What happened in the kitchen lasted only a few seconds. One moment I was filled with excitement; the next, it was replaced by a crushing wave of panic. I shoved my stunned crush away from me, jumped down from the countertop, and fled into the living room, disappearing into the crowd like a frightened animal.
My heart was still thundering in my chest. I couldn't calm down—not from the kiss, not from the rush of adrenaline, not from the dark, nightmarish memories that had clawed their way back to the surface.
My hands trembled violently as I clutched the bottle of alcohol, trying to steady myself. I sat hunched beside the closet, hidden in the shadows, shrinking into myself and avoiding every gaze. I couldn't stop the rising tide of panic surging through me. It had taken over.
I thought I had healed. I thought the past wouldn't get in the way anymore. I believed I was strong enough to finally face the boy I had admired for so long. But Felix's kiss—gentle and sincere as it was—unlocked something inside me that should have stayed buried.
"Where's Eve? I want to go home," I whispered to no one, my voice barely audible over the music.
I took another sip of the drink, convinced that something strong would chase away the storm inside me.
Spotting Felix pacing through the house, I ducked even lower, hiding behind people's legs. He looked frantic, worry etched into every line of his face. When a girl approached him and touched his shoulder, he shoved her hand away, his eyes flashing with fury.
"Selena!" he called out, his voice filled with urgency.
I raised the bottle again and took a longer sip.
"Have you seen Selena?" he asked Mike, who simply shrugged, feigning ignorance.
Felix vanished into another room, and I set the bottle down, suddenly feeling dizzy. The alcohol was beginning to hit me hard.
I needed to go home. I needed Eve. I needed someone to take care of me.
I tried to push myself up from the floor, leaning heavily on my hands. My legs wobbled beneath me. The world tilted. I staggered through the party, bumping into people, my vision blurry and unsteady. I hoped to spot my friend somewhere—maybe in a corner, maybe dancing with someone. But I couldn't find her.
Instead, I made it to the front door, my purse and jacket clutched in my hands. Just as I reached for the handle, someone opened it with too much force, and I stumbled backward—right into someone's arms.
I looked up, barely conscious. It was Mike. He caught me easily, smirking down at me.
"Where have you been hiding, princess?" he teased. "Your little prince is losing his mind looking for you."
"Help me… go home," I murmured. "Please."
Mike's smile faded into something softer, more concerned. He said nothing for a moment. Then, gently, he helped me slip on my jacket and supported me as we stepped outside.
"Should I order you a cab?" he asked.
I nodded, eyes fluttering shut.
"Where's your friend, anyway?"
"I don't know. I don't… have the strength to look for her."
"Did something happen between you and Felix?"
I swallowed thickly but didn't answer. My silence said enough.
"You don't have to talk," he added quickly. "Looking at you, I think I know."
He pulled out his phone to call a ride. But before he could press a single button, Felix stormed out of the house like a thunderclap. He snatched the phone from Mike's hand and hurled it to the ground.
His eyes burned with betrayal as he pulled me from Mike's arms and held me close.
"You lied to me," he accused, voice low and venomous. "You said you didn't know where she was—just so you could take care of her yourself?"
"Felix, calm down," Mike said, frowning. "You're exaggerating."
"Exaggerating?" Felix snapped. "I've been searching for her all over the house, losing my mind—and you were just planning to escort her without even telling me?"
"She ran into me and asked for help. She was drunk. I didn't want to leave her alone, so I offered to get her a cab."
"But you weren't going to inform me? You were just going to—what—take advantage of the situation?"
"Man, what is your problem?" Mike snapped back. "You should be grateful that someone was looking out for her!"
Felix released me, stepping forward and grabbing Mike by the collar of his shirt.
"Don't play innocent. The moment I'm not around, you wait like a vulture. Admit it—she caught your eye, didn't she?"
I didn't understand why he was so worked up, but I couldn't speak. My body gave out, and I crumpled to the ground like a rag doll. I lay on the cold pavement, barely conscious, my cheek pressed to the freezing stone. The sky above me swirled with stars, and cold air filled my lungs like smoke. I didn't even feel the chill anymore.
"Selena!" Felix dropped to his knees beside me, his anger dissolving in an instant. He cupped my face in his hands, his voice suddenly gentle and frantic. "Are you okay? Selena, look at me."
I murmured something incoherent, my words slurring together.
Mike stepped back, arms folded, his expression dark.
"Keep acting like this," he said sharply, "and you'll lose her faster than you got her."
He retrieved his phone from the ground, brushed off the screen, and placed the order for a cab. "Since you're so damn possessive, take care of her."
With that, he turned and walked back inside, disappearing into the house.
"I'm sorry, Selena," Felix whispered, helping me sit up. His hands trembled as he held my shoulders, steadying me. "I didn't mean to scare you. I kissed you because I couldn't help it. I've wanted to for so long."
"You surprised me," I murmured, resting my head against his chest. "That's why I panicked. I'm sorry if I scared you."
Felix smiled faintly and looked into my eyes, brushing hair from my face with his fingers.
"I promise I'll never do anything to frighten you again."
"You didn't do anything wrong," I said softly. "I just… overreacted."
He wrapped me in his arms and held me there until the cab arrived. Then, without question, he climbed in with me, insisting on seeing me home before returning to the party. At least I knew I would get home safely.
I was so tired that I rested my head on his shoulder.
"Let me stay like this for a bit," I whispered. "My head is spinning terribly."
"Just promise me something," he said, stroking my hair gently. "Don't drink this much again. I was really worried about you."
"I promise."
*
I felt as if my skull were splitting open when I opened my eyes and looked around the unfamiliar room.
Something was off. I didn't know this place.
Sitting up slowly, I rubbed my temples and scanned my surroundings with wide, panicked eyes.
The last thing I remembered was getting into the cab. After that—nothing. I must've blacked out.
"Is this Felix's room?" I whispered aloud.
I was covered with plain gray bedding. The room was steeped in dark tones—black and graphite dominated the walls. Posters of basketball players and a rock band I vaguely recognized hung in neat rows.
Thank God I told my parents I was staying at Eve's tonight.
Eve…
Clumsily, I got off the bed and began searching for my purse. It lay on a chair by the desk, my jacket draped over it. I fumbled for my phone. No missed calls—only a flood of messages from my best friend.
"Selena, keep it up.""It has come to my attention that you are under the care of Felix.""Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I'm just sitting on the lap of a handsome third-grader.""Selena… you rascal. Apparently, you lost consciousness and were taken by Felix to his house. You don't have to thank me. I purposely didn't tell him where you live.""Come back to me a changed woman."
"You'll be dead when I see you," I muttered through clenched teeth, slipping my phone back into my purse.
I was a hundred percent certain I looked like seven woes. I needed a bathroom—fast. But how was I supposed to just walk out of this room when I wasn't even in my own house?
I tugged my dress down, smoothed my hair, and just as I started to gather my courage, Felix appeared in the doorway. He smiled gently. I gave him a shy, lopsided smile in return.
"Let me explain why you woke up here," he said quickly. "Please don't be mad."
"I lost consciousness in the cab, didn't I?"
He nodded. "I didn't know your address. When I called Eve, she told me she was having memory lapses because she'd drunk too much. I won't lie—I got upset. I raised my voice. Then she told me you'd told your parents you were staying at her place. I had no choice. I brought you here. I'm sorry."
I swallowed hard. "I feel awkward, but… I'm not angry. Thank you for taking care of me." I fidgeted with my hands. "Can I use the bathroom?"
"Sure. I'll show you."
I followed him down the hallway, and he pointed toward the end. "Last door on the left."
"Thanks."
Inside, the first thing I did was stare into the mirror. I had been sure I looked like a horror story come to life, with my makeup smeared all over my face—but to my shock, my skin looked clean.
"Did I wipe all the wallpaper off on his pillow?" I murmured, horrified at the thought.
I used the restroom, rinsed my mouth with water, fixed my hair a little, and headed back to his room. Felix was sitting in his chair, scrolling through his phone and smiling to himself. I glanced at the bed, trying to spot whether the pillow had survived the night.
"Don't worry," he said without looking up. "I cleaned off your makeup while you slept. My mom has plenty of remover oils, so it wasn't hard."
I stared at him, wide-eyed, genuinely stunned. "Thank you."
He stood and walked toward me, then turned his phone screen toward my face, still smiling.
"As a thank-you, can I keep this picture in my gallery? You look ridiculously cute in it."
The photo showed me curled up in his bed, sleeping peacefully, my cheek pressed against the pillow.
"Fine… but only if no one else sees it," I said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. He followed the motion with his eyes and nodded.
"I promise. And now—let me take you to breakfast."
"What about your parents?" I asked, alarmed.
"Relax. They've been away on assignment for a few days. I've got the whole house to myself—well, me and the staff," he added with a smirk. He offered me his hand, and I hesitantly took it. "Let's eat first, then I'll make sure you get home safe."
I nodded and followed him, a slight smile on my lips.
There was no doubt—we were growing closer. But beneath the warmth and promise of something new, a quiet dread lingered.
The shadows of the past still clung to me.
And if I ever wanted a chance at happiness with the boy who felt like the embodiment of a dream—I would have to face them.