Teren's Diary
Sea Calendar Year 1519
January 30th: Business was good last year. I recruited quite a few fellow countrymen, opened several new restaurants, and even launched the largest buffet in Wano.
I hired dozens of mermaid ladies to work as servers. Membership is required to enjoy their service, and for a more exclusive experience, a higher-tier membership is necessary.
Of course, I'm running a restaurant, so even top-tier members can only enjoy a napkin service.
Even so, pirates spend money like it's nothing. Idiots!
Yet, for some reason, the most profitable shop is still that tiny little skewer stall. Especially the grilled kidneys.
February 7th: Kaido-sama put me in charge of supplying all the food for this year's Fire Festival. I refused. After getting whacked three times, I reluctantly agreed.
That night, I filled several large barrels with cow dung, planning to use my Mark-Mark Fruit to get back at Kaido-sama. Unfortunately, I forgot that drunk pirates tend to cause trouble at night. I ended up slapping one.
February 8th: The grand hot spring on Onigashima had to shut down due to a sudden 'cow dung shower' contaminating the water supply.
February 9th: Got in touch with Finder. Gave him a small cut to help me connect with some trade associations.
February 30th: The Fire Festival is about to begin, and the trade caravan has delivered the food supplies.
The meat was the cheapest available, some of it already spoiled, but after soaking overnight in cow and sheep urine, you'd never be able to tell the difference.
Pressed duck meat into steak form—no one will notice.
March 6th: The Fire Festival ended only half a day after it started.
On this day, every toilet in Onigashima was full. One particular weirdo in swim trunks even took a dump in the middle of the performance stage.
April: Hospitalized.
May 6th: I heard that Jack-sama has been going out a lot recently. Ever since he learned how to fly, he's been getting wilder.
So why did I only get a Mark-Mark Fruit?!
I got so angry thinking about it that I chucked all the accumulated animal dung from the restaurant. Since Jack-sama had eaten grilled kidneys before leaving, I made sure to shake his hand while handing him a drink.
This time, the target won't be missed.
May 10th: Kaido-sama came for more grilled kidneys. I added some boogers this time. He said the flavor was unique and complimented my grilling skills.
May 11th: Got beaten up by Kaido-sama today.
Apparently, this time I didn't add boogers, and he noticed the taste was off.
May 20th: Yamato brought those two brats and that damn guy again. Another meal on the house.
Maybe because of my Devil Fruit, Yamato sniffed out the 'extra seasoning' I put in their food.
Lost three million Belly today. Mild concussion.
June 1st: Saw a couple of guys today who looked just like Kaido-sama and Jack-sama—only shorter, fatter, and... dumber.
They drooled while demanding grilled kidneys. After eating, they refused to pay. Furious, I fought them.
Lost. My ass got whooped.
Yamato and Kaido-sama arrived just in time to knock them out.
Lost five million Belly today. Also lost a pair of pants.
June 20th: Master brought Rim over again to 'replenish his body.'
I specially reserved some elephant trunk meat for him. No added 'extras.'
For some reason, though, Master kept staring at Rim's butt.
June 25th: Finder dropped by for a meal and told me he was heading out to salvage Jack-sama again. He also handed me a newspaper.
"Justice Rains From Above! During the battle between Emperor Shanks and the strongest Fish-Man, Jack, a sudden downpour of filth disrupted the fight."
...
June 26th: Tried to escape. Failed.
Wano is on full lockdown. Heard those idiots went and caused trouble again.
July 30th: A samurai from the Flower Capital got drunk and asked me to introduce him to a mermaid wife. Said he'd treat her well.
After thinking for a moment, I introduced him to Ahua, my longest-serving female mermaid employee.
The moment he saw Ahua, he got so excited that he fainted.
Ahua seemed pleased. She dragged him away.
August 7th: Those idiots got beaten to death by Kaido-sama. Lockdown lifted.
August 9th: Yamato picked up another brat—a little girl named O-Tama—and a smelly mutt. The girl's polite and cute. Also a Devil Fruit user.
Apparently, she got lost while playing outside and accidentally ate a Devil Fruit. Yamato saved her.
August 10th: Got scammed—again.
Sold duck meat as beef. Aladine caught me and 'educated' me.
That night, I took him to the red-light district and got him a few ladies.
He went silent.
September 1st: Kaido-sama is in a great mood lately. Been eating a lot of grilled kidneys. Heard the sea train from Onigashima to Ailen Island is almost complete.
September 10th: That swim-trunks weirdo from the Fire Festival came back with a group of friends for barbecue.
Turns out, he's actually a pretty decent guy.
We became friends. His name is Franky.
September 30th: Jack crash-landed in front of my shop like a flying elephant.
Lost five million Belly today.
Cow dung tastes terrible.
October: Hospitalized.
November 3rd: Jack beat me up before flying off again. Furious, I chucked several barrels of duck dung.
I forgot that I had just gotten discharged.
Shook hands with Aladine before leaving.
November 4th: Red-light district suffered a sudden 'duck dung downpour.'
Tried to run. Failed.
Black Maria tied me up in her web and threw me and Aladine into a cesspool.
Fought Aladine in the cesspool. Knocked him out. Nearly drowned in filth.
November 5th: Stomach pumped.
November 6th: Rim needed nourishment. Master held her nose and purified me.
She's so kind. Like a mother.
But she keeps staring at Rim weirdly.
November 20th: Jack returned. I got caught adding 'extras' to his food.
Kaido-sama was right—grilled kidneys taste better with boogers.
December 1st: Ahua returned with her husband. He treats her well, just like he promised.
Though, for some reason, his eyes are always swollen, and he's covered in bruises.
December 30th: A new year approaches. In two months, it'll be the Fire Festival again.
This time, I volunteered to handle the entire event's logistics.
Got beaten up by Kaido-sama, Jack-sama, and everyone else.
Sea Calendar Year 1520.
January 5th: Got dragged into training with Enel and the Ulti siblings.
I hate this. No energy left to write my diary.
-----------
The fanfic is Finished on p@treon/tambeerg