I couldn't stay calm in my office. I still had a lot of work to do, but the numbers and names kept blurring before my eyes. I went down to the kitchen under the excuse of helping Lisa with dinner and not thinking about the thousand and one commitments, the meetings, everything that depended on us. Cooking helps me clear my mind; chopping, stirring, arranging ingredients keeps my head busy. It anchors me. But my calm vanished the moment the front door opened.
Night had already fallen, so the sound was loud and clear. Maybe it was just me, because I had been waiting for it for hours without wanting to admit it.
I dropped what I had in my hands and walked toward the kitchen door without thinking too much. I had no clear reason. I just needed to confirm what I already knew. It was Hunt.
The light of dusk slipped in before he did, and for a second I thought that, at least that night, I wouldn't go to bed alone. Then I saw him dismiss the knight with a quick gesture, almost rude, and close the door with more force than necessary. He didn't look at me. He didn't even try to find me with his eyes, the way he always did. He walked straight past me.
He left his boots where they fell, crooked, badly placed. His jacket landed on a bench without care, half-folded, as if he didn't care if it wrinkled. I stood there, staring at those absurd, tiny details, because Hunt never did that. Never. He was always orderly, always left everything in its place. But not tonight. Something had changed. Tonight he walked past me, headed toward the back of the house without stopping, dragging his feet as if each step cost him more than the last.
Then I smelled it. It was immediate. I felt a brief, sour sting in the air, something that didn't fit with anything familiar. I breathed in again, without realizing it, and felt my chest tighten. My mind rushed ahead of everything else, searching for an explanation before I could even think.
Perfume.
I thought of another woman before I thought of him. A hollow ache hit my chest. My hands were shaking as I took off my apron. I let it fall where I stood and left the kitchen too quickly. He wasn't in the hallway.
― Selene ― Hunt, where are you? ― My voice came out thinner than I expected, but no one answered.
In the entryway was Hemer, picking up the things Hunt had left behind. As he straightened up, he said to me,
― Hemer ― He went to the bathroom, ma'am. ― He said it without me asking.
I nodded without looking at him and kept walking. Each step felt heavier than the last, as if I were moving through thick water.
I thought he had slept with someone else. I thought maybe he didn't love me anymore and had only come back to take what he needed. I thought of the nights he came home late. Of the smiles I no longer saw. Of younger women, with firmer bodies, larger breasts. Of those noblewomen who had come asking about him so shamelessly, as if I didn't exist. He must be well-endowed, one of them had said two days ago, looking me up and down as if measuring me. You're too little woman for him. Let me have him for one night, another had whispered in my ear, smiling. I'll show him the stars. He doesn't know what he's doing with you. When did I stop being enough?
I opened the bathroom door without knocking because I wouldn't have endured waiting for an excuse.
Hunt was naked, his back to me. When he turned, the first thing I saw was the wound on his abdomen, more visible than I remembered. For an instant, I was back on the day I thought he was dying in my hands. And then the smell hit me full force. Vinegar? A strong, acidic stench. So unpleasant that I slammed the door shut and leaned against it.
― Selene ― Why the fuck do you smell like that? ― I shouted, unable to stop myself.
Hunt blinked, as if only then realizing I was there. Dark circles framed his eyes, his shoulders sagged. He looked exhausted.
■― Neo tripped. ― He said, in that tired voice he used when he had spent all day talking. ― He spilled vinegar on both of us. ―
I waited for him to say something else. For him to ask why I had come in like that, why I had shouted at him. For him to notice that something wasn't right. But he didn't.
Relief hit me all at once and left me trembling. My legs weakened as I felt my heart slowly begin to slow down.
― Selene ― Vinegar. It was just vinegar… ― I whispered to myself.
I leaned against the door, breathing slowly, feeling the fear dissolve and leave only shame in its place. I felt stupid. Pathetic. How could I have thought that…?
When I came back to myself, Hunt was already under the shower. The water washed the smell away little by little, sliding over his skin, carrying off my darkest thoughts with it. He moved slowly, as if every gesture took effort.
When he finished showering, he filled the bathtub without looking at me. He heated the water with magic, with those blue flames dancing beneath his fingers.
He said nothing. He didn't ask if I was okay. He didn't ask why I had come in like that. He didn't ask anything. I stayed there, leaning against the wall, watching him move in silence. Steam began to rise, filling the bathroom with moisture. When he finished, he turned toward me. He looked at me for a moment, as if he had just remembered I was there. Then he held out his hand. I hesitated for a second before taking it. He stepped closer and kissed me softly on the lips. Then another. His hands moved to my clothes, removing them carefully, with mechanical, almost automatic gestures. As if it were part of a routine. I said nothing. I just let him do it. When I was naked, he took my hand and guided me to the bathtub. He got in first, leaning back against the edge with a long sigh, and gestured for me to sit on top of him.
The hot water wrapped around my body and, for the first time in days, I felt like I could breathe calmly. I leaned back against his chest, feeling his skin against mine, the weight of his arm around me. He played with my hair. Let his fingers slide over my shoulders, my arms, my back. Small gestures, familiar ones, repeated so many times they no longer needed thought.
I tried to speak. I opened my mouth, but the words got stuck in my throat, as if something cut them off before they could come out. Hunt kept caressing me, unaware of my attempts. I tried again.
― Selene ― Hunt, I… ―
■― mmm ―
His hand slid a little lower, brushing my waist, my hip. But it wasn't what I needed, and I pulled away. He stopped instantly.
■― Are you okay? ― He asked, in that calm voice he used when he didn't understand something but didn't want to push either.
I nodded like an idiot. He hugged me tighter, holding my body against his, and let the silence fill everything. We stayed like that for a long time.
The steam rose, the water cooled, and Hunt reheated it with magic without saying a word. I closed my eyes and tried not to think. Just to feel. His breathing against my back. His hand holding mine under the water. The steady, slow beat of his heart. As if nothing bad could happen to us while we were like this. But I knew it could, and he didn't.
We left as if nothing had happened. Hunt dressed quickly, kissed me on the forehead, and went out first. I stayed a moment longer, looking at myself in the small fogged mirror. And I didn't recognize myself.
During dinner, words passed over me without touching me. Hemer commented that he would wash the clothes because they smelled too much like vinegar. I nodded without lifting my eyes. Hunt ate in silence, focused on his plate, as if the world beyond that table didn't exist. Sena, on the other hand, wasn't subtle; fed up with the nobles' behavior, she went straight to Hunt and told him everything.
― Sena ― Those nobles don't know how to behave ― she said, looking straight at Hunt. ― They think they can say whatever they want to Selene just because they have a title. ―
Hunt looked up. He chewed slowly, swallowed.
■― Oh, really? ― he said, without much interest. Like someone asking out of politeness.
Sena looked at me, and I looked away.
― Sena ― Some of them come asking about you ― she continued, mercilessly. ― The ones who tell Selene she's "not woman enough for you." That you should be with someone "on your level." ―
Hunt set the fork down on the table. He frowned, but said nothing. He stared at his plate, as if processing the information. He seemed absent, focused on something else. Then he went back to eating.
■― I see ― he said after a moment. ― How annoying. ―
As if it were a minor inconvenience. As if it didn't matter. Sena pressed her lips together but didn't insist. Hemer changed the subject. The conversation went on without me. Hunt didn't ask again.
In the bedroom, while I was changing, Hunt was taking off his shirt when he suddenly said:
■― Hey, if those nobles bother you, tell me. ―
He said it like someone offering help with something trivial. Like saying, "If you need me to buy bread, let me know." I froze, my blouse half off.
― Selene ― I don't want to talk about that ― I replied, without looking at him.
― Okay ― he nodded, shrugging. ― But if you change your mind, tell me.
And that was it. He got into bed, settled on his side, and closed his eyes. The sheets were cold when I climbed in. I stayed on my side of the bed, staring at the ceiling. We had been sleeping apart in the same bed for four days, each on our own side, without touching. That night I couldn't take it anymore.
I moved closer to him. I slipped my foot over his leg, like I always did. He let me, holding it with his left hand, like so many other nights. He didn't open his eyes. He just pulled me a little closer, adjusting me against his body with automatic, familiar gestures. That gesture broke me. Because it was affection. Because it was love. Because Hunt loved me, but it wasn't enough.
I started talking. Everything came out at once. The comments. The looks. The fear that he would leave me. The shame of having doubted him.
― Selene ― There are younger women ― I said, my voice breaking. ― With better bodies. With… with more than what I have. ―
Hunt tensed, but didn't say anything.
― Why do you love me when you could have any of them? ― I continued. ― You could be with someone your age. Someone who isn't so… Someone who… ―
■― Stop ― Hunt said, his voice hoarse, but I didn't stop.
― Selene ― They're prettier. They have bigger breasts. They're nobles. They're… ―
■― Selene, stop ― he repeated, pulling me tighter against him.
I cried harder. All the fear, all the insecurity, everything I had been holding in for days came out at once. I compared myself to every noblewoman who had harassed me. To the younger ones. To the ones with better bodies. To the ones who had everything I didn't.
Hunt let me talk until I had no voice left. When I finally fell silent, he kissed my forehead. He hugged me tighter.
■― I'm not going to leave you ― he said, with that hoarse voice he used when he was holding something back. ― Never. Okay? It doesn't matter what those nobles say. It doesn't matter how many women there are. You're the one I want. ―
He said it with such certainty that I almost believed him. Almost. But words were just words. And words didn't stop the nobles. They didn't stop the comparisons. They didn't stop the fear.
He stayed silent for a moment. Then he murmured something against my hair, so softly I barely heard it.
― Selene ― What? ― I asked, my voice hoarse from crying.
■― Nothing ― he replied, kissing my forehead.
Hunt fell asleep shortly after. His breathing became slow, deep, calm. I felt his body relax against mine, felt his grip loosen. I stayed awake. I couldn't sleep. Hidden in his arms, feeling his warmth, his weight, his presence, until I couldn't stand it anymore.
In the middle of the night, I got up. I wanted to go downstairs for some water. The house was silent, but when I stepped into the hallway, I saw light. Hunt wasn't in bed, and the door to the sub-dimension was open in the corridor.
I approached slowly, without making a sound. Dalia was hidden, watching as Hunt and Neo were bent over something, speaking in low voices. Hunt held a small blue flame between his fingers, melting something that glimmered. Neo held a tool I didn't recognize, fully focused. They looked… happy. Complicit. As if they were sharing a secret I didn't deserve to know. I felt something cold in my chest. Something I didn't want to name. I didn't go in. I didn't ask.
I went back to the bedroom, got into bed, and stared at the empty space where Hunt should have been. Knowing that tomorrow nothing would have changed. That the nobles would keep harassing me. That I would keep comparing myself to younger women, prettier women, with better bodies. That I would keep feeling smaller and smaller. But for the first time in days, I didn't feel so cold. And that, in some twisted way, made everything worse.