My insides were quivering, my hands gripping the sides of my dress as I stared at my mate.
This was it. This was the moment he would say something, anything.
Roman looked at me at last, and his stone expression cracked for a minute.
Please, I pleaded with my eyes.
I know these women are waiting to tear me apart the moment I leave the castle walls.
"The decree says every she-wolf," he said. "It stands."
My gaze was unfocused as I heard his words.
I knew I shouldn't have expected much from him but still a stupid part of me couldn't help but hope.
The scribe pushed the needle across the table, and I stared at it, at the little bead of blood already forming on the tip. I understood, finally, what the sandbags had been for.
He trained me for this.
He had planned my involvement in the race the moment I stepped in his castle.
I didn't know what to feel. Am I supposed to thank him? For making me fight to the death with other women for him? For my Mate?
Bitterness welled up inside me, my vision blurred with unshed tears.
A tiny voice whispered in my mind, daring me to tell the whole pack i'm his Mate, and there's no need for a race. But I knew I wouldn't survive the outcome.
If not Roman, any of these women standing here will gladly take me out.
I don't remember pressing my thumb to the needle. I walked back absentmindedly.
"Don't be frightened," Isolde said, smiling gently as I passed her. "Every hunt needs somebody to make the noise." I frowned in confusion.
Then she patted my arm like a friend, and walked away.
****************************
Lady Jade came to my room that night.
She didn't knock. She slipped in with a bundle under her arm and locked the door behind her.
"Sit," she said. "Quickly. I haven't much time."
For a moment I wanted to question her, demand for answers, ask her if she knew i'm her nephew's mate. But ultimately held back.
"You know," I said crestfallen. "About the race?" I asked instead.
"I've known for months." She unfolded the cloth. "Somethings can't be stopped"
I couldn't say if I was disappointed or just tired.
Inside the cloth lay a silver dagger no longer than my forearm, in a plain leather sheath. The blade was slim and sharp. When I lifted it, it fitted my hand as if it had been made for me.
"Take it. It's yours."
"Lady Jade, I can't..."
"Listen carefully, because I'll say this once." She closed my fingers around the hilt. "You get one item. Everyone else will choose rope, or a bow, or a bag of food. Don't be tempted. Food, you can find. Water, you can find. A blade, you cannot."
I swallowed. "Why are you helping me? Why do you care what happens to me?"
She was quiet for a long time, as if weighing her words.
"Because I need you to survive" she said at last. "Now, eat, and listen. We have until midnight."
She taught me all that she could.
Which berries could kill me and which could not. How to find water by following the birds at dusk.
How to smear cold mud and crushed sage on my skin to hide my scent from stronger noses.
"Wolves hunt by smell first," she said. "So don't smell like anything." How to move quietly, and where to sleep. "Never on the ground. Never where you can be reached from below."
"How do you know all this?" I whispered.
"I'm a healer, child."
I repeated everything until she nodded. Then she stood to leave, but paused.
"One more thing." Her voice dropped so low that I almost missed it. "If it goes worse than you can bear. Not just the race, but all of it. Remember you will not be alone."
I stared at her. "What does that mean?"
"It means an old woman has been preparing for a long time." She touched my cheek with dry, warm fingers. "Sleep, Sharon."
She was gone before I could ask anything else.
I lay awake for hours with the dagger under my pillow, the night quiet. Sometime past midnight, I heard footsteps stop outside my door.
Not the maids'. I knew that footsteps by now.
Roman.
Why is he here? My chest burned with anticipation.
I held my breath, waiting, but the shadow under the door didn't move.
I waited for him to open it. To say something, to explain. Anything.
But he did none.
He just stood outside the door for a long, long time, then his shadow slid away.
Leaving me in confusion.
***************************
At dawn, they marched us out to the eastern boundary.
The Blackwood forest in front of us. Old, dark trees with wide trunks, their branches knitted closely that only thin threads of light came through.
A long table stood at the tree line, covered with items. Rope, flint, a hunting bow, a coil of wire, a water skin, a jar of salt, a torch. The she-wolves moved down the table one by one, picking.
Brielle took the bow and slung it across her back. Others took flint and rope.
Isolde didn't touch the table at all. She reached into her sleeve and took out a small leather pouch, closed with a drawstring, and held it up so the elders could see it.
Elder Corwin inspected it, nodded once, and waved her on.
No one knew what was inside.
I drew the dagger from under my dress and held it up. The elder frowned at the silver blade. Then, slowly, he nodded too.
"Take your places."
We lined up along the edge of the trees, twenty-six of us.
On a low ridge above us, stood Roman. The Beta stood beside him.
For two days he hadn't looked at me. Now here he was, right when I'm about to march to my possible death.
I scoffed in anger. And I made sure my eyes conveyed just that, as I held his gaze.
He looked at me for a long moment, and his face was not cold. It was pale. His hands clenched tight.
Any other day, I would have pondered why. But not today, when his sending me to risk my life for a position meant to be mine.
The horn sounded.
The other girls ran into the trees.
I stood there a second longer, my heart hammering, my eyes locked on his. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something.
Then I turned, and ran into the dark.
Fuck you Roman. My tears fell.