According to science, a normal adult produces around 100 to 300 grams of poop a day. Take the average—200 grams. Multiply that by 20,000 Wind-Cloud Alliance troops, and you get 4,000,000 grams. That's 8,000 pounds. Divide it into ten packages, and each one weighs in at a whopping 800 pounds.
Honestly, the actual "lethality" was pretty limited. At best, it'd make a huge mess, maybe flatten a few unlucky souls if it landed just right.
But the real disaster came courtesy of Konoha's anti-air defense. Their interception turned what should've been targeted drops into a full-blown aerial "shitstorm." Suddenly, the entire area around the Hokage building was in the splash zone, with nowhere to hide.
And right as those packages exploded, Danzo was up on the exposed rooftop, neck craned, mouth open, striking a heroic pose for the crowd.
He got drenched in yellow soup.
Good thing he still had the Hokage hat on—most of it missed his mouth.
"Ptui!"
Danzo's face went stone cold. Fighting back the bitter stench, he snatched up the chakra microphone and roared:
"This is outrageous! Fellow citizens of Konoha—such humiliation! Can you tolerate this?!"
Tolerate it?! Someone just dumped crap on your head—anyone with a shred of pride couldn't let that slide!
The crowd exploded, fists pumping in the air, fury mixing with the stink.
"We can't tolerate it! We can't tolerate it!"
Well, say what you will—Danzo had the people fired up.
He raised his right hand in solidarity.
"Tomorrow! We go to war!"
The crowd went wild. If not for the urgent need to change and shower, they'd have kept rallying till midnight.
After the crowd dispersed, Uchiha Fugaku handed Danzo a clean towel.
"Lord Hokage, here."
Fugaku had been standing under the eaves. The instant his Sharingan caught the "yellow rain" burst, he'd slipped inside, untouched.
Danzo yanked off his white robe and Hokage hat, stuffing them into Fugaku's arms, then grabbed the towel and scrubbed his face—only to feel something weird.
He checked the towel.
Who the hell eats enoki mushrooms and doesn't chew?!
Danzo hurled the towel aside in disgust.
"Are the Living Dead Project preparations finished?"
Fugaku nodded, lowering his voice.
"All samples and sacrifices are ready. The plan can begin anytime."
"Good! Tomorrow, we'll catch the Wind-Cloud Alliance off guard!"
Danzo spat the words, eyes flashing with murderous intent.
"Jinghang, you bastard! That move was dirty as hell—Danzo's gonna want your head!"
The Third Raikage was doubled over with laughter, wrinkles bunched up like a blooming flower.
Jinghang sipped his tea, lips curled in a sly smile.
"Danzo's the new Fourth Hokage—he's bound to want to make a splash. But I've always believed people should be consistent, inside and out. If you don't push him, he'll just thunder and never rain."
"Oh? You mean Danzo's gonna go all-out against us?"
The Third Raikage perked up.
"It's not that he wants to—it's that the situation forces him. Think about it, he's not the only one who got doused."
"That's perfect! I was worried he'd just hide behind those walls!"
"So confident, old man? Konoha's fired up right now."
Jinghang couldn't help but chuckle at "fired up."
The Third Raikage got serious:
"Let them rage all they want. Against raw power, it's meaningless. With Konoha's ten thousand ninja, I'm not worried. You're back, Hiruzen's gone, and Danzo's got nothing. Even without you, I could crush him. Behind the walls they can wear us down, but outside? Konoha's nothing."
"I heard Koharu Utatane brought back the Three-Tails jinchūriki."
Jinghang replied.
"Didn't I just say? You're back, aren't you? You can handle one Three-Tails."
"Oh, so you're giving me the tough job, huh?"
"Tough? Just use the Amber Purifying Pot and seal it. I'm making your life easier."
"Right, that thing—where is it?"
Jinghang asked.
"There, in the corner."
The Third Raikage pointed. A massive honey-jar-like artifact sat quietly in the corner.
Jinghang dashed over, inspecting the legendary tool passed down from the Sage of Six Paths.
He hefted it—heavy, thick with age, definitely the real deal.
"How do you use this?"
Jinghang asked.
The Third Raikage grinned.
"Come on, I'll show you."
...
The next day, just as Jinghang predicted, Konoha's gates swung open. Thirteen thousand ninja marched straight for the Wind-Cloud Alliance camp. The distance was short—they arrived in no time.
Danzo led the charge, but didn't attack immediately. Instead, he lined up his troops in an arrowhead formation, facing the Alliance camp—clearly prepping for an assault.
Jinghang, now in command, didn't hide behind fortifications. He pulled his own troops out, forming a wild goose defensive line.
With armies this big, you had to do the formal "calling out."
Danzo strode to the front, shouting at Jinghang:
"Jinghang! Withdraw from the Land of Fire now, and I'll spare your life!"
Jinghang dug at his ear.
"Danzo, did you eat too much yesterday? You started this war, and now you want me to leave? Ridiculous! Look behind you—count your troops, count mine! You want me to back down?"
Danzo didn't flinch. He bit his thumb, smeared blood on his hand.
"Don't blame me, then."
He slammed his palm to the ground—Summoning Jutsu.
Tch, I thought you'd pull out something special. Just that weird baku of yours? I could handle it with one hand.
Jinghang was confident.
But when he saw what Danzo actually summoned, Jinghang's face turned pale.
Two coffins slowly rose from the earth—one marked "First," one "Second."
No way! You're really gonna play dirty like this?
Can't win, so you call your "parents" to the fight like a grade-schooler?!
What's the point now?
Digging up graves just to win—aren't you worried about karma?
Before Jinghang could gather his wits, the coffins opened, revealing two towering figures inside.
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