Without realizing it, Shiki found himself at the train station. He stopped, leaning against a nearby wall to steady himself. His vision swam, and for a moment, he wasn't sure if he was about to faint or throw up. He pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to ward off the growing nausea. He knew he should go home, but the thought of returning to the Tohno mansion, to its dark corridors and unsettling secrets, filled him with a deep sense of unease.
He closed his eyes, taking slow, measured breaths, willing himself to calm down. He needed to clear his head, to think rationally. But his thoughts kept slipping away from him, dissolving into a haze of confusion and fear. His chest tightened, his pulse quickening. What was happening to him? Was it the anemia? The stress? Or was it something else, something darker that he couldn't quite grasp?
And then, in the midst of his disorientation, he saw her.
...
A flash of golden hair caught his attention, drawing his gaze across the crowded station. Shiki's breath hitched in his throat, his heart skipping a beat as he caught sight of her. She was moving through the throngs of people with an effortless grace, her long golden hair flowing behind her like a river of sunlight. Her eyes, a deep, mesmerizing crimson, stood out against her pale, flawless skin, their intensity cutting through the fog in Shiki's mind like a knife.
She was dressed in a white turtleneck that clung to her lithe form, accentuating the subtle curves of her body. A purple miniskirt hugged her hips, and cream-brown boots adorned her slender legs, completing the ensemble. Everything about her was otherworldly, a beauty that defied description, as if she were a figure from a dream—or a nightmare.
Shiki's mind reeled as he watched her move through the crowd, her presence commanding attention without even trying. She was unlike anyone he had ever seen before, and yet there was something eerily familiar about her. He couldn't place it, but the longer he looked at her, the more he felt drawn to her, as if she were a magnet pulling him in.
He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, but it was no use. His senses were warping, twisting, and all he could focus on was her. The world around him faded into a blur of color and sound, and all that remained was the golden-haired girl, moving steadily away from him.
Without thinking, Shiki began to follow her. His body moved on its own, his legs carrying him forward even as his mind screamed at him to stop. But he couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop. He needed to be closer to her, to see her up close, to—
He blinked, the word forming in his mind before he could stop it. Kill.
The thought hit him like a physical blow, snapping him out of his trance. Shiki staggered, his breath coming in harsh gasps as he stared at the girl's retreating figure. What was he doing? What was wrong with him? He had never felt anything like this before, this overwhelming urge to—no, he couldn't even think it. It was too horrifying, too alien.
But the feeling wouldn't go away. It clawed at him, gnawed at him, a dark, insidious whisper in the back of his mind. Kill her.
Shiki's hands trembled, his vision blurring again as he fought to regain control. This wasn't him. This wasn't who he was. He wasn't a killer. But the more he tried to push the thought away, the stronger it became, until it was all he could think about.
He quickened his pace, his heart pounding in his chest. The golden-haired girl was getting further away, disappearing into the crowd, and the panic rising in his throat threatened to choke him. He had to stop her. He had to catch up to her before she got away.
But why? Why was he doing this? He didn't even know her. She was just a stranger, a beautiful stranger who had caught his eye. So why did he feel this overwhelming need to—
Kill.
Shiki's vision darkened, the world around him twisting and warping into something unrecognizable. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe. All he could do was follow her, follow that shining beacon of gold in the sea of gray. And the closer he got, the stronger the urge became, until it was all-consuming, drowning out everything else.
He didn't notice the people around him, the curious glances they threw his way as he staggered through the crowd. He didn't notice the strange looks, the whispers that followed in his wake. All he could see was her, and the dark, terrible desire that pulsed within him.
And then, just as he was about to reach her, she stopped.
Shiki's breath caught in his throat as the golden-haired girl turned, her crimson eyes locking onto his. For a moment, everything went still, the world holding its breath as their gazes met. Those eyes, so deep and endless, seemed to pierce through him, seeing into the very depths of his soul.
The knife felt heavier in Shiki's hand than it had any right to be, as if the weight of his thoughts had somehow seeped into the steel. His breath came in ragged gasps, and his heart pounded in his chest, each beat reverberating through his skull like the tolling of a death knell. His vision tunneled, narrowing until all he could see was the girl with golden hair, her crimson eyes wide with confusion and something else—something closer to fear.
There was no hesitation. No pause. No chance for reason to take hold.
The impulse gripped him, primal and overpowering, a wave of darkness that surged through his veins and drowned out everything else. His hand moved of its own accord, drawing the knife from his pocket in a swift, practiced motion. The blade caught the light, gleaming with a cold, merciless edge as he unfolded it, the sound of the metal clicking into place echoing in his ears like a death sentence.
Shiki barely recognized himself as he removed his glasses and rushed forward, his feet carrying him toward the girl in a blur of motion. His breath hitched in his throat, but he couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop. The world around him faded into a blur of colors and sounds, leaving only the girl—the golden-haired beauty with crimson eyes—standing there, frozen in shock.
Her lips parted, as if to speak, but no words came out. There was only a sharp intake of breath, and then the knife was in his hand, arcing through the air in a swift, brutal slash.
He didn't think. He didn't need to. The blade cut through her with sickening ease, meeting no resistance as it sliced through flesh and bone. Blood sprayed out in a crimson arc, painting the ground beneath them in a grotesque pattern. The girl's eyes widened further, her expression one of disbelief as the first cut split her open. Then another. And another.
Seventeen cuts in total. Each one precise, methodical, as if Shiki had practiced this a thousand times. And perhaps, in some dark corner of his mind, he had. The knife moved like an extension of his arm, guided by an instinct that was as foreign as it was horrifying.
And then, as suddenly as it had begun, it was over.
...
Shiki blinked, his senses returning to him in a rush of clarity. He stared down at the knife in his hand, the blade dripping with blood. His breath caught in his throat, and for a moment, he couldn't comprehend what he was seeing. His mind rebelled against the reality before him, trying desperately to reject it as some twisted nightmare.
But it wasn't a nightmare. This was real. All too real.
He looked down, his gaze trailing over the ground where the girl had stood. Her body lay strewn across the pavement, cut into seventeen pieces. Blood pooled around the dismembered remains, the scent of iron thick in the air. The golden hair that had caught his eye only moments before was now soaked in red, matted and tangled.
Shiki's stomach lurched, a wave of nausea crashing over him with such force that he doubled over, retching violently. He vomited onto the ground, the bitter taste of bile burning his throat. His vision blurred with tears, and he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, smearing blood across his face in the process.
"No… no, this can't be happening…" Shiki whispered, his voice trembling. He staggered backward, his legs threatening to give out beneath him. "What have I done…? What have I…?"
The world spun around him, the ground tilting precariously as he tried to steady himself. His breath came in short, ragged gasps, each one a struggle as the full weight of his actions crashed down on him. He had killed her. He had taken a life. And not just any life—a girl, an innocent girl who had done nothing to deserve this.
He had killed her.
The word echoed in his mind, growing louder and louder until it drowned out everything else. It was a truth he couldn't escape, no matter how much he wanted to. No matter how much he wanted to believe this was just a nightmare, that he would wake up any moment now and find himself safe in his bed, with nothing but the faint memory of a bad dream.
But he wasn't going to wake up. This was reality. And the girl's blood was on his hands.
Shiki screamed. It was a raw, primal sound, torn from the depths of his soul as he turned and ran, his feet pounding against the pavement. He ran blindly, not knowing where he was going, only that he needed to get away from the sight of her broken body, the blood that stained the ground. He needed to get away from what he had done.
His lungs burned, his legs ached, but he didn't stop. He couldn't. The horror of his actions chased him, nipping at his heels like a pack of ravenous wolves, driving him forward. His thoughts were a jumbled mess, fragments of memories and images flashing before his eyes in a chaotic blur. The girl's face. The knife in his hand. The blood. The blood.
He didn't know how long he ran, or how far. Time lost all meaning as he fled, his surroundings a blur of lights and shadows. The city seemed to close in around him, the streets twisting and turning like a labyrinth, offering no escape. The rain began to fall, cold droplets pelting his skin, soaking through his clothes. But he didn't feel it. He didn't feel anything except the crushing weight of his guilt.
Eventually, his legs gave out, and he collapsed onto the ground, his breath coming in harsh, ragged gasps. He found himself in a park, the trees towering above him like silent sentinels. The rain continued to fall, a steady, relentless downpour that plastered his hair to his forehead and soaked him to the bone.
Shiki lay there, motionless, the cold seeping into his body as the rain washed over him. He wanted to die. He deserved to die. After what he had done, there was no other option. He couldn't live with this. He couldn't live with himself. But even as the thought crossed his mind, he knew he couldn't do it. He was too much of a coward to take his own life. He still wanted to live, despite everything.
So he lay there, waiting for the cold to claim him, for the rain to freeze him into oblivion. It was what he deserved. But the longer he lay there, the more he realized that death wasn't coming for him. He was going to survive this, whether he wanted to or not.
...
Through the haze of rain and darkness, he heard a voice.
"Tohno-kun?"
It was soft, tentative, but filled with concern. Shiki blinked, his vision blurred by the rain as he looked up. A figure stood above him, holding an umbrella that shielded him from the worst of the downpour. The figure knelt beside him, and as the rain parted, Shiki saw her face.
"Ciel-senpai…" His voice was barely a whisper, hoarse from screaming.
Ciel's blue eyes were filled with worry as she looked down at him. Her usual cheerful demeanor was gone, replaced by a deep, solemn concern. She reached out, gently brushing the wet hair from his forehead. "You're soaked… You'll catch your death if you stay out here."
Shiki shook his head weakly. "I… I can't go home."
Ciel frowned, her gaze searching his face for answers. She didn't ask what had happened—perhaps she could see the torment in his eyes, the guilt that weighed heavily on his soul. Instead, she simply nodded, her expression softening. "Then come with me. You shouldn't be alone right now."
She offered him her hand, and Shiki hesitated for a moment before taking it. Her grip was warm and steady, a stark contrast to the cold that had seeped into his bones. She helped him to his feet, her other hand holding the umbrella over both of them as she guided him away from the park.
They walked in silence, the rain falling softly around them, a curtain of water that seemed to separate them from the rest of the world. Shiki's mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, but he couldn't find the words to express any of it. All he could do was follow Ciel, letting her lead him away from the darkness that threatened to consume him.
...
They arrived at a small, cozy apartment, Ciel's home. She led him inside, closing the door behind them and setting the umbrella aside.
Shiki stood in the warm confines of Ciel's apartment, dripping water onto the floor, his mind a tangled mess of guilt, fear, and confusion. The storm outside raged on, the rain battering against the windows as if echoing the turmoil within him. Ciel moved about the small space with quiet purpose, her presence a soothing contrast to the chaos in his mind.
The kettle on the stove began to whistle, a shrill sound that cut through the silence. Ciel quickly removed it from the heat, pouring the boiling water into a teapot. The aroma of steeping tea filled the room, a calming scent that seemed at odds with the tension hanging in the air.
"You're going to catch a cold if you stay in those wet clothes, Tohno-kun," Ciel said softly, her voice gentle but firm. She set the teapot on the small table, her gaze meeting Shiki's. There was no judgment in her eyes, only concern—a deep, genuine concern that Shiki felt he didn't deserve.
Shiki barely registered her words. His thoughts were consumed by the nightmarish events that had led him here, to this small apartment with the one person who had shown him kindness when he felt least deserving of it. The girl's face flashed before his eyes—her golden hair, her crimson eyes, the look of shock and fear as he…
He shuddered, his stomach twisting in knots. He could still feel the knife in his hand, the weight of it as it cut through flesh and bone. He could still hear the sickening sound of her body being dissected, the splash of blood hitting the ground. It was all too real, too vivid. And it was his fault. He had done that. He had taken a life.
"Tohno-kun," Ciel's voice pulled him from the depths of his thoughts. She was standing in front of him now, close enough that he could feel the warmth radiating from her. Her hands moved to the buttons of his shirt, her touch light and careful as she began to undo them. "Let's get you out of these wet clothes, okay?"
He didn't respond, didn't resist as she unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off his shoulders. The fabric clung to his skin, soaked through, but Ciel managed to peel it away, revealing the pale skin beneath. Shiki shivered as the cool air touched his bare chest, but he barely noticed it. His mind was still trapped in the fog of his actions, the horror of what he had done.
As Ciel worked, her hands stilled suddenly, her breath catching in her throat. Shiki glanced down to see what had caused her to stop, and then he remembered—the scar. The jagged, ugly mark that marred his chest, a reminder of the event that had changed his life forever.
"It's from seven years ago," Shiki said, his voice hollow. He couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes, couldn't bear to see the pity or disgust he was sure would be there. "You don't have to worry about it. It doesn't hurt anymore."
Ciel's fingers lightly traced the scar, her touch almost reverent. "This wound… it must have been terrible," she murmured, her voice tinged with sadness. "But you survived it, Tohno-kun. You're here now, and that's what matters."
He shook his head, the motion sharp and jerky. "I don't deserve to be here," he whispered. "Not after what I've done."
The confession slipped out before he could stop it, and with it came a torrent of emotions—guilt, shame, fear. The weight of his sins pressed down on him, suffocating him, making it hard to breathe. He had killed someone. He had taken a life in the most brutal, unforgivable way possible. How could he ever atone for that? How could he ever look at himself in the mirror again?
Without thinking, Shiki turned, intending to flee, to escape from the crushing reality of his actions. But Ciel's hand shot out, grabbing his arm with surprising strength. "No," she said firmly, her grip unyielding. "You can't run from this, Tohno-kun. You can't run from yourself."
In the struggle, Shiki's glasses were knocked off his face, clattering to the floor. In an instant, the world around him changed. The colors faded, replaced by a stark contrast of black and white, with lines—those terrible, inescapable lines—marking everything in sight. The world of death unfolded before him, and Shiki screamed, a raw, primal sound that echoed through the small apartment.
Ciel didn't let go. She held onto him, pulling him close, her arms wrapping around him in a protective embrace. "It's okay, Tohno-kun," she whispered, her voice a soothing balm against the terror that gripped him. "I'm here. I'm not going to let you face this alone."
But Shiki couldn't stop the panic that surged through him. The lines were everywhere, the threads of death that connected everything in the world. He could see the fragile nature of existence, the ease with which everything could be cut, severed, destroyed. And he had done just that. He had used this cursed ability to end a life.
"I've done something terrible," Shiki choked out, his voice trembling. "I… I killed her. I cut her into pieces. I… I don't deserve your kindness, Ciel-senpai. I don't deserve anything."
Ciel tightened her embrace, her hand gently stroking his hair. "Shhh, it's okay, Tohno-kun," she murmured, her voice soft and full of compassion. "You're not alone in this. We'll figure it out together."
Shiki wanted to believe her, wanted to take comfort in her words, but the weight of his guilt was too much to bear. He had committed an unforgivable sin. How could he ever make things right? How could he ever atone for what he had done?
Ciel seemed to sense his inner turmoil. She slowly loosened her grip, pulling back just enough to look him in the eyes. Her gaze was steady, filled with a deep understanding that made Shiki's heart ache. "Tohno-kun," she said gently, "we all carry sins with us. Every one of us has done something we regret, something that haunts us. But what matters is what we do next. Do we give in to despair, or do we try to make things right?"
Shiki stared at her, his breath catching in his throat. "But how can I…? How can I ever make up for this?"
"You can't change the past," Ciel replied, her tone firm but kind. "But you can choose how you move forward. You can let this destroy you, or you can find a way to atone, to make things better. It won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight. But I believe in you, Tohno-kun. I believe you can find a way to make things right."
Her words struck a chord deep within Shiki, a flicker of hope sparking to life in the darkness that had consumed him. Could it really be that simple? Could he really find a way to atone for his sins, to make up for the life he had taken? The thought was almost too much to bear, but it was also the only thing keeping him from falling into the abyss of despair.
Ciel's hands moved to his face, gently cupping his cheeks as she wiped away the tears he hadn't even realized were falling. "You're not alone, Tohno-kun," she whispered. "I'm here for you, and I won't let you face this by yourself."
Shiki's heart ached with a mixture of gratitude and guilt. He didn't deserve this—didn't deserve her kindness, her understanding. But he couldn't deny the comfort it brought him, th