Minister Bones's relentless hunt for research talent did not end there.
No sooner had she waved off Croaker, who needed to wrap up his handover, than she whisked Jane Yu off to St Mungo's Hospital, determined to recruit a healer with both innovative spirit and exceptional professional skill for the project team.
The hospital, generously funded by the Ministry of Magic, wasted no time in presenting a young healer they assured was the most "proactive," "ambitious," "innovative," and "dedicated to researching complementary therapies" in the entire institution.
With a mixture of curiosity and dread, Jane found herself in a familiar ward, greeted by a familiar healer—one who was currently pushing a tube into a patient's mouth.
It was Augustus, hard at work performing a stomach pump.
"So, you're finally willing to let me try the Gasterexigo on you?" Augustus's eyes lit up the moment he spotted Jane. "I can't quite manage total anaesthesia and painlessness yet—that's a technique I'm still developing—but my Gasterexigo has come a long way. Now I can reliably extract only what's in the stomach, without pulling the stomach out with it!"
He gestured enthusiastically to the patient curled up on the bed, retching miserably.
"This one was a failed case—he accidentally ingested some kind of toadstool. When the antidotes failed, we had no choice but to use Gasterexigo. Unfortunately, my extraction wasn't complete—I managed to remove the solid food, but couldn't get the semi-liquids or liquids, so I still had to wash him out the Muggle way..."
Jane instinctively pressed a hand to her own stomach.
"You've certainly embraced the innovative spirit—learned a fair bit of Muggle medicine, too. But my stomach is just fine, so I'll pass for now."
Augustus's face fell, clearly disappointed to miss another opportunity to test his spell.
"How about your intestines, then?" he asked hopefully. "Any constipation? Blood? How many times a day? How long does it take? Need the Entrail-Expelling Curse? I'll do it free of charge! And, Minister Bones, you mentioned your back pain last time—my research on the skeletal system is top-notch. I could regrow your spinal discs for you, no risk of paralysis, and you'd be rid of back pain for good—"
Both Jane and Minister Bones froze.
"Out you go!" Even his mentor, Hippocrates Smethwyck, couldn't take any more, and hurried to pack him off. "You joining the research team is a blessing for you, for me, and for St Mungo's! Just don't mention us if you cause any trouble over there."
But to everyone's surprise—
Augustus and Croaker immediately hit it off, like soulmates reunited after a lifetime apart.
"Medical progress at St Mungo's has stalled," Augustus lamented. "From the Entrail-Expelling Curse to Gasterexigo, and on to kidney, liver, and heart extraction spells—no one dares to try them. If everyone's too afraid to innovate, how can medicine ever advance?"
"Exactly," Croaker said gravely, pulling back his sleeve to show Augustus the scars on his arm. "I'm always keen to make progress. I just tested an enhanced Healing Charm on myself—turns out, if you add the 'Maxima' root and sweep your wand rightwards, you get accelerated scar tissue growth."
Augustus gazed at the scars in rapt fascination, clicking his tongue in admiration.
"No, what looks like scar proliferation is actually the over-division of fibrous connective tissue under the influence of the enhanced charm… If you hadn't cut your arm but, say, your stomach, I'd consider adding a catalytic charm and some potion cultivation. We might be able to grow a new piece of stomach tissue… until we can cultivate a whole new stomach for transplant. Before Skele-Gro was invented, no one imagined you could regrow bone—maybe we're making history right now!"
"Genius thinking," Croaker praised. "That's the spirit we researchers need—bold innovation, and even bolder practice! If you manage to cultivate a new stomach, perhaps you could find a way to transplant it into others without rejection. Then no one would ever have to worry about stomach problems again!"
"You're the one who should be a healer!" Augustus cried, seizing Croaker's hand. "Your insights are more advanced than anyone at St Mungo's! No wonder you're an Unspeakable—the most mysterious job in the British wizarding world! Your thinking is extraordinary!"
"You flatter me!" Croaker gripped Augustus's hand just as tightly. "My friend, if you don't mind, you can use a piece of my stomach for your experiments—so long as you can make it grow back!"
The two of them gazed at each other with such fervour that Jane and Minister Bones felt a cold sweat break out, as if little flowers were drifting through the air around them.
"My recommendation is that we separate these two before any workplace accidents occur," Minister Bones muttered. "Yu, what do you think?"
Jane thought this was an excellent, sensible, and, above all, necessary suggestion.
"No one is having their stomachs extracted here," she said firmly. "I have no intention of singing the blues behind bars in Azkaban."
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