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✦✦✦ THE WRITER IS LAZY ARC ✦✦✦
(Or: How plot holes became portals.)
[INT. STAR VALKYRIE BASE – COMMAND ROOM]
[It's unusually quiet. Too quiet. Suspiciously quiet.]
Kiana (lounging upside down on a couch, reading a half-finished script):
"Uhh... guys? This page ends mid-sentence. It just says: 'And then the enemy appears, doing a thing with... something.'"
Mei (eyebrow twitching):
"...What."
Captain (scrolling through a tablet):
"Yep. Next line says: '[Insert dramatic confrontation here].' That's it."
Bronya (deadpan, typing furiously):
"The Bronya has scanned the document. Writer stopped writing approximately... 27 hours ago."
Kiana:
"Is that why our last mission had no objective? We just stood there yelling at a tree until it fell over."
Writer (offscreen, in pajamas, lying on the floor):
"I got tired, okay? Writing is hard."
Captain (gritting his teeth):
"People are glitching through walls. Mei tried to cut an enemy and the sword just phased through."
Mei (holding said sword, unimpressed):
"Physics turned off like a light switch. At one point I teleported 30 meters by blinking."
Bronya:
"The Bronya has discovered 17 continuity errors, three paradoxes, and one loop where she marries a toaster."
Kiana (snorting):
"Bet you were the little spoon, huh?"
Bronya:
"...Correct."
Captain (turning to the ceiling):
"Writer! Get up and fix this!"
Writer (muffled, from under a blanket):
"Mmm... can't. Motivation.exe has stopped working. Also I ordered pizza."
Kiana (grinning):
"I mean, mood."
Mei (cracking her knuckles):
"If you don't get up, I will write the next mission myself. It will involve feelings."
Writer (sits up slowly):
"...You wouldn't."
Mei (eyes glowing):
"It starts with a flashback. And unresolved trauma."
Bronya:
"The Bronya supports this. Drama protocols initialized."
Captain (pointing at the blank monitor):
"Seriously. The screen just says 'BOSS LOADING…' and has been spinning for three hours."
Kiana:
"At this point I think I'm the final boss."
Writer (stretching):
"Okay, okay! Fine. I'll write."
[Writer stumbles over to the console, types slowly with one hand while sipping coffee with the other.]
[SCREEN UPDATE]
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Mission Objective: Stop the Cat That Controls Gravity.
Status: Unwritten. Use imagination.
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Captain:
"Are you kidding me."
Mei:
"I'm not fighting Schrödinger's Cat with improv."
Bronya:
"...The Bronya refuses to act without a script. She is a professional."
Kiana (rubbing her hands):
"Actually, this sounds kinda fun—"
Captain:
"No. No more chaos. We are not LARPing the apocalypse!"
Writer:
"You are now."
[CAMERA PANS OUT. Everyone yelling. Screen flashing "Narrative Integrity Critical". A faint meow echoes ominously.]
FINAL SCREEN:
Mission Status – Probably Happening.
Writer Status – Horizontal.
Bronya's Sanity – Rebooting.
Captain's Blood Pressure – Maximum.
Team Morale – Surviving on sarcasm.
V – Still missing. Probably smart.
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In a certain area—
Tents were pitched tightly together, bustling with people coming and going in urgency. Inside one such tent…
???: "Hurry up and bring mana potion along with the first aid kit! Or are you waiting for someone to die?!"
??: "S-sorry, sir!"
The man being scolded darted out in a rush.
As soon as he disappeared, a figure cloaked in black with a white mask stepped forward.
Masked Man: "Quite the mess you've got here."
???: "Yeah… chaos is the right word. The wounded keep flooding in nonstop."
The doctor turned to face him, revealing striking green eyes, tousled brown hair, and a handsome but exhausted expression.
Doctor: "So, you finally came."
He removed his gloves and tossed them onto the nearby table.
Masked Man: "You're the one who called me, aren't you?"
Doctor: "Yes. And I assume you know why."
Masked Man: "..."
The doctor stared at him for a moment before speaking again.
Doctor: "This might be selfish of me… but I want you to stop the war. Please."
Masked Man: "And what do I get in return? You know I don't do things for free."
Doctor: "I'm well aware. That's why I'm offering you something—something you've been waiting a long time for."
He paused.
Doctor: "The Key of God."
Masked Man: "?!"
Doctor: "You thought I didn't know? You've been waiting for me to die so you could claim it. Don't bother denying it."
Masked Man: "....… didn't expect you to know. But you realize without that key, you're going to die."
Doctor: "I know. But if one life can save hundreds more, I think it's worth it."
Masked Man: "You're a fool. Throwing your life away for people you don't even know."
The doctor lowered his gaze.
Doctor: "It's my conviction. You of all people should know… you've been watching us, haven't you?"
Silence.
Doctor: "Please… you who has seen everything—we're out of time. Treat this as my final request, as a dying man's plea."
He smiled faintly.
After a long pause, the masked man spoke.
Masked Man: "...Fine. I accept."
A system window blinked into existence in front of him.
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Mission Created
Objective: Stop the war between Humans and Elves
Success: Reward – Key of God (Life and Death Control)
Failure: Lose trust of the Keyholder
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The doctor smiled and took both of the masked man's hands.
Doctor: "Thank you… my friend."
The masked man remained silent.
-
-
Somewhere Else
Inside a dimly lit room—
V awoke, his body aching all over.
V: "Urgh…"
He struggled to sit up and glanced around.
V: "Did I warp back to the inn room I rented?"
Realizing he was safe, he relaxed a little—until another wave of pain hit him.
V: "Ugh… just as I thought, I can't handle honkai energy directly…"
He peeled off his shirt, revealing red vein-like marks running up his arms and neck.
V: "At least it's not critical yet…"
With his current ability, he could still force the honkai corruption out of his body—it would just take time.
V: "What's more important now is… how much time has passed?"
He pulled out his phone.
V: "Three days… THREE DAYS?!"
Panic surged.
He scrambled to gather his things, checked out of the inn, and made his way to a secluded alley.
V: "Here should be fine."
He focused his mind to teleport again—
V: "Ah,right….... I haven't even checked the mission rewards yet."
With that, he vanished.
-
-
Star Valkyrie – V's Room
V reappeared from the void, collapsing to the floor as soon as he returned.
V: "Urgh… the honkai energy still tearing at my body…"
Though he expelled some energy to move, it wasn't enough.
V: "...… let's check the rewards first."
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Mission Complete – Defeat Drake
Reward: Unlock 1 Skill
Bonus Rewards:
– Skill: Checkpoint (From Lazy God: "I'm too lazy, so just take this")
– Skill: God Time (From Playful God: "I dunno what to give. Take this random thing")
– Item: System Access x4 (From Calamity God: "Everyone else is having fun, so here's one for you")
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V: "…"
Silence filled the room. Then—
V: sighs "…Unbelievable."
He returned his focus to the rewards.
V: "Let's unlock a skill first."
After some thought, he made his choice.
V: "Unlock skill: Energy Control."
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Skill Unlocked: Energy Manipulation
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Then he looked at the bonus rewards again.
Skill: Checkpoint
Allows user to set teleportation points. Cooldown: 30 mins per point.
Skill: God Time
Temporarily boosts all abilities by 100x for 1 second. Cooldown: 72 hours.
Item: System Access Stone
Grants system access to whoever breaks the stone.
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V: "…This is insane."
Checkpoint was just glorified teleportation. God Time? One second?! What was he supposed to do with one second?
Only the system stone seemed remotely useful.
V: "sighs…Calm down. There might be a use for them somehow. But first—I need to deal with this honkai corruption."
He glanced at the clock.
V: "I hope there's still time…"
-
-
-
-
Few day Later – At Star Valkyrie
Kiana: "Hey! That's my snack!"
She reached to grab the treat held high above her head by—
Captain: "Heh, it's mine now!"
Kiana: "You're so mean!"
Mei walked out of the kitchen.
Mei: "Captain? What are you doing here?"
Her question paused the skirmish.
Even Bronya looked up from her game.
Captain: "Ah, I came to see V. We need to talk."
Bronya nodded with understanding.
Mei, though curious, but didn't press.
Kiana, however…
Captain (whispering): "…And to escape from two very dangerous ladies."
Suddenly, Kiana lunged—but the Captain dodged easily.
Captain: "You'll need more than that to catch me! I am Captain Ryuu Pendragon, heir of—"
He was cut off as a hand swiftly snatched the snack from his grasp.
Before he could react, a beautiful maid smiled sweetly at him.
Rita: "That's not very nice, Captain. Running away over what happened the other day?"
Captain: "…R-Rita?! What are you doing here?"
Rita: "I've come to fetch you for unfinished duties, sir."
Captain: "C-can't Aichan handle it instead?!"
Rita: "Unfortunately, Aichan needs assistance. That means you're required."
She extended her hand toward him.
He glanced at it, then at her face, then back again.
Captain: "…Before we go… just to confirm—"
Rita: "Yes?"
Captain: "I won't be… drained dry, right?"
Her smile was the only reply.
He turned pale and tried to flee—but she grabbed his collar before he could move.
Rita: "Now, let's go. Everyone, have a lovely day."
She waved politely to the others as she dragged the struggling Captain away.
Captain: "SOMEONE HELP ME—!"
His voice faded down the corridor.
Back in the room, the three girls sat in stunned silence.
Kiana: "…What does 'drained dry' mean?"