[YUZUKI]
The last time Yuzuki had dressed up to meet someone, it had been for dinner, with Matsui. She always dressed for the moment, perhaps because Matsui was the one reminder of her life as an aloha that there was always going to be the time to breathe.
Matsui made her feel different.
Not like the alpha who had the weight of so many lives on her shoulders.
Not the daughter who had to be perfect and be strategic to avoid raising eyebrows and having the wrong attention of the king with her incompetence.
Matsui made her feel normal.
Like a girl with a crush and a life that needed to be lived.
Matsui was her reason for everything.
Then Kazuya Yamashita took her.
And Yuzuki was never the same.
Now, twenty-eight years later, she was standing in her dressing room, with servants waddling around showing her what she could and couldn't wear. Giving her the chance to choose what they had given her, but then Rinko's words stuck with her.
This was not going to be the day they kissed, so putting in more effort would just be stupid and desperate, yet Yuzuki didn't want to feel like that. She didn't want to go and see her reborn crush looking like a mess.
She wanted to be better.
"I'll take it from here," Yuzuki said to the servants.
"As you wish for your majesty," they said before bowing and leaving.
And Yuzuki felt relief for the first time since she had left her office earlier. But even that was short-lived because of the nightmare that looked like sin into her chambers.
"I see you're struggling with a choice, Zura,"
Yuzuki felt her patience leave along with the servants.
The stakes were too high, and it was too early in her reincarnation to already start flipping tables that were closest to her, especially if she wanted to serve the madness of Kurayami and make it to Kazuya's funeral.
"Why? Think you can dress me better?" Yuzuki said flippantly as she stared at one bundle of servant clothes and the other bundle that had her royal gowns. She didn't imagine Ayami seeing her in a royal gown.
She needed Ayami to figure out it was her, and yet everything that was here would do just the opposite of what she wanted.
All she ever wanted to be was someone who could get another kiss from Ayami, which was a bit pathetic for a woman of her stature, but Yuzuki couldn't care less about what the fuck the fates wanted for her.
She would get what she wanted. No matter what she had to endure.
"Lemme guess you're going to the borders with Rinko, right?"
Yuzuki didn't answer.
Maybe because she was scared that her response would be a dead giveaway as to why she was going to this particular one.
She had always said they were pointless, and she didn't need to be there, given the fact that no one in their right mind would ever think of trying to hurt Kurayami.
Yet here she was.
Struggling with a choice so simple.
Maybe she did, in fact, need help.
Maybe this was her chance at figuring out what she wanted Amaya Hirano to see or not to see.
"You're coming with me," Yuzuki said suddenly, her mouth speaking before her brain even caught up.
"Really? You want me to tag along to your border patrol?" Amaya asked, confused.
Yuzuki didn't pay her any attention. Instead, she stared at the two sets of clothes and figured if she was going to go with the woman, then she would just be wearing her royal gowns.
After all, the servant's clothes were pointless this time.
It wasn't like she was born in a poor family and had risen through the ranks by the mercy of the royals. The body she inhabited was also not that of a commoner, and to keep parading as such would make so much sense.
"I can find someone else if you don't want to. It's been a while since I considered the harem," Yuzuki said nonchalantly, and she watched as Amaya's face fell. It was almost like this was something that was a weak spot for the woman.
That was the first hint at dealing with Amaya and even putting her in her place, right? But what if Yuzuki had read her wrong? Surely Kuramitsu had to have had a harem somewhere if she also had a royal consort, right?
Fuck it was confusing, but then what the heck was she to make of this when all she had for her sanity was a piece of life that wasn't even hers to begin with?
"You really know how to say hurtful things, Zura. You promised you would never assemble the harem again, and here you are," Amaya whined out loudly as she picked a long pink gown and handed it begrudgingly to Yuzuki.
The Kurayami queen just took it like she hadn't made the woman question her place.
Yuzuki didn't care.
Not for the woman who had stolen the last desperate lingering feeling of Ayami's lips on hers. She needed to feel the pinch, too, even if she didn't know what she was getting sidelined for.
"I'm a woman with needs, Hirano. You didn't show up for over a year, and suddenly you want to play abandoned consort? Where were you when I woke up after the accident? Gone, right?" Yuzuki said bitterly.
Amaya curled into herself as she listened to the woman she loved scold her for the first time. On normal days, the woman would always be excited to get so much as a scolding from Queen Kuramitsu, but this one was laden with heavy scars.
A year away, and there was so much that had changed to the point that she didn't even know where to start.
"I'm here now, aren't I?" Amaya said passively, her tone quiet. Like she had wanted to say more. Before Yuzuki could ask her what that meant or even before Yuzuki could kick her out, Amaya got closer and hugged her from behind.
Yuzuki had been standing in front of the mirror when she saw the tears in the woman's eyes.
But she wasn't moved.
She never would be.
Because these were tears that didn't mean shit to her, the one she wanted was in a whole other kingdom with her enemy serving as a lethal enforcer. Yuzuki didn't have time to be emotional with Amaya right now anyway.
"That's brave, little pet," Yuzuki smirked before they both stilled.
"Zura—"
"Let's get going. I'll have this gown," Yuzuki said as she pushed Amaya lightly to wear her gown.
It was a long pink gown, meant for balls, but Yuzuki wasn't thinking clearly now. She knew it was a terrible idea, but what could be worse than the sudden outbursts and her reactions towards Amaya Hirano, though?
"You've never called me that since…"
"You coming?" Yuzuki said instead, not giving her the chance to speak about what they both were not ready for.
Deep down, Yuzuki was starting to hate the memory flashes, the routine that she fell into easily, and the way that her brain seemed to move more slowly than her mouth when it came to Amaya Hirano.
This was a disaster in the making, and she didn't even know how to brace for it yet.
"Yeah," Amaya breathed before wordlessly walking out after Yuzuki.
'At least I got her to shut up,' Yuzuki thought to herself, though she was not as confident.
This was going to be a long evening.