Moving into a new apartment had to be the best decision she'd made in so long. Renee plugged in her earpods as she locked her door.
She had decided to take a stroll that evening.
She saw her neighbor,Mrs Shelby, waving from across the street, but she ignored her, the woman was doing everything she could to get close to her. But Renee wasn't buying it,people like that were the most dangerous.
As the Christmas carol music Joy to the world flowed from her pods to her ear drums, she smiled remembering how hard it was for Kenneth to teach Kayid and David.
The Christmas get-together had been fun.
Renee smiled to herself, remembering the children running around the house, arguing over toys and treats as though the world would end if someone else got the last piece. There had been laughter, teasing, and enough noise to make her grateful for the occasional moments of silence.
She had missed that.
She had missed being around her family without feeling like she was fighting an invisible battle against everyone in the room.
Catherine seemed happy with Mark. Genuinely happy. And Renee was happy for her, a little envious of her but utimately happy.
She was happy for all of them, really.
Rosaline and Shaan, too.
Once upon a time, she had convinced herself that her sister was a terrible mistake for Shaan. She had questioned their relationship, their decisions, and whether they were even good for each other.
Now, whenever she watched them together, all she could think about was how wrong she had been.
Rosaline deserved her happiness.
So did Shaan.
And the children deserved to grow up surrounded by the kind of love their parents were building together.
Renee wanted that for them.
She really did.
Her thoughts wandered, drifting from one familiar face to another until they settled stubbornly on the one person she had spent the entire evening trying not to think about.
Noah.
She exhaled.
Of course.
He had smiled at her during the party. Held her hand, too.
And she had squeezed his hand in return.
It probably hadn't meant much to anyone watching them. Perhaps someone had even gone to bed that night convinced that the two of them were finally finding their way back to each other.
But Renee knew what had happened inside her head.
Panic.
Not the kind anyone could see. She hadn't flinched or snatched her hand away. She hadn't made an excuse to leave.
She had smiled.
She had squeezed his hand.
And all the while, something inside her had been screaming at her to run.
She knew Noah loved her. She wasn't blind to the way he looked at her, nor was she foolish enough to mistake his intentions for anything else.
He wanted them back.
He wanted another chance.
And perhaps the most terrifying part was that she knew he meant it.
But what if another chance was all it took to ruin him?
What if she let him back into her life, allowed herself to become comfortable with him again, and slowly turned into the woman she had fought so hard to leave behind?
The woman who had hated her sister.
Hated Shaan.
Hated Noah.
A woman who had looked at the people around her and somehow found a reason to resent every single one of them.
Renee closed her eyes briefly.
She couldn't go back there.
She wouldn't.
She had worked too hard to find a little peace. She had prayed too many nights, cried too many tears, and sat through too many therapy sessions to pretend the past no longer frightened her.
She was trying.
God knew she was trying.
But trying to become a better person didn't mean she had forgotten the person she used to be.
And it certainly didn't mean she deserved to have everything she had once taken for granted handed back to her.
Especially Noah.
He was doing well now.
He was happy, successful, and moving forward with his life.
He deserved someone who wouldn't make him regret loving her.
Someone who wouldn't make him pay for battles he hadn't started.
Someone better.
Renee shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket and continued walking.
Perhaps the kindest thing she could do for Noah was to leave him alone.
Even if a small, inconvenient part of her heart still wished he would ask her to stay.
Her phone rang just as she was about to turn back.
She glanced at the screen.
Noah.
Oh, speak of the devil.
Renee stared at his name for a few seconds, debating whether she should answer. Honestly, she could let it ring. It wasn't as if he could tell she was staring at his name while contemplating the meaning of life.
But then again, he would probably call again.
With a small sigh, she accepted the call and brought the phone to her ear.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Renee."
"Hey. How are you doing?"
"I'm good." There was a brief pause before he chuckled. "For a second there, I thought you weren't going to pick up."
Renee closed her eyes.
Spot on. I wasn't going to.
"Why wouldn't I pick up?" she asked, making a conscious effort to sound casual.
"I don't know." She could practically hear the smile in his voice. "Just thought you might be busy."
"Oh, no. I'm fine."
Liar.
"So, what are you up to tonight?" Noah asked.
Renee's steps slowed.
There it was. The question she'd been hoping he wouldn't ask.
"Tonight?" she repeated, buying herself a few seconds to come up with an answer. "Oh, I have Bible study."
It came out so smoothly that she almost impressed herself.
Lord, forgive me. I do have Bible study. Just not tonight.
"Ah, okay."
"Yeah. So, I might be a little busy."
"That's fine." He didn't sound disappointed, at least not in any way she could identify. "I was just wondering if you had any plans."
"Oh."
"I thought we could hang out or something. But it's fine. Another time."
Her heart gave an inconvenient little twist.
Of course he wanted to hang out. Of course he did. Noah had never been particularly good at pretending he didn't want something when he wanted it.
And she was beginning to suspect that he had no intention of giving up on her.
"Yeah, definitely. Another time," she replied.
Which time? Next year? When we're both eighty?...give up on me,you freak!.
Who still loved someone who hurt them?
She nearly groaned at herself.
"Anyway, I just wanted to check on you," he said. "See how you're doing."
Renee's expression softened.
"Oh. Well, I'm fine, Noah. Really. Everything's good."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure." She let out a small laugh. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"No reason. Just asking."
There was something about the way he said it that made her chest feel a little tight. Noah had always been attentive, but lately, every small act of consideration seemed to remind her of everything she was trying not to think about.
He was checking on her.
He was making an effort.
And she was standing in the middle of an evening stroll, lying about Bible study because she couldn't bring herself to spend an evening alone with the man she still—
Renee abruptly cut off that train of thought.
Nope.
Absolutely not.
"Thank you for checking on me, though," she said, her voice gentler now. "I appreciate it."
"Anytime, Renee."
Silence settled between them for a moment.
Not an uncomfortable silence, exactly. Just one of those pauses in which there was so much left unsaid that neither person seemed to know what to do with it.
"Well, I won't keep you," Noah finally said. "Enjoy your Bible study."
Renee bit the inside of her cheek.
"Thank you. You too."
He laughed. "What am I enjoying? I'm not the one going for Bible study."
"Oh. Right." She laughed awkwardly. "I meant, enjoy your night."
"I will. Goodnight, Renee."
"Goodnight, Noah."
The call ended.
Renee lowered her phone and stared at the screen.
Then she exhaled.
"Jesus Christ."
She hadn't meant to say it aloud, but there was no one around to hear her anyway.
What was wrong with her?
It was a simple phone call. A man checking up on someone he cared about. Nothing more.
Except Noah wasn't just any man, and she wasn't just someone he cared about.
He was Noah Campbell.
And she was Renee Moore, the woman who had spent far too long making terrible decisions and was now terrified that one wrong move would send her spiralling back into the person she had worked so hard to leave behind.
She slipped her phone into her pocket and continued walking.
She needed to stop doing this.
She needed to stop treating every conversation with Noah like a dangerous game she could lose at any moment.
But knowing what she needed to do and actually doing it were two very different things.
And, unfortunately for her, Noah had always been the sort of problem she couldn't solve simply by pretending it didn't exist.
___
Noah stared at his phone for a while after the call ended.
Then he sighed and tossed it onto the couch beside him.
"Man, what am I going to do with you?"
He was talking to a woman who wasn't even in the room, yet somehow, she was already giving him a headache.
A very special kind of headache, apparently.
He had genuinely hoped she would be free that evening. Nothing extravagant. He just wanted to take her out, have a nice dinner, talk about whatever came to mind, and spend a few hours in her company.
Was that too much to ask?
Apparently, it was.
Noah dragged a hand down his face.
He wasn't upset that she had Bible study. Really, he wasn't. If anything, he was glad she was taking her faith seriously and making positive changes in her life.
But something about the way she'd answered him didn't sit right.
He knew Renee.
He knew when she was excited, when she was uncomfortable, when she was trying to avoid a conversation, and when she was pretending everything was fine because she didn't want anyone asking questions.
He'd had years to learn those little things about her.
And tonight?
Tonight, she had sounded exactly like someone looking for an excuse to get off the phone.
He leaned back against the couch, staring at the ceiling.
Maybe she really did have Bible study. He wasn't going to accuse her of lying simply because his instincts told him otherwise.
Still, he couldn't help feeling a little disappointed.
He'd been hoping things would be different this time.
He'd been hoping that, perhaps, she'd finally be ready to give him a chance.
But Renee seemed determined to keep him at arm's length, and he was beginning to realise that wanting her back wasn't going to be enough.
He couldn't force her to be ready.
And he certainly couldn't keep pursuing her without first asking himself a rather important question.
Was he ready?
Noah went quiet.
It was a fair question, actually. One he probably should have asked himself a long time ago.
He wanted Renee. That much was clear. He'd known it for a while now, even if admitting it had taken him longer than he'd care to acknowledge.
But after everything that had happened between them, after all the confusion and the mistakes, he needed to be certain that he wasn't simply chasing something familiar.
He needed to know that he was choosing her for the right reasons.
And if he was going to be honest with himself, there was only one way to begin figuring that out.
Rosaline.
He thought about his sister.
Well, no. Not his sister.
Rosaline had never been his sister. They weren't related by blood, and even though their families had been intertwined for years, the feelings he'd once harboured for her had never been sibling-like.
For a long time, he'd loved her in a way he hadn't known how to stop.
It had been complicated, painful, and, at times, downright ridiculous.
He'd watched her fall in love with Shaan. He'd watched them struggle, make mistakes, and eventually find their way back to each other. And somewhere along the line, he'd had to accept that whatever he'd imagined for himself and Rosaline was never going to happen.
It hadn't been easy.
But sitting there now, thinking about her, he realised something.
The ache wasn't there.
He waited for it.
For that familiar pinch in his chest. For the little pang of jealousy that used to creep in whenever he thought about Rosaline and Shaan being happy together.
Nothing.
He thought about the way Shaan looked at her, the way Rosaline smiled around him, and the life they'd built together.
And all he felt was happiness for them.
Genuine happiness.
No bitterness. No longing. No ridiculous wish that things had turned out differently.
Noah blinked, then let out a quiet laugh.
"Well, I'll be damned."
He was free.
Actually, truly free.
Whatever lingering feelings he'd once had for Rosaline, whatever foolish hope he'd carried around for far too long, they were finally behind him.
And honestly?
It felt good.
He wasn't sure exactly when it had happened. There hadn't been some dramatic moment when he'd woken up and decided he was over her. No grand declaration. No final heartbreak.
Perhaps he'd simply grown out of it.
Perhaps watching her build a life with Shaan had finally allowed him to let go of the one he'd imagined with her.
Whatever the reason, he was grateful.
Because if he was going to pursue Renee, he needed to do so with his whole heart.
Not with one foot in the past and the other desperately reaching for a future.
And now, for the first time in a long while, he felt like he could.
Speaking of Rosaline...
A small smile tugged at his lips as he reached for his phone again.
He scrolled through his contacts until he found Shaan's number and pressed the call button.
The phone rang twice before Shaan answered.
"What's up, man?"
Noah grinned.
"What's up, man? How's it going?"
"I'm good. I'm good. Just here."
"Yeah?" Noah shifted comfortably against the couch. "I didn't see you at work today."
"Ah, that." Shaan chuckled. "Rosaline has been having pregnancy fever or something."
Noah raised an eyebrow.
"Pregnancy fever?"
"Don't ask me, man." Shaan sounded thoroughly amused. "One minute, she's fine. The next, she wants something, then she doesn't want it anymore. And if I leave the room for five minutes, apparently, I've abandoned my wife."
Noah burst out laughing.
"Poor you."
"Poor me, indeed. So I decided to stay home today. Someone has to watch the kids while their mother terrorises the entire household."
"I'm sure she appreciates your sacrifice."
"Of course she does. Very much. She appreciates it so much that she sent me downstairs three times today because she suddenly wanted things she hadn't mentioned before."
Noah laughed harder.
"Congratulations, brother. You signed up for this."
"I know, I know." Shaan sighed dramatically. "Marriage is a beautiful thing. Fatherhood is a blessing. But nobody warned me that pregnancy would turn my house into a twenty-four-hour customer service centre."
"Should I send you a resignation letter?"
"Please do. I'll submit it to my wife for approval."
The two men laughed.
For a while, they talked about work, the children, and the general chaos of Shaan's household. Noah listened as Shaan complained about being summoned every few minutes, occasionally interrupting him with a remark that only made the other man more dramatic.
It was easy.
Comfortable.
The kind of conversation Noah could have with Shaan without having to think too hard about what to say.
And somewhere between Shaan's complaints and his own laughter, Noah found himself thinking about Renee again.
He wondered what she was doing.
Whether she was actually at Bible study.
Whether she'd eaten.
Whether she was home yet.
He caught himself and shook his head.
Good Lord. Give the woman a little breathing room.
He had just decided he was going to approach this thing with patience, hadn't he?
He couldn't spend the entire evening wondering what Renee was doing.
That would be ridiculous.
Absolutely ridiculous.
"So," Shaan's voice interrupted his thoughts, "what about you? How's life treating you?"
Noah glanced at his phone, then settled back into the couch.
"Life's good, man."
"So," Shaan said after a while, "what about you? How are things going with you and Renee?"
Noah went quiet for a moment.
Of course.
He should have known Shaan wouldn't let him off the phone without asking about her. The man had a wife, children, and enough domestic drama to keep him occupied, yet he still found time to poke his nose into other people's love lives.
"What?" Noah asked. "Why are you asking?"
Shaan chuckled. "Why wouldn't I ask? You know I'm interested in your love life. Besides, I haven't heard you say anything about the two of you lately."
"There's nothing much to say."
"Uh-huh."
"I'm serious."
"And I'm listening."
Noah rolled his eyes, hoping Shaan could feel his eyes rolling over the phone .
"You wanna keep rolling your eyes or you wanna get to it?"
Noah chuckled...
Wizard.
"Things are... complicated."
"Complicated how?"
Noah sighed.
He could have brushed the question aside. He could have told Shaan everything was fine and changed the subject, but what would be the point? If there was one person he could talk to without having to pretend he had everything figured out, it was Shaan.
Besides, the man had been there for him through enough nonsense to deserve an honest answer.
"She still doesn't trust herself around me," Noah admitted.
There was a brief silence on the other end.
"You're not surprised, are you ?"
"I'm not but ,I mean, I can tell she wants to let me in, but every time I try to get closer, she pulls back. Sometimes it's subtle. Other times, it's so obvious that I wonder if she thinks I'm an idiot."
Shaan laughed softly.
"I'm sure she doesn't think you're an idiot."
"I'm glad one of us has that confidence."
"Go on."
Noah leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
"I called her a few minutes ago. I wanted to take her out tonight, maybe have dinner together. Nothing serious. Just spend some time with her." He paused. "She told me she had Bible study."
Shaan burst out laughing.
"What's wrong with bible study?..."he paused "... you don't believe her?"
"I don't know if she was lying." Noah rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. "I'm not going to sit here and accuse her of that. But I know Renee. I know when something is bothering her, and I know when she's trying to avoid something."
"Or someone?"
"Exactly."
He let out a humourless chuckle.
"I'm not upset with her. If she genuinely had Bible study, then fine. I'm happy she's working on herself. I really am. But I can't pretend I wasn't disappointed."
"Because you wanted to see her."
"Because I wanted to see her," Noah confirmed. "And because, for a moment, I thought maybe she was finally getting comfortable enough to spend time with me without feeling like she needed an escape route."
He fell silent.
That was the part he hadn't wanted to admit, even to himself.
Every little thing Renee did seemed to carry a weight it shouldn't have. If she smiled at him, he wondered whether she was beginning to let go of her fears. If she held his hand, he wondered whether she was ready to try again. And if she pulled away, he found himself questioning whether he'd imagined the progress between them.
It was exhausting.
Not because he regretted loving her, but because he didn't know how to love her without constantly wondering whether he was asking for too much.
"I want to be with her, Shaan," he continued quietly. "I really do. But I don't want to be another thing she feels guilty about. I don't want her to look at me and think that getting back together with me is another responsibility she has to fulfil."
Shaan didn't interrupt.
"And I don't want to rush her. She's trying to get her life together. She's working on herself, her relationship with God, everything. I respect that. I don't want to come along and make her feel like she has to choose between that and me."
"Have you told her any of this?"
Noah gave a small, incredulous laugh.
"When? During one of our five-minute conversations where she suddenly remembers she has somewhere else to be?"
"I'm just asking."
"I know."
He sighed and leaned back again.
"Honestly, I don't even know what she's thinking half the time. I know she cares about me. At least, I think she does. But caring about someone and wanting to be with them are two different things."
"i know it too well...." Shaan said,implying that Rosaline had been like that too.
"And I can't make her want me, no matter how much I wish I could."
The words tasted bitter, but they were true.
For a long time, Noah had believed that if he simply loved Renee enough, if he gave her enough time and showed her that he wasn't going anywhere, eventually, she'd stop being afraid.
But love wasn't a magic solution to everything that had gone wrong between them.
He couldn't make her forgive herself. He couldn't undo the past. And he couldn't convince her that they deserved another chance if she wasn't ready to believe it herself.
"I just wish she'd talk to me," he confessed. "Really talk to me. Tell me what she's afraid of. Tell me what she wants. Even if the answer isn't what I want to hear, at least I'd know where I stand."
Shaan hummed thoughtfully.
"Maybe she's afraid that if she lets herself be happy with you, she'll mess things up again."
Noah stared at the floor.
"That's what I think, too."
"Then perhaps you need to give her time to understand that she doesn't have to be perfect to be loved."
Noah swallowed.
It was a simple statement, but it struck somewhere deep.
He'd thought about Renee's guilt before. He'd seen the way she sometimes looked at him as though she were waiting for him to remember every mistake she'd ever made. As though she believed that, sooner or later, he'd realise she wasn't worth the trouble and walk away.
He hated that she saw herself that way.
He didn't love Renee because he thought she was perfect.
He loved her knowing perfectly well that she wasn't.
And he wasn't asking her to become someone else before she could be with him.
"I know," Noah murmured. "I just wish she knew that."
"Then keep showing her. Not by chasing her until she feels cornered, but by being honest about what you want and giving her room to decide what she wants, too."
Noah nodded slowly.
"Yeah. I suppose you're right."
"Of course I'm right. I'm a married man."
Noah snorted.
"Oh, please. Your wife has you running around the house like a delivery boy."
"An important delivery boy."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night."
"Speaking of sleep, I barely got any last night. Your future sister-in-law—"
"Don't you dare start calling Rosa that before I've even managed to get Renee to dinner....you know how closely knotted these women are. They share everything."
Shaan burst out laughing.
"Ah! So there's still hope!"
Noah groaned.
"I'm hanging up."
"No, you're not. You need my advice."
"Your advice is the reason I called you in the first place, and look where that's gotten me."
"You called me because you missed me."
"Goodbye, Shaan."
"Goodbye, lover boy."
Noah ended the call, shaking his head with a reluctant smile.
For all his teasing, Shaan had given him something to think about.
Perhaps he needed to stop treating every small step Renee took towards him as a promise that they were getting back together.
Perhaps he needed to stop looking for reassurance in every conversation, every smile, every moment she allowed herself to be close to him.
She was trying to find her footing again.
And if he truly loved her as much as he claimed, he needed to give her the freedom to do that without making her feel as though she owed him a happy ending.
Still, he hoped she would eventually choose him.
Not because she felt guilty about their past.
Not because she was afraid of hurting him.
But because, after everything, she genuinely wanted a future with him.
Noah picked up his phone again, glanced at Renee's name, and smiled faintly.
He could wait.
He just hoped she wouldn't make him wait forever.