Noise blurred into existence as my eyelids slowly cracked open.
Everything was still fuzzy, and my surroundings were covered in a thick layer of dust that tasted like gunpowder. I pressed my palms against the war-torn ground, and with a shaky push, I managed to shove some of the wreckage off my back and haul myself up to my knees.
"Shiiiit," I muttered a loud to absolutely no one.
One of my ears where ringing and sight unclear but apparently I was having a solo party in this disaster zone. I couldn't think straight but I had a little time so I let myself take a quick breath.
So, both worlds where merged, hazbin hotel and Helluva boss. I still couldn't believe it but a sudden thought hit me like the bomb that blew my ear if both worlds where combind then that would mean not only the sins but overlords actually existed in this hellhole. Now wasn't the time to think about that effect on an upcoming war was clearly tearing through the central city of Hell.
BOOOM!
An explosion erupted off to my right, and the sky lit up with a mushroom cloud of red in the distance. Yeah, not finding out what that was about. I needed to get my ass out of here ASAP. I looked around slightly frantic and—holy shit, by Satan's decree, my van was somehow still in one piece.
I immediately lurched to my feet and managed to throw myself into the driver's seat, wincing at the aches radiating through my body. I'd be pretty dead if someone had tried to steal it while I was taking my involuntary dirt nap, especially since as the immediate murder professional I am, I'd only brought one gun with me. I should have expected this from the main central city.
I turned the engine on and gripped the steering wheel, but before I could peel out, I realized the exact direction of I.M.P was where all the explosions were concentrated. Actually fuck-tastic. How was I supposed to slip by to the highway now?
Grumbling every curse word, I started the engine and drove off. As I moved I noticed the streets had turned into more of an obstacle course. Debris was strewn across every corner, a few abandoned vehicles scattered. Who in the world would be fixing all of this? I had no clue.
Another booming explosion went off, this time close enough that I felt the vibration rattle through my bones. The source was coming into view now, a giant airship hovering over the buildings. The thing was almost perfectly oval, decked out in black and yellow and somewhat looked like a rocket, with a large dorsal fin in red, pink, and black. It was armed to the teeth with artillery-grade weapons that were currently spray-painting the neighborhood with explosive firepower.
Well, this is just great,exactly what I needed.
Luckily the van should be small enough to sneak right under without being noticed. I drew closer and closer, and miracle of miracles, it seemed to be working. All that firepower was focused between buildings for some reason, jumping around. Shit, I wish I'd watched Hazbin Hotel in my previous life too, so I'd know what in Lucifer's name was going on. I'd only managed to catch the pilot episode before I died, and I barely remembered jack from it, only the major things and the main characters I'd heard from two of my friends back then.
Looking at the ship now, almost fully above me, I vaguely recalled the guy flying this thing, some snake guy named Sir Pentious. And if memory served me right.
Another red cloud of gunpowder erupted, directed at the ship.
he was fighting Cherri Bomb.
All I'd wanted to do was check if things where safe for now, but it ended up like this. Well, as long as I didn't get dragged into the fight, I'd be fine.
I was directly under it now, so there was no way it could fire at me—
*THUD.*
Then another *THUD.*
"What in the—" I looked out the window. The snake guy's ship had stopped firing, and I couldn't hear explosives going off anymore.
*THUD.*
Yellow goo splashed onto my windshields fully blocking my view. I slammed on the brakes and the van rocked back before skidding to a halt.
I slung my shotgun over my shoulder and stepped out of the car, immediately trying to clear the yellow liquid that was obscuring my escape. Unfortunately, my peripheral vision caught sight of the objects responsible—some kind of egg person lying on top of my van, leaking yolk from every crack in its shell. They were these weird sentient eggs with skinny black limbs, yellow eyes peering out from the cracks in their shells, and mouths that were just additional cracks.
They were strange creatures even by Hell's standards.
BOOOM.
My neck snapped upward. One of Cherri Bomb's grenades had apparently hit a critical spot on the airship. Wait a minute—I'd better get the fuck out of here. I scrambled back into my seat and looked up one more time. The ship was subtly tilting, slowly descending onto the ground, aka me. I wasn't sure if I could make it out in time.
I floored it, hearing a building crumble under the ship's weight, flames now visibly licking the side Cherri had hit.
A blow of wind kicked up dust around me.
With literally an inch or so between my van and the ship's surprisingly graceful descent, I somehow made it through. I had to pause for a second, processing the fact that I'd barely made it out alive, but the sound of some mechanism clicking behind me snapped me back to reality. I stepped on the gas again, making sure to look behind me turning back I was greeted with the sight of a bright pink object sitting in the middle of the road like it was waiting.
I yanked the wheel and ducked the van behind some larger debris just as the shockwave hit, rattling my teeth and hands. All the windows, now shattered, raining glass everywhere.
I hopped out face covered from the smoke and turned to assess the damage and to my not shock, the van was totaled. Both front wheels were missing, cuts and gashes covered every surface, and part of the engine was damaged. But somehow it was still running. Silver lining I suppose but i didn't want to damage the company car any further.
Another shockwave traveled from the ship's direction.
A hydraulic door on the airship hissed open. "Charge now, Egg Boizzzzz!"
They came flooding out like an underprepared army. At least a hundred of them, all equipped with their own weapons. I clearly wasn't the target, but I could tell from their goofy-ass faces they couldn't discern friend from foe, and knowing I had little other choice while stuck in the middle of this clusterfuck, I charged into the streets once more, carrying myself over chunks of buildings, surrounded by the explosives fire and dust.
I wasn't on any particular side, but seeing as the snake seemed to be on the losing end, I'd rather face his army of breakfast rejects.
Battle ready I began. With a bound from the top of the concrete, I crushed one entirely, beneath my boot its yellow guts splattering onto my shoes. These kills wouldn't come clean.
With a sweep of my body, I swung my shotgun like a baseball bat, decapitating all three egg boiz within reach.
I was quickly interrupted as Cherri Bomb lobbed another explosive into the fray. Turning behind me she was now fully visible, a slim cyclops demon with an hourglass figure that I definitely wasn't noticing in the middle of a goddamn war zone, with one eye sporting an X-shaped yellow pupil and a coral-colored sclera. She had freckle like spots on her skin and long strawberry blonde pink hair with platinum accents, kept in a high ponytail.
She glanced in my direction before settling her gaze on Sir Pentious. "I'm gonna destroy your Tinkertoy bullshit for starting a turf war with me!"
"You and your goon are going down!" the snake shouted back.
Goon? That snake bastard better not be talking about me.
Suddenly an egg caught my leg, and three coordinated simultaneously, leaping toward me. With a satisfying crunch on my boot, I fired at the group, blowing them back into the incoming army I definitely miscounted before, ten more had already gathered around me.
With their light physiques, I managed to kick some away, not without getting a few scratches, and fired at a group of five.
Bombs were littering the scene, and quite a few around me were blown away, giving me some breathing room. But it was pretty obvious that once I ran out of bullets, I'd be completely out of the fight and potentially might die. Not a great way to go, so I had to rely mostly on my physical force despite my injuries.
Cherri landed beside me and chucked another bomb at the egg creatures with a gleeful expression before rushing forward again. A larger group emerged from the smoke of her bomb, and she kicked a few away. I had to stay alert, a few were straggling back toward where I was standing, but the majority were clearly gunning for Cherri herself.
A rocket fired off from the airship, Sir Pentious wasn't done yet. Cherri barely managed to dodge it before tripping, still surrounded by egg bois closing in on her position.
Shit.
I cocked my shotgun and aimed in her vicinity, but before I could fire, shots rang out from right behind me, obliterating all the eggs surrounding her.
"Don't worry, honey, I got ya covered! Though I'm usually better at blowing things in a different way, if ya know what I mean~"
I recognized that voice immediately.
Angel Dust.
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If you didn't notice, this is a slight au but it's borderline the same as the original. Ngl I haven't watched hazbin season two yet so I gotta lock in and watch it later
I actually wanted to make this chapter like literally double this length but decided against it even though I didn't feel I covered all the content I wanted to.