(Thomas POV)
I sat in my grandmother's house in meditation. It had been 3 weeks since my fight with Dorje, and I was still focusing on my shifting. The issue I was running into was that my fire wasn't reacting the way it should, according to the practice here.
Rohan explained that I should pull the fire into my body until it's full, and that should be my first transformation into my strengthened form, though still human. Then, if I pull harder, it should feel almost like ice breaking, and more fire would flood into me until I reached the halfway transformed state.
In that state, I should again be able to break another level of separation, and when I do that, I will transform into my tiger shape.
But for me, as always. When I pull all the fire into my body, I go straight through to my fully shifted giant tiger form.
Again, I tried. Pull in only the heat of the fire and let it fill my body. I feel my muscles gain strength, and my whole body almost vibrates as I stay still in my meditation. Once I have that feeling, I try to hold onto it for as long as possible. Careful to pull in no more than I have, I lose track of time as I focus only on my fire.
The funny thing about trying to think of nothing is that it brings issues that are weighing on your mind to the front. No matter what I tried, the thoughts still came. A phone call from Edythe two weeks ago, explaining that the family would be moving away from Forks. She then told me about Bella's birthday party and how a simple papercut had resulted in disaster. Jasper was beside himself in guilt for his inability to resist his nature that day, and Edward's guilt that Bella was in danger yet again because of him.
Edythe had voted against leaving, but she and Carlisle had been outvoted. She explained that Edward had called in favors owed to the rest of the family to get his way. More than a little upset, I had hung up on Edythe and immediately called Bella. Her number going directly to voicemail only stopped me for about 5 minutes before I remembered the landline Charlie had to have for work.
Charlie answered it right away, and the relief in his voice when he found me on the other line was evident. He quickly explained that the day the Cullens left town, Bella had wandered into the woods and gotten lost. The search took all evening and a good portion of the night before Sam from the Quileute reservation had found her.
Since then, Bella had been almost catatonic. He had even gone so far as to call Renee and have her come to town to take her to Jacksonville, hoping that a change of scenery would help. But Bella had exploded and thrown a tantrum the like's neither parent had ever seen. Guilt hit me that I had not thought to give this number to Charlie in case he needed me, and I apologized profusely. Knowing that my sister needed me, I didn't hesitate, I just told Charlie I would be there as soon as I could get to the airport. Then I hung up the phone.
I started moving through the house and gathering everything I would take with me. I hope the Tribe doesn't try to keep me here, after all that Bella did for me, how could I not be there for her? My satellite phone rang and I saw it was Charlie's number, so I picked it up right away.
"Did you forget something, Charlie?"
"You'd better not come back until you are done with everything you needed to accomplish there, Thomas." It was Bella. Her voice sounded scratchy and tired. Her tone was sharp but still fragile, like she was barely holding it together.
"You have been hurt, Bella. How can I stay away? You were there for me, so I will be there for you."
"Don't you dare, Thomas. You can't fix this. You can't fix me... What you are doing there is more important than sitting and watching me cry in my room. I don't want to see you until you have learned everything you need to."
"Bella..."
"No!" Her voice cracked, but her words held. "You left for a reason. You're supposed to come back stronger. Don't make the sacrifice you and Edythe made just to come back because... Just because I'm broken. I will survive, I will even go back to school and try not to worry Charlie so much. But until you can say you are done there, don't come back."
What she said made some sense. But I still hated it, and I told her so.
"I hate it."
"Me too," She whispered. "But stay. Please. For me."
I wrenched my mind from that memory and realized I was fully Shifted into my tiger shape. Another failure.
Another month had passed, and I was finally making some real headway. The hardest part about my shifting was finding a way to pause the pull on the fire. Those here talked about a barrier that they had to break through, but I had none, so I had to create one. It actually helped when I sort of envisioned a dial in my mind.
Today I was practicing with the group again, but this time my opponent was the woman Hu Mei. She was of the Fox clan and extremely beautiful. When we first met, she had been very dismissive of me. But lately, I could see she was trying to get closer to me. But for some reason, there was a look in her eyes that I didn't like. She was to... calculating, I guess would be the word.
Dorje had turned out to be one of my few friends here, once he healed up. He was the only one who would sit and go over what the change was like in his mind. I found out that it was actually his older brother in Yak form that I had tossed off the trail my first day here. That conversation had led to another revelation.
When they are human, they can pull in some strength from their tether. But only enough to be about two times as strong as normal. When they are in their fully transformed shape, they are as strong as the animal would be in nature. But when they go to their mixed form… they get the strength of their fully transformed self plus the size and dexterity of a human body.
That last part floored me. It explained Dorje's ridiculous speed for something that looked so bulky. It also made me realize why the clans here could keep out vampires without calling in outside help. The mixed forms weren't just monsters from myths — they were weapons, forged to fight the Cold Ones head-on.
Dorje had grinned when he explained it, like he was letting me in on a secret only warriors knew. "That's why you never underestimate us," he'd said, thumping his chest with a fist big enough to dent stone. "A Yak might look slow, but when the horns and hooves come out? You won't laugh anymore."
I hadn't laughed then. And I sure wasn't laughing now, facing Hu Mei in the ring.
Her eyes glittered, sly and sharp, as she circled me. The fox in her was always there, even when she looked human — too smooth, too graceful, too aware of how every motion drew eyes. The others might be distracted by her beauty. I wasn't. What I saw was calculation. The same look Jasper used to wear when he played chess — patient, predatory, already three moves ahead.
I rolled my shoulders, heat from my fire filling my muscles. I'd made some progress with the "dial" trick, slowing the pull so I didn't leap straight into the giant tiger. Today would test if it consciously worked, or if I was still lying to myself. I couldn't rely on it subconsciously coming out like in my fight with Dorje.
Hu Mei smiled, but it wasn't kind. "Don't hold back, Raizel," she said, voice like silk hiding steel. "I want to see what you really are."
I bared my teeth in something between a grin and a snarl. "Careful what you ask for."
And then she moved.
She was faster than any vampire I had seen, including Edward. Her movement flowed like water, impossible to predict. One heartbeat, she was at my front, the next she slid around to my side, her palm striking for my ribs with surgical precision.
The impact stung, sharp and precise. No attempt to hurt me, but a strike meant to rattle the nerves, to show me she could get inside my defenses effortlessly.
I answered with a quick jab, but she wasn't there any longer. She had slipped out of range with a twist of her hips that looked effortless again.
"Okay, let's try this." I mentally turned the dial to heat, intending it to just pull in the heat of the fire.
Though I couldn't feel it, a tension filled the air. Later, Dorje told me it felt like a predator stepping out into the open. An instinctive fear took his breath away.
Hu Mei's eyes never left mine, even as she took several steps back. When I advanced to keep the distance close, she twisted her body, spun, kicked low toward my knee, her gaze stayed fixed on me as much as possible. Calculating. Testing. She wanted to see how I would react.
As if bored, I reached down and grabbed her leg before it could connect and shoved her back, off balance. She stumbled back two steps.
She nodded her head, as if my reaction confirmed something to her.
Then her body rippled. Bones cracked, her spine arched, and her hands lengthened into clawed fingers tipped with dark nails. Her face didn't change much — just sharper, more vulpine — but her aura shifted entirely. The fox had stepped out of the woman.
The crowd grew excited as her tail burst into being, a sleek plume of russet that swayed behind her like it had a mind of its own.
"Now," she whispered, her voice carrying unnaturally, "let's see what kind of fire burns in a Raizel."
And then she was gone from my sight.