.
"...I told you guys not to give me any caffeine." James stated, annoyed at his sudden outburst of hornyness and rambling. But while James was annoyed at everyone for having him drink coffee, Charlie was focused on something else, specifically what James' dismantles formed on the table.
In the table was a picture chiseled out in what seemed to be a selfie. It had James standing in the middle sticking his tongue out, Nifty sitting on his shoulders with both of her hands doing the devil's horns, Vaggie was looking to the side, but a small smile on her face could still be seen and Angel Dust was giving a thumbs up with his upper two hands while doing…. Motions with his bottom two. And finally, Charlie seemed to be the one taking the selfie, a wide smile on her face.
"H-h-here's your shake, sir." Moxxie said as James reached out and snatched it out of his hands and took a long swig of it.
"...Totally hate you guys."
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THE END!
If you could have any power from anime which one would you choose for daily life? And no, you cannot choose "rEaLIty wArpINg" or "PRObABILiTY mANIuPlATIoN" you fucking dork, actually be creative.