In which I end up in a rocky situation, a rockier situation, and a rockiest situation. Rockette situations may be included.
The sun pounded on me as I reached the top of my arc. Forest spread out before me in every direction I could see, with an occasional clearing breaking the monotony before granite mountains erupted in every direction like a crown of stone. I had over doubled my normal jump height and soared down like a Buzz Lightyear I had thrown from the roof as a kid.
I couldn't find home, nor a shield, nor acres of clear land.
I was lost.
Before I crashed into the forest, I whipped my spear to the pogo position and shouted, "Dead Weight Drop!"
BOOM!
I think that I landed on a tree, because when I got my bearings I found myself in the middle of a splintery crater and a newly made clearing.
"Fantastic," I said, perched on top of my spear, "I don't even have any shoes."
The forest leered at me, my unarmored skin visible beneath shredded clothing. I really, really needed more clothes. At least I couldn't sense the smiling shadow anymore. I must have lost it like a flying fish loses a tuna.
Still, I didn't know where home was. I could go in circles for hours. Maybe I could get a glimpse if I climbed one of those mountains.
Rubbing my fat and looking around, I said, "I guess there's nothing for it. Let's hope I survive this one, Grandpa."
After picking my way carefully past every splinter, I picked up my pace. Still, I was left jumpy as I marked the trees with deep scores pointing the way I came. I didn't want to go in circles, and I didn't want to keep jumping above the canopy to check if I was headed to the right mountain.
Maybe I'd just leave the forest. There had to be civilization out there, and it's not like I had to go back for my final year of high school. I really, really needed someone to talk to. But what if I couldn't learn their language? I hadn't understood those soldiers.
The forest was getting to me, making me jump at every sound. Where were the monsters? Why did trees have to make sounds? I had to break the tension.
"Take me hoooome," I sang as I walked, head on a swivel, "Country roads…to the place…I BEL-"
The bushes rustled and locked in, ready to spear anything in that vicinity.
It's okay, I thought, it's probably a rabbit. A cute little fluffy bunny living its best life. In the Greater Demon Forest.
I stabbed the bushes.
A familiar sound sank my stomach in horror. I knew that sound. I'd fought a dozen of these over the past month. That sharp clink and shatter, the precise sound of a monster made entirely of stone.
It burst from the bushes as I backpedaled, angry red stone with sharp talons for fingers swiping for my face. It was barely humanoid, more of a bipedal rockslide with stone knives. And, like every other monster here, an unquenchable thirst for my blood.
"Hold it," I said, "hold it!"
I don't think it cared, and I dodged to the side of a wild swing. Once I backed up far enough, I settled into my normal stance. One of its arms was missing, probably as a result of my earlier stab. I braced myself. As soon as it came within range, I thrust.
My spear cracked the stone of the chest and knocked it aside, but it quickly reoriented.
"Perfect," I said, ducking behind a tree, "Now I just need to hit the place again. Ooh, I should use my new mocking ability to increase my chances of a critical hit. What else…"
I dodged another wild swing right as I felt my back against a tree. The monster swung where I had been, digging the claws of its one arm into the tree. And getting stuck.
"Hey," I said, "That works. Finally, some luck. Let's see… I hope this cracks you up!"
It tried to get away, but my hit connected and split the monster in two. The insides looked different but were still made of stone, and I sighed. All that time practicing precision with my spear just paid off.
"Sick," I said, trying to find the way I was going, "I'm glad it was hunting alone."
Which is a terrible thing to say.
****
"Footlickers!" I screamed as I clung to the top of the falling tree.
I'd climbed there to escape the small swarm of those red rock monsters, but they'd gathered around the base and started cutting like cartoon termites. I leapt to the next tree over, scrambling higher before the process repeated again.
"Fustilarians," I said, jumping to the next tree and then another like an obese orangutan being pursued by Taz from Looney Toons.
"Eater of broken meats," I curse, finding my footing as I gasped for air, "Terror Leap!"
I exploded up and out again, the tree branch absorbing some of my jump. What could I do? I was only maintaining my lead because of the super jumps. Terror Speed only worked in a straight line, and the trees were too dense. Should I dare a Dead Weight Drop? That would leave me stunned for several seconds, though…
I needed something more reliable. The gun wouldn't work in such close range. I was almost to one of the mountains. These things weren't good climbers, so maybe I could maintain the high ground.
I wonder, I thought, if I name my attacks, do they turn into a special move and do more damage?
"Deadweight Drop!" I plummeted to the forest floor and forced my head clear of the impact as fast as I could. Thankfully, the sound of the monsters swarming gave me a quick indicator of which way to run.
I scrolled through my skills as I ran, trying to find something helpful. I could analyze skills further, and I'd leveled up my Analyze skill recently, so…
"Analyze the 'Bane of Stones' skill," I said, crossing my fingers. It was something I'd gotten from breaking apart rocks in the garden, but would it work here? It was a temporary skill that would activate for a set amount of time…
Another text box popped up, and I pumped my fist. The Analyze was high enough level for it to work. I scanned through the details and smiled.
My skill 'Bane of Stones' worked on any stone, and it served as a critical hit chance increase. Exactly what I needed to make or exploit weak points in my enemies.
I even saw a clearing through the trees with a large scree of rocks (a scree being the broken rocks that pile at the base of mountains and cliffs). I'd have the high ground, two critical hit boosters, and a gun.
Much better.
I leapt from the trees, landing with a stumble in front of the scree. I scaled the rocks, finding a good vantage point with a large boulder to keep me from getting surrounded. I laid my spear down and unslung my gun, settling on a rock to snipe them.
I took a steadying breath and said, "Activate Bane of Stones skill."
A little ding confirmed the activation, and I grinned. Time to test this out.
"Hey guys," I shouted at the monsters, "Are you ready to rock?!"
Bang.
The single shot slammed into one of the creatures, staggering it and cracking the skin a bit.
"It's not much," I flipped the gun's mode to a three-shot burst, "But it should at least soften them up."
I didn't get the time to get all of them. There were around eight, and I had to switch to the spear before I got to the last two. I didn't even have time to resling the gun as I scrambled upright.
"Hey," I said as they climbed toward me, a few tumbling down the "Let me hear you 'scree'am."
"Boring Thrust," I shouted hopefully. I stepped carefully and rammed my spear into the red rock monstrosity.
A bright little crit box flashed in my vision as the monster fell. Whether it was luck or a special ability, I didn't care. It did feel a little more powerful, maybe naming moves really worked.
"Yes!" I whooped, turning to the next, "Boring Thrust!"
Red stone sprayed across the scree, satisfying for the split second before the swarm advanced. Not even a flinch as I killed a quarter of their members. Just a mindless rockslide of death.
"Boring Thrust!" I said, "I always loved picking up cool rocks, but I never anticipated being a rock-hound in this manner. Or are they called rock-hounders? Boring Thrust!"
Half done, but I was getting surrounded. Several crit boxes flashed in the corner of my eye as I backed up against the Boulder. Four left, two uncracked.
I said, "You guys have me stuck- Boring Thrust!- Between a rock and a-AAH!"
I caught the attack on the staff of my spear, and I kicked it away. The rock monster went tumbling as I whirled to the last two. I tried to block another attack, too slow, and I felt one of their claws dig into my shoulder.
-Shun Mi — Health 172/180 _ Normal Attack
I screamed, pushing the claws out and dodging around as the other one attacked.
"Boring Thrust!" I said, "Boring thrust!"
One attack drilled through the last one I'd cracked, but the other just tanked the hit. Maybe the bullets had done more than I thought.
"Boring thrust!" I just missed the crack, but managed to drive the monster back. Unfortunately, the one I kicked away came charging in. I raised my spear just in time and caught the attack, the shock ringing through my body.
Screw this, I thought.
Without hesitating this time, I pushed the monster off and whirled my spear around to the other. I thrust repeatedly without pause. Once, twice, thrice.
My spear drove home and I whipped the butt around to knock the final monster back with the butt of my spear. Once, twice, thrice.
"It really is less effective," I winced, the pain in my shoulder finally reaching my head, "Boring Thrust!"
I collapsed as the final monster exploded in a hail of stone. I hissed, dropping my spear as I dug through my satchel for my healing potion. I found it and took a sip, relaxing as my shoulder healed.
"I'm tougher than I thought," I said, "Theoretically, I should be able to take ten more hits like that. And it's not like it hurt that bad. More like a shallow cut."
I rolled my shoulder and sighed as my shirt tore, the sleeve holding on by a thread. I really, really needed clothes. Maybe if I left the forest, I could find a clothing shop. But what would I buy anything with? I didn't have any gold or anything, I was really willing to trade. Maybe I'd sell small sips from my potions or-
"Ooh!" I stood, grabbing my spear, "Maybe I can sell monster parts."
I carefully stepped down and crouched, pushing through the rocks cautiously. It's not like I had anything to store them in, but some of the rocks looked interesting. It would be a while before they dissolved into that pixelated stuff.
I unslung my satchel and put some rock in beside the potions, then hung my satchel on a convenient rock. I thrust my spear between rocks in the scree as if it were dirt, then started to dig deeper in the monsters' corpses. Before I could dig much further, the ground shook violently and threw me from my feet.
What the-
The ground slipped from beneath my feet and I was sent tumbling painfully, sharp rocks digging into my skin as I tried to protect my head. I lost track of everything as I rolled like a lint ball in the dryer. Eventually, the world stopped spinning, and I was able to focus again.
The scree, once on the ground, now towered above me. Dust and pebbles rained down on me like I was in some kind of disaster movie.
I gaped up and said, "WHAT?!"
Then the scree roared.
It was more beastial, but had the audible texture of twenty boulders crashing together. I screamed deafly, covering my ears as I staggered. I looked around, confused.
Four columns of rocks- legs- supported the scree, and to either end, rocks extended. One way, a tail, and the other a head.
"All right," I spat some blood from my fat lip and checked my health, "this isn't that bad. I'm good."
But I could barely stand. It wasn't just the terror. My arms felt like lead, and my legs were wobbling from the adrenaline that had sent me leaping through the forest like an obese Ninja.
Then I saw my spear, which was buried at the bottom of one of the columns. The toe. I had stabbed it in the frickin toe!
I need to move before it notices me. I thought, No time to be tired. Either I get that spear, or I die.
"Terror Speed." I said as quietly as I could while still triggering the skill.
Terror speed forced my legs forward, and I ran for the foot. I tripped and rolled, scrambling to my feet as I locked eyes on my target. I was in range.
I lunged for the spear, scrambling over the ground and leaping for it just as the monster lifted its leg. I managed to catch the shaft and swing on it, then pulled it free as the foot came crashing down. Rocks sprayed around me as I was flung back and the monster roared.
"Hope you feel better from that!" I said as I fled, "Actually, no I don't. I hope it's sore all day!"
Scrambling away, I reached the edge of the clearing and turned back to look. It was a large, dragon-shaped creature with trees growing from its back. The eyes turned in the uncanny way of the insanely large and focused on me, pure rubies burning with hatred.
It has my gun, I thought, and my healing potion. And my escape potion. They're up there somewhere, trapped among the rocks. I really need those.
"Whelp," I spun away, "time to run!"
Not worth it.
"AHHAHAHG!" I ran into the forest, checking over my shoulder as the rock dragon lowered its head.
It opened its wide, craggy maw, teeth of sharp crystal lining its maw. Was it going to breathe fire?! I dodged behind a massive pine tree, huddling down and praying that I didn't smell bacon.
Fire didn't erupt. Instead, a Gatling gun of rocks exploded across the forest. Splinters flew past me, and I felt the tree tremble, about to fall.
Not good.
I squatted and aimed myself, then shouted "Terror Jump!"
Branches cut across me as I burst through the canopy, another my brief shelter falling behind me. I managed to catch the dragon's eye as I flew. But rather than breathe rocks in my direction again, it turned around.
"What?" I said, reaching the zenith of my arc as the dragon faced the other direction, "Is it leavi- oh crap!"
A line of trees toppled to my left, as if something was scything through the trees like Death himself. I twisted, planting the spear in a horizontal pogo position just as-
WHAM!
I had the sense, and I presume the life, knocked out of me. But luck was on my side, and I was flung bodily from where I had been into what would be very painful.
"AUUURGUR!" I screamed, the wind whipping at my back as I flew horizontally like an obese Olympic javelin. I could have sworn I made a sonic boom at some point, or perhaps that was the sound of me catching up to my soul and slamming into it.
I knew three things. One, I was not broken. Two, my spear was not broken. Three, I still needed to land.
Wrestling with the air, I managed to face where I was going. I was flying across the entire forest and straight toward a white mountain peak.
Somehow, I doubted that the snow would be enough to break my fall. Thankfully, it was a long way away.
I pulled the spear around, setting it back into pogo position. I tried to turn myself gently in the air, preparing to absorb the impact like a Deadweight Drop. Unfortunately, that sent me spinning wildly, like a pear-shaped ninja star spraying fluids.
Ding!
My spinning slowed and I regained control, somehow. I clutched my spear, miserable, as I opened my abilities.
Movement Skill: Arial Maneuvering - Level 1 - Allows one to steady oneself in flight. More with higher levels.
"And here I was hoping for flight," I said, spitting bile. I had flown so far that I had developed a skill, used it, and was reading up on it.
But time was up, and the mountain loomed. Thanks to my new ability, I was able to position myself in pogo position facing the mountain.
"By Shakespeare himself," I said, "This better work. It worked last time. It needs a name, though. I think I just shouted it out. Oh, I know!"
I shouted, "Planetary Collision!"
Then the world exploded.