[Soyo: Thank you, Mutsumi, for agreeing to meet. How about 1 p.m. at MAMECOCORO Café?]
[Mutsumi: Sure]
The glowing phone screen gradually dimmed.
"I really am so stupid."
The girl collapsed on the bed, her face pale and weary, a sudden sting of sadness rising in her nose that she could not hold back.
Her waist-length chestnut hair spilled over the pillow like a waterfall. Her mature and beautiful face wore a smile that seemed like self-mockery, yet this faint smile held none of its usual warmth or sweetness, only the bitterness and dimness that came from deep inside.
It was as if, at any moment, she would shatter like a broken mirror.
Regretting now?
What use was there in apologizing and regretting at this point?
She had once shared feelings with the man she loved. Even if she could not be the only one in his heart, she had believed it was enough just to be with her beloved husband. But she had chosen to use the people around her, driven solely by the selfish desire to have him all to herself.
Opening Kazami Haru's Line chat bubble, she saw the conversation still frozen on the messages from two days ago.
Today alone, Soyo had checked his Line page seventy-two times, yet since "that time" Haru had not sent her a single message.
"Uu…"
A pitiful whimper escaped her lips as she wiped away the mist gathering in her eyes.
Her pretty face now resembled that of a tear-stained kitten. Only after letting herself cry did she begin to rein in her fierce regret and self-blame. Her voice was hoarse as she slowly got up and left her room, planning to tidy herself a little for tomorrow's meeting.
But just as she stepped out the door, the sound of the front lock clicking open rang through the house.
"Soyo, Mama's home!"
"I didn't have to work overtime today so I thought I'd surprise you and come back to sleep. How about it, were you surprised? Did you miss…"
Mrs. Nagasaki, just returning home, spotted her daughter standing dazed in the living room. Even from several meters away she could see the swollen redness of Soyo's eyes and the tear streaks on her face. Realizing what this meant, her brows knitted in concern and she quickly walked toward her.
But when she reached her unusually mature-looking daughter, she spoke with a gentleness completely unlike her usual tone.
"Soyo, did something happen?"
"Has someone been bullying you?"
Soyo blinked in surprise, quickly wiping at the corners of her eyes. Afraid of being misunderstood, she forced out in a raspy voice, "No… no one's bullying me. I just… I did a lot of wrong things to the person I like, and now he hates me."
"…The person you like?"
Mrs. Nagasaki paused for two seconds, then remembered a certain handsome black-haired boy.
"Is it Haru? Did something happen between you and him?"
"…"
Soyo shook her head. She had no energy or will to explain anything to her mother right now.
Even so, as a mother, Mrs. Nagasaki could guess most of what her daughter was feeling. Realizing that she was now at an age when emotions were easily stirred, she felt a mix of sympathy and worry.
She knew about Kazami Haru. Just meeting him once had been enough to see his excellence and good character.
Still, she could not imagine how her daughter had managed to anger such a gentle boy.
Feeling a faint headache, Mrs. Nagasaki sighed inwardly, though outwardly she kept her tone soft. "Whether or not Haru has really come to dislike you, I believe nothing is absolute."
"As long as you sincerely apologize to him, something will change."
Soyo fell silent, her eyes dim. She wanted to respond, but nothing came out.
Because she no longer dared to face Haru.
The thought of his deep disappointment, of his lost trust in her because of her lies, made her tremble all over with fear and lose all composure. Even if she did meet him now, she could only cry and apologize.
And she knew such apologies were meaningless.
Saki-chan was right, crying would never solve anything.
Seeing her daughter still sunk in quiet sorrow, Mrs. Nagasaki felt at a loss. Young people's romantic troubles were rarely something adults could resolve. Only the one involved could take the step to fix misunderstandings.
"Soyo, listen carefully."
"If you truly like someone from the bottom of your heart, never do something you will regret. If you do nothing… then nothing will ever change."
The sorrow on Soyo's face shifted slightly. The countless things she wanted to say became nothing more than a small nod.
If she did not want to give up, she would have to act.
Tomorrow, she would meet with Mutsumi to talk.
...
"Here are your Darjeeling tea and mango juice. Please enjoy."
The server set the delicately fragrant tea on the table. Wisps of steam curled upward, carrying its gentle aroma.
Soft, relaxing music played faintly through the café, yet Soyo, seated by the window, could not relax in the slightest.
She furrowed her fine brows, resting her hands tensely on her lap. Her slightly wavy chestnut hair slid down the delicate line of her neck.
"…"
The girl sitting across from her was like a quietly blooming jasmine flower, a fabled forest fairy. Her doll-like face was so perfectly sculpted it revealed no trace of emotion. She made no move in response to Soyo's tense unease, only keeping that calm, silent expression.
Her golden eyes, tranquil and penetrating, seemed as if they could see through all things, gazing ahead without a ripple.
"Mutsumi, thank you… really, for agreeing to meet me today."
"…"
Mutsumi only gave the faintest nod, showing not the slightest sign of emotion.
That perpetually silent, stunningly beautiful face served well as a poker face now. No matter what Soyo might say, it was as if Mutsumi would never be surprised. The thought dulled Soyo's eyes even more, and she made no attempt to twist her hair as she often did when speaking.
In truth, even if Mutsumi were to frown right now, to show anger or irritation, Soyo might feel a strange relief. What she feared most was this wordless quiet.
Soyo pressed her lips together and lowered her head, her expression shadowed.
"…I'm sorry. I came today to apologize for what happened last time."
"Why apologize to me?"
Mutsumi spoke at last, her voice unhurried and utterly calm, marking the first words she had said today.
Hearing this, Soyo forced a bitter smile, her voice faintly hoarse. "You're right, Mutsumi… I know I should be apologizing to Haru, telling him everything I've done, without leaving out a single word."
Deceit
After Togawa Sakiko had scolded her harshly, Soyo had begun to climb out of her hopeless despair.
She had started to use empathy to look at her own mistakes. But when she saw her actions from Haru's perspective, her grief and regret only deepened further.
Soyo could not bear the word "deceit." She could not accept the idea of Haru deceiving her.
And yet… what had she done?
The very deceit and concealment she could never forgive in someone else, she had unknowingly committed against the person she loved most. Seeing things from his side now made her feel such pain it was unbearable. At times the thought of ending her own life even crept into her mind.
"Mutsumi, I'm sorry."
Her head drooped, her entire posture one of dejection. She was like a kitten abandoned by its owner, left to weather a storm alone, curled up in a tattered cardboard box with no one to depend on.
"I've been using our 'friendship' to take advantage of you all along. You gave me serious warnings more than once, yet because of my selfishness I ignored them completely. Whether it was using you or deceiving Haru, it was all my fault…"
Mutsumi fell silent.
She had underestimated just how much Haru meant to Soyo as a source of emotional support, and how deep her feelings and love for him truly ran, enough to strip her bare of every guarded thought.
Seeing her in such a pitiful, sorrowful state now, Mutsumi was at a loss for how to respond.
Soyo did not notice the fleeting glint in Mutsumi's eyes. She only kept her head lowered, her tone full of self-mockery.
"I don't expect you to forgive me, Mutsumi. I only want to make amends for my mistakes as much as I can."
Thinking back over the past two days, when Haru truly had not sought her out, Soyo could only conclude he was genuinely angry. Even the husband in her memories who had been so gentle and indulgent toward her could be angered by her selfishness.
Just knowing that filled her with unbearable guilt and pain.
Inside, she was torn apart by conflict.
Every moment, she longed for Haru to send her a Live message, even something as simple as a sticker. Yet at the same time she feared he might message her, because that message could be to cut ties completely.
She feared loneliness. She feared being left out. She feared no longer being able to stand by his side.
Most of all, she feared being hated by him.
"…"
Mutsumi only sat there, quietly listening to Soyo's heartfelt confession, like a silent doll.
They had been friends since the CRYCHIC days. Seeing Soyo so wretched and full of sorrow now stirred feelings in her, especially since she herself was someone prone to self-blame.
But she knew she could not, and had no right to, offer comfort right now.
Soyo's biggest mistake had not been using Mutsumi to get closer to Haru or wanting to monopolize his love. Wanting to have the one you love all to yourself was natural. Every girlfriend in a relationship with Haru likely felt some degree of it.
Her mistake was that she had deceived Haru from the very beginning in her bid to keep him to herself.
"Soyo, what do you plan to do next?"
Mutsumi had been turning countless thoughts over in her mind, but after a long silence, she finally spoke before the air grew any heavier.
The sudden question startled Soyo slightly. She pressed her dry lips together, her pale and weary face showing a flicker of fatigue, yet she still managed a faint, familiar smile, speaking in a soft yet guilty voice.
"This time, I want to apologize to you first, and then to Anon and the others."
"The person you need to apologize to right now isn't us."
"I know! I know…"
Her emotions began to rise, and she gripped the hem of her skirt tightly, wrinkling the Tsukinomori Girls's school uniform she wore. Anxiety and fear gnawed away at every shred of courage she had.
"…But I still can't bring myself to see Haru."
She knew she had to apologize. Whether or not she could win him back, whether or not he could forgive her again, she had to take responsibility for what she had done.
Yet she could not bring herself to face him. In her eyes, Haru had surely lost all faith in her. If she went running back to apologize after only two or three days, how would that look to him?
In Soyo's mind, perhaps it was this that she had not truly repented at all, but was simply trying to use another lie to keep deceiving him.
"…No matter what, in the end, you still need to go to Haru."
Mutsumi slowly closed her eyes, speaking in words that carried a subtle, pointed meaning.
Before coming here, she had decided she would no longer soften toward Soyo, not even if Soyo cried and apologized to her face. Yet this time, Soyo's demeanor was nothing like the hollow performance of the past. At least to Mutsumi's eyes, it seemed she might truly be speaking from the heart.
This would probably be the last time she chose to believe her.
"You should know what kind of person Haru is. He would never completely give up on you."
A faint, indescribable glimmer came into Mutsumi's eyes, her tone deliberately even, giving Soyo a quiet hint.
"…"
At those words, Soyo slowly lifted her head. Her dull blue eyes now held the faintest trace of light.
She had long since given up hope of being forgiven, but with Mutsumi's understated words reaching her ears, even her lifeless fingertips seemed to stir with warm blood again, as if she were a drowning person finding the final strand of straw to cling to.
If there was even the slimmest chance, she would seize it without hesitation.