Daily Meme
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Sitting in the common room, I leaned back into the couch, letting Mina work her magic on my shoulders. My loyal minions were hard at work, hanging up decorations under my watchful command. It was Christmas, bitches. My personal holiday empire was coming together beautifully… until a jingle ball exploded against my face.
"Come and help, bastard!" Izuku shouted, glaring at me like I had committed some heinous crime.
Momo wasn't far behind, arms crossed. "Mina, stop spoiling him."
I sighed, rubbing my temple. The injustices I suffered in this house… But, of course, this wasn't just about putting up some tacky garlands and lights. No, the damn system had given me a Christmas Quest.
[NEW QUEST: A VERY MIDORIYA CHRISTMAS]
OBJECTIVE:
Ensure Class 1-A's Christmas is a success (whatever the hell that means).
Complete at least three sub-quests.
REWARD:
+200 XP
+3 to Charisma (For Maximum Christmas Charm)
??? (Hidden Reward)
FAILURE:
Get roasted by Aizawa for making a mess.
Reputation Decrease (UA Staff & Peers).
A Christmas Curse
[SUB-QUESTS]
SANTA'S SLAVE LABOR
Make sure at least 70% of decorations are set up.
Bonus: If Bakugo doesn't try to kill anyone during the process.
REWARD: +50 XP, +1 Dexterity
SPREAD THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT
Make at least three people feel genuinely festive.
REWARD: +75 XP, +1 to Charisma
OPERATION: CHRISTMAS FEAST
Successfully prepare a holiday dinner.
Bonus: If Iida doesn't have a mental breakdown over table manners.
REWARD: +100 XP, ??? (New Recipe Unlock)
SURVIVE SECRET SANTA
Make sure no one gets a shitty gift.
Bonus: If Mineta doesn't get kicked out for inappropriate gifts.
REWARD: +100 XP, +2 Intelligence
BAKUGO VS. HOLIDAY CHEER
Get Bakugo to participate in at least one Christmas activity without calling it "extra."
REWARD: +150 XP, +1 to Persuasion
I stared at the list.
[Congratulations! You are now the unofficial holiday janitor. Try not to ignite anything… unless it is festive.]
"The System is in a jolly mood. Great."
"Oi, get up," Bakugo growled, kicking the back of the couch. "Ain't no way you are gonna sit there while we do all the shit."
I waved a hand. "You have a beautiful work ethic, Kacchan. Keep it up."
His eye twitched. "You little-"
Kirishima quickly shoved a string of lights into his hands. "Bro, help me out before you start committing crimes."
Bakugo scowled but took the lights. One step closer to completing sub-quest five.
Across the room, Kaminari was attempting to untangle a mess of garland while Sero watched in mild amusement. "Bro, how the hell did this even happen?"
"It got a life of its own, man," Kaminari muttered.
"You are just bad at existing," Jiro said, tossing an ornament at his head.
Meanwhile, Iida had somehow taken it upon himself to create a strict holiday decoration code. He was pointing at a blueprint, yes, a blueprint, while Shoji and Ojiro listened like he was leading a military operation.
"The lights should be evenly distributed along the perimeter! We must achieve perfect holiday symmetry!"
Shoji exchanged glances with Ojiro before slowly nodding. "Uh… yeah. We will… do that."
Mina, still on my shoulders, leaned down to whisper, "You are totally bailing on the decorating, huh?"
"Of course. Delegation is a crucial leadership skill." I then grinned at her. 'As if you are not doing the same?'"
Mina stuck her tongue out. "I am making sure our fearless leader is comfortable." She kneaded my shoulders with exaggerated effort, clearly enjoying her excuse to slack off with me.
"Truly, your dedication is inspiring," I said, waving a hand at the rest of the room, where the others were still suffering under the tyranny of Christmas.
Mina snickered, but before she could add anything, Jiro nailed me in the arm with an ornament. "You are both the worst."
"Untrue," I replied, rubbing the spot. "I am just a victim of circumstance."
"Right," she said. "And Santa is real."
"Santa is real," Kaminari chimed in, still losing his battle against the tangled garland. "He just... delegates."
Sero gave him a look. "Man, shut up."
Momo let out a deep sigh, clearly seconds away from making this a lecture. "Ryuu, if you continue to sit there, I will revoke your gift privileges."
I raised a brow. "You think I care? But jokes on you, my greatest gift is the suffering of my peers."
"That is not something to be proud of," Iida cut in, still clutching his Christmas blueprint like it was the answer to all of life's problems.
"It is if you do it right," I said, stretching. "And clearly, I am."
Bakugo, still stuck helping Kirishima with the lights, scowled. "You think you are safe over there? Get your ass up before I deck you into the tree."
Kirishima nudged him. "C'mon, bro, we are supposed to be spreading Christmas cheer, not hands."
Yaoyao was still glaring at me. "Midoriya."
I waved a hand. "Alright, alright. I hear you. But let's be real… do you really want me decorating? Or do you want this whole thing to look halfway decent?"
Mina immediately backed me up. "Oh yeah, no, you do not want him touching the decorations. The last time he helped, we had to explain to Aizawa why there were flaming banners on the roof."
"It was an artistic statement," I said.
"It was arson," Momo muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose.
I shrugged. "Semantics."
Kaminari, now trapped in what could only be described as a garland death grip, groaned. "Can someone, anyone, help me? I think it is evolving."
Sero made no move to assist him, just watching, doubling over. "Nah, I wanna see where this goes."
Mina snorted, then slid off my shoulders and clapped her hands together. "Alright, since everyone is so pressed about Ryuu being lazy…"
"I prefer the term efficient," I corrected.
"...then let's give him something important to do," she finished.
I narrowed my eyes. "I don't like the way you said that."
Mina grinned. "Too bad. You are in charge of handling Secret Santa."
There was a brief pause.
"Absolutely the fuck not," I said.
"Too late," she shot back. "You are the only one mean enough to stop people from giving shitty gifts. Think of it as quality control."
"That sounds like work."
"Exactly," Jiro said, satisfied.
I groaned, but the system had already responded.
[REMINDER: SURVIVE SECRET SANTA
Ensure no one gets a garbage gift.
Bonus: If Mineta doesn't get kicked out for inappropriate gifts.
REWARD: +100 XP, +2 Intelligence}
I rubbed my temple. "This is actual bullshit."
"You will live," Mina said, patting my shoulder.
Mina grinned, all too pleased with herself. "Have fun, boss."
"You suck," I muttered, already trying to figure out how to minimize the damage.
Across the room, Iida was still directing Shoji and Ojiro on perfect light placement like it was a damn military operation. Bakugo looked one lecture away from setting something on fire. Kaminari had not escaped the garland. Jiro was organizing the ornaments like she was curating an exhibit. Momo was making sure everything remained aesthetically pleasing because she had standards. Kirishima was trying to keep Bakugo from causing a holiday disaster. Sero was enjoying the chaos. Tsuyu and Uraraka on ceiling duty. Aoyama lights. Mineta was cuffed. Good.
First things first, I needed to find out who was at the highest risk of fucking this up. The answer was obvious.
I turned my head. "Mineta."
He immediately flinched. "What? I didn't do anything!"
"Yet," I said. "Who do you have?"
He paled. "I… I can't tell you that!"
I stared at him.
He caved in three seconds. "Fucking fine, it is Yaoyorozu."
I sighed. "Alright. Hand over your gift."
Mineta hesitated.
"Mineta."
Reluctantly, he pulled something out of his pocket. I grabbed it before he could blink, unwrapped it, and immediately launched it across the room right into the fireplace.
Momo, who had been blissfully unaware of the exchange, looked up just in time to see something fly past her head.
"…What was that?" she asked.
"Nothing," I said.
Mineta whimpered. "My gift…"
I turned back to him. "You have exactly one hour to find a normal gift, or you would beg us to repeat last time's punishment."
He paled. "You wouldn't."
I stared at him.
He scrambled off the couch. "FINE, I WILL FIX IT."
One crisis averted. On to the next.
I pulled out my phone and started running damage control, making sure no one else was actively ruining Christmas.
Shoji had Kaminari. Safe.
Kirishima had Sero. Also safe.
Todoroki had Jiro. He had probably just buy her a guitar or some expensive shit. Fine.
Momo had Bakugo, which meant he was about to get something disgustingly practical. Unfortunate, but not a disaster.
And, of course, Bakugo had me.
I sighed.
This was going to end poorly.
Across the room, Bakugo scowled. "Why the fuck are you looking at me like that?"
"No reason," I said, already resigning myself to whatever nonsense he was going to throw at me.
Christmas was gonna be a nightmare.
---
The common room was decked out in Santa-themed chaos. Kaminari managed to escape the garland and Bakugo had contributed to decorations without committing arson. Christmas miracle.
Then Aizawa walked in and ruined the holiday spirit.
"I got you all a Christmas present," he said.
For a brief, idiotic second, there was actual hope. Then he continued.
"You are forced to intern again. The Commission wants all Hero Department students to get more field experience. Find an agency as soon as possible."
The room shifted instantly. The ones who hadn't locked down internships scrambled. Even Todoroki looked like he was debating where to go. Uraraka and Tsuyu glanced at each other, already set on returning to Ryukyu. Kirishima and Sero started whispering, Kirishima probably planning to go back to Fatgum, Sero, dunno maybe wanting to go there as well. Meanwhile, I stayed where I was.
[SYSTEM ALERT: NEW SIDE QUEST - Holiday Spirit Crushed Under Capitalism]
[Objective: Find agency. Reward: Adult Angst XP.]
Doesn't matter to me. I already worked with Mirko and Ryukyu.
Momo tapped her chin. "The timing is quite sudden."
Aizawa shrugged. "The Commission doesn't care about your schedule. This is happening whether you like it or not."
Iida nodded, already in full "accept your duty" mode. "It makes sense. The League of Villains is still at large, and the last Nomu attack proved that pro heroes alone may not be enough."
Bakugo scoffed. "Tch. So what? This ain't new."
"They are pushing harder," Jiro said, arms crossed. "Feels different this time."
Mina leaned back against the couch. "I was hoping for an actual break."
"No such thing," Sero muttered.
Aizawa looked over at me. "Ryuu, you are staying where you are?"
I nodded. "Unless you got a problem with it."
He waved a lazy hand. "Not my call. Just make sure it is official."
Kaminari groaned. "Where am I supposed to go? Nobody wants a walking battery with brain damage."
"Endeavor's agency?" Shoji suggested.
Kaminari gave him a look. "Did I wrong you in a past life?"
--
"…and on the seventh day, the readers consumed the words of the prophet.
But they gave no offerings.
And the heavens trembled."
Translation incomplete.
Bonus content lost forever.
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