It must have been years since I've been able to curl up under my covers with a genuine smile on my face. Just seeing Iroha-chan's account among my LIME friends was making me grin with glee.
I was so glad now that I convinced Dad to let me transfer to Aki's school. At first, I was worried that changing schools wouldn't mean anything, but now those days of anxiety are behind me. Swiping through my smartphone, I opened up a certain app. I then began to talk into my phone, letting out my true feelings.
"Thank you so much, Aki, Ozu, and Murasaki Shikibu-sensei."
These were the three people who kept me going in all the time I was isolated from the world. They were so important to me, even though they only really knew me through a screen. They still treated me as one of them.
I was invited to their parties all the time, but I was always too scared to show my face, worried it would ruin everything. I hid my identity for all this time, and now I'd finally managed to be a part of their group in real life, too.
"Voice changers are really good nowadays, huh?"
When I spoke through my phone, my voice came out like a huskyish man's. I used this app whenever I spoke to them, not even wanting them to know I was a girl. I'd heard that this was the software VTubers used to change their voices too, and that even old men could sound like cute young girls at the press of a button. It worked the other way too, of course.
To be honest, though, I felt really guilty for tricking everyone like this. I still wasn't brave enough to come clean about my true identity.
"Aki doesn't know that I'm Makigai Namako... right?"
When he started praising my work like that, I felt like my face would explode from the embarrassment. Not just embarrassment, but happiness, too. I only wrote that story to run away from my terrifying reality, and only posted it online on a whim. But Aki loved my work from the bottom of his heart and when he spoke about it, I could really feel that.
I'll never forget what happened on that day, either. I glanced at my
bedside table, which was where I kept that single postcard, sent to me as fanmail. When I'd seen who it was from all those months ago, I could barely believe it.
"Ooboshi Akiteru... Did Aki figure out I was the author? Is he sending me fanmail as a prank?"
That was the first conclusion I jumped to. Thinking back, that was kind of pathetic. As I soon found out, though, it wasn't a prank at all.
It really was fanmail, written unabashedly in harsh, black handwriting. There was barely any white left on the page, as though he wanted to write as much as he could. And there, squeezed in the corner, were his contact details and the URL of the 05th Floor Alliance's home page.
To me, it was like an oasis in the desert. An outstretched hand which would lead me to a way out of my miserable life. For nearly a week I angsted over it, hesitant yet excited to be back in contact with my beloved Aki, until finally making my decision.
Aki had no idea who Makigai Namako really was, and yet his invitation was proof that he hadn't changed in all those years. I realized too that his kindness wasn't exclusive to me, and to be honest, that disappointed me a little. It wasn't enough to squash the joy I felt at being part of his life again, though.
In the end, I couldn't take it, and even ended up changing schools for him. Reuniting with him and spending time with him... after going through all of that, my feelings for him were even stronger than before.
"My feelings for him are real and... and Iroha-chan said they weren't dating either... so it's okay, right?"
Immediately, my heart began thumping. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. Opening up LIME again, I scrolled down to find Aki's profile. I quickly made this second account when he asked to add me after the party.
I was so used to using LIME under the name "Makigai Namako," that having one with my real name still felt strange to me. Though there was no denying the huge sparks of joy I felt when he asked for my ID.
How odd then, that I felt so scared now, looking at his LIME account. How would he respond to my message? Acceptance? Or rejection? Anxiety squeezed at the pit of my stomach. It was scary, but this was for the best. It was better than him never realizing how I felt.
I wanted to be closer to him. Special to him. I wasn't okay with just being
Makigai Namako to him anymore; otherwise I wouldn't have come after him like this.
I'm gonna do it!
I tapped out my message, pouring every last drop of my emotions into it. And then...
I hit the send button.