There was something wrong with Mingzhe. He'd been quiet since the night they'd fallen asleep together on Eirian's couch, and neither she nor Chenzhou could get him to explain why.
"Something is wrong." Eirian insisted, arm looped through Chenzhou's as they walked through the halls of the main castle. Chenzhou had a meeting with Henri and several others in his office and had invited Eirian to tag along before she left to speak with a handful of Mingzhe's commanders.
"I know." Chenzhou frowned. "But he does not want to talk about it." He'd been very clear about that each time either of them had asked. To the point that Chenzhou felt guilty even thinking about asking again.
Eirian's lips twisted into a stubborn pout. "There has to be a way to find out. It's clearly something bad."
"You can't force Mingzhe to tell you." Chenzhou's amusement took the sting out of his admonishment.
"I could," Eirian muttered. "It's best to share your burdens."
Chenzhou gave her a flat look that Eirian ignored. She was definitely a hypocrite when it came to sharing burdens.
"It could be relevant to the investigation." She amended.
"If Mingzhe thought it would help with the investigation, I'm sure he would say." The investigation affected Mingzhe more than anyone else at this point. Henri's letter should make its way through the system in the next day or two, and Chenzhou had been preparing his response to it. Making sure he would say the right thing so that the Court couldn't use it as more ammunition against Mingzhe.
Eirian frowned. "I worry he is more worried about protecting us."
Chenzhou looked at her, surprised. "You think so? Mingzhe has been engaged in games of power since he was young. Practically since he was born. He knows how they go and how dangerous they can be."
"Noble men are often foolish. Sacrificing themselves for a noble cause instead of stopping to consider what happens after." Eirian muttered. That was pretty much half the heroic tales and great stories that crossed the Rock.
"Dying for what you believe in is hardly a terrible thing," Chenzhou argued.
Eirian shook her head. "In most cases, death isn't necessary. It's just the easy way."
"I don't know that I would say death is easy," Chenzhou muttered.
Eirian snorted. "It might be briefly painful, but it's not like you have to stick around and deal with the aftermath."
Chenzhou considered, then nodded. "Fair point."
Eirian turned to him. "You had better not try that."
A small smile came over Chenzhou's face. Pleased that she cared more about having him alive than anything else. "Honor is important to many. For some, it is all they have."
"The only people who think all they have is honor are the ones too stupid to allow themselves to have more." Eirian sniffed.
She wasn't wrong, Chenzhou decided, after thinking about it. Many people limited themselves unintentionally. Convincing themselves they didn't deserve something before the world ever tried to keep it from them. Those people were often the hardest to convince otherwise too, because their worst enemy was actually themselves. Chenzhou had long convinced himself he was going to die before the world had its say, and it hadn't been until Eirian had shown up and literally burned the poison out of him that he'd started to think he could have something more.
That he could have time.
It was a hard mindset to break out of, and Chenzhou still struggled some days. It helped that they'd been so busy he had no time to devote to thinking about anything else.
And that Eirian was locked on such a straight path that Chenzhou couldn't help but be dragged along just through proximity.
They hadn't talked much about the future; there was no time for it, but they needed to, Chenzhou realized. Aside from everything that was happening now, he had no idea what she wanted a few years from now. What she wanted from their marriage.
"Do you want to stay here?" It wasn't the most elegant way of addressing it, but he'd gotten more blunt. Probably Eirian's own influence.
She looked understandably thrown by the question. "What do you mean?"
"Here. The Camelia. Do you want to stay? A lot has changed since you arrived, and you didn't…arrive because you wanted to."
Understanding dawned. "Oh…" She paused, thoughtful. "I haven't really thought about it, I guess. I am, I mean, unless something happens to Eric."She turned to him, eyes sharp. "Are you having second thoughts about continuing the marriage?"
"No! Of course not." He sighed. "I just realized we never talked about any of it. So much has happened since you arrived; things have changed drastically."
"Yes," she said wryly. "Now it seems you'll live past the first year of marriage."
Chenzhou smiled ruefully. "Yes, it seems so. I guess I'll have to make plans as well."
Eirian smirked. "How unfortunate."
"Do you want more children?" Might as well start with the hard questions.
Eirian considered. "If more come into our care, that's fine, but we'll have to find another…" She trailed off, eyes turning sad.
A pang of loss bloomed in Chenzhou's chest at the reminder of those they'd lost. "Yes…Min and Sam's children have nowhere to go."
"Why would they go anywhere? They're practically Brendan's siblings."
Surprised, but pleased, Chenzhou smiled. "We should make it official then. So they don't have to wonder."
Eirian nodded. "Do you want to do anything you haven't already?"
"I've never really thought about it," Chenzhou admitted. "I've never thought beyond the Camelia and taking care of her. Even with Anna."
"Well, you should think of a few things. It's good to be dedicated, and the rock knows it's not an easy job, but you should have something besides it. At least one thing." It was good to have a break sometimes.
"What do you have?" Chenzhou looked curious.
"My sword. My books. We should throw a ball." Chenzhou looked confused by the leap. "Music and dancing are a great way to clear the mind and feed the soul."
Chenzhou considered. "There hasn't been a ball thrown here since before I was born."
"Then it's definitely overdue." Excitement entered Eirian's voice.
"But I don't know that now is the time." Chenzhou felt bad. "With the deaths and Mignzhe, Finn's family should be here any day now…"
Eirian groaned. "You're right…Perhaps something small to welcome the Vermeers and mourn those lost."
"A celebration of life," Chenzhou murmured and nodded. "That would be nice. We need to celebrate that more."
"It shouldn't be small if that's what it's for, though," Eirian frowned. "We should throw something for the whole Camelia. For everyone."
~ tbc