huh?"
Kim Dokja flinches at his own voice coming in through whatever speakers are filtering the noise. He chances a glance at his campanions that are sitting around him, only to find astonished face.
['Demon-like Judge of Fire' swoons at the pretty face on the screen]
He chokes at the notification that pops up in front of him. His face flushing rapidly in a way that he can only cover by lowering his head. He also brings his hand up to the lower part of his face to cover it as well.
What was the fourth wall doing??!
['The Fourth Wall' starts shaking]
No! Stop shaking!
The man starts to rapidly refresh the page, scrolling down and then up again. He does it over and over as the look of despair grows on his face.
'Is... Is that it? Really?'
He looks up from his phone, seemingly staring straight through the screen at everyone with a familiar dead look in his eyes.
"Dokja-ssi, is that... Is that you? Right before the scenarios started?" Sangah pipes up from somewhere on his left and it startles him so bad that he jerks Gilyoung almost completely out of his lap. The kid just pats his arm, getting comfortable again. To his side, Yoo Joonghyuk is watching him. Kim Dojka doesn't dare look his way. He stays quiet for a bit.
[Many Constellations are surprised at the revelation]
"Yes." dokja curls up around Giloung, avoiding eye contact with the group around him. Sangah makes a face, as if confused. She opens and closes her mouth a couple of times before settling on one thing to say.
[Constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' says she didn't know Incarnation 'Kim Dokja' looked so soft]
In the background, Lee Jihye calls out in a sound of despair, "Ugly Ahjussi isn't ugly anymore!"
"I can't remember what you look like. From before." Sangah's face scrunches up more the more she tries to think about it. A look of realization hits her. "Was- Did we just hear your thoughts?"
[Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' is alarmed]
[Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse]
-Author: tsl123
-Chapters: 3,149 Chapters (Completed)
Kim Dokja looked again but the designation 'Completed' was unmistakable. The author had never redacted or revamped or set placeholders in place of an update. Even for typos in the chapters, there wouldn't be any changes made. The update frequency would have made it hard to do so. There had always been more than five thousand words, and here he was, having to settle with the remains of a mere Thirty-two.
It's then that it really hits him, sitting there on the crowded subway with his crappy electronic and his crappy last chapter, that this was the end. There was nothing more, nothing left.
I am Dokja. This is how I introduce myself to others. And more often than not, anyone I talk to misunderstands.
"So, you're an only child?"
"Well, I am. But that wasn't what I meant."
"Oh. Then, what did you mean?"
"My name. It's my name. Kim Dokja."
As he says his name, a layout like a character profile pops up on screen, this time the layout is white on black.
Kim Dokja; 28; Graduated from a third rate college and is currently employed as a contractor subsidiary of a large corporation; hobby is reading serialized webnovels on the subway from work.
But this days subway ride was going to be unlike any other.
"Is it you narrating, Dokja-ssi?" Sangah continues talking as the screen continues broadcasting, horror painting her voice and face. The look on her face looks disgustingly close to pity and he just sits there, no way to alleviate or reassure. He himself had been frozen in terror that he had not felt in a long time.
['The Fourth Wall' is shaking]
"I'm sorry, hyung." Gilyoung reaches up in his lap, squeezing a hand on his shoulder as honest eyes show sympathy. Kim Dokja blinked, looking over Gilyung to try and figure out what the kid could ever be sorry about. The hand on his shoulder reached to hold his hand instead. Belatedly, he remembers his hands are covered in his own blood.
"I don't know." Dokja answers Sangah as he tries to gently take his dirty hands away from Gilyoung. He leans down to ask under his breath, "Whatever for, Gilyoung-ah?"
He holds onto his hand tighter, his other hand picking a bit at the dried and flaky blood, Gilyoung's eyes locked onto the events playing out in front of them. He doesn't answer.
[Constellation 'Abyssal Black Flame Dragon' whines about the boring events being played]
Is this really it? Is there nothing else? What is he even supposed to do on his very last subway ride? Sit there in silence? A gentle voice cuts through his imminent spiral, a mistake cutting through the tense despair that's buried it's way into his ribs.
"Oh my, at this rate, you'll get sucked into your phone." When he looks up a pair of curious eyes are staring straight at him as well as a smile. A woman with familiar long chestnut hair is talking to him. It takes a moment for him to recognize who this is.
An employee from the human resources team. Yoo Sangah from HR? He realizes he has not answered back yet and hurries to do so.
"Hello." Is all he ends up saying, still a bit numb from the disappointment and subsequent spiral.
"Are you on your way home?" Yoo Sangah asks politely, a gentle smile stuck on her face. Kim Dokja just barely keeps himself from sighing at her.
Small talk now of all times? After all that's happened. I don't want to get to know someone for no reason. Not Today.
"This is such a big invasion of privacy!" The shouting from Jung Heewon started him into looking her way. She was on the edge of her seat, a snarl tugging at her lips and head turned in an attempt to stop looking.
[The Constellations who are curious just watch in intrigue]
After Heewon's outburst, Dokja finally looks at everyone with minimal turning of his head. This massive room filled with so many people, incarnations and constellations alike. Trapped here with the intention of enacting what? A reaction fic? A fucking reaction fic?
He refuses to think about the fact that it's obviously a reaction fic about himself. A plain nobody. For one cruel moment, Dokja thinks that it should have been Yoo Joonghyuk up there. The spotlight was made for someone like Joonghyuk, not him. He was already through with his life, who he used to be, before the scenarios. There is no reason to go back to that. In the background to his thoughts, more people begin discussing with words he can no longer hear so lost in his own mind.
"I'm sorry I didn't realize how uncomfortable you were, Dokja-ssi." Sangah calls regrettably, getting yelled over by a pissed Jung heewon. He ignores it in his best appropriation he has of avoiding his problems right now.
"I'm so sorry." The child in his lap says once more, followed by the other one sat to his right. Dokja glanced over at both Gilyoung and Yoosung, he finds them trying not to look at the events happening in front of them. What good kids. He brings his hands up, about to pat their heads, when his hands catch his attention. They're still dirty. He scrubs his hands on the robe he's wearing but it doesn't do much. He put his hands on the arm rests instead.
"You have no reason to be sorry, I'm not mad at you," he mumbles. relaxing into the chair beneath him. He might as well just give in. There isn't much he can do about it in the first place.
['The Fourth Wall' Stabilizes]
"Yes, you are too?" Kim Dokja does his best to keep up with the conversation while still refreshing the page to TWAS. There has to be something more. He could not be stuck doing small talk as his final conversation.
Yoo Sangah smiles and moves to sit down next to him, even as he reflecively flinches away. The bench was already crowded, but she squeezed in just fine. The places their thighs and shoulders touched make him uncomfortably warm.
Yes, I got lucky. My team manager is away on a business trip." As she speaks, what Dokja knows about her starts to pop to the forefront of his head, making another character profile pop up. It is white on black once more.
Yoo Sangah; Came in as HR assistant manager; Recently promoted to team manager in finance; Competent; Reliable; A kind person with a loving family; Somewhat harassed at work since she's pretty.
Sitting there, he realized he had never seen her taking the subway home. He always took the subway home. Had he never even noticed her? "Do you usually take the subway home?"
As more and more pops up on screen, Kim Dokja does his best to melt away in his chair in embarrassment. Forget invasion of privacy, this was just plain humiliating. He takes a peak at Joonghyuk only to find him zeroed in on the scene.
Groaning, he ducks his head behind Gilyoung and avoids watching anymore. If he has to hear him talking anymore he swears he's going to explode. Or explode the room. He could figure something out. He's heavily considering it.
[Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' wonders what Incarnation 'Kim Dokja' is thinking about.]
Cursing him in his head, Dokja turns his most vicious glare up toward the ceiling. Grumbling under his breath, Dokja sits up straighter in his chair, jostling Gilyoung slightly as he does so.
"I'm trying to figure out a way to get us out of here." He waves a hand in the direction of the entire room, avoiding looking around in fear of what he might see. There are people he hasn't even met from TWAS here. People from future scenarios. He's not taking any chances.
[Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' looks on knowingly]
Knowingly? What does that bastard know? Scowling, Dokja does his best to tune out the rest of the Constellation notifications, but one of them catches his eye because it means that coins can be given here.
[Constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' squeals at how cute Incarnation 'Kim Dokja' is]
[Constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' sponsored 4,000 coins]
Huh. So he can scam them even here.
"No, actually," Yoo Sangah starts with a sigh. "Someone stole by bike."
Pursing his lips, Dokja is reminded of the chapter robbed from him and the upset swells up his throat once more. Without anything to really say to her, he asks the first thing that comes to his mind. "You commute to work to work on a bike?"
Her answer doesn't reach his ears. Or anything she says after that. His attention turns back to his phone and he keeps trying to refresh the page.
'I was wanting to read and re-read the final chapter on my way to my final stop. one final time. But there is nothing. No final chapter to read. I will never know if he makes it, if his suffering ends. With all that build-up I had expected a big glorious ending that finally, finally gave him the ending he deserved and tied up all of the loose ends. He survived, but to what end? I want his suffering to end. I want him to live. If this is all I'm given how am I supposed to just be okay with dy-'
"Puede prestarme dinero?" That same voice interrupts his second spiral of this subway trip, sweet but sounding downright nonsensical.
"Pardon?"
"Oh wow. That's a lot, ugly- pretty? ahjussi. Though, I agree a few sentences is a horrible ending." Lee Jihye perks up from where she's sitting to his left. Turning, he sees her leaning so far forward in her chair she's squished chest to knees. Her head barely peks past the protagonist. "You sure do like reading a whole bunch. Is that what you're always doing on your phone?"
[The Constellation 'Prisoner of the Golden Headband' admits that he is also curious]
Kim Dokja ducked his head and pouted, this just kept getting more and more embarrassing. Gilyoung shifts in his lap, wiggling and squirming until he has his feet on the ground. He pats Dokja's knee from where he is now standing in front of him.
"It's okay, hyung, I'll find you plenty of books to read." Gilyoung nods his head as he says this, eyes filled with so much conviction that Dokja wouldn't dare try to convince the kid otherwise.
"Okay, Gilyoung-ah. We can read them together." Smiling, Dokja actually does pat the kids head this time, ignoring the blood that is slowly flaking off in the process. It will go away eventually. He has to purposefully ignore the throbbing in his arms that reminds him just where the blood had come from in the first place. It's not important.
[The Constellations that like kids are cooing at the sight]
"And me too, Ahjussi." A quiet voice rings from his right followed with a little hand tugging at the sleeve of the robe he is wearing. "I'll get you books too, you seem to really like them."
He turns and takes a really good look at the Shin Yoosung before him. He uses his other hand to pat her head too, scrubbing his hand on his pants as hard as possible first. He smiles at them softly, such good good kids.
Gilyoung sent a stink eye to Yoosung, but decided that she probably needed comfort and let it go. He then climbed back up and sat right by Dokja, squishing them together in the process. Dokja sighs, but lets him do as he pleases.
"It's Spanish!" Sangah answeres him cheerily, "it means 'please lend me some money'."
Kim Dokja looks at her, astounded. 'Studying on the subway... She's a whole other breed altogether. What is the world doing, sitting such a productive person next to me on this day.' He remarks about her good habits, but is startled when Sangah leans forward into his space to glance at his phone. "what about you, Dokja-ssi? What are you reading?"
Reflexively, with memories of similar situations overlaying the scene, Dokja turns off his phone and jolts away. It was too late, however, as Sangah had already gotten a glimpse at his white screen with black text, guessing it was a novel. Dokja takes a moment to look at her before confirming.
"Wow! I love novels! My favorite authors are Murakami Haruki, Raymond Carver, Han Kang- Oh! Who's your favorite author, Dokja-ssi?"
'I wasn't expecting her to name off psychological repression story authors.'
"You know them! I hadn't known!" Yoo Sangah squealed from her seat, the foot rest being pushed down rapidly in her hurried rise. She excitedly, hopping her head up and around the other people sat around them with a big smile on her face. It made her eyes squinty, she looked so happy. "I apologize for being rude, but we should talk about them sometime!"
"Sure, we can do that." He agrees, knowing he will probably never actually talk with her about it. Reverting is eyes, he tries to remember what he was actually thinking of back then. It seems like it was a lifetime ago. At his side, Yoo Joonghyuk had turned weirdly non-hostile for all he was up in his face earlier. It could be that he was behaving in front of his sister. It was cute to see them curled up towards each other. Yoo Mia was whispering about something.
Kim Dokja chuckles nervously, tucking his phone close to his chest as he leans back out of the person to his right's personal space. "You probably wouldn't know even if I told you."
To himself, he admits that he could never tell her what he's reading. Though, it's not like she would recognize it. After all, he is literally the only reader.
A flicker on the screen and there is a scene change. In a dark corner of a school library, obviously looking sort of abandoned with dust and cobwebs in view, Kim Dokja sits in a shabby school uniform that doesn't look like it even fits him. The light from his phone lights up his bruised face and dull, empty eyes. There is a spot where blood glistens in the little light from a busted lip. He looks tired.
The scene changes back to the dingy subway, an older Dokja overlays the younger one. Similar ill-fitted clothes and the same look in his eyes. The bruises and busted lip are gone, replaced with sunken in eyes and cracked lips. He looks just as tired.
Any joy Yoo Sangah still had on her face from earliers interaction falls, her head dipping out of view as she sits back down in her chair. The scene said so much that Kim Dokja wishes it never had in the first place. He hopes no one says anything, but deep in his heart of hearts, he knows someone would.
[The Constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' looks at the injustice in front of her and revolts]
He waves away the notification, 'x'ing out of the pop up. There is no use demanding justice for something that had happened so long ago. Uriel really should focus on other things more. A long silence rains in the theater as the screen fades to white once more.
It's Yoo Mia who breaks the tense silence, calling out from beside her brother.
"Ahjussi, why do you look so small. The bookshelves aren't supposed to be that big." She leans forward a bit to look at him while she speaks, peaking around the protagonist to do so.