He, pulled me out, it's His hand. i pull my hand out of His grasp and crawl towards the shore. i got myself over some dry patch of land and get up on my feet. i look at Him. The sky is breaking little by little, in front of my eyes, preparing to present the sun. i know He doesn't like it, light. But i'll still wait a little before giving Him the attention.
i'm soaking wet, especially my legs. i start hitting my pants, trying to beat some water off… Useless. i have to undress. i grab the t-shirt to take it off, it's dry. The pants too. Not one drop under me, nothing behind.
"This is exactly the reason you need Me. Without Me, you'd be long lost in the abyss. Into your mind, into your memories and sins. you need Me, more than you think. Somebody needs to save you and stop you from going down there."
"i can handle myself."
"In that very moment, in that dream you just had, when all leaked and drained, including you. Then you lost control, you ceded it, it was Mine to take. But I didn't, because I want only the best for you and that means, even if I get the control, it has to be from your will, your wish, coming from your sound mind. Give it to Me, surrender it, stop torturing yourself, and you'll see, it will be so much better for you. Please. you suffered enough. Let Me help you."
"If…You take control…"
"Only if you give it to Me."
"…will i ever be able to, recover it?"
"No. you will be Me and I will be you. From man you can turn shadow, but from shadow there is no turning back."
"Why can You?"
"I'm born, like you. I'm not your shadow, I'm not anybody's shadow. But you, will become My shadow, and that's what you will remain, for an eternity just."
"No."
"I told you how the play ends. There are some acts that will come next that you won't be able to get through unchanged. Events will come that will mark you for life. A suffering will come, that will completely change your definition of the word. A new sentiment will be born. Sentiment that you haven't experienced…in a while. Sentiment that most of the people don't even encounter, in their entire lives, on them or on others they know. you don't want to go through this. Trust Me. you'll get to the end and you'll beg Me to turn back time, to stop all that happened, all that you saw, all that was done to you and that you've done. Again…"
The sun gets above the horizon, starts shining brightly. Not one building in its way to slow it down. Strong rays are falling now on us.
"It's not worth it to fight for control, not worth at all."
"i'm sorry. No matter how much i'd suffer, i won't give up. There's something that i…something that doesn't let do it…this time…"
He disappears in just a blink of an eye. Only the lake is left behind Him, and the empty field, endless plain with no sign of civilization on the horizon.
"Get me back to the apartment. Hey!"
Nothing answers back. i try to look around to figure out where i am…i look behind and there's my building. i look up at the balcony, they probably moved out already. There is no reason to go up. i don't know why i wanted here. i start wandering around. Smoking.
i…forgave them. Just Sarah. i think. i don't know… They wanted to kill themselves, because they couldn't be with someone that could love them. Is this the fate? For them to be together? And i died, so i won't be stopping them anymore? The old hag told me stories, back in the temple, of fate, of a boy and a girl and of how anybody will die if they try to fight the fate, including them two. If they are not together… i died. They want to kill themselves. i can't fight against fate anymore. i have to get them together. And that way, maybe i get to forgive him too. Maybe i get to escape this place. Whatever escaping means for me now. To move to the next phase. my last phase.
i throw the cigarette and light up another one and head to Matt's. It's simpler this way. i'll send a message to Sarah from his phone. She'll think he sent it drunk or, whatever, he's always drunk, she'll believe it. i know what to write.
"Don't go. Don't forgive him! He doesn't deserve. After all he's done to you."
"i know exactly all he's done to me. And i forgive him."
"you can't forgive him! you don't know all that he's done to you. And until you know all the ways he's wronged you, you'll never be able to truly forgive him."
"Show me."
i suddenly stop from walking, the path ahead is blocked by an uncovered manhole.
"Jump. Jump and you'll see."
i jump.
*
i fall down through the sewer, fast, and land on a roof. i look closely at the roof and around me. i'm on a tomb. It's night. And this is the cemetery, from Brașov. This fucking place keeps putting me in turmoil, and a constant feeling of distress. Everything keeps coming back to this place, all is connected to this tomb. As if it's cursed. i don't like it at all.
Some voices disturb me, kids' voices. i get down quick, lying prone, and crawl quietly and slowly to the edge.
"What are you doing here?"
"I told you I'll come with you. Why did you run without me?"
"C'moooon, leave us alone, pleeeease."
"I don't want to!"
"You're a…"
It's the moment from the cemetery, that kid, it's me, the one from the memories. i was here in Brașov? Did this really happen? i remember that i dreamt…saw this, when i was alive. When i was returning home. But it still doesn't feel like my memory.
"I have an idea. Let's better hide in the tomb."
"This is what preoccupies you right now?"
"But how do we get inside?"
"Calm down. I've thought this through."
i've been in this tomb before, where the entrance to the dungeons of the cult lays. When i was little, did i get in the tomb? i still don't remember. i don't remember any memory He shows to me. These are not my memories.
"Alright, let's do it."
"Good, now up there, I see an open window. I'll leg you up to climb first. Then I'll help Andreea. Stay ready to help her on the other side."
"Yes, yes."
"And then I'll climb after. I don't need help, I can do it alone."
"Alright, let's do it."
i don't believe it. i don't remember it. i don't remember living in Brașov, or going to Brașov in my childhood, or playing hide n' seek in the cemetery at night. i don't remember going in the tomb. Why? Why am i seeing this? i see the one supposed to be me climbing up on Matt's hand.
"C'mon, up we go!"
The kid stopped at the window, he's so close to me, i crawl backwards a little to not be seen.
"C'mon, faster, and be ready to catch Andreea."
i see the two of them down, kissing. Starting to move away little by little. Matt turns back and looks at the window for a last time. The kid's legs are still outside.
"C'mon already, we don't have the whole night! I think I hear Alex coming."
The legs are gone in an instant, as if the kid got suddenly snatched by something and pulled in brutally. Matt and Andreea kiss once more, victoriously, for they got rid of the annoying kid. And they leave.
"Hey, are you coming?"
i hear the kid screaming from the tomb. Only the echo of it comes out, a little muffled, but the sound reached the two culprits, i'm sure as hell.
"Hey! Matt! Andreea!"
Andrea stops and turns towards the tomb.
"Should we leave him like this, alone?"
"he's a big boy, leave him."
"Yes, but he's alone, in a room full of graves. In darkness."
"Leave him be, darkness keeps him company."
Matt kisses Andreea once more and they leave to another place where they wouldn't be bothered.
"Where are you?!"
They left him alone. Left me alone, in the tomb. From under me, from inside the tomb, and through the window, i hear the child no more. But a sound keeps breaking the silence. A sound of sand being smashed into something, like those percussion instruments that are shaken. i bend down, over the edge of the roof and into the window, to see what's happening. It's me, in a room with concrete walls and very low ceiling. Too low to be able to stand up straight. i get even lower to see everything. i'm staying in the corner, sitting and looking straight at me. To my right, it's a homeless guy, wearing too many clothes and jackets over for this weather. The homeless sleeps on a bed of cardboards. i blink and i slip down, somehow going right through the window hole.
i'm in the low room, looking at the TV, i'm seeing my face, upside down, i'm leaning over the tomb's roof. The screen goes static suddenly. i look to my right, the homeless guy wasn't sleeping anymore, but was looking straight into my eyes. Sitting on his ass, swinging back and forth while breathing in a bag. Aurolac. He's sniffing glue. The smell is strong. Pungent, but welcoming. i recognize it, it's the smell from the dungeons. It's similar.
The man stretches his hand towards me and whispers. i feel like i wet myself, i feel my feet wet, i…
"Here. Take a breath, and you'll dream the most beautiful dreams. Take, and all that you want will come true. Take. And you'll be still protected by darkness. Covered by her. Clogged in her mist. Take! And maybe I won't kill you!"
The man's face turns radically into a hideous monster. The change shocks me and terrifies me so horribly.
"RUN!"
A sudden, soul shaking, mind bending, roar, breaks and destroys everything around me, including me. Roar broken by a very sick cough.
i have to escape. i get up and hit the ceiling with my head and my back. i don't stop now. i start running, as fast as i can, low, with my back sliding off and pushing against the ceiling. i jump through a hole like the one that i got in, and out of the room.
Behind me, the homeless man wasn't following me anymore, but kept breathing in the bag. The kid was gone. And ahead of me lay a long corridor with big pipes on the side, rats and garbage everywhere. It's not as lit as in that room. i pull out the compass and go further, slowly. i keep looking behind from time to time to see if i'm followed.
i get to a ladder. The corridor continues long after the ladder, but i don't want to keep walking like this. i get up on the ladder and climb it. Up, i can see four holes that shine four rays of light. i get to the manhole cover and put my hands on it. i push as hard as i can but it doesn't budge, and i almost slipped and fell down. But i can pass through it, and i do, and i get up on the surface. i'm right at Matt's building.
"He left you to be consumed by darkness."
"He didn't know…"
"He abandoned you and left you prey to the darkness. But darkness wasn't the problem. Darkness could've protected you. The monster was the problem. And light presented him."
"What monster?"
"Are you going to forgive him?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because he suffered enough, he paid for his sins."
"Even after he…"
"Are You going to tell me what happened in the tomb already? Or are You going to keep hiding this from me until i find it out?"
"What happened in the tomb…? you wouldn't believe me if I told you, and then you'd fall into abyss, again, the same way you fell in, when you were in the tomb. It took you years to get out of abyss. Entire millennia spent in that world. It was impossibly hard to help you after. But I managed."
"You pulled me out of…the abyss?"
"No. Only you could get yourself out of there. In that tomb…many things happened, way too many things, they can't be explained, only lived. And you don't want to live them again. And the other things, that you'll find out next, all fake."
"The truth? You know it? Darkness? What does it mean, he left me to Darkness? And what monster are you talking about?"
"Yes, I know the truth, but I can't tell it to you. I don't want to. I want to reveal nothing. It's against Me…against My job…my very existence…"
"And then how do i find it?"
"In abyss. There you left the truth, forgotten there and there it was forsaken, alone, closed, without escape. There was the monster left too. And it stays well there. As long as you stay tense, tight. Stern. Focused."
These words. i remember. This sensation. This thing that i have to keep tight. To hold hard. From where?
"From Darkness, can i find out the truth? Darkness knows the truth?! How do i get there? Light? Help me…what should i do? Who should i trust? Help me!"
"Here, My help stops. From now on, you are not my priority anymore, I don't want to destroy Myself, I will make a priority only of Myself and control. Darkness. Light. Are just diversions. Too much information. Doesn't help you. Disregard. you'll be confused whatever path you'll take. Stay on your path, if you don't want to give Me control, you should be good."
"What is my path? What the fuck do i have to do to find out what's happening with me? Where do i find this information?"
He's not answering me. It's just quiet. i don't even think He's listening to me. i don't think He even is with me anymore.
"With or without Your help, i will find out what happened!"
"Alright, but don't ask for My help after you'll fall. I won't be able to help you down there where you'll fall, but I will be able to hear you, and My heart will break."
"Alright. i don't need Your help anyway."
"And once fallen there, control will be Mine."
"You won't accept it without me ceding it to You. You said it Yourself."
"I know, and because of this, then, both of us will cease to exist. Because of this, I won't help you anymore, but if I get to take control, both will be safe and you will be happy, truly, not for the first time in your life, but forever. Once I take control, the lock that suppressed your happiness for so many years will be broken, erased, forgotten, and never looked after."
"i won't stop until i find out."
i don't hear Him anymore.
"Are You still here?!"
*
i get in the building and go up to Matt's floor, get in his apartment, the one opposite to the one near the elevator. i got it right. Matt was right in the middle of the hallway, on the floor, unconscious, with a bottle of beer spilled near him. i jump over him and go to his room to search for his phone. It's such a disaster here, more bottles, more puddles of alcohol, but there aren't any new puddles of vomit. He's starting to get more resistant to alcohol.
i get out of his room, search through his kitchen, it's not here either. i pull out my phone and call him. i hear the ring. It comes from his room. i go to his room and follow the sound that leads me to a pair of pants thrown on the floor. i bend over, the pants are wet. He fucking drank until he pissed himself, and then he just threw them away. i touch the pair of pants with two fingers and flip them over. i see the light of the phone screen through the material. i put again my two fingers into the pocket and pull out his phone. i stop the call and erase it from history.
i don't like staying in this dump. i go to his living room and sit on the couch. i keep smelling my two fingers and wipe them excessively over my clothes. Even if they don't smell of piss, and i didn't felt the wetness when i touched the pants, i still feel dirty. i continue wiping my hand and open the phone. He has a password, and a fingerprint. How good. i go to him and put his index finger on the sensor, it doesn't open, i put his thumb and it works.
i go back on the couch, open the messages and look at Sarah. There is no message between them. He called her in the night…of the incident and the second day, but there wasn't any answered call. There's nothing. Back then when i was at Sarah's, and she was writing messages, it was just what she was…thinking…no, i don't think it even was that…how does this even work? But, they didn't talk at all, but she acted like it. She must've been imagining, the whole discussion, the pictures, the texts. i…have to get them together. It's the only way for me to go back to my world, and i hope after to…whatever…
What did i want to write to her? That's it.
'Hey, it's Matt, I need help. I'm not alright, since that accident, I've been drinking without stop. I can't get through this alone, not now, I don't think I'll be able to survive without someone at my side. Please, come help me, I hate myself, I'm having suicidal thoughts, please, I need someone to support me, help me. We can get through this together, we can live together. I've dreamt him, last night, he was looking at me, telling me he forgives me. He told me that he understands, and he'd be' — uhhh, fuck me — 'happy if we'd be together.'
FUCK.
i read the text again to see if it's any good. It's not at all. The text is too big, too coherent. i look at Matt, he's passed out. If Sarah comes and sees him this way, she'll figure out something is wrong. i look over the text and insert some mistakes, some incoherent expressions, i try to make it worse, but it's just…i delete the whole message and write it again, this time i'll make it look like it was written in a drunken state.
'Sarah hel me bad need help ned someone you sara pleas I canut luv witho utyou survve witjout hou drink not help nomore'
And i send another one right after.
'I cannut luv when you if not die forgiveme .sawhim said he forgus us me anderstaunds wan us togehe r if not'
i need one more. i have to make her come fast.
'I mscare d iwanto die'
i send the last text too and wait. Sunlight's coming from outside, i look at the time, it's 10:18. i hope Sarah's awake, i hope she sees the messages and i hope she comes. i set the phone on the coffee table and get up, light up a cigarette and start walking around the room. i look at Matt from time to time, i hear him moving or making a sound sometimes. But he won't wake up from there. i'd move him, but his position right now with the bottle spilled near his face, and his face swimming in the puddle of beer, that is a cry for help. It will have a great impact on Sarah. But the puddles of puke, won't do him much good.
i go to his bathroom, it's much worse in here. There's vomit everywhere, in the toilet, on the toilet, in the bathtub, in the sink, on each fucking wall, all over the floor, there's puke even on the bathroom door. i just imagine how it would smell and it turns my stomach upside down making me want to puke also. i go in every room and open every window, all the windows. Then i go back in the bathroom. It's a lot, so much to clean.
i get a rag, soak it and start with the walls, then the door, then the bathtub, but the sink and the toilet i'll not touch. i take the mop and continue with the floor. i finish with the bathroom and continue on the hallway and to Matt's room. i don't have to clean it all, just what's not aesthetically pleasing at all. i finish with his room, then i try to take some of the garbage, but leave the bottles there. And then there's the kitchen. i mop up the kitchen floor and gather the rest of the rotten food from the ground, from the table, and from the fridge. i take the bag full of garbage, gather what else i have from the living room and the hallway, and throw it down the garbage slide.
In the living room, he didn't manage to puke. In the rest of the house i left two puddles of vomit uncleaned, the rest of the alcohol puddles, the toilet and part of the sink. Bottles are more than plenty, everywhere, food i kept only what was more fresh. i threw out all that was rotten and mouldy. i kept some garbage in the fridge too but not too much to smell like hell.
i close the window from the living room and go on the balcony to smoke a cigarette. i don't get to open the door that i hear a sound. It's the phone, he got a message. i go quickly to check it, it's from Sarah, but i can't read it, the phone is locked again. i take the phone and go to Matt, i put his thumb on the sensor, not recognized, i put it again, still not recognized, it was the other hand. i put the sensor on the other thumb, unlocked. i open Sarah's message.
'I'm coming'
That's all it says, she's coming. That's good. i go in the balcony and light up my cigarette. Sarah's place is not that far, in ten minutes she should be here. i look far ahead and scan the horizon, i don't know why, but after the Tower of Babel i'm looking for. i remember i dreamt it, and from what i read in the journal, Darkness made a blueprint for another tower. Darkness wants to build it again, a place where all the information and science in the world resides. The newest technologies are developed there. But the power the tower offers twists the minds of the people in it and makes them believe they are gods. Which leads to the end of the world. This is how Darkness wants to get rid of the planet and of all the humans on it. i'm terrified of the day i'll see the tower, i know it's coming. It's not that far away.
i see Sarah on the sidewalk coming towards the entrance, i throw away the cigarette. She walks briskly, almost running. i go quickly to the door and unlock it. All is set. Matt looks pathetic and in desperate need of help, but not too much to cause repulsion. Apartment is fine. i take the phone quickly and put it in Matt's hand. But i don't think it's enough. Maybe Matt won't have the courage, or he would be scared to tell Sarah…
i take his phone, unlock it quickly with Matt's thumb, i hear the elevator stopping on this floor, doors opening, steps. i have to write something fast. i go into messages and write a message to Sarah.
'I love you'
It's good, i don't send it. i hear her knocking on the door. i quickly put the phone in Matt's hand and walk away, as if she could catch me doing this. She knocks again. He won't answer you, just try the door. The doorbell is the next thing she tries. Matt makes a noise, moves a little but just that, it's good, i want her to see him this way. i see the door handle moving down and the door…
"How did she know where Matt lives?"
Wait. How did she…? The door doesn't open. It's locked. i just unlocked it. i quickly go to the door and try to grab the key, but if i turn it Sarah will know someone turned the key. i look at the space between the door and the wall, it's just one cylinder, the latch bolt, the dead bolt i don't see there, so it's unlocked.
Sarah tries the door handle again and i see the latch bolt going back in, and now there's nothing more holding the door in place. The door should just open now, even with the slightest push.
"It's not working."
i hear Sarah from the other side of the door, she seems frustrated that she can't open the door.
"Where would I even put it?"
What…is she talking with someone?
An odd sound gives me a very weird feeling in my brain. It's so dizzying… It's a coin sound, a coin being inserted in a machine and going down hitting all kinds of stops, then the coin is processed and a mechanical sound opens the door. Beyond the door, something like a silver light shines so bright it makes everything look white. my eyes burn. And it all then flips back to normal as the door closes.
Sarah came in, she's in shock, immediately as she sees Matt she goes down near him and starts shaking him. A little lighter at first but she goes rough as she sees he is not responding.
"Matt, are you ok? Matt! Matt, can you hear me?! Matt!"
After a few more shakes Matt wakes up, dizzy, and gets up on his feet as slow as a sloth. He could barely hold himself from falling. Now i notice, that i forgot to dress him up, he has only a shirt on him. Sarah quickly looks down and even faster away embarrassed by the image. Matt realizes after too much time has passed and tries to cover himself, almost falling again, but he's caught by Sarah.
"Uh, sorry, uhm, I didn't know…I'm sorry."
Matt gets himself together and turns and goes quickly to his room. Still drunk, his walk is the least straightest. Sarah notices the phone on the ground, she takes it and looks at the unlocked screen. She's reading the last unsent message. This is it. This should work, i don't know what else to do. Sarah's face changes drastically and gets up and dashes into Matt's room. Phone in hand she points at Matt, she caught him dressing.
"C'mon, jump already on him and start kiss him! C'mon! He said he loves you, i gave you permission, finally…!"
"What is this?!"
She's mad. She shows him the phone, but he doesn't do more than squinting, i don't even think he knows what she's holding there.
"After what happened then? You send me this? And the text from earlier? he gave you permission?! Are you that fucking desperate?! That pathetic?"
No, please, what in the living hell that i'm residing in right now are you doing? On the day of my funeral you wanted to fuck him in the shower, and now suddenly you have morals?! i forgave you! i forgave both of you. Just let me escape this fucking place!
"What is that? I don't understand."
"It's your message!"
Sarah throws the phone to Matt, not in a passable manner, Matt tries to catch it but fails. Phone lands in a puddle of alcohol and Matt picks it up and wipes it on his pants. He looks through the messages.
"No…no, no, I didn't send this…I don't know…"
"Then who?"
"I don't remember…I don't know this, maybe I…was drunk, maybe I sent it, I don't remember it at all."
"I told you that we can't… I don't want to…"
"I know, me neither, I can't do this to him…"
i get out of the room, out on the building's hallway and light up a cigarette. What do i have to do to…to make them understand that i'm accepting this, that i'm agreeing with them, fucking… Fuck. i forgave them. There's nothing more for me to do now. i forgave them!
"i forgave them! Do you hear me, Olsana?! Get me out of here! You promised me! Haaag!"
"She promised you nothing."
Again, Him.
"What, you thought that you can just forgive them and that's it? you just redeemed your sins and your wish shall come true… This isn't a fairy-tale. you died. And there are no sins for you to redeem. you didn't wrong them in the least."
"And then how do i go back t…"
"you don't. you can't go back anymore. you're dead! Give Me control! Give Me your control and maybe I manage to get out of here. I'll live a good life, full of accomplishments, joy. And you will be My passenger in this beautiful new life of MINE."
"i don't want to. i have to get out of here. i have to find out what's going on, the truth."
"There is nothing anymore for you to do. Let Me help you. Please. Stop torturing yourself. Stop tormenting yourself."
"NO!"
i get out of the building and sit down on the curb. Olsana didn't answer. She's not here anymore. i look up at the sky, at the big yellow sun, enormous, like it's about to eat the whole fucking planet and make this literally living hell. But i can watch that huge ass sun for hours without burning my eyes, without feeling the least discomfort. And this, creates the biggest discomfort. i can't fucking feel. Fuck!
i'd like so much for you to come down here…Light, to help me and show me the truth, to tell me what purpose do i have in all this. Why is Moon inside me, what do i have to do, why was i attracted to the tomb since i was a child, attracted to the cult? i have too many questions, too many things on my mind, and know…nothing. i don't know where to start from. i don't think there's even an adventure for me anymore. i just know that i have to escape this hell. And i have to get those stupid fuckers together so i could get out of here already.
"Instead of making it so hard and take all those paths like a crazy drunkard. Don't you want to give Me control, so I could take the shortcut? So I could solve all your problems?"
"Tell me what the shortcut is."
"Only I can use it."
"Then forget it. Stop helping me because there is no way anyway."
The entrance door to the building makes a squeaking sound, it's Sarah. She heads to her house. She looks so pissed. They both now don't believe that i'm fucking accepting and fucking blessing this fucked up relationship. And i have to convince them the opposite… i get up and go after her. i need to show her a sign, something obvious, but not too much. i have to wait for the night and convince them then, make them think they dreamt me. i stop and light up a cigarette. i better go to George now, see how my parents are doing, how he is doing. i want to be sure that the problem is solved there.
i turn back and run quickly to the middle of the street and jump in a bus. i go and sit on an empty seat near the window and look at the sun. The glass is covered in ads on the outside and the sun barely shines through. i'm looking through these tiny holes that allow us from inside to watch the world outside, but the world outside sees just the add.
But i am not allowed to feel the world outside. i'd like so much to feel the sun on my skin, to feel that pleasant warmth. The other passengers on the bus are melting away from this apparently torrid day. i bet they'd all want to be me in my situation, not feel the slightest discomfort from the high temperatures. Not feel warmth or cold, living in a neutral temperature unfazed by the scorching and stifling heat, and i'd so much want to be affected, to be suffering from this heat right now.
Bus stops at a station and three bus conductors get in. Instinctively i wanted to hurry up to the exit and get out, but they can't see me. i hear them talking around the bus, asking people for their tickets and cards. They're getting closer to me, and stop right next to me.
"What are you doing here?"
Are they talking to me?
"Why aren't you walking? Do you really have to bother all these people, and especially if you're taking the bus illegally?"
They're not looking at me, i look ahead and down, it's Olsana, they're talking with her, she's in her beggar clothes laying down on the floor of the bus. She's looking so much worse. Skin almost rotten, looking terrible, dying. No, she looks like she is already dead.
"I'm sorry, but sometimes, to get to the destination I have to do things that bother other people. I can't go everywhere without using a bus, or breaking a rule, being it law or morality."
"Hey old lady, you don't look so well, let's better get out of the bus and call an ambulance."
Olsana closes her mouth without the intention to ever open it again, and then her body goes soft. i understand. i am so close now, i understand what i have to do, my last ordeal…
i jump out of the bus and run, sprint to George's apartment, each step gets lighter and wider until i get to jump very big distances. i immediately get to George's apartment, jump from the curve straight through his balcony and into his kitchen. Inside i'm greeted by my mother, she was cooking, the brother and sister were standing near her looking closely and helping her here and there, dad was probably at work, and George i find in his room, learning. After all, my parents moved here. i see their stuff in one of the guests' rooms. There are many souls in this apartment, but it's a roomy one. They'll manage.
i go to the kitchen and sit on an empty chair. i'll just stand here and look at mum cooking, at George's sister playing with her little brother. i just take a pause, and relax. i like this feeling. i feel less dead. i want to take advantage of this while i can. Even if i get out of this world and go back. It won't be like before. Not for me. They chose me for something, they offered me a purpose, i have to see it to the end. i can't fight my fate. That's what the old hag told me.