[EMERGENCY NEWS ALERT]
Howdy, y'all! This is Kitty comin' to you live from ABC-ZBN.
Now I know what y'all are thinkin'; 'Kitty, didn't you just do the mornin' report?' And yes, I did—but wouldn't ya know it, your favorite homegirl Lorraine had herself another emergency. Mmhm. Bless her heart, but if she don't stop disappearin', she's gonna be lookin' for a new gig faster than a prairie dog in a snake pit because I am gonna take her job.
Now let's get down to the real dirt.
A super by the name of Richard Rock, or as his rowdy friends call him, 'Ricky', has gone completely off the rails, y'all. What you're seein' right here is CCTV footage from a restaurant over on Massachusetts—an establishment that's now bein' called the site of one of the most gruesome and unnecessary crime scenes we've seen all year. But, when has it ever been necessary?
