"Eri?"
Kirill's voice…
Fenric and Kael immediately straightened, dropping low bows. "Lord Kirill!," Fenric said.
Kael, trying to match but stumbling over words, added, "Lord Kirill! Lady Eri… awake safely, yes?"
They both stepped aside instantly, like the floor itself was theirs to leave.
Kirill entered, his tall frame filling the room. His eyes fell on me and there was no softness today. Only… anger.
I tried to steady myself and stood. "Brother… why am I—why am I being—"
"Meredia," he cut me off coldly. "Do not speak until I say." He closed the door behind him with a click that made my chest tighten. "Sit on the bed."
"But brother…" I hesitated, trying to explain, "I didn't—"
"Meredia! Sit on the bed!" His voice boomed this time, echoing against the walls. My body flinched involuntarily.
He had never spoken to me like this before not even in Meredia's memories. The force behind his voice was enough to make my knees buckle.
I swallowed hard, my throat tight, and lowered myself onto the chaise at the foot of the bed. My hands clenched in my lap.
Kirill walked over, the sound of his boots against the floor was almost like a drumbeat in my chest. He stopped at the sofa facing the bed, sitting down. His gaze didn't waver from mine, piercing straight through me.
I couldn't look away. My heart thudded painfully in my chest, and the fear curling around me was suffocating.
"What have you done, Meredia?" His tone was quiet now, but the anger behind it was like coiled steel.
I couldn't even breathe properly…
Kirill's jaw tightened. His eyes flicked to my wrist. I instinctively pulled my sleeve down.
"You did it again."
My stomach flipped. My mouth opened but nothing came out. Prince Kairan's name sat on my tongue, burning like fire, but I swallowed it. Would he even believe me? Kairan was powerful enough to erase me like an ant. One word against him and he could destroy not just me but everyone in this family.
So I bowed my head and whispered, "I'm sorry…"
Kirill's hands clenched on his knees. "Sorry?" His voice cracked like a whip. "Do you think 'sorry' undoes what you've done?"
"I—"
"Do you have any idea what this house has been since this morning?" His voice rose, and with each word it felt like another blow to my chest. "Duchess came to your room at dawn. She found your wrist wrapped in a blood‑soaked handkerchief. She hasn't stopped crying since! Father's pacing the hall. The entire household is terrified."
I shrank under his words.
He stood, towering over me now. "What are we not giving you, Meredia? What have we done wrong?" His eyes were wet and I only wanted to wipe his tears away but I couldn't.
"We are not forcing a marriage on you. We are not chaining you with responsibilities. All we have ever done is try to love you."
My throat closed.
"Do you think we give you less than we give others? Tell me!" he demanded. "Because since morning nobody has eaten. Everyone is sitting in silence, questioning themselves, wondering where they went wrong. Wondering how much they failed you."
His words cut deeper than the wound on my wrist.
I pressed my palms to my eyes, tears spilling out anyway. "I didn't—I don't want to die either…" My voice cracked, barely audible.
But his pain was bigger than my explanation.. seeing that raw hurt on his face was worse than any blade.
I wanted to be loved, spoiled, cherished. I didn't want them to look at me like a problem to be solved.
But that's exactly what I'd turned into.
Kirill's voice dropped low now, shaking slightly. "We gave you everything. We tried to make you happy. Why… why did you do this to yourself?"
I stared at the floor, my vision swimming. My whole body trembled.
I want to live too, brother.... That's why I am here but everything is going wrong. How do I tell you?
My lips moved but no words came.
Kirill exhaled sharply, rubbing his hand over his face. "You are not a burden. But this—" He gestured to my bandaged wrist. "This will break us. This will kill our mother. Do you understand?"
My tears fell freely now. My voice was a whisper. "I'm sorry…"
But even as I said it, I knew sorry wasn't enough.
"You've left me no choice," he said finally,"Fenric and Kael will be with you from now on day and night. They're your knights. You're not to leave their sight."
I blinked, throat tight. "You… you don't trust me anymore?"
He leaned forward a little, eyes hard but glassy like he'd been awake all night. "The family doesn't. And I can't… I can't lose you. As long as you are the daughter of this family, you will live. Even if it's under watch even if you hate me for it. We won't let you end your life while you're under our care."
The words stung. My nails dug into my palms.
Kirill's jaw tightened. "Kael is about your age. He's inexperienced, but he's cheerful, easygoing. He'll keep you from feeling cornered. Fenric is the opposite, but he'll make sure you're safe."
His voice dropped lower. "Considering all of this… do not dare to do anything again."
He stood, straightened his coat, and without another glance at me, walked to the door. "You've forced me to do this, Meredia."
And then he left, closing the door behind him, leaving the silence heavy and unfamiliar.
What did I even do...
I pressed against my chest. Even my heart was aching. I didn't understand why his disappointment was falling so heavy on me...
"I am sorry..." I whispered.
What am I even supposed to do now?
I swiped at my wet cheeks. Crying wasn't going to fix anything. I needed to think. I needed a plan. Anything to stop this marriage with Kairan.
Now even Duke and Duchess wouldn't look at me. Perfect. My only chance was my father but… would he even listen after all this?
No. No, Sia. You can't fold before even trying.
I spun around, crossing the room in quick, uneven strides. The door creaked when I yanked it open. Kael and Fenric straightened immediately, posted like statues on either side.
Kael flashed me that puppy smile. "Lady! What happened?"
I glanced from his face to Fenric's stony one. "I want to see my father."
Fenric dipped his head slightly. "We'll come with you."
Fine. I didn't even have the energy to argue. They didn't mean harm and, if anything, maybe one day they'd actually shield me from Kairan.
We walked through the corridors, their footsteps echoing behind me. By the time we reached my father's office, my hands were trembling on the door handle. Just thinking about the look on his face...disappointment, shame...made my stomach twist.
"Lady… nervous?" Kael's voice was soft, clueless.
I turned my head just enough to give him a weak shake. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
"It's okay, Sia. You can do it." I whispered it under my breath and pushed the door open.
The Duke was at his desk, pen in hand, papers stacked around him. He looked up. I braced for the coldness, for the same anger I saw in Kirill's eyes.
But instead… he smiled.
"Eri. You should be resting."
I stepped in, voice small. "Father… I need to talk to you."
He stood, sensing my nerves before I even spoke. "Yes, tell me. What's troubling you?"
He didn't even glance at my bandaged wrist. Didn't mention it at all. My fingers instinctively wrapped tighter around it.
"I… I wanted to apologize."
He walked around the desk and stopped right in front of me. His height, his presence had always felt larger than life. Normally it gave me comfort. Today it just made me feel small.
"Apologize?" His brows lifted gently. "For what, child?"
My throat burned. "For… everything. For worrying you. For—" my fingers dug into the bandaged wrist, "for doing this…"
His smile faded, not into anger but into something worse...sadness. The kind that pierced deeper than shouting ever could.
"Eri," he said softly, "you don't need to ask forgiveness for being human."
I stared at him. He wasn't scolding me. He wasn't even upset in the way I'd prepared for. Instead, his voice was so kind it made me want to cry again.
"But I made everyone upset," I whispered. "Brother won't even look at me. Mother must be angry. I… I just—" my words came out messy, desperate, "I don't want to disappoint you."
He reached out, slow enough for me to pull away if I wanted, but I didn't. His hand rested gently on my head like it had when Meredia was a child. "You've never disappointed me."
That almost broke me. My lips trembled, my eyes blurred. "Then why… why does it feel like everyone is angry with me?"
He crouched slightly so we were eye to eye. His voice stayed quiet, and soft. "Yes, they're angry. Because they love you. They don't want to lose you." He paused, his thumb brushing away a tear before it fell. "I know it's been hard for you after what you've been through these last months. We gave you a life full of care but also a lot of expectations. I know you must doubt yourself now."
The lump in my throat turned to a burn. If the real Meredia had known her father could sound like this, maybe she wouldn't have left at all.
His hand lingered at my cheek. "I know you feel useless now but listen, my little Eri, nothing can ever make me stop loving you."
The sob ripped out of me before I could stop it. I covered my face with both hands, shoulders shaking. For a moment I just stood there crying quietly.
"I'm sorry, Father. I don't understand how to survive… I don't know how to do anything. I don't understand anything." The words spilled between gasps. I had never imagined breaking down in front of the Duke, but the comfort he gave me...though not what I thought I needed, made me feel safe.
He gently wrapped his hands around my wrists and lowered them from my face. "I will help you."
I bit my lip hard. "Father… I… I don't want to get married to anyone."
His eyes widened for a second before he smiled faintly. "And?"
"And…" I dragged in heavy breaths. "I want to help you. I can...I will. I want to help you with the duchy's work and everything else. I'm not useless. I want to prove it."
He didn't say anything, just nodded and kept listening.
"And… and Father, I don't ever want to get married. Let me stay with you."
"Eri—" he exhaled slowly through his nose.
I moved closer and grabbed his coat tightly. "No, Father. Please. Let me stay with you. I do not want to go."
His eyes softened as he looked at me clinging to his coat, like he was seeing not just his daughter, but a fragile bird that didn't know where to perch.
"You wish to help me?" he asked quietly.
I nodded quickly, almost desperately. "Yes. I can learn. I can do whatever you ask me to. I don't want to just sit and–and rot away like some fragile doll. I want to do something."
He searched my face, and for a moment, I thought he would scold me again or tell me I wasn't ready. Instead, he sighed, long and heavy, and reached up to smooth a hand over my hair.
"Eri… the world you wish to step into is not gentle," he murmured. "It is full of calculations, endless discussions, harsh realities. It is not kind to anyone, least of all someone as tender-hearted as you."
"I don't care," I blurted. My hands gripped his coat tighter. "I'll learn. Please. I don't want to be useless."
The Duke's expression tightened, like he was fighting a war inside himself. Finally, he pulled me gently into his arms. His embrace was comforting, the kind of hold that said I won't let you break again, not if I can help it.
"You are not useless," he said into my hair, his voice almost fierce. "You never were. You are my daughter. That alone is enough."
I swallowed hard, shaking my head against his chest. "It's not enough for me."
Silence stretched between us for a few seconds, his heartbeat steady beneath my ear. Then at last, he sighed again, that reluctant tone I'd half-expected.
"Very well," he said. "If this is what you truly want, I will allow it. But not all at once. You will start slowly
..listening, learning, observing. No burden heavier than what you can carry. Do you understand me?"
I pulled back just enough to see his face, my eyes still wet but shining. "I understand."
His hand cupped the back of my head as he looked down at me. "I will not let you drown yourself in this, Eri. You wish to help, then I will teach you. But you will promise me one thing."
My lips trembled. "What?"
"That you will live." His eyes glimmered in the candlelight, heavy with both love and exhaustion. "No matter how difficult things feel… you will live."
The words hit harder than any scolding. My throat burned as I whispered, "I promise."
He studied me for a long moment, then nodded once. "Good."
When he finally let me go, it felt like I could breathe again, though my chest still ached from everything. For the first time since waking up, I didn't feel completely alone.