The area behind the pile of junk in No-Man's Land was a paradise. The polished floors shone in the sunlight that filtered in through the windows, the tables and chairs were lined up neatly at one end of the corridor, and there wasn't a speck of dust to be seen anywhere, let alone any trash. It was the complete opposite of what the rumors said the fourth floor was like, and I'd even go so far as to say it was cleaner even than our classroom entrances. Whoever took care of this place was real serious about it.
As I followed Sumire through the corridor, I heard a girl's voice from one of the classrooms.
"...ext...ere...and...ext!"
"So the club really does practice up here?" I caught myself murmuring. "We can't take the gymnasium or the field, since that's where the sports
clubs are, and the band has the inner courtyard. With a club as obscure and puny as ours, it was all I could do to get us an empty classroom to use. The principal didn't wanna give us anything up here, but thanks to Midori-chan's good grades, he finally gave in."
"So you even used her just to get a place to practice? You really are useless, aren't you?"
"No I'm not! I'm always signing off on stuff!"
"Stuff you don't even read, right? You realize how pathetic you sound?" Eventually we made it to the furthest classroom in the corridor. The door
was closed, but voices were audible from inside. This had to be the drama club room. Sumire slid the door open as quietly as possible. I frowned at her questioningly, wondering why we had to keep it down, but she simply put a finger to her lips in response. Apparently she just wanted me to look in without saying anything.
Isn't this kinda rude?
Though I guess if they knew I was here, they might start acting unnaturally.
For now, I decided to go along with it, and peered on inside.
The room was packed with all sorts of apparatus, and desks and tables
lined the walls, covered in even more stuff. There were six members in the room. It was a small membership for a club like this, but even then the classroom seemed a little cramped for any sort of acting.
"Okay! Next!" the girl in charge shouted.
The club continued its practice completely unaware of our presence. At the girl's command, the members opened their mouths and began to recite some lines rapidly. They must have been practicing their articulation. Once they were done, they threw themselves on the floor and took several deep breaths.
So now they're practicing their breathing?
At first, the image of everyone on the floor like that threw me off, but I soon understood. Just like the hallway outside, this classroom was completely free of trash. It was a good thing too; otherwise I'd fear for the state of their uniforms.
"Okay, next! Time is money, so let's get a move on!"
"Yes, ma'am!"
The moment they were done with their breathing exercises, the leader shot
to her feet and gave the next command without a second's delay. The other members followed her lead perfectly. It was more like a military training camp than a school club. They even called her "ma'am." Guess that made her the drill sergeant. Definitely looked the part.
She had a sharp, serious gaze, and her lips were pressed together in a straight line. Every last strand of her softly-colored hair was pulled back into a ponytail. I looked over her uniform for any kind of crease, but nada. Her blouse was buttoned up right to the top, and her skirt fell to just above her knees; unlike many other girls, she didn't flout the rules by rolling it up.
Though she was around average height for a high schooler, her perfect posture made her look just a little taller. Her entire appearance gave off one single message:
"No fun allowed."
It was clear to me, as it would be to anyone, that this girl had never broken a rule in her life. If Sumire was the Venomous Queen, this girl was the Pious Queen.
"That's Midori-chan, my sister," Sumire whispered, pointing at her.
"Ah!" Suddenly, I realized who she was.
She was the top student in our grade. Our school was a pretty prestigious one when it came to grades, but this girl was already at the top when she joined, making her the representative for our year who gave the address at our entrance ceremony. I remember being heartily impressed by her for achieving what I couldn't, but apart from that I mostly forgot about her. Even now in our second year of high school, she never failed to get a perfect score on every test. Calling her a genius would be an understatement.
So she was a Kageishi too. I never really picked up on her surname, and to me, Sumire was mostly "Murasaki Shikibu-sensei," so the connection never clicked.
"Ah, now it makes sense. It's no wonder the principal let you use this abandoned floor with grades like hers."
"That's right. There's no doubt she'll be going to one of the top schools in the country after graduation. The teachers here really don't wanna get on her bad side."
"And she's leading and effectively advising this club all while keeping a perfect report card?"
"Yup. She's the perfect little honor student, and she likes to keep it that way," Sumire added with a tiny hint of scorn.
"Let me guess. She's also responsible for the tidiness here?" "Bingo."
"Impressive. Just checking, but you're positive you two are related?" "My childhood wasn't a lie!!"
Who could blame me for doubting that?
Midori cleaned up this barren No-Man's Land, led her club with perfect discipline, and was clearly the type who hated wasting a single second. It was no wonder she was so well-liked. Plus, she was quite pretty too; frustratingly, she seemed to have it all. The hard expression on her face gave her an air of aloofness, but with just a touch of make-up, I could easily see her becoming an idol or an actress. The more I watched her, the less I believed she was really related to Sumire.
"Y'know, I don't think I've seen her since our entrance ceremony. Isn't she supposed to be famous?"
"She's in a special advanced class. Putting her with the rest of you would be a waste of time."
"Oh, right. Makes sense."
I studied Midori's face closely. If I squinted really hard, I could maybe see a resemblance to Sumire. To be honest, I was sort of confused. When Sumire was wailing about the club before, I was expecting this place to be full of airheads who didn't know their Shakespeare from their Tennessee Williams, but actually they seemed to be doing fine. Not that I knew what a good drama club was supposed to look like, but surely it was something similar to this. Midori was doing a great job of leading them too. What exactly was Sumire worried about?
"Okay, everyone, that's our preliminary exercises done! It's time to move onto practicing for the real performance!"
The members began to take their places, and it was clear that everyone— the actors, the stagehands, and the sound director—knew exactly what they were doing. As for Midori, it looked like she was taking the main role. She was standing in the middle of the tiny classroom, thrown into darkness by the blackout curtains drawn across the windows.
She was standing as bold and still as a statue, with not a limb or hair or even cell out of place. Her intense passion for acting seemed to emanate out from her, raising the tension in the room a good few notches. Midori's face was perfectly composed as she waited for the performance to begin. She truly looked like a professional.
"We're on in ten!"
It was almost time. One of the other members began to count down. When they got to three, Midori took a deep breath.
"O. Romeo. Death. Should. Not. Have. Taken. Thee."
Wait...
Her name was Midori, right? Not Siri or Alexa or something? Her voice
was as robotic as the text-to-voice function on my computer. I even checked my phone to make sure I hadn't pressed anything weird, but it really was Midori who'd spoken.
Her eyes suddenly widened, as though she had just realized how abysmal her performance was. The self-awareness was a good sign. Maybe she wasn't quite in character yet. I remember Iroha telling me once that the first line of a song is always the hardest at karaoke.
This was fine. It wasn't like it was the actual performance yet. She could just start over. Midori proceeded to stand up straighter, an exaggerated and
pained expression on her face as she began her lines again in a high-pitched voice.
"Ormeodatshoudnoavetaentee."
Huh?
What did she just say? Her line was spoken so "fluently" that it smushed together and became completely incomprehensible. It almost sounded like a completely different language; Klingon, if I had to guess. I supposed foreign, or even fictitious, language performances were gaining popularity in the more pretentious pockets of the theater world. Hopefully, that was what this was. Hopefully...
Of course, once Midori finished reciting her line, the sound director inserted a well-timed bang of the tambourine. You know, just like the one in every performance of Romeo and Juliet. Yep. Totally.
Next, the stage lighting in the ceiling came on, illuminating Midori beneath it. Naturally, it was a vivid purple color, allowing the heroine to deliver her next line with a heartbroken flush to her cheeks.
"Acupcosednytrlovhans!"
...Okay, wow, what a delivery.
Midori continued to deliver her lines at a breakneck pace, interspersed
with mysterious bangs and clangs very kindly added by the sound effects team. I wasn't sure what I was watching, but it was probably more or less what you'd see on a tour through hell.
I had several questions, but eventually, Midori seemed to notice her lines were unintelligible and slowed down.
"The. Universe. Is. Constantly. Expanding."
That was better. Right?
Even though it was possible to understand her lines now, that didn't mean
they made any sense. I didn't realize Romeo and Juliet was a space opera. If this was the quality of the script, then her garbled lines might actually have been preferable.
From what I picked up from the other girls' lines, this was a play filled with random terms like "the secrets of space," "parallel worlds," "Schrödinger's cat," "philosopher's stone," and a whole bunch of other nonsense crammed in there. Maybe they sought to elevate the production, but it was elevating in the opposite direction.
"Sensei..." I turned to Sumire. "What are we watching?"
"You get it now, right?" Sumire smiled at me sagely.
"This is..."
"I know."
It was only getting worse with each passing second. The levels of cringe
were reaching critical mass. Midori kept switching between her robot and alien modes, and interpreting what was going on was near impossible. As far as I could tell, the evil sky god who studied ninjutsu in India and ruled a city deep underground was finally sealed away by the power of science. Got it? No, me neither.
"Praise. Be. To. The. Expanse. Of. Space."
And with that, the play was over. The members took their bows to the invisible audience, basking in the silent applause. It wasn't until the stagehands opened up the curtains to let the sunlight in that Midori slowly raised her head. She put a thoughtful finger to her lips, the displeasure clear on her face.
"Eight out of ten."
"How is it not zero?!"
Oops. I accidentally said that out loud, didn't I?
Midori turned to look in my direction. Our eyes met.
"Who are you, and what right do you have to make such a judgment?!"
Midori glared as she sauntered over to us.
"Sorry, couldn't help it. Eight out of ten is way too generous
for...whatever that was. I'd rather go see the Christmas pageant down at the elementary school."
"I-I beg your pardon?! It wasn't that bad! Although it is true that our progress has been slightly stalled as of late..."
"Slightly."
Right off the top of my head, I could already think of more than five areas they needed to improve in.
"Who do you think you are?" Midori growled. Suddenly, her expression brightened. "Sumi— Kageishi-sensei! You're here!"
"That's right. I came to make sure you were all keeping up with practice."
Calling her "Kageishi-sensei" suggested to me that Midori liked to keep things formal with her sister when they were at school. Given her personality, it wasn't surprising. Sumire herself had reverted back into glamorous teacher mode.
"Kageishi-sensei!" the other club members cried, gathering around her. They seemed pretty fond of their phantom advisor.
"I'm so glad you've been coming to see the club more often, Su— ma'am! It has done wonders for our motivation! Right, everybody?"
"Yeah!" the other members chimed in, their voices giddy with excitement.
Despite the thick tension in the air during the performance, the room was now awash with giggles and rainbows. At least they knew how to relax when they needed to...
Midori was particularly restless as she fawned over her sister. The ponytail atop her head was wagging like a dog's tail.
"As you know, I place great importance on a club's ability to be independent. However, it isn't long until the competition, and I want to put in as much effort as all of you. As your advisor, it's my responsibility to ensure we seize victory."
"Kageishi-sensei!"
"Thank you so much!"
"You're the best advisor ever!"
The club members were looking up at Sumire with tears shining in their
eyes. I felt like I was witnessing the birth of some kind of cult. Jokes aside, there was one thing I knew for sure. The drama club
sincerely admired Sumire, and also, they had zero knowledge of her true nature. That seemed to go for her sister as well. Their eyes were full of admiration; anyone who knew the true Sumire could never look at her that way.
"If I may ask, Kageishi-sensei, who is this Peeping Tom you've brought with you?" Midori asked, glaring at me with eyes full of hatred.
"Peeping Tom" was going a bit far. Aside from the fact she was implying I was some sort of pervert, I had done nothing but give my opinion on the performance, and I had definitely seen enough to do so. I doubted she had ever sat down and watched a recording of what I just saw, or she might be singing a different tune.
"This is Ooboshi Akiteru-kun, a second-year. I wanted to give him a sample of what the drama club is all about."
"A sample? That reminds me, you did say we should take on some more members for the upcoming competition. Is he hoping to join? I know I've already told you, but the six of us are already at the top of our game. We
don't need—"
"No, he's not joining." Sumire shook her head. The serious glint in her
eye alerted me to what she was up to. So that was what she wanted in return for meeting her deadline. "He is going to be your director, and a prodigious one at that. He is the one who will be leading this drama club to victory."
"Our...director?"
Prodigious? Did Sumire not realize I didn't know the first thing about acting?
"A-Are you saying this guy is a theater expert? Pardon me, but he looks completely average in every way and from every angle."
"At least I'm not a bitch..." I muttered under my breath.
I had her pegged as somebody super serious, but I didn't realise she was also super rude. Was this really how she spoke about somebody she just met? I was used to being belittled by Iroha, but Midori's attitude, and the fact that she was more or less a stranger, meant I barely had time to retort.
"Calm down, Midori, and listen closely. I know he looks totally average, not to mention like a hardcore sadist who doesn't know the meaning of the word 'mercy,' but—"
"Says the one openly insulting me right where I stand."
"—he's an incredibly talented director. I truly believe he'll be able to take your performance to the next level," Sumire said earnestly.
Midori withdrew slightly at Sumire's tone. She shot me several glances, and it was clear she wasn't sure whether she could trust me or not.
"If that's your honest opinion on the matter, Su— Kageishi-sensei, then I suppose we can trust him. Nevertheless, he is still a student. Does he have any actual directing experience?"
"Good question." Sumire raised her finger in the air, ready to explain, before freezing on the spot.
The room fell into silence. The only clue that time was still passing was the ticking of the clock on the wall.
She had backed herself into a corner. My role as the producer of Koyagi and the leader of the 05th Floor Alliance was something that only a select few knew about, and even fewer of those people attended our school. If people knew, it would only attract unwanted attention, and so I'd rather Sumire didn't spill the beans to the drama club.
Sumire was on the same page as me with this one too. If she let it slip
about me and Koyagi, it might lead Midori to her sister's hidden identity: Murasaki Shikibu-sensei, master illustrator. I'm sure I wasn't the only one here who could see the cold sheen of sweat glistening on her forehead right now.
Good luck getting out of this one, Sensei.
"He..."
"He?"
"He's directed several major Hollywood blockbusters!"
"What?!" Both Midori and I gawked at her.
Hollywood? Hollywood?! Were there even any Japanese directors who
had broken into Hollywood movies? You'd have to have an IQ of minus a million to believe such a bald-faced lie!
"Hollywood!" Midori's eyes sparkled. "Are you some kind of genius, Ooboshi-kun?!"
I wasn't sure whether to be impressed or concerned that a girl with a minus-a-million IQ was top of our year.
"Well, you know. I wouldn't go that far. Though I do think I could give you guys a few pointers here and there." I could do nothing but go along with it at this point.
The rest of the club's members started squealing and gathering around me. "Hollywood means you're really talented, right?!"
"Of course he's talented! Kageishi-sensei was the one who picked him
out for us!"
"You know, his face is so average that I'd be surprised if he wasn't hiding
something like that!"
"Yeah! He's not much of a looker, so of course he's got something to fall
back on!"
The girls prattled on as they swarmed me. This thought's been on my mind
for a long time, but aren't the generic mooks in this school kind of...stupid? Maybe that was why no one had found out about Murasaki Shikibu-sensei's true identity in all these years.
"This is great, Midori-san! With this guy, maybe we can even make the nationals!"
Unlike the gaggle of girls around me, Midori was visibly displeased. "Okay, so perhaps he does have experience, but that doesn't excuse what he said about us just now! Also, Su— Kageishi-sensei, if I may ask: how
exactly do you know him?" "Huh?"
Why did she care?
The next moment I was faced with Midori's fingertip.
"Don't tell me the two of you are sl-sl-sleeping together?!"
"Why the hell would you think that?!"
"You're a mega-rich Hollywood director! I know what your type is like!
You do all sorts of things to land yourselves a gig! But if you dare lay a finger on Sumire, you'll have me to answer to!"
On behalf of all Hollywood directors everywhere, I was utterly shocked by her baseless assertions.
Midori glared at me, her outstretched finger trembling, and her cheeks flushed with rage.
I sighed. "No, we're not sleeping together. There's no way I'd even be attracted to some...thing like her."
"Of course there is! My sister is incredibly sexy! Have you even seen those boobs? And her slender legs?!"
I could accept that Sumire had a nice body. It's just that her personality came packaged with the deal. And that's what put her at the very top of my list of "girls I don't want touching me."
I also noticed that Midori had cracked and was now calling Sumire by her first name. It looked like both of them were liable to show their true colors when they got overexcited.
"Look. First off, you've hurled baseless accusations at me. Second, I'd never use Kageishi-sensei just to find work. You get nothing. Good day, sir." "Huh?!" Sumire hurriedly grabbed me by the shoulder as I tried to leave.
She brought her lips to my ear and whispered, "Where are you going? I thought you were gonna help me out here!"
"I'm fine giving them a few tips, but I never agreed to be their director. Their leader doesn't even want my help, so what makes you think they'll listen to anything I say?"
"Just hold on a second! I can convince her!"
"Look, even if I gave them all the advice in the world, there's no saving what we just witnessed."
There were way too many problems with this club. The actors didn't have a lick of talent.
The scriptwriters didn't have a lick of talent.
The stagehands didn't have a lick of talent.
The sound people didn't have a lick of talent.
You didn't need to be a Hollywood director to realize this club was
doomed. Forget a director, they needed a brain surgeon.
"Can't you put your experience from directing the Alliance to use? I
mean, you've already got experience working with writers, actors, and sound engineers."
"Maybe, but I can't teach them proper stage acting. I don't know the first thing about it."
"Yeah, I know, but..."
Even if I didn't have any personal acting experience, I could always ask Iroha to help me out. The problem was, Sumire didn't know that Iroha was the voice actress for Koyagi. Not to mention she was a voice actress—stage acting required a different set of skills. Getting her involved was totally out of the question.
"Could we just pretend this never happened? I've already got my hands full with all the other stuff going on with the Alliance right now; I don't have time for this."
"Don't say that! This is serious! Are you saying you don't care if I never have time to draw for you ever again?!"
"Of course I care! Just do your drawings while you watch them practice or something. It's called multitasking."
"That's impossible!"
"Listen, this is your problem, so please just try and solve it by yourself first, okay? I'll see you later."
"No! Please, wait!"
I left the classroom, leaving a tear-stricken Sumire behind me.
"Don't worry, Sumire!" I heard Midori's voice from behind me. "We'll
win those prizes by ourselves! You'll see!"
"M-Mm..." Sumire replied with a soulless hum.
"Ugh. They really put the drama in drama club," I muttered.
I really didn't have time for this nonsense. I had to deal with Iroha,
Mashiro, and Makigai Namako-sensei's stuff first. ...
Wait a second. Drama...
As I watched Midori's catastrophic performance, for some reason I kept seeing Iroha's face in a corner of my mind. Seeing someone so abysmally talentless gave me a new appreciation for just how versatile of an actress Iroha was, especially considering they were similar in age. Was there a chance Iroha could excel at stage acting too?
No, I was getting ahead of myself. There was no way she would be allowed to take the stage, no way she would ever see her name in lights. And that fact irritated me to no end.
"What a waste," I muttered to myself, bathed in the grunts of the tennis club as they practiced outside.
***
"So, Aki, I heard you've bumped into another girl."
"Sumire-sensei's sister? That wasn't a big deal, really."
"Huh. From what I heard, she'd be a perfect match for you. She's serious,
methodical, and real fussy about wasting time."
"Okay, but you left out the part where she hates my guts. You know, like
most girls. Plus, there's one more thing." "Oh?"
"She seems to think that all men are heartless pigs. Y'know, one of those people who thinks putting a guy in a room with a girl means they're instantly doing it."
"No way. She probably just sensed that you and Sumire-sensei were super close."
"Super close to killing each other. Anyway..."
"Anyway?"
"The problem with Midori is that she's too much of a neat-freak. Like she
has it in for every last speck of dust."