"You're the one who had the panic attack." Remus said. "I can understand involving Harry scares the pants off of you, Sirius; it scares me too."
"It's not just that." Sirius protested weakly.
Remus sighed loud enough for the sound to travel through the door. Harry leaned against it, miserable at making his brand new father have a panic attack about him and trying to ignore the taunting voice in his head that warned him Sirius wouldn't love him anymore, would send him back to the Dursleys because Harry was too much trouble to keep around.
"Neither you nor Harry have been sleeping well since we found out about the prophecy." Remus commented.
Harry frowned. He'd had a few nightmares and Sirius had always been there when he'd woken up to soothe him and reassure him. Had Sirius been having nightmares too?
"I don't know how James and Lily coped with knowing the prophecy." Sirius admitted. "Intellectually, I knew what it would say before we went to hear it but knowing and knowing…how am I supposed to protect him?"
"Do you believe it?"
"I believe it doesn't matter because Voldemort wants to kill him either way." Sirius said. "I believe if others heard it they'd put even more pressure on Harry to deal with Voldemort in addition to the ridiculous Boy Who Lived stuff because it's comforting for them to think that they don't have the responsibility – Dumbledore is a case in point. It's not fair on Harry."
Harry's breath hitched a little at Padfoot's words.
"No, it's not." Remus agreed.
"And I don't ever want him to think that I see him that way, Moony, or put pressure on him to conform to some hero image. I want him to know that he's…he's Harry to me and that I would love him if he never faced Voldemort, if he never vanquished him. It doesn't matter to me."
Harry swiped at the tear that trickled down his cheek. Merlin, he felt like a prat. All Sirius was trying to do was protect him and he was acting like Dudley when he didn't get his own way. He eased away from the door.
"So are you going to let him go to Little Hangleton?"
"I don't know." Sirius said. "What kind of parent am I if I let him go?"
"I know the risks," Remus countered, "but ultimately you have to ask what protects him better: letting him help with getting the ring and being in danger momentarily under adult supervision or leaving the ring, trying to deal with it when Voldemort's captured and taking the risk Voldemort escapes to continue hurting Harry?"
"Well I know where your vote is going." Sirius replied sarcastically.
Remus sighed again. "I love him too, Padfoot."
"I know, Moony. It's just…" Sirius sighed. "It's not that easy when you're the one who has to live with the consequences of it. I took him to a healing clinic and he almost died during the cleansing and…the blessing ritual caused him to be magically exhausted and…Merlin knows I wish I hadn't taken him to listen to the prophecy! Some days I'm not so certain Molly Weasley isn't right and I'm a terrible parent."
Harry grimaced. He'd noticed Molly's pointed comments the last time they'd gone for dinner and had realised with hindsight that she'd been making the same kind of comments for a while. He didn't want to hurt her feelings but he didn't like her making Sirius feel bad; Sirius was a great parent.
"Molly Weasley doesn't think you're a terrible parent…" Remus cut himself off – probably because Sirius had thrown him some kind of look, "OK, she thinks you're a terrible parent but frankly, Molly isn't Harry's parent; you are. And for what it's worth, Padfoot, I think you're doing a good job."
"Thank you, Moony." Sirius said.
And he was doing a good job, Harry thought fervently; and he'd tell Mrs Weasley so the next time he saw her. Well, maybe not the next time but when they were alone because Andy had drilled it into him that Lords did not make scenes in public and the next time he'd see Ron's mother was at Neville's birthday party – which he really did need to get ready for.
Harry made his way quietly up the stairs not wanting to give away to Remus and Sirius that he had been listening at the door. For a while, the rush of showering and changing held his attention but as he tried to do something with his hair, the thoughts of Sirius and their argument crowded back in.
"Balls!" Harry swore as his hair refused to lie flat.
"James had the same problem." Sirius said from the open doorway. He was washed and looking very smart in tailored dress robes. "Here." He made his way into the room and waved his wand over Harry's hair which obediently settled into a professional tousled look rather than the nest it had been before.
"Thank you." Harry managed to get out, feeling awkward after their argument and the discussion he'd eavesdropped on.
Sirius nodded and made to leave.
"Padfoot." Harry called out to stop him leaving. "I'm sorry." He gestured. "About before." He fidgeted with his hair brush. "If you don't want me to go to Little Hangleton then I won't go."
Sirius paused in the doorway and turned back to him. He seemed to struggle internally for a long moment before gesturing toward the bed indicating that they should both sit. Harry sat down and waited as Sirius joined him.
"We're going to argue sometimes, Harry." Sirius said quietly, holding Harry's gaze. "People do even when they love each other very much. When your Granddad Potter found out about your Dad and I drinking Firewhiskey when we were sixteen he went through the roof, yelled at us for a good hour and then your Dad yelled back at him and I might have yelled a bit too but I was mainly worried he was going to throw me out and…"
Harry forgot sometimes that Sirius had gone through similar worries as a teenager. He dropped his gaze and felt heat flare along his cheeks.
"Oh…" Sirius stopped abruptly. "I had hoped the adoption would have meant that you realised that you were stuck with me." He said finally, the light teasing note not helping to soothe Harry's guilt that he had thought it even in passing.
"I'm sorry," Harry began again.
"Hey. Come here." Sirius tugged him over to him and Harry hugged Sirius back fiercely. "I never…I never want you to doubt that I love you, Harry. You're my son. You yelling at me or me yelling at you, doesn't change that, OK?"
Harry nodded, feeling just awful about the whole thing. He didn't want Sirius thinking it was his fault. "I didn't think…I know and I don't know why I even thought that you wouldn't want me anymore, it's just…"
"It's OK that you did think it, you know, I mean not OK but understandable?" Sirius rubbed his back and reassured him. "You're allowed to be insecure since we're still both new at this."
"You're a great Dad." Harry blurted out into Sirius's shoulder.
Sirius froze for an instant and seemed to hear the 'and I'm a terrible son' that Harry had managed to keep behind his teeth anyway as his grip tightened. "Well, I have a wonderful son, Harry. That's half the battle."
"Even when I argue?" Harry tried to joke about it.
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