I had a dream,
I was once basked in light.
I was once truly happy.
I glance at my heroes while I'm also on my way to become one of them.
I was innocent then,
I was naive then
and just as suddenly, I saw the light that enveloped me in warmth and kindness, turn into a disgusting shade of green, of bile and sickness.
It paraded itself as the color white, however I could clearly smell the putrid odor it tries to hide.
So I ran,
I ran out of fear
As far away as my legs could reach me.
I went to alleyways,
abandoned buildings,
all to search for something.
Anything!
and then I found it.
Darkness.
Compared to this putrid world, I thought darkness isn't so bad. It's cold, yes, but it doesn't smell bad.
But I didn't know,
that once I'm enveloped by darkness...
once I've bargained with God.
I would be all alone..
all alone even though I'm surrounded by people who love me.
It was a sad dream,
It was a bitter dream
So sad and bitter that I woke up with tears in my eyes
"E-eh?"
My eyes hovered, from my ceiling to the light in my window.
"Right, I fell asleep"
I rubbed my eyes as I yawned and also wiped the wet trail my tears had made.
After yawning, I slowly got up and stretched my body as much as I could
"Hnghh~ ah!"
As always, the first step of the day is to look at oneself. I made my way to the mirror and took in my appearance.
My hair's disheveled, so I combed it returning the straight organized look.
I smiled at the mirror and tilted my head a couple of times trying to see what poses look good and...
"As expected, every angle is still cute and beautiful"
Of course, I only muttered this to myself, however if I were to point something out, it would be that my eyes..my eyes felt like something was missing.
I couldn't place what it was but, I leaned closer to the mirror, trying to see what was wrong exactly but couldn't find it.
It looked exactly the same.
But perhaps, that was already a warning sign then.
And perhaps I didn't care.
My black eyes, no longer shined as it always had.
As I went to the bathroom, undressed and took a bath.
"That dream.."
I stared at the bathroom tiles as the cold water hit my hair, down my body
"It made me wake up with tears in my eyes"
My black eyes continued looking at the tiles as if the answer would somehow pop out of it.
"It...probably doesn't matter anymore"
I looked up at the ceiling. Eyes narrowed. Fists clenching.
"So what if I can no longer do authentic kindness...I'll do what I can. The agenda still hasn't changed. So what if I have to kill. I'm the leader of the youmas now."
My mouth continued to spout words as if they were a prayer
"Atrocities are part of the process."
I said coldly as I got off the shower, picking the towel I put nearby to dry my hair
As I head out the bathroom and changed into a grey frilly dress, I looked at the mirror resolutely.
『So what if I'm a husk? So what if my kindness isn't real. A husk can still dream a dreamless dream』
Somehow, I find myself smiling. I could see my reflection doing so.
If it's true that I lost all kindness.
Why does my chest feel warm?
Weird.
A husk that could feel.
A husk.
Even a husk could feel, that's it huh?
For once, I felt my confidence returning. Stepping my way outside my dorm and returning to my bright smile as I began my role model student act.
Like so, days came into a blur.
I attended classes, studied at free times, chatted with people. Smiling, acting composed. I did all of that.
Until I realized, it's already Friday.
Classes finished, it was time for me to return to Rio's dojo.
On my way to the dojo, wearing my yoga pants and hoodie. I found myself walking at Minami Yume District.
I browsed the arcade machines and even played with some of them.
Then as I turned my head and spotted an orange-haired girl
"Shizuka?"
My black eyes shimmered as it reflected Miu's worried face
"M-Miu..."
It was inevitable, a confrontation...but this time..I won't run..