Daily Meme
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Eri was still staring at me, fork halfway to her mouth. "What is a pussy?"
The entire table froze.
Uraraka choked on her drink. Iida knocked over his utensils. Kaminari inhaled sharply like he had just witnessed a live crime. Bakugo muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "This dumbass."
Mom exhaled through her nose. "Ryuu."
I cleared my throat. "A cat. It means a cat."
Eri blinked. "You want more cats?"
I gulped. Mom was glaring. "Y-yes. More cats. Big fluffy ones. I want all the cats in the world."
Mina choked on her bite, shoulders shaking. "Holy shit."
Kaminari was wheezing, clutching his stomach. "Bro really just speedran fatherhood."
I ignored them and focused on the real problem… Mom. She still had her tea, but her eyes were sharp. If I didn't fix this fast, I would be hearing about it until my funeral.
Eri turned to me. "Can I have a pussy too?"
Oh shit. I am so dead.
Kirishima coughed into his fist, trying way too hard not to laugh. Jiro muttered something under her breath, rubbing her temples. Momo covered her face with one hand, either embarrassed for me or for society in general.
Iida, the dumbass, tried to be helpful. "Eri, I believe you mean a pet cat."
Eri frowned. "That is what I said."
Mom exhaled slowly. "Ryuu."
I put a hand over my heart. "I will get her the fluffiest cat possible."
Eri gasped. "Really?"
"Yes."
"Pinkie promise?"
She held up her tiny pinky, eyes big and hopeful. There was no backing out. I hooked mine around hers. "I swear on my life."
Mom finally exhaled, muttering, "You are buying litter too."
Mina was still shaking. "This is the best Christmas ever."
Jiro smacked her arm. "Stop encouraging him."
Kaminari wiped a tear from his eye. "Nah, let her cook. This is legendary."
Bakugo, watching all of this, scoffed. "This is why you are all idiots."
Eri turned to him. "Do you want a pussy too, Bakugo?"
Silence.
Mineta made the first noise, a strangled sort of choke. Sato inhaled so fast he almost died. Kaminari was gone, straight up slamming his head onto the table. Mina slid under the seat like her soul had left her body. Tsuyu turned away, shoulders shaking.
Bakugo's eye twitched. "WHAT."
Eri, completely unfazed, continued. "Ryuu is getting me one. I can ask Santa for two!"
Mina wheezed. "Oh my god."
Sero was barely holding himself together. "Holy shit. Bakugo, you want a pussy for Christmas?"
Bakugo's chair scraped back. "SAY THAT AGAIN, TAPE-ARM."
Sero was too busy dying. .
I patted Eri's head. "I think Bakugo is good without a cat."
Eri tilted her head. "But he looks mad."
Jiro shook her head. "He always looks mad."
Eri frowned. "Then maybe he does need one."
Bakugo's hands curled into fists. "I SWEAR TO-"
Mom clapped her hands once. "Enough."
Everyone shut the hell up.
She sipped her tea. "We are eating."
Kaminari, still half on the floor, whispered, "We are eating."
Sero nodded. "No thoughts. Just dinner."
Aizawa pinched the bridge of his nose. "Remedial vocabulary… next semester."
Present Mic wheezed, "LET'S LIMIT THE FOUR-LETTER LESSONS, YEAH?"
Eri, satisfied, went back to her food. The rest of us followed, because even the dumbest among us knew Mom's patience had limits.
But goddamn, it was hard. Kirishima's shoulders were still shaking. Mina hadn't recovered. Izuku was still making little gasping noises. Bakugo was fuming, arms crossed like he was trying to hold his soul inside his body.
Jiro leaned toward me. "This is your fault."
I shrugged. "She is learning."
Mina wiped her face. "She is learning too well."
Eri turned to me again. "What is Santa bringing you?"
I hummed. "Probably regret."
Eri tilted her head. "Is that a kind of cat too?"
Nejire choked on air.
I smiled. "Sure."
The dinner continued, the mood shifting from barely-contained chaos to the usual holiday mess. I clapped my hands, getting everyone's attention. "Before Secret Santa, gifts for Eri first."
She perked up immediately, eyes darting around the room. "Really?"
Mirio grinned. "Of course! Christmas is all about presents!"
Nejire practically bounced in place. "You get to open so many!"
Eri glanced at me. "Yours too?"
I leaned back. "Last. Mine is the coolest."
She frowned but didn't argue. The others started handing their gifts over, stacking them on the table in front of her.
"I got you something practical," Iida said, placing a neatly wrapped box down. "A young girl should always have essentials!"
Kaminari snickered. "Bro, did you get her socks?"
Iida adjusted his glasses. "Socks are important."
"Lame," Kaminari muttered.
"Be grateful for what you have," Tokoyami added, placing a small bag in the pile.
Eri asked, "What is it?"
Tokoyami nodded. "You will see."
Mina crouched next to her, pushing a pink box forward. "Open mine next! It is super cute!"
Nejire gasped. "Ooooh, pick that one first!"
Eri glanced at the pile, trying to decide, then picked up the pink box, tearing through the paper. Mina leaned closer, watching like she was about to explode.
Eri pulled out a small plush rabbit, soft and round, with a tiny cape attached. She squeezed it, eyes wide. "It is so soft!"
Mina grinned. "Right? It is a hero bunny!"
Eri pressed it against her cheek, hugging it tight. "Like Mirko. I love it!"
Uraraka smiled. "You got good taste, Mina."
"Obviously."
Sero nudged his gift forward. "Mine is kinda random, but I think you will like it."
Eri carefully unwrapped the paper, revealing a coloring book and a set of markers. She flipped through the pages, curiosity lighting up her face.
Nejire leaned over her shoulder. "Ohhh, it is hero-themed!"
"I figured she could make her own costumes," Sero said.
Eri ran a finger over one of the outlines. "I can color them any way I want?"
Sero gave her a thumbs-up. "Go wild."
Momo stepped forward, placing a small box in front of Eri. "This one is from me."
Eri opened it carefully, lifting the lid. Inside was a neatly folded scarf, white with blue accents. She reached out, running her fingers over the fabric.
"It is warm," she murmured.
Momo smiled. "I made it myself."
Eri's eyes widened. "You made it?"
Momo nodded. "I wanted you to have something special."
Eri held the scarf up, then draped it around her neck. It was a little big, but she didn't seem to mind. "It is perfect."
Jiro crossed her arms. "Damn, Momo, you are really making the rest of us look bad."
Momo looked away. "It was nothing."
"Nothing," Kaminari repeated. "She handcrafted a whole-blip scarf, and we are over here with store-bought junk."
Eri shook her head. "I love all of them!"
Shoji set down a small package. "Mine is simple, but I hope you like it."
She unwrapped it, revealing a set of gloves, each finger designed with tiny animal prints. She slipped one on, wiggling her fingers as little paws moved along with them.
"These are funny," she said, smiling.
Shoji nodded. "They will keep your hands warm, too."
Mirio nudged her shoulder. "Try mine next!"
Eri grabbed his gift, tearing into it. Inside was a hoodie… bright yellow with a smiling sun design on the front. She held it up, looking at it curiously.
Nejire clapped. "It matches your energy!"
Mirio winked. "Figured you needed something cool."
Eri tilted her head. "It is so bright."
"Like you!"
She smiled, hugging the hoodie to her chest. "Thank you!"
Todoroki's package was next. A plain, neatly wrapped box. Eri unwrapped it, lifting the lid. Inside was a snow globe, small but detailed, with tiny snowflakes swirling around a frozen lake.
She shook it gently, watching the snow settle. "It looks like home."
Todoroki nodded. "I thought you might like it."
She held it close. "I do."
Bakugo, standing off to the side, scowled. "Oi, just open the next one already."
Eri picked up his gift. The box was heavier than the others. She tore through the paper and pulled out…
A pair of weighted training bands.
Silence.
Nejire blinked. "Uh."
Eri stared. "What are these?"
Bakugo crossed his arms. "You will figure it out."
I sighed. "Boom Boom, did you just give a six-year-old gym equipment?"
He clicked his tongue. "She got a Quirk now. She needs to build some damn strength."
Eri looked at the bands again. "Do I wear them?"
"You train with em," he said. "Stronger legs, better control."
Mirio scratched the back of his head. "That is, uh… thoughtful?"
Mina stifled a laugh. "I mean, at least he is invested in her growth."
Eri nodded seriously. "I will train."
Bakugo scoffed. "Damn right you will."
I noted the weight rating, ten kilos each. Yeah, child protective services just filed paperwork.
Izuku, shaking his head, set his own package in front of her. "Here, open mine."
Eri carefully undid the wrapping. Inside was a book, thick and filled with colorful illustrations. She flipped through the pages, curiosity growing.
"It is about heroes," she said.
Izuku smiled. "Yep. All about different hero histories and how they trained."
She turned another page, fascinated. "I like it."
Mineta, standing to the side, hesitated before sliding his gift over. "Uh. Mine is not bad, okay?"
Eri looked at him, then unwrapped the package.
A pack of stickers.
Mina leaned closer. "Are these…?"
Mineta shrugged. "What? Kids like stickers."
Eri picked up one shaped like a cat. "I do like stickers."
Mineta let out a breath of relief.
Iida clapped his hands. "It seems Eri has received many wonderful gifts!"
After everyone handed over their gifts, all eyes landed on me. Mina nudged my shoulder. "Alright, fearless leader, let's see this 'coolest' present."
Eri's grip tightened on her new plushie. She looked at me with an eager glint in her eyes. "Is it really cool?"
I smirked, reaching under the table. "You tell me."
I pulled out a wrapped box, setting it in front of her. It wasn't small. Not massive either, but the weight of it alone had a few people raising eyebrows.
Eri eyed it like it might contain the secrets of the universe. Then, carefully, she started tearing through the paper. The room was dead silent, everyone waiting. The second the top of the box was exposed, Nejire gasped. "No way."
Eri pulled the lid off. Her breath caught. She reached inside and slowly lifted it out.
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