The man walked back through the clan grounds, his footsteps heavy and unhurried. The large luxurious house loomed ahead, a monument to status that stood in stark contrast to the state of its occupant. He pushed the door open and stepped inside.
The interior was a disaster. Garbage littered the floors, empty bottles lay scattered in every direction, and the stale smell of alcohol clung to everything like a second skin. He navigated through the mess with practiced ease, climbing the stairs to the second floor. His feet carried him down a hallway to a room at the end.
He sat on the edge of the bed, the springs creaking under his weight. For a long moment, he simply stared at the wall, then raised a bottle to his lips and took a long, deep gulp. The liquid burned going down, a familiar comfort.
His eyes drifted to a painting hanging across from him.
A woman with long brown hair and gentle brown eyes smiled from the canvas. In her arms, she held a toddler—a girl with bright red hair and a smile so wide it seemed to light up the entire image. On the woman's shoulder rested a hand, and following that hand up, the painting revealed a man with long red hair, his face soft with a genuine, loving smile.
The man in the bed was the same man in the painting. But the expression on his face now could not have been more different. Where the painted man smiled, the living man frowned. Where the painted man radiated warmth, the living man radiated nothing but hollow emptiness.
"Yeah," he muttered, his voice rough. "She would have looked like her by now."
His face tightened, the frown deepening into something painful. He took another gulp from the bottle, then another, his eyes finally tearing away from the painting as if the sight of it physically hurt. He stared at the wall instead, at nothing, and kept drinking.
---
The scene shifted back to the cave. Aoyan sat beside Lin Shu, her voice quiet but steady as she continued.
"I heard him say things like that while he thought he wasn't saying them aloud," she said. "At first, I didn't understand what he meant. But I figured it was something good, since he never refused to heal me."
Lin Shu listened without interrupting, his expression a mask of pity and empathy.
"But even so, Su still targeted me," Aoyan continued. "Until one day... I remember I was in a backyard training with multiple disciples and my half-siblings. The training I was given was much more painful and harder than what the others had to endure. But I couldn't complain. Every time I thought about giving up, I remembered my mother. The instructors saw me still standing, and they didn't like that. They quickly ordered everyone to get into position for sparring."
She paused, her hands clenching in her lap.
"And of course, I was met with none other than Su."
Lin Shu said nothing.
"I didn't put up a fight. I couldn't. She beat me down to the ground, and then she moved away without even looking at me. The instructors dismissed us, let us leave." A ghost of something—bitterness? resignation?—crossed her face. "I had to drag my beaten body back to my room. But I wasn't in a bad mood. I was actually excited. That day was when I would finally see my mother after two weeks of her being away on a mission."
Her voice softened, the memory bittersweet.
"I couldn't wait. But I didn't want her to see me so injured. So I thought about heading to that elder's room, asking him to heal me one more time. I started walking toward his place, but I was stopped by multiple clan members. And when I heard what they said to me..." Her voice caught. "I dropped the blade I was carrying immediately."
Lin Shu watched her carefully, sensing the weight of what was coming.
"They handed me a sword and a necklace. My mother's sword. My mother's necklace. And the only words they said were that she did not return, and these were the only things found at the last spot she was at."
The cave was silent except for the faint wind outside.
"I stared at the necklace, dazed. I couldn't process what I'd heard. My legs moved on their own, carrying me to my room. I entered and closed the door. I looked at the bloodied sword and the necklace. Then I sat down and just... looked at them."
Her voice grew distant, as if she were speaking from far away.
"I don't know how long I sat there. Hours. Days. I felt like I spent days without food, without sleep, just staring at her necklace and her bloody sword. Eventually, I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. My sorry state—beaten, covered in dirt and blood, holding my mother's sword that was covered in her blood."
She swallowed hard.
"And I wondered... what did I do to deserve all of this? I never harmed anyone innocent. I never expressed a desire for more than what I already had. I didn't want to be the heiress of the clan. I never even thought about it. I was satisfied with what I had." Her voice cracked. "I wondered—did I lose everything because that was already too much to ask? Or did I lose because I never asked for more? Because I never wanted more? Did that prove I was weak to them?"
She shook her head slowly. "I don't know. I still don't know. But those questions soon left my mind."
Her posture stiffened, her voice dropping to a near whisper.
"I stood up. I took a chair and put it in the middle of the room. I took a rope and hung it from the ceiling. I got on the chair. There was a mirror to my right, and I remember looking at my reflection. My eyes weren't teary. My expression was just... tired."
Lin Shu's hand, still resting on her head calmed her down as it ruffled her hair.
"I put the rope around my neck. And I stepped off the chair."
The words hung in the air like smoke.
"The rope tightened. My vision grew blurry. I didn't think about anything. I just felt tired. So tired. My mind started drifting away..."
She paused, her breathing painful.
"Then suddenly, I felt the rope get cut. I fell to the ground. There was a deep mark on my neck from where the rope had been. I looked up and saw someone walking toward me. It was the elder. The one who had helped me before."
Lin Shu's expression remained unchanged, but his focus sharpened.
"He stood over me. His hand went to my neck, and flames flickered at his fingertips, healing me slowly. I sat up, catching my breath, looking at him. His face was neutral. Completely neutral. Then he said, 'I expected you to do this much earlier. I guess I lost this self-bet.'"
She let out a hollow breath.
"I didn't speak. I was just catching my breath, my neck burning from where the rope had been. He healed the mark, and my breathing got easier, but my expression didn't change. He asked, 'I heard your mother died. Is that why you tried killing yourself?'"
She shook her head. "I didn't answer. I just dug my fingers into the carpet under me. He said, 'Taking the easy way out, huh? I don't blame you. I do that too.' He drank from a bottle in his hand. Then he asked, 'So what are you going to do now? If I leave, are you going to hang yourself again?'"
Aoyan's voice gained a faint edge.
"I didn't understand what he was getting at. I said, 'What does it matter to you?' I had nothing to fear anymore. Nothing to lose. I had just been informed of my mother's death after being beaten and tortured with training for hours. So I told him I didn't care. I told him to leave. That I had lost everything."
She looked at Lin Shu.
"He said, 'Is that all?' And the way he said it—so flat, so emotionless—it angered me so much I forgot I was speaking to one of the most powerful people in the clan. I shouted at him. I said, 'What do you mean, "is that all"? They killed my mother! They forced her into that mission, and she died because of them! I despise this damned clan!'"
Lin Shu remained silent.
"His expression didn't change. He just said, 'Then why not seek revenge? Instead of making all their work end without anh loose end?'" Aoyan's voice trembled. "I looked at him and said, 'You think I don't know that? You think I don't want them to pay? I do want that. But I don't have any way of accomplishing it. And even if I did... I'm too tired for any of this. I just want to rest. I just want to rest...'"
She fell silent for a moment, the memory overwhelming.
"He looked at me. Then he stood up and said, 'Do whatever you want. I'll be in my place. You can come there if you change your mind. If you don't... I'll send someone tomorrow to bury your corpse after you rest.'"
Aoyan's eyes were wet, but her voice was steady.
"And then he left."
"I sat there in silence for hours, unable to decide what to do."
Aoyan's voice was soft, barely above a whisper, as if the memory itself required a gentle touch. Lin Shu listened, his hand still resting on her head, his breathing slow and even.
"I wanted revenge. I wanted them to pay for everything they'd done to me and to my mother. But I was so tired. So deeply, completely tired. The kind of tired that seeps into your bones and makes you feel like you'll never move again." She paused, gathering herself. "But I wanted to see my mother again. That desire outweighed everything—my anger, my exhaustion, my despair. I wanted to see her so badly it hurt."
She swallowed.
"And I thought about what he said. About not letting them win. About not making their work end without an untied knot. I didn't want them to just be over with me. After everything they'd done... I couldn't let that be the end. I was still tired, so tired, but hate gave me enough energy to keep my eyes open and the rope away from my neck."
Lin Shu's eyes followed her expressions going from resolve to fear to anger.
"I waited until the next day. I got out of my room and left for the elder's house. I knocked on the door, and it opened on its own, so I went inside." A faint grimace crossed her face. "The place was filthy. Bottles and trash everywhere. The smell was overwhelming. The elder was sitting on the stairway, drinking from another bottle. I covered my nose, and he said, 'It's that bad, huh? I'll call someone to clean it in a bit. But for now, go take a room for yourself. You'll be staying here from now on.'"
She shook her head slightly. "The smell didn't haunt me as much as you might think. After being forced to eat living rodents by Su, this wasn't the worst thing I'd ever smelled."
Lin Shu's expression remained unchanged.
"I climbed the stairs. Then I stopped and said, 'Can I ask you for a favor?' He said, 'Why not?' So I told him. 'My mother's things were found, but her corpse wasn't. Now that I think about it, she might still be alive. Can you send someone to look for her?' He nodded and said, 'Alright. I'll do that for you.'"
Aoyan's voice softened. "I thanked him and went to choose a room."
She took a breath, the memory shifting.
"The following days, my life improved dramatically. Aside from the loss of my mother, everything got better. Not a single instructor or sibling dared to come near me. Not even Su. She still looked at me with hatred every time she saw me, but she didn't dare approach me with Master around. I was grateful for that."
Her voice grew distant again. "But I still didn't hear anything about my mother. Weeks passed. Then one day, I came home from training and found Master sitting at a table. Across from him was a woman. Bandages covered her body. A deep scar marked her face."
She paused, her eyes glistening.
"I looked at her. I dropped everything in my hands. And I ran."
The words came faster now, carrying the emotion of that moment.
"I ran to her and hugged her so tightly I thought I might lose breath. Tears streamed down my face. Master stood up and left, saying, 'I'll leave you two alone.' He went outside. And I just held my mother, crying, unable to speak."
Aoyan wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Turns out she'd been held hostage by a demonic group. Master found her and got her back. At first, I was just glad. Overwhelmingly, impossibly glad. But then I started thinking—if she was held hostage, did the clan know about it? Did they simply not try to get her back?" Her voice hardened for a moment. "That angered me. It still angers me. But I pushed it aside. I was in my mother's embrace, and that was all that mattered."
She smiled faintly.
"Everything from then on was peaceful enough. Master protected us. My mother was given a simple job in the clan. And slowly, I got closer to Master. He took me as his official disciple—something I heard he'd never done for anyone else. He taught me almost everything I know. How to fight. How to cultivate. Even how to talk, how to act."
She glanced at Lin Shu. "You remember when we first met? I was quite different then. That was him. He told me to always be arrogant. I wasn't really like that, but I listened. He was always right about everything else after all."
The story ended. The cave fell silent.
Aoyan looked down at her hands. "That's why, even after all these years, I don't want to go near Su. I know I'm a coward. I know I'm weak. I know I said I wanted revenge, but whenever I remember what they did to me and my mother... I just want to stay away. I'm afraid it might happen again."
Lin Shu lay still for a moment, processing everything. He forced himself to push aside his own reasoning, his own cold pragmatism, and truly try to understand her. This wasn't about tactics or efficiency. This was about something he rarely dealt with—human emotion in its raw, unfiltered form.
"Well," he said finally, his voice calm and measured, "no one is going to blame you if you do that. No one is going to call you a coward. Everyone has fears. Everyone has things they want to forget. You can choose to face them, or you can choose to move on and leave them behind. Either way, it's your choice."
He looked at her, his expression softer than usual. "I know Yanqi wouldn't judge you. And I won't either. As your friend." The word felt strange on his tongue, but he said them anyways. "So you shouldn't call yourself cowardly or weak. You're a survivor who wants to move on. That's all. There's no shame in not wanting to fight."
He smiled and lay back on his mattress.
Aoyan's face reddened. She buried her face in her knees, peeking at him from over her arms.
Lin Shu glanced at her. "So how do you feel? It's better to let everything out, right?"
Aoyan smiled shyly. "It is."
"Good. You should get some rest. We'll be moving again tomorrow."
She nodded and pulled another mattress from her ring, laying it beside his. Lin Shu closed his eyes immediately, his breathing evening out into the slow rhythm of sleep.
Aoyan looked at him for a long moment—at the scars on his face, at the relaxed set of his features, at the hand that had rested on her head not long ago. A small, warm smile touched her lips.
Then she closed her eyes, and for the first time in a long time, she slept less fearful of the past and more eager for the future.